What I Can't Recall

I awake to a loud bang, followed by someone whisper-screaming a long streams of profanities.

I turn over a fraction of an inch to see Bryler grabbing his knee. It seems he’s bumped it against my dresser as he was attempting to do who-knows-what. I shift to look at the clock- which tells me it‘s three in the morning- and Bryler freezes. Curious to what he's doing in my room so late at night, I get really still so that he thinks I’ve gone back to sleep, but both of my eyes are wide open. He just can’t see that because it’s dark.

After a second or two, Bryler lets out a sigh of relief and goes back to what he was doing. He sets something really small on top of my pile of old school stuff, then takes out a small strip of paper. He scribbles something on it really fast, and sets it down next to whatever he's left for me this time.

Well, at least it'll be easier to find tomorrow in the morning. I am tempted to get up and see what it is right now, but Bryler stays in my room. He starts walking towards me and I panic- what if he knows I am awake? I quickly shut my eyes- but he doesn't say anything. I open one of my eyes a little bit to see what he’s doing.

He just kind of looks at me for the longest time. After what seems like an eternity, he quietly sighs and walks out. I am too tired to get back up now, so I just close my eyes and drift back off into sleep, where I have the same dream I’ve been having for the past month and a half.
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The second time I wake up it's nine. I lie in bed for a bit, thinking over the night before. After a minute I jump out of bed and walk over to my dresser, curious as to what has been left for me. I am slightly confused when I find the book A Walk To Remember, but once I read the scrap of paper I understand.

Reasons I'd Kiss You
Reason 3: You'd lie for me.

Yet another memory comes flooding in- a lot of them have been doing that lately. They’ve all been coming back to visit, with each gift Bryler leaves.

I was standing in the hallway, and it was the beginning of freshman year. Bryler's locker was the one right next to mine- ever so conveniently- and we were having a discussion about our crazy science teacher.

"He's so insane," I complained, shoving one of my books into my locker, attempting to get it to fit. I was noticeably ticked off. "It's like he'll teach us one lesson, but then give us homework on a whole other one we haven't learned yet. This must be breaking some kind of law or something. We should call the asylum and see if they‘re missing a patient. He‘s just so insane."

"I know," Bryler said sympathetically, shoving his own book into his locker, which was possibly the biggest mess I’ve ever seen. "Just try not to worry about it. I'll help you with it later if you don't get it."

"Thanks," I said with a sigh as May, Kaylie, and Drew walked up. Not to talk to us, like some people might have thought at first. But because Kaylie's locker is the one right under Bryler's.

"Um, excuse me," Kaylie said in a curt voice, looking impatient already though it‘d only been half a second.

"Sorry," Bryler muttered, quickly shoving all of his things in his locker. He reached in to grab his math book, and as he pulled it out another book came flying out of his locker, landing on the ground next to Drew with a thud. In some kind of twisted miracle, Drew actually bent over to pick it up for Bryler- as if he were an actual kind person who did things for people. But instead of kindly handing it back, he flipped it over to read the title, and then burst out laughing.

"Dude, what the hell you reading?" He asked, looking at Bryler as if he were wearing a shirt that said, ’Please look at me like I’m a complete loser/idiot!’. He smirked. "'A Walk to Remember'? Isn't that a chick flick?"

Bryler blushed, his cheeks turning pink. It actually made him look somewhat cuter, but I‘m sure Drew didn‘t see it that way. He just saw it as something else to give him shit about. "I'm, um, reading it for a class?"

"Why would a teacher have you read 'A Walk to Remember'?" May questioned, in a way that made me want to smack her upside the head. But then again, I basically always wanted to do that.

"I don't know. Ask the teacher that, not me," he said, trying his hardest to keep his voice steady. It was fairly obvious to me he was lying, and I wondered if Kaylie, May, and Drew could tell, too. I was guessing probably. Bryler never was that good of a liar.

"Dude, I have both my Reading and English class with you. Who else would assign it for you to read?" Drew pressed, his eyebrows furrowing together. Kaylie opened her mouth to say something, but I decided I couldn’t take it anymore. I jumped into the conversation, since I didn’t have a class with any of the thee of them.

"Actually," I started, trying to make myself look guilty. "He's reading it for me. I really didn't feel like reading it and I told him I'd pay him forty bucks if he read it for me and wrote a book report on it."

"Oh," May said, actually looking disappointed that she didn't have a reason to torment him. They couldn’t really criticize him if he was doing it for forty bucks.

Bryler looked relieved. Drew handed him the book, still looking like he wanted to laugh, and Bryler threw it in with the mess.

"Move it," Kaylie commanded, more impatient than ever.

Bryler backed away and Kaylie swiftly grabbed her stuff and closed her locker in one motion, then her and the rest of her crew stalked off.

"Thanks," Bryler said, turning to me. "The last thing I needed was Drew giving me shit about that."

"Anytime," I said with a shrug, then looked at him with a teasing smile. "So, what was that doing in your locker, anyways? Since the whole reading-it-for-a-class thing is bull?"

"You'll think I'm stupid," he murmured, looking slightly embarrassed.

"Oh, come on. I will not. Now tell me," I said, though I didn’t know if it was true. Some of the things Bryler did really were stupid, but in a good way. Because they were funny.

"Fine," he said with a sigh, giving in a lot quicker than usual. "I was reading it I could get, er, tips on how to be more romantic."

I truly did my best not to burst out laughing. My best wasn't good enough, though. It took me about a full minute to stop laughing, and by then my side hurt and I could barely breath.

I found it more than slightly funny that Bryler- baseball playing, insensitive joke-making, not-a-romantic-bone-in-his-body Bryler- wanted to learn how to be more romantic. He didn’t even have a girlfriend at the moment, so it was all the more confusing.

"Glad you find it so amusing," he said, scowling. “I told you that you’d think I was stupid.”

"Who are you trying to be romantic for, anyways?” I tried to get out of him, still grinning.

"You'll think I'm stupid," Bryler said dismissively, shrugging.

"I will not," I argued, wondering why he seemed to think so.

"That's what you said last time," he said with a half smile, then walked off to class.

I remember vaguely that sometime after that I started giving Bryler tips on how to be the guy all the girls wanted. I’d insisted he’d let me, because I had felt bad for laughing at him. To say the least, it worked. It seemed like Bryler was taking out a different girl every Friday and Saturday night after that. He had a countless number of girlfriends that year. I would estimate around thirty, roughly. None of them really lasted long.

Normally I would have felt bad for the girls, because it sort of came off Bryler was a player. Some kind of heart-breaking machine. He was the one who ended every relationship. All thirty of them. I didn’t feel bad for them, though. Because I had hated every single one, and I was pretty sure that was the reason that Bryler broke it off with most of them. Because I’d complain about them.

It wasn’t really anything personnel. I basically just hated them because they weren’t me, and they had what I wanted: Bryler. But that was before Mom died and I changed. I’m not going to let myself be like that anymore.

I grab the book with a sigh, and plop back onto my bed. It’s going to be a lazy day.