Perfection Doesn't Exist

The day we were supposed to leave for the last two days of tour was awkward and confusing. As far as I knew, I was still going. But I hadn’t talked to any of the guys, and it wasn’t for lack of trying. It was like they were all avoiding me and I didn’t know why.

Finally, Alex called me. “Hey sweet pea,” he said in his regular joking/flirty voice.

I smiled. “Hi; I’ve been trying to get a hold of all of you. Where have you guys been?”

“Hmm... that’s odd. I didn’t get any missed calls or anything.”

I sighed in relief. I was glad it wasn’t that they were avoiding me. “Matt still being a PMSing bitch?” I asked bitterly. I was still so mad at him.

Alex chuckled. “He’s avoiding me.”

I rolled my eyes. “This is ridiculous. Whatever, I know what I’m going to do to show him what's up, so never mind. When are you guys picking me up?”

“Uhm… ten minutes?”

I rolled my eyes. “I should have figured it’d be a last minute thing. Alright, I’ll see you in a few.”

“Alright, bye babe.” We hung up and I finished throwing a few pieces of clothing in a bag and changed into a pair of dark skinny jeans and a maroon and white thin striped hooded sweater with a white lacy cami underneath. I threw on a pair of light tan boots and walked down the stairs with my duffle in hand. My teeth were brushed, my make up was on, and my hair was straight, thanks to getting up too early because I couldn’t sleep.

The guys finally pulled in and I wrote a quick note telling Nikki my plans and then grabbed my keys to lock up. I locked the door and walked to the bus. I threw my bag underneath the bus and climbed on with my iPod in hand, along with my phone in my pocket. I slipped the ear bud in and hit shuffle. I said hello to the boys and noticed Matt was up front again telling the driver where we were headed. Ignoring him, I walked back to where Alex was sitting. He smiled and gestured to the empty back lounge.

I followed him with a glance towards Matt who was entering where we were previously sitting. I smirked and we closed the door. “What’s up?” I asked seriously.

Alex shrugged and paced. “I… I need to talk to you, but its semi serious and I’m not good with serious and fuck…” he trailed off.

“Just spit it out, Alex.”

“Ok, well. I… I kind of had this plan, because well… god, I’m going to sound like such a dick after I tell you this. But I swear it was all in your best interest… ok?”

I gulped and looked at him with a hard stare. “Spit. It. Out,” I told him through gritted teeth.

Alex nodded. “Okay, well, I noticed how much you and Matt were talking and laughing and having fun together. So I thought I’d try and play matchmaker. For some reason, the only way that came to mind was to make Matt jealous. Unfortunately, I did that and made him pissed off in the process. So, I’m sorry Jess.”

I stared at Alex for a minute and chuckled, shaking my head. I sighed and said, “Honestly? I’m not mad at you, but I’m so pissed off at him. I have a plan, but you have to continue hanging out with me, okay? As friends, but we need to sometimes, very seldom make it seem like we’re… more. Okay?”

Alex nodded. “As long as you aren’t mad at me.”

I smirked. “Good, now let’s go.”

We walked back out and were laughing together. Matt was staring us down. I glared at him for a minute and then turned my gaze. Alex’s phone rang so he picked it up and walked into the back to talk to whoever it was and I took a seat next to Jack on the floor. “Whatcha’ doin’ Jack Attack?”

Jack was sprawled out on the floor, not caring that he was taking up seventy five percent of the floor space. He groaned. “I think I’m sick,” he informed me.

I leaned over and felt his forehead. It wasn’t hot. I turned my body to glare at the other boys around me. “You morons,” I mumbled. “How long as he been groaning and complaining he’s sick?” I asked them fiercely.

A lot of them shrugged. Matt did nothing but glare at me. I ignored it and put my plan in action. I was going to give Matt the cold shoulder and not react to anything he did or threw my way. “Do you guys have any medicine on the bus?” I asked them.

Alex came back out then and said, “What's wrong?”

I sighed and tried to help Jack up. “Jack’s sick. Do you have any medicine around here?”

Alex laughed. I glared at him. He put his hands up in surrender and said, “I’m laughing because Jack’s not sick. He tried the one gallon challenge and he failed. Now he feels like crap.”

I laughed lightly, looked at Jack, and said, “True story?”

He nodded slowly.

I rolled my eyes and set him back down on the floor. I was living with a bunch of idiots for the next two days.

***

When we got to the venue, I climbed out and followed Vinny so we could set up the merch table. Matt continued to ignore me, so I did the same to him. Vinny and I carried boxes and various other things over to the area where we’d be setting up the merch. The venue was pretty small, and the air was frigid and sort of stale smelling; it reminded me of old coffee and it sort of nauseated me. Vinny and I tried to make random conversation while we were setting up and I think it was because he could sense something was up. I was grateful he didn’t push me to talk about it, though.

The show went pretty fast. Matt came by the table a few times giving me weird looks that I honestly couldn’t decipher. He finally tried to talk to me towards the end of one of the other band’s sets. “Hey Jess, how’s merch going?”

I shrugged and said shortly “Fine.” I turned my back and stacked up some more shirts, hoping Matt got the hint that I was done talking. I heard him sigh and walk off, so I stood and turned back around.
Vinny said, “What's going on with you and Matt?”

I shrugged. “Nothing really, except he pissed me off and he’s going to pay for it.”

The show went pretty painlessly. It was afterwords when everything went downhill.

The guys were meeting up with some fans and signing stuff and taking pictures while Vinny and I packed up. When we finished, we were standing off to the side talking when Matt walked over. “Can I talk to you Jess?”

I shrugged and wrapped my arms around my middle, trying to warm myself up. “I guess,” I told him, not moving an inch away from Vinny.

Matt gave Vinny a pointed look that was saying get out of here, and he did. I sighed. I was hoping he’d stick around but no such luck I guess. “What do you want Matt?” I asked him shortly.

“Why are you sticking with Alex? You didn’t used to like him. What changed?”

I shook my head. “First, you seriously don’t have the right to be asking me that. Second, you never even bothered to find out what was going on between us.”

Matt sighed and rubbed his temples. “I have the right to find out what's going on with one of my good friends, don’t I?”

“You did,” I mumbled, “But that changed. You don’t get to be mad at me; I honestly don’t know why you’re mad to begin with. You didn’t even bother to get the whole story.”

Matt took a deep breath and said, “I think you’re making a big mistake with Alex.”

I rolled my eyes. “Once again, get the whole story first, Matt.”

Matt let out a breath, sounding frustrated. “I know the story, Jesse! I’ve lived it with Alex before. I’ve known him a lot longer than you, and I know him, Jess. Just trust-”

“Forget it, Matt!” I yelled at him. “Don’t tell me to trust you! And newsflash, just because you’ve known Alex longer doesn’t mean you know him better, you asshole,” I spat out at him. I was so pissed off that I turned on my heel and stormed away. I knew that if I was around Matt any longer I just might say too much or say the wrong things.

***

I didn’t bother going to the last holiday tour date. I called Vinny and asked him if he thought he would need me and he assured me that he wouldn’t, so I didn’t go. I knew if I had to be around Matt again, I would say something I’d regret and I was already mad enough as it was.

After I called Vinny, I called Alex. “Hey, Alex,” I said when he answered.

“Hey sweet pea, what's up?”

I sighed and rubbed my forehead. “I’m not doing the hometown holiday show merch because if I have to be around Matt for more than two seconds, I’ll explode and say something I regret.”

Alex chuckled. “Ok, that’s fine. Call me if you need to vent or something, ok?”

I laughed lightly. “Ok, thanks. Bye, and have fun tonight.”

“Bye babe,” he said and then we hung up.

I sighed audibly and stood from my place at the kitchen table. “Nik?” I called out.

“In the living room,” she called back.

I padded into the next room over and found her sprawled out on the couch, watching some show on ABC Family. “What are you watching?” I asked her. I walked over to the couch and pushed her feet aside, taking a seat.

She shrugged. “I honestly don’t know, I just turned it on. Hey, aren’t you supposed to be down at Rams Head?”

I shook my head. “Nope, I called Alex and told him I didn’t want to do it anymore and he said it was fine. So now my night’s freed up. Anything you’ve been wanting to do with your best friend?” I smirked and Nikki paled.

“I, uh, actually, I was going to head over to Rams Head,” she finished quietly.

My eyes narrowed. This would happen to me. “Seriously?” I asked her flatly.

She shrugged. “Zack wanted me to come and see them, so I’m being a good girlfriend and going.”

I took a deep breath and let it out. Nikki and Zack had been dating for a little while now, so of course she was trying to be the good girlfriend. I ignored the situation for a minute and patted my knee and whistled. Soon Chloe was padding into the living room. She jumped up into my lap, curled up in a ball, and fell asleep. I laughed. “Well, I guess it’s just me and Chloe tonight then.”

Nikki groaned. “Seriously, Jess? Go out, do something. Please, for all our sanity. You’re driving me crazy. You don’t do anything unless it’s with Alex, and even then that’s a rare occasion. Come with me tonight; we’ll go to the show and get a bite to eat beforehand. It’ll be fun!” she exclaimed.

I shrunk back. It would not be fun, but I didn’t like to be accused of not being any fun. I sighed and said, “Fine, I’ll go do something, but I’m not going to that show.”

Nikki smiled. “Fine; how about I bail on the show, and we go shopping.”

I rolled my eyes, set Chloe on the ground, and got up. “You aren’t bailing on your boyfriend. I’ll be fine.”

Nikki shrugged. “It wouldn’t be that bad, you know. Zack wouldn’t care if I bailed.”

I shrugged. “Nah, it’s ok. I’ll go by myself. You have fun at the concert.”

Nikki nodded and I got up and walked towards my room to get ready.