Hollywood ***

Still Brian’s POV

I watched James pace in the waiting room. He stared at the floor, muttering something. The only thing I understood from his constant muttering was that he was mad at himself. No, he was furious with himself. Neil and Jacoby also sat in the chairs. Jacoby had his head in his hands, muttering that he should have known that there was something up with those cookiesKaytee the slut brought. Neil thought the same thing but he just sat there, holding his wife, Crystal, who was freaking out.

Actually, everyone was freaking out. The medics told us that if we didn’t get her to the hospital in time, Melody would have died. That just scared me even more. There was still a chance that she could go into anaphylactic shock or die. Of course I wanted nothing to happen to her.

I wanted her to come out, alive and healthy. I also wanted to tell her how much I was in love with her. There were so many things I wanted but mainly, I wanted Melody to be okay.

“How come you didn’t think something was up when the skank was making those cookies,” Liz yelled at me.

She was furious, I could see it. Liz was mad because this happened to Melody, her best friend. Those two were incredibly close and she obviously worried about her friend. I looked at her and simply said, “I didn’t know.”

“It’s not his fault,” Josie said, holding onto James’ arm, “The only person to blame is Kaytee and I know Annaliese is keeping a close watch on her.”

I was surprised that Josie would stand up for me. She hated Kaytee as much as Melody did and I assumed that she wouldn’t hate me for dating her. Apparently, not.

Annaliese offered to make sure Kaytee didn’t make a run for it while we were at the hospital, awaiting Melody’s fate. I knew as well as everyone else that she probably would go for it if someone wasn’t watching her. I also knew that Josie, Kat, and some of the other girls wanted to give Kaytee what she deserved for almost killing Melody. You messed with one of them, you messed with all of them. That is how their group works. It’s like a mafia.

“I’m sorry,” I apologized, looking at Josie and James, “I’m so sorry.”

Josie sat down next to me and sighed. She looked at me with a sympathetic smile and said, “Melody knows that it wasn’t your fault as do the rest of us. If there’s anyone to blame, it’s Kaytee.”

“I still feel like I should have known that there was something wrong with those cookies. I feel responsible. I feel like it’s my fault that-“

“It’s not your fault,” Melody’s father, Mick Mars, said.

Everyone looked at him as he looked at the ground, smiling softly, “Brian, from the moment my daughter told me about you, I knew that you were a good friend to her. The way she smiled whenever she talked about you showed me that. I know you would never do anything to hurt Melody. You’re her best friend in the whole world.”

I looked at him. This was Mick Mars who was saying this, her father. This was the man that basically helped her change into what she is today. He along with Vince Neil, Tommy Lee, and Nikki Sixx changed her into the infamous River Romanov that she is today but they still were able to keep some of that same old Melody Romanov in her. She’s confidant because of them. She’s stronger because of them. She’s happier because of them. Thanks to the men of Motley Crue, Melody is successful and happy now. She’s not scared and timid like the girl I remember. She’s different and yet the same all at once.

Soon Tommy looked at me and added, “She never had a bad thing to say about you. Even when she finally came to live with Mick, all she’s say about you was that you were her best friend and you were a guy. Of course you’d have your guy moments. She understood that because she spent summers and weekends with us. Melody knew firsthand how we all would be like.”

Of course she would. Melody often referred to them as her surrogate uncles.

“Brian,” Kat said, “She always said she forgave you. Melody forgave you.”

“I don’t deserve it,” I muttered, burying my face in my hands, “I don’t deserve it.”

“James Michael,” a doctor called as she walked towards our group.

James got up to walk up to him, his eyes now devoid of all emotion. I figured that this is how he coped with being in pain and worrying about someone he carried about. “Hi, I’m Dr. Blaine. I’m the one in charge of your ex-wife. Right now, I need to ask some questions about her medical history. Do you mind if we do it here? It would be much quicker.”

He nodded solemnly, not caring if we heard. James was in too much of a daze to really care about anything.

“Alright, any major illnesses,” Dr. Blaine asked.

“No.”

“Within the past five years?”

“No.”

“And surgeries?”

“Define surgery.”

“Miscarriages or plastic surgery.”

“Yes.”

“Yes to which one?”

“Yes to both.”

What? Melody had both miscarriages and plastic surgery? Since when? I couldn’t believe what James was saying but he, aside from her father, knew everything about her.

“Okay, thank you,” Dr. Blaine said as she walked away.

James sat down and stared at the floor, “Yes, Melody had a miscarriage which resulted to her getting plastic surgery, or breast implants.”

“What,” Val asked, shocked, “Melody has implants?”

“It resulted from her miscarriage. Melody was pregnant with a little girl,” James said, with a distant voice, “A little girl we were going to named Alessandra Marie.”

Alessandra? That was the name Melody said was her dog’s. Of course, she lied. Seeing how much this hurt James, I couldn’t even begin to imagine how much it hurt Melody. Obviously, she avoided talking about this at all costs.

“What happened,” Matt asked.

Mick bit his lower lip while Josie rubbed James’ back. James sighed as he looked out the window, “Melody was eight months along and she was sick of being inside all the time. We were living in Santa Monica at the time which was about thirty minutes away from Los Angeles, where she worked. She worked part-time with me but most of the time, she was inside the house, making sure that she’d be okay with her pregnancy. Yet, she was going through one of her moods and she wanted to go out to work. I said that it would be a bad idea so I said that she shouldn’t.

She didn’t want to listen and just walked out the door and headed straight for Los Angeles. I was worried and I kept calling her but she just ignored my calls. I knew she was moody but I was worried about her.”

He stopped there and stared at the floor. James was chewing his lip the same way Melody chewed hers. A sigh came as he continued.

“It was about five and she always came home at five. She wasn’t home yet. About an hour later, I get a phone call but it was the hospital. Melody got in a car accident. Stupid drunk driver hit her straight on.”

Our jaws were dropped when he said it. I looked at Mick who also was staring at the ground. It must have hurt him just like it hurt James.

“By the time I got there, Melody already lost the baby and she sat on the bed, crying. A little girl. I was going to spoil her rotten and Melody was going to have a little shopping buddy. Mick was going to have a grandchild and everyone else was going to shower her with little presents. But it all was ruined when Melody got in that car crash.

Soon, she started blaming herself. She’d mope around the house and not eat. All Melody would say to me was that it was her fault, that she should have just stayed home. Melody was too depressed to do anything that she’d lock herself in our room and not come out. She wouldn’t eat or do anything. The combination of her losing Alessandra and her not eating got Melody’s body into some wack job.

When a woman’s pregnant, obviously their breasts get bigger but when Melody lost the baby and stopped eating, her system became so fucked up. Her breasts slowly shrunk back to normal size due to the fact that she was no longer pregnant but one of them was much smaller than the other. That made Melody even more depressed and embarrassed about her body so she got implants just to even them out.”

I could see Melody’s reasoning for getting implants. Everything went spiraling downhill as soon as she lost her baby, including her own body. She needed to at least fix one thing in her fucked up life, just to be able to cope. I felt horrible for her. In that moment, Melody had lost nearly everything. Her sanity, her baby, her own career……it was almost gone.

“That’s why Melody loses it on that day. It haunts her knowing that she survived and she never even got a chance to hold Alessandra,” James said, bringing me back to reality, “She hates herself because in her head, it’s her fault. Melody can forgive others but she can’t forgive herself.”

After several minutes of silence, Kat sighed and said, “Now you see why Josie and I always watch out for her. We know she’s miserable about losing her daughter. It was her unborn child and all she wanted was to at least hold her but the doctors wouldn’t even let her do that.”

“All that misery,” Val muttered, “How does she even function? It’s a miracle that she’s the way she is today.”

“We moved out of Santa Monica and Melody moved in with her dad. I got an apartment in Los Angeles so that I was near but all she wanted to do was mope and be depressed,” James replied, “I had to take her to see a psychologist three times a week because she stopped doing anything.”

“How did you cope,” Liz asked, looking at James, “It must have hurt you as well.”

“I went into hiding. As soon as I was done with work, I stayed in my apartment and sat there. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I really didn’t want to see anyone. All I’d really do is just sit on my couch and stare at the wall. This was actually the main reason Melody and I divorced. Neither of us could handle looking at each other, knowing that we lost Alessandra. We didn’t blame each other, we blamed ourselves. I blamed myself for allowing her to go and she blamed herself for going in the first place.”

“But it’s not your fault or Melody’s,” I said, standing up, “Neither of you were to blame.”

“We knew that,” James said, looking at me, “But we couldn’t stop thinking that.”

Hours passed and I was still sitting in the waiting room. Melody was in a stable condition and we were allowed to see her but I wanted to think. She’s gone through Hell her whole life and she didn’t deserve losing her own baby, no one did, especially after what she went through. I couldn’t believe that she had to hurt some more just to get to where she’s at. It’s now no wonder why James is so protective of her. He doesn’t want to see her hurt again.

“You want to see her,” Jimmy asked, handing me a cup of coffee, “She’s still out of it but you can go see her.”

“I don’t know,” I muttered, “She’s gone through so much.”

“I know, man,” Jimmy replied, sitting down next to me, “No one deserves to have happen to them what Melody had happen to her. She’s a strong girl though.”

I said nothing as I took a sip of my coffee. Icky hospital coffee.

“I also know that you love her. Tell her. She needs some comfort, especially now that we know what happened.”