Dreaming Up A Secret

I walked calmly out of Ronan’s room, then, as soon as I turned the corner to get out of his sight, burst out running as fast as I could. I skidded out of the hallway, into the parking lot, and as far as I could from the hospital. I headed to the park nearest to the hospital, which was not the cool park we always went to, it was dead leaves, rusted equipment, and rotting trees. I guess you could kinda call it a cemetery because there were some old fashioned tomb stones scattered around. I fell against one of the trees in a pile of leaves, tears streaming down my face.
I hated myself. I had done it for Ronan…all for Ronan…he’ll be better off without me. I hid my head between my knees and pulled my hair from behind. I missed Ronan way too much. It was actually kinda weird, not for me, I was used to these strong feelings, but, well, lets just say I’m glad I don’t know any mind readers.
It didn’t actually take Tom long to come looking for me. It only took about ten, twenty minutes, though I was never a good judge of time, and the pain didn’t seem to be helping any, before I heard the wheels of his car squeal to a halt outside the park. I have to say, I kinda shocked he thought to look here. I knew he was going to come, though I had no intention of going with him, so I rooted myself to the ground.
His lips where pressed in a thin white line of anger as he stalked over to me and, without a word, pulled me up by one tiny, weak arm, breaking my roots. I tried to dig my heels into the ground or something to keep me behind, but it was no use, Tom as strong as shit. Well, not literal shit, he way stronger than literal shit.
He tossed me in the back seat and got in the front, his face beet red with anger as he drove at what must have been over the speed limit back to the hospital.
I was hopping that they, they being Tom and Alice, weren’t just bringing me back because they thought Ronan would want me…but because Ronan needed me. The other part of me hopped it was for some other reason, Ronan wanted to patch things up and be friends, but he had also met someone else who he loved more than life itself.
As the car rolled to a stop, I jumped out, and paced back up the walkway leading to the hospital where Ronan was. Tom ran up behind me, car keys jingling in his pocket, and put a hand on my shoulders.
“He may not have wanted you gone, but he may not want you back either…so, uh, take it slow, ok?”
I shrugged his hand off me and kept speed walking. I burst through the door, marching past the nurse who muttered, “excuse me, sir,” but didn’t bother to get up and stop me. A couple people in the waiting room starred at me, others were to busy crying or worrying about their own problems. There as a mother holding a small girl, maybe four, in her lap, hugging her daughters head.
“Mommy,” the little girl asked innocently, “is daddy going to be ok?”
The mom, clearly holding back sobs and tears, responded, “I don’t know, sweetheart, I don’t know.”
Her daughter hugged her tightly and let a tear slip from her barely understanding eye.
I started walking faster, trying to get away from all the sadness and despair. Every room I passed either had a way too young to die cancer patient or an old man, silently waiting his final breath.
I shuttered and focused on the floor, trying to avoid the sights and thoughts that came with them. The white-yellow piss colored walls seemed to lock in on me as Tom’s word’s finally hit there mark. My shoulders shook a little and tears began to develop behind my eyes.
I hurried down the hallway quicker, pulling my hood down over my face. I looked at the room number I recognized as Ronan’s and froze suddenly, unable to move. Tom rolled his eyes and shoved me into the room.
Ronan’s body was sprawled out on the bed, chest heaving as he struggled for breath. He was surrounded in blood and his eyes were fighting to keep themselves open because they knew next time they closed would be the last time. His lips were pale as a vampire, fists clenched, his face was gleaming with sweat, and his body twitched slightly every few seconds.
“Ronan,” a silent whisper from the bleeding from a too-hard-bite lips on my tear streaked face.
I could see his eyes rolling back into his head, his body going limp, his hands unclenching.
And I was awake again. There on the bed, Ronan sleeping, living, across the room. I let out a sigh of relief. I loved Ronan and hated these dreams, mostly because they seemed so realistic, mostly because I really was afraid he would do that. Not because of my leaving or anything, I’m not that conceited, but for some other reason that he would wrack his brain for until he went crazy and just did it invalidated.
I brought my knees up to my chest and sighed, not knowing what to do. Of course, on reality, there was nothing to do at the moment, I was just worrying about the future…