Changing The Rules

Charlene POV

I gasped, lurching forward and breathing deeply, my forehead sweating horribly. I smiled when I saw Nicks arm around my waist.

“Just a dream.” I said quietly, smiling to myself. “Just a dream.” I whispered, cuddling back into his arms. Nick was turned away from me but his arm was still flung over my waist. We always comforted each other after a nightmare and right now I needed him more than anything. “Nick.” I whispered, stroking his neck. He groaned, and turned to look at me. I whimpered when instead of seeing Nick, I saw Jay.

“What’s wrong?” He whispered, stroking my face. I screamed, looking down and seeing both of us bare, before looking around quickly and not recognising my surroundings. “Oh my god.” I whispered, tears beginning to fall. “It wasn’t a dream.” I scrambled out of his bed, throwing on my dress, knowing I would have looked beyond weird dressed like this at 2am. “Charlene what are you doing?” He panicked, suddenly wide awake. He tried to hug me but I jumped, throwing on my cardigan and running with my shoes in hand. “Charlene!” He yelled running after me. Oh my God, he was still naked and it was all my fault. I cried, running as far away from his house as possible, knowing he didn’t dare adventure this far naked.

“It wasn’t a dream.” I gasped, still running home bare foot. “I slept with him. Oh my God I actually slept with him.” I sobbed. I felt incredibly guilty and this burning in my heart would not stop. I had led Jay on to think I actually liked him like that, I see him as more of a friend that anything else. The only person I was ever interested in as a boyfriend was Nick. For some reason I felt guilty for Nick; like I had betrayed him and it made me furious that I felt like that.

I finally got to my house and let out a sob when I saw Nick, I immediately went into panic mode. He was sitting crouched over by my front door, his head in his arms as he slept. He was soaked, we both were because the rain was still coming. I couldn’t sneak my way inside because it would wake him and I couldn’t handle being close to him. I some how jumped over the fence, dress and all, and remembered the bathroom window was always playing up so I managed to tug it open and get inside without Nick knowing.

I ripped my dress off, hating everything it represented and threw it over my chair as I got changed and wiped all this awful makeup off. I tried to sleep as best as I could but knowing the man who broke my heart was just outside made it impossible.

I guess I did fall asleep because suddenly I was pulled from my sleep, hearing yelling outside. The rubbed my eyes, sitting up in bed and yawning loudly. I pulled back a curtain to see Sara and Henry were still here; so was Nick.

“No one wants you here! You’re a scum bag and she deserves so much better!” Sara screamed in Nick’s face.

“I just need to speak to her! I need to explain myself to her! You have no right to tell me to get lost; I’ve been hurt just as much!” Nick yelled back. I winced when I heard the loud slap of Sara’s hand on his skin. Henry, like me, hated violence so was not trying to get involved. He was wearing his glasses again and couldn’t risk breaking them.

“Whatever pain you are in, I can guarantee Charlene is feeling a million times worse and seeing you is not going to make it any better!”

“She’s not even here so why don’t you just leave.” Nick snapped. I saw Henry glance up at me and then do a double take. I waved as I sat on my window seat, holding open only a slight bit of the curtain so Nick couldn’t see me. Henry turned back to Sara and whispered something to her.

“Nick, how about I take you back to mine? I think you need someone to speak to.”
Henry said softly, placing his hand on Nick’s shoulder, clearly trying to get him away from the house so Sara could come in.

“No! The only person I need to speak to is Charlene!” Nick yelled, throwing Henry’s hand off. I sighed, walking away from the window and taking a long shower, trying to convince myself it was water streaming down my cheeks not tears. Even after I had gotten changed and done my hair there was still screaming from outside, Nick refusing to leave.

I walked down the stairs, putting my hand on the door handle. “I can’t do this.” I whispered, moving away from the door walking back and forth, wiping my tears. “No, I can do this.” I thought of Jesse, yelling at me to confront Nick, give him his time and then he could leave. I smiled at the thought of Jesse. I missed him so much.

I opened the door and it immediately went silent outside, all three of them staring at me. “Henry, Sara, you want to come inside?” They both nodded, walking quickly past me. I closed the door behind me and walked outside, crossing my arms over my chest as I stared at Nick to start talking.

“Well you wanted to talk.” I said with a raised eyebrow. “I don’t even know what more you have to say to me.”

He breathed heavily, walking closer to me. “I had it all planned out; everything I wanted to say.” He sighed, running his hand through his hair. He slowly looked up and into my questioning eyes and he smiled weakly. “You look beautiful as always.”

“Don’t bullshit Nick.” I scoffed. “You wanted to talk so bad then go ahead because then I can be rid of you.”

“I’m sorry. That’s the first thing you have to know. Everything has just happened so fast. I mean I was sober one second, then sleeping with her the next. Next thing I know it’s being shown on the big screen at prom for all to see, including you. I don’t even know how I could do that to you, especially her of all people I mean it’s just…disgusting.” He shook his head in shame. “I have made the biggest mistake of my entire life and I will never forgive myself for what I have done, never. You are the greatest thing to ever happen to me. You are and always will be my number one Charlene; you have to know that, if nothing else just know that.” He shook his head again, wiping his eyes harshly as tears leaked from them. I wasn’t saying or doing anything, I was just staring as this man crumbling in front of my eyes which I didn’t think was still able to happen after last night and how he had reacted in the parking lot.

“I haven’t even been home yet because I needed to see you and I don’t know if I ever will feel at home again, because home is where the heart is, which is with you. But you’ve kicked me out; you’ve kicked me out and thrown away my key. I need you in my life Charlene, but not just as a distant figure, but for you to be mine again, for you to be my angel that I can cuddle and kiss all day long. Charlene, I love you so so much.” He let out a loud sob which startled me slightly. “You have to forgive me.” He was now full on crying. “I can’t let you go. It was all a mistake with Becky, I didn’t mean for any of this to happen, I was just too drunk to realise. Never would I have even looked at her if I was sober and you know that.” I felt slightly uncomfortable when one of my neighbours poked their heads out of their window, wondering what all the noise was about. “Are you not even going to say anything?” He cried, his body shaking with his intense tears. “Something. Just say something. Anything at all.”

“I have something for you.” I said quietly. He winced slightly, thinking I would slap him which was what confused him even more when I opened my door again and lent in to retrieve some things for him. He frowned when I approached him with two huge bin liners. “Your stuff. Everything you had here, it’s all in these bags.”

“No, no you can’t do this. You can’t erase what we have Charlene.” He said, refusing to take the bags.

“I’m not erasing anything, I’m moving on and you should too. We are over Nick and we will never be together again so you just need to accept it like I have.” I said, amazingly without a quiver in my voice as I thrust the bags into his hands.

“So you’re saying we will never be together again?” He whispered. I nodded. “Even the smallest possibility, I just need something to keep me going. To give me a reason to live.”

“You have your whole life ahead of you Nick, you will do well even without me by your side. Nothing will ever make me take you back and you have to accept that. And don’t throw those bags around because one of them has an envelope in it.”

“A letter?” He whispered, his eyes softening slightly.

“No, an envelope with money.” He looked confused. “Everything you ever bought me, it’s all paid back in there, the plane ticket back for prom, the dress, everything.” I had spent all of my job earnings on paying him back and had borrowed some from my parent’s room that I would hopefully replace before they got home. I had been saving for a car but all of that money was in the envelope.

“Why would you do that?” He shook his head, not believing what he was hearing, looking down at the bags as if they were filled with vermin. He had no intention of taking the money but he had no choice.

“Because I never want to feel like I owe you or that you have something over me. It’s dirty money so go and spend it on whatever. Drugs, alcohol or better yet, Becky.”

“Please don’t. Please don’t ever mention her name again, I want nothing to do with her.”

“Well you should keep her considering you’re going to be needing a new fuck buddy because it certainly won’t be me.”

He shook his head, not bothering with the tears anymore than continued to fall and burn through his skin. His eyes were red and bloodshot and he was gasping for breath.

“I love you too much to let you go Charlene.” I sighed, trying to focus on his dead eyes that were staring straight into mine. “I love you too Nick.”

“Then why can’t this work? You love me and I sure as heck love you.”

“Trust. I don’t trust you Nick, and for me, trust comes before love. I will always love you but I will never forgive you.”

“Please, I will do anything to make this better. You know we are meant to be together.” He sobbed, putting the bags down as he took a step closer to me. “It’s Nick and Charlene against the world remember? Romeo and Juliet, that’s us. That can still be us.” He said quietly as he stepped even closer, our chests almost touching. We stared at each other for a while until Nick started to lean down towards my lips. I jerked my head back slightly, now glaring at him.

“Yes, but Romeo wasn’t off shagging some common whore whilst Juliet’s back was turned. Now go. Go and never come back here. Graduation will be the last time I ever want to see you again. Even when we’re older and done with college and you see me across the street, don’t come and say hello because I will simply look the other way. This is goodbye Nick. A friend will be around yours later to collect my stuff. Have it already packed. Tell your family I love and will miss them but that that path in my life has come to its dead end.”

“Charlene.” Nick sobbed, placing his hand on my arm.

“I wish you the best with everything and I hope you do become a famous musician because you certainly have the talent. I wish you and Becky, or whoever you true Juliet is, the best of luck. It was amazing while it lasted. You’ve certainly made my senior year memorable I’ll give you that.” I slowly leant forward, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek. “Goodbye Nick.”

I slowly pulled from his grip, walking back to my house. I turned back to look at him in the same position staring at me as tears fell faster than ever before. I sighed, walking in and closing the door behind me. I walked into the living room to see Sara and Henry on the couch, going quiet when they saw me.

“I need a hug.” I let out a sob, watching them scramble forward and take me in the most loving hug I had ever felt, besides when Jesse left for Iraq. I wanted to be with him.

“Do you want us to get you anything?” Henry asked, wiping my tears.

“I want some tea and biscuits.” I smiled through my tears. Henry nodded, knowing how to make the kind I liked. Sara ushered me over to the couch, rubbing my arm as she wiped my continuous tears.

“What happened?” She whispered.

“We said our farewells; well I did. I said I wished him the best with Becky or whoever he ends up with.”

“Why would you say that?”

“Because I need to move on. You have no idea how much I am hurting inside but I needed closure, and so did he. There are no more ‘what ifs’ or ‘maybes’. We are finished, end of story.”

“Do, do you really want that?” She asked, seeing how truly broken I was. It is impossible to describe the pain of feeling your heart being torn apart slowly and painfully inside you with no way of stopping or ever healing.

“It’s not a matter of what I want, it’s what I need.”

“Your head or your heart.” She sighed. I nodded.

“My heart wants nothing more than to run into his arms and for him to tell me how much he loves me and will do anything to bring us together again. But my head knows I cannot let myself get hurt again. My head is doing what is best for my heart.” Henry entered the room, smiling weakly as he put my tea down beside me.

“Oh you have Oreos.” Sara smiled, leaning forward and grabbing one. I laughed at how she could always lighten the mood.

“What is it about me? Do I just have this tattoo on my forehead that attracts idiots? ‘Hey I’m Charlene, make me fall for you and then cheat on me. It’s a right laugh.’ I mean seriously, what is wrong with me?” I said, throwing another Oreo into my mouth.

“You attract everyone.” Henry shrugged. “But you just pick the wrong guys. But Nick was, I don’t know…different? I mean he had all of us fooled.”

“Master Player.” Sara mumbled as she ate an Oreo. “But despite all the shit that came from, I was a huge fan of Narlene.” I laughed at the name.

“Me too.” Henry smiled. “But from now on, any guy you like has to pass a gruelling examination by us. Deal?”

“Deal?” I smiled genuinely for the first time, shaking his hand. “I love you guys.” I let out a loud sob. They both laughed, throwing their bodies onto mine.

“Love you!” They yelled, squishing my body. Thank God for friends.

…..

Nick POV

I stared out onto the city below me, feeling emptiness in this spot when I usually felt calm and at one. I walked over to the spot where Charlene and I had set up our tent. There was still a deep hole in the ground from where Charlene had tried to put in a peg and ended up shoving it half way through to China. It took ages to get back out again. I knelt down beside it, smiling weakly. It had been three hours since Charlene had said goodbye. Three hours since I lost my will to live.

This time last year I was off having sex with anyone and everyone, and I guess that slight trait never completely went and it is that trait that had lost me the love of my life. Becky. She had lost me everything and I will never hate anyone as much as her. I believe in the Devil and now I sure as heck believe he has a soul that is living through someone on earth…any clues who?

“I hate everything you ever did to me, everything you ever said, everything you ever made me feel because it was all a lie and I was stupid enough to believe it! I hate you. I hate you for making me fall so ridiculously in love with you so that now I will never get over this broken heart that no one can heal.”

Her words ran over and over in my mind, haunting me, reminding me of what I had lost. Hate. She never used that word, not even when referring to Pete and the fact it had been used repeatedly on me; I knew the damage I had caused her. The last thing she needed was something like this. Her life has been far from perfect and as the one person she trusted more than anyone, I should have protected her from everything and everyone. But destruction always happens close to home. I picked myself off the ground, walking back to my car and opening up the huge bin liners of clothes, fishing around for the envelope. I was praying there was a letter in there. I finally found it and teared it open, whimpering at the wads of money in there. I gasped when I saw a letter. I quickly opened it, feeling like a little boy at Christmas time. I shook my head when I read it. it was a list. A list of everything I had ever bought her and the total sum all added up. I fell to the ground, clutching the letter in my hands, yelling as it crumpled in my hands.

“Why?!” I yelled to God. “Why would you do this to me?! You give me an angel and then take her back?! That’s against the rules! You’re not playing fair!” I screamed, crying hysterically.

“No, you’re not playing fair.” I jumped and slowly stood to face the monster behind me. Jay. I slowly walked closer to him, feeling my heart beating slowly in my chest, sounding like it was in my ear. “You had the most amazing girl in the world and you gave it all up; and for what? Becky?” He scoffed.

“Do not even go there with me.” I growled, stepping closer so we were face to face. “You are the one that treated her like shit, throwing her into lockers and crap, that was all you. You aren’t innocent in all of this.”

“I know that Nick! But that was out of bitter jealousy! You knew how much I liked her but no, nothing stops Nicky from getting his way!”

“Then you must love this situation Jay! I bet you’re dancing on the inside aren’t you?!” I yelled, shoving his shoulders.

“No I do not love this situation. You have hurt the most incredible girl, the only girl I have ever loved yet she still loves you!” I gritted my teeth when he said he loved her. He didn’t, he couldn’t. She was mine.

“Then back off! She will never be with me again and she certainly will never be with you ever.” I laughed.

“That is where you are wrong! I had to spend last night comforting your fiancé because you cheated on her and broke her heart. It broke my heart to see her like that. She deserves someone a million times better than you!”

“You spent the night with her?” I growled. He nodded. “The whole night?” He nodded slowly, seeing the rage in my eyes. I threw myself onto him, both of us falling to the ground as I had his neck in a tight grip.

“Look at you! Why would she want to be with you?!” He yelled, flipping me over and pinning my tight fists to my side. “Yes, I spent the night with her but I did not rape her. We made love and it wasn’t just a one way thing. It was the most amazing moment in my entire life.” My face dropped. “I thought you knew.” He whispered, backing off slightly and getting ready to run. I flipped him over, kicking him, punching him, hitting his head into the ground until blood was everywhere. I just clicked. I couldn’t control myself. Whenever I saw him, I imagined his grubby hands all over Charlene and this just made me even angrier. My hands grew numb from the intense pressure they were receiving and I don’t know how long it was until I stopped and noticed his eyes had rolled back.

“Shit shit shit.” I muttered, shaking his head from side to side. Just then a car pulled up. “Oh fuck.” I dropped Jay’s lifeless head harshly, sprinting to my car and speeding off as quickly as possible. What had I done?

…..

Charlene POV

I had some how managed to get Henry and Sara to allow me some alone time but they were sleeping over tonight so I knew I had to go back. I drove up to the top of the huge hill overlooking the town and Chicago in the distance. Just like Nick, I had learnt to use this as my thinking spot but I doubted it would work today. I pulled up and put on my sunglasses to hide my tears just on the off chance I bumped into someone up here, I highly doubted it. I walked to the edge and ran my hands through my hair as I watched all the people below, suddenly fascinated with the lives of others. It helped forget about my own problems. I smiled when I saw a deep hole in the ground. I walked over and sat down next to it, smiling at the memories that camping trip held.

“I can’t be here.” I whispered, standing up and wiping myself down. It brought back too many memories. As I was walking back to the car I saw someone lying in the grass who appeared to be asleep. It was boiling today so I thought I had may as well wake them up to avoid any burning because it really was boiling hot. I squinted when I thought I saw some blood on their head. As I got closer I heard groans and the head began flying from side to side.

“Oh my God.” I ran over to the person, not believing who I saw. “Jay!” I screamed, running as quickly as possible to him. “Jay, baby, what happened?” I asked, taking in his state. “Charlene.” He whispered, smiling at me. “You came back. I thought you regretted everything.” He coughed up some blood, clearly struggling to speak.

I shut my eyes tightly, feeling the tears coming on. It’s not that I regretted him, I just knew I was rushing into things and that I had acted like, well a slut. “No of course not.” I smiled weakly, trying not to freak out and then panic him. “What happened to you?”

“Someone just attacked me, I didn’t see who.” He suddenly coughed, turning and retching to the side. “I need to get help.” I said, quickly standing up.

“No.” He gasped, clutching his side. “I want you to stay with me. Please.”

“Jay, you are dying!” I cried, running back to my car to get my phone. No reception. I ran back to Jay, kneeling down beside him. “I’m going to be back as soon as possible, I need to get reception ok?” I said quickly, not believing any of this was happening to me. Two days ago my life was heaven. Why did God hate me so much?

“Don’t leave me . Please I am begging you. I want to die with you in my arms.” He whispered, his eyes closing slowly.

“Don’t you dare speak like that!” I panicked, looking around frantically, knowing Jay’s time was going fast. His white shirt was stained with blood and the open wounds were clearly visible. “Help! I need help!” I screamed, crying uncontrollably.

“I love you.” He whispered.

“Jay, ssh save your energy.” I whispered, my tears falling onto his face.

“I love you.”

“Jay, please.” I sobbed. He slowly opened his eyes slightly, struggling to keep them open. “I love you, char-char-char,” He choked, his face turning a light blue.

“Jay, Jay don’t leave me, don’t leave me.” I did everything I could to keep him with me, shutting my eyes tightly as I performed CPR and tasting nothing but blood. I ripped my jumper up and used it to bandage some wounds. “Help!” I screamed. I couldn’t leave him. No one deserved to die alone.

“H-h-ho-hol-hold m-me.” He stuttered. I cried, lying next to him and slowly rubbing his hair, kissing his temple repeatedly with soft pecks. “You will be ok.” I whispered. “You will make it through this and we will be together, just like you wanted yeah?” I said softly. He smiled, turning to look at me and his eyes opening widely with the pain he was experiencing. I needed him to survive and that if he did, he needed me by his side more than Nick ever did. Jay’s life was literally in my hands.

“Promise?” He whispered, needing something to keep fighting for.

“I promise.” I smiled, kissing his temple again. His grip on my shirt slowly began to weaken and as we stared into each others eyes, his eyes started to shut for slightly longer amounts of time. “I love you.” He whispered, before shutting his eyes and not reopening them.

“Jay please.” I cried, shaking his head. “Jay, please wake up.” I sobbed, resting my forehead on his. I screamed and screamed for help but none came. “Jay don’t leave me! Jay!”

Nothing.