I´m trying

All my senses were up, my body reacting to his touch; it was amazing, even better than the kiss on stage.
He had his hands in my face deepening the kiss by the second, our mouths dancing in a wild dance for minutes, that seems like eternity, for a moment the world stop .
Now his tongue was caressed my lower lip playing with my ring lip, asking permission for enter, I opened my mouth a little and he take the opportunity, the feeling of his tongue made me want him more and more. I put my hand in his hips and pull him closer to me, the friction of our bodies was like licor, sending waves of pleasure to my spine. I feel something growing in his pants, then it happened.

He pull away abruptly and storm to the door, before I can say anything he has already leaved the bus, I stayed there a couple of minutes, leaned against the wall, trying to understand what was just happen.
We kiss, my best friend and I just kiss, I still feel this essence in me, I lick my lips trying to collect the trades of his kiss. I stay there, waiting for him maybe to go back, but he didn’t. I decide to go to bed, or go to bunk, and sleep, maybe after I could talk to Gerard.

A couple of minutes later the rest of the band was back, with coffees, Mikey has two a Lattes
“Hey Frank, where is Gerard” Asked Mikey.
“He’s out, I don’t know where he went” I said.
“I bring him a Latte, Didn’t he tell where he were going?.
“How the fuck I’m going to know?!”. I said furious sitting in the table, looking at my cell phone.
“Ok……………., just asking” said Mikey not understanding my reaction
“Well I guess I’ll have to drink it!!!” Now Mikey was smiling looking at the Lattee as a little boy with a candy.
“Oh Mikey, you have no remedy!” said Ray. We all laugh.

Hours later everybody is sleeping in their own bunks, I’m lying in mine but I’m still awake, looking at the ceiling, waiting for Gerard to come back, but every hour that it passed my hopes started to vanishes.
Maybe He’s with Lind-Z. I though
Lind-z, I don’t like her, I don’t know if it’s for her or for the fact that she‘s with Gerard. At the idea of the both of them together my heart shrink…..Is painful.
Eventually I felt sleep.

The next morning, I was the last in woke up, everyone was taking breakfast, yeah more coffee, Gerard was drinking a cup of coffee and smoking a cigarette, He was looking at the window.
“Good morning princess”. Said Bob I scratched my head, and fix myself a coffee.
I sat in front of Gerard.
“Is 10 am. And you’re al ready smoking?” I was mad at him, for kissed me like that, for leaving like that, for not coming back, for spending the night with her, and not with me!
“Yeah, so?” He even didn’t look at me.
“Is sick” And I started to drink my coffee.
“What the fuck do you care?” Now He’s looking at me
“Fuck you, Way” I never call him by his last name, He looks surprised.
I keep drinking my coffee.He was about to reply something when Ray cut him off.
“Hey Hey boys, what’s wrong with you two?”
“Sorry” he said. Get up and leave.

Later that day, we stared to get ready for the show. Neither Me or Gerard were talking to each others, it was uncomfortable, I decide to ignore him, and play like always, with all my heart. The show was great. Between Helena and The Sharpest Lives, a girl show us a sigh:; WE LOVE YOU FRERARD.
Ray point me at the sigh .
What the hell was that!.
“Look” he said and laughs, I didn’t understand what the hell was that. Gerard saw it too, and he smile.

Later, We were on the bus, resting after the amazing show We just had.
“What the hell is Frerard?!!” Ray shooked with his soda, and Mikey giggled hysterical.
“Is me and you” Gerard said in a serious look.
“Frank plus Gerard equal Frerard.”
“Oh” I said. My cheeks were red by now.
“I think you knew about that.” He said to me serious.
“No I didn’t”. I’m looking at the floor by now, and my face is completely red.
“It’s funny anyway”. Said Mikey.
“I’m hungry, is there a burger king near here anyway?” Said Gerard as he stood up.
“Yeah”. Ray give Gerard directions.
”Bring me something would you? “ Immediately Bob and Mikey
“Me too”
“Me too”
“What Am I, a fucking waitress. Oh ok, no cheese right Bob?” Bob nods.
“Frank will you help me?”
“What?..yeah sure, Let’s go.” I said still a little red.
We got off of the bus and star walking.
We walk in silence, both of us looking at the floor.
Suddenly he break the silence.
“It can’t happen again”

“Ah?” I asked
“The kiss you know, it was a mistake”
He was talking to me but looking to the road in front us.
“You’re with Jamia, and I’m with Lind-z. It was a fucking mistake”
I feel so hurt. He hated it, he hates me, it was a horrible mistake for him, and my heart was started to broken.

“I’m not gay anyway”, he said more to him than to me.
He keeps talking, but I don’t really listened to him, my heart is strangely broken, why do I feel this bad, he’s right, is not like a feel something for him
Fuck, I do.
I’ve always been. I’ve always look up to him, is the only one in the band that stand my craps and I understand his. I was there when he thrown up, sometimes I got drunk to be in the same level He was. And now, after that amazing kiss, my god, I just want to run away from him.

“Frank? Do you agree right?” He said finally looking at me.
I have no idea what he was saying. I just noticed those hazel eyes… I slap my self inside.
“Yeah, totally”. I said, trying not to cry.
“You’re my best friend I don’t want that things between us be awkward for this shit. Ok?” He said with a shy smile in his face.
“Yeah sure man, thing forgotten” We entered in the store, and now he’s acting normal, and started to talk about a new video game, I listened to him and nod, but my head was screaming, Why me? And my heart was crying.

...

Days passed, and things cool it off, we were talking almost in a normal way, but there was not interaction between us, in interviews or in the concerts. Definitely it was affecting the band. One day Ray come to me and asked me if I was okay.
“Yeah, why wouldn´t I be okay?” I responded a little annoyed.
“Only asking man, things between you and Gerard are good? You guys look a little distance”
“What you want me on to him all the time!?” Almost yelling at him.
“No…Ahh doesn’t matter…I was worried about you…but if you don’t want to talk that’s fine! But remember that the band is first, any shit that you and Gerard have is second, the band is first.!”
Now he was yelling at me. He got up and left mad.
I just sit there.
Toro wasright, the band is first. And after all Gerard was my friend, we loved each others we were brothers in arms, we have passed lots of shit together,
Maybe, Gerard was right, it has been an awful mistake, he seems to have move on, why can’t I?.

Later on, I met with Jamia, Things with her have gone worst since the whole Gerard kiss.
“Hi babe” I said giving her a kiss on the cheek.
“Hi” She said looking me into the eyes, a very hard look on her eyes, “So...”
“So?” I asked with a puzzled look.
“Don’t you forget something?” She said taping his foot in the floor. That was driving me crazy.
“What day is today, Frankie?” now she was talking to me as a 5-years-old kid
“August 15th, 2007” – I said to her a little annoyed.
“I know, but what day is it??!!” She was yelling now.
“I don’t fucking know!!” I yelled her back.
“It’s our fucking anniversary! You jerk!”

Shit, I think, fuck, I’ve been so worried about me and Gerard, that I forgot our anniversary.

“I’m sorry I totally forgot” I said looking down and putting my hand in my pockets.
“That’s obvious” I saw a tear streaming down his face.
“Don’t cry. I’m sorry babe, I’ll make it to you, ok? Just you and me today.” I said trying to reach her face, but she gave a step back.
“No, Frank, this is too much”
“Come is only a day!” I wasloosing my patience again.
“Only a day! ONLY A DAY!!, Ok this is enough, I’ve been holding out, long enough!” She said furious. ”You never call me, you prefer hang out with the band that with me, I’m sure you prefer to kiss Gerard than me…..admit it thing have been wrong for months now.” She’s still screaming and she is looking at me with a painful look and her arms crossed. Then I realized.
“Are you breaking up with me!?”