I´m trying

I laid on the bed looking at the ceiling, Gerard just stood there for a few minutes, the most awkward minutes of my life. Ever.
“So?” He crossed his arms. "What was Jamie doing here?” He looked at the bottles of beer on the floor.
I gave him a tired look and sighed in anger.
“You don’t have the right to be jealous.”
“I was just asking...” He shrugged his shoulders.
“I don’t have to give you any explanation of my acts or the people I’m with.”
He was quiet for a moment. “Are you and him..?”
“No, God! Do you think I’d cheat on you with Jamie?” I said in a serious tone. “No, wait. That’s you, you cheat on Lind-z with me!!” Now I was being sarcastic.
“Sorry, don’t get mad.” He sat on the end of the bed.
After a few tense moments he began again. “Frank you knew Lind-z was looking.” His tone was calm, and I could feel the regret in it.
“I know. I’m sorry too.” I sat next to him, calmer. “But, on stage, it's the only place we can be free, and express what we feel.”
“I know... You know how it is, though.” He pulled the hair out of his face nervously.
“Yeah, I know.” We stood in silent for a few more moments.
“I’m sorry I got violent on stage.” He suddenly faced me.
“I’m sorry I called Lind-z a bitch.” I looked him into the eyes, aswell.
“You’re not a stupid piece of shit.” He came closer to me.
“You’re not a fake.” we were whispering now and the distance between us was getting smaller. I hadn't noticed how close we were until I felt his breath upon my skin.
“I’m…”
I shut him up whit a kiss. Yes, I was weak, and I couldn’t resist his closeness.He was just so beautiful; so perfect.

We kissed gently first. His hands were on the back of my neck as he deepened the kiss, I grabbed him by the waist and put him even closer. He started to moan between kisses. His tongue was begging to enter, licking my lower lip, and I slightly opened my mouth. He quickly accepted the offer.
His hands now wandered all over my back until he pulled me in a close embrace, sending shivers down to my spine.
He gently laid me on the bed and started to kiss my neck. He licked it, and then bit it gently, he new the exact spots to make me go crazy. I started to moan, loudly.
Taking off his shirt, I began caressing his back. Once the shirt was lost on the floor, I pushed him and turned him onto his back, so I was on top.
Now, it was Gerard's turn to moan when my lips where all over him. He reclaimed my mouth again. I lifted off him a little so I could take my shirt off. We started to kiss again furiously this time. I broke the kiss and we stared at each other for a minute. We used to do this, before having sex; we looked in each other eyes. It was a way to be able to completely admire each other.

We stayed like this for a couple of seconds. I wanted him so badly. I wanted him for me, only for me. It was then I realized I wanted to be with this man 24/7.
I suddenly sat on the each of the bed. It was going to be the same, I ask him to leave her, we fight, we make up, we have sex, I forget the thing, and he doesn’t leave her. Jamie was right.

He sat next to me.
“What’s wrong?” He asked me in a worried tone.
“I can’t do this.”
“I thought you wanted...”
“I don’t mean now, I mean…..We can’t continue like this.” I sighed loudly, this was going to be hard.
He panicked, suddenly understanding what I was trying to say.
“What?!”
“It’s killing me, and you can’t live a double life much longer...”
“No, Frankie…” He just shocked his head, he was really panicking.
He gave me a pleading look. I felt my heart about to sink, I wanted to kiss him and tell him that he always had me but I had to do this.
“It has to stop.” I tried not to make it sound too painful.
“Noooo....” He broke in tears, wrapping his arms around my waist and hugging me with his head on my lap. I was repressing my own crying. I started to caress his hair.
“Don’t..." A tear. "leave me...." A sob. "I... need you...” A louder sob.
I broke the hug and took his face with my hands and made him face me.
“You love her, Gee.”
He didn’t answer, he just kept crying.
“I used to think that you didn’t leave her for the fear of what people would think, but I’ve seen you with her, I’ve seen your eyes. You love her.”
I felt a tear streaming down my cheek.
“I’m sorry, I can’t help it.” He didn’t deny it. That was the most painful part of the whole situation, he didn’t deny it.
“You have to choose.” I said trying to look cold, wiping my tears away.
“No, Frankie, don’t make me choose.” He was crying harder and harder. His whole body was shaking.
“Stop being selfish!” I raised my voice. “You can’t have everything!”
He put his head on my lap again, and kept crying.
We stayed like that for a while until he calmed down.
When he was calmer, he looked at me.
“I don’t want to loose you...” He caressed my cheek. I felt myself melting, but I had to stay strong.
“But you don’t want to loose her either.” I finished.
He lowered his head.
“Listen.” I said.
He didn’t responded, he just continued looking at the floor.
“Gerard, Listen to me.” No answer from him, yet. “Look at me!” He lifted his head and looked me in the eyes.
“I’m so fucking crazy about you, Gerard”.
“Frankie…..”
Our foreheads were together.
“And I want to you beside me all the time; I want your face to be the first thing I see in the morning, and the last thing I see at night. I want to hold you while you cry, and laugh with you when you’re happy.”
He smiled, and gave a short kiss.
“But this is my last effort; I’m not going to beg you anymore. You have to choose.”
He looked at me; his eyes were red from the crying.
“You need some time alone to think things over. I don’t think we should see each other, or... you know.”
“Yeah, I understand.” He stood up and walked to the bathroom; I heard the water running in the sink. He came back to the room and grabbed his shirt.
“I guess I see you around.” he said going to the door
“Yep.” I was looking at the floor, I didn’t want to see him leaving. I couldn’t.
I just heard the door closing. The minute he left, I started to cry.
All I could do was pray that he would chose me