I Don't Wanna Be in Love

“Why so blue?” Mick, one of the morning show hosts asks as Ember sat herself in the chair and got herself situated.

“More like a purple actually, a cross over between sad and fumed, and one word: boyfriend.”

“Oh what did he do this time?”

“I hate saying it’s him when it’s his lifestyle, once in a while I would just love to have him all to myself without any bars or things, I have no idea who I was trying to kid when I said fucking yes to him in the first place! I wonder how in the hell I fell for him in the first place if all we did is fucking party!” She rants, taking in a deep breath and letting out a small sob. Mick cups his hand over her shoulder with a reassuring squeeze as he thinks of something that could maybe make her feel better.

“Have you talked to him about this?”

“Theres nothing that can be done, it’s his life.”

“And you aren’t?”

“I’m not the same…”

“Are you thinking about leaving him?”

Her eyes bulge with alarm as she yells “I never said that! It’s just getting to me lately.”

“Are you sure? I’ve never seen you so distressed, not in all the time you’ve worked here.”

“And you’ve never seen me as happy as I am when I’m with him. These things happen but their worth sticking through and fighting for…Right?” She pulls the headset over her ears and flicks a commercial switch. Mick nods and lets Ember know that he’s here for her whenever she needed before leaving the sound room to grab a cup of coffee.

“And you’re listening to 96.9 Hart-Attack, Ember here with a forty minute music block coming your way! Poisons’ ‘Talk Dirty to Me’ kicks it off next.”

“96.9 Hart-Attack,”
“Hey can I make a request?”
“Yes you can!” Ember has a perky radio voice that drips with loving enthusiasm, nothing like those sick blonde cheerleaders though, not annoying.
“This is Ember right?”
“Yes it is, from 8 to 3.” She nods to herself as if the person requesting was sitting right in front of her, a sweet smile extending across her face.
“Well then I request that you come out to dinner with me tonight.” The familiarity of the caller doesn’t sink into ears until right about now.
“Matt?” She asks with a surprised scoff.
“The one an’ only and looking for an answer,”

“Ooh, who’s the caller?” Mick whispers like a gossip queen from over Embers shoulder, a warm coffee heating the palm of his left hand. “You should say yes,” He says with a nod before she even replies to his question.

“Hello?”
“Do you have a song request?” Her eyes started blinking as rapidly as her mind was moving.
“’Welcome to the Jungle’ by G N’ R,”
“Okay, got it! And call me after three to let me know what time you’re picking me up.” Her teeth nibble at her bottom lip in smug happiness, there was nothing wrong with a simple friend dinner; though that’s not what had crossed her mind yet. She wasn’t thinking of anything like that or what Jacoby would say or Jacoby for that matter. Matt is a cool guy who she was enjoying to hang out with and if wanted to take her out to eat who was she to say no?

“And who was that?” Mick repeats as she closes the line, setting his request as the next song to be played.

“That was Matt.”

“Okay I got that part, but who is he?”

“A guy I met at one of the parties Jacoby pulled me along too. He’s a real nice guy and I don’t see any harm going out to dinner with him.”

“You’re blushing,” He teases; setting his coffee down and staring intently at Ember.

“I am not.” She hisses lightly as she sets up a couple of more songs.

“Sweetness, the blood that rushes to ones face causing pinkness and sometimes redness is known as blushing, and you my dear are red as a stick of Big Red gum.”

“Shut up!” She knows she’s blushing, but she’ll be damned if she admits it. Her face felt warm as if she’d just spent an hour in the sun and a burn was making its way through the surface.

A little after three on her way home Matt texted her with a time and that it’d be casual. Consciously Ember isn’t thinking of this as a date but subconsciously that’s another matter, if the two could talk there’d be a big argument that’s for sure. Ember decided back at the station that she deserved some fun with a friend with all the downers with her relationship with Jacoby at the moment.

“Baby, you here?” Ember is adjusting her shirt in the full length mirror when Jacoby comes in from a long recording day smelling strong of cigarettes and coffee. “You look great,” He whispers, putting his hands on her hips and pulling her into his body. “We should go out tonight; I’ll make up last night.”

“I can’t I have plans,” She shrugs out of his hold and flattens a few strands of loose hair behind her ear.

“You have plans? With who?” His eyes look her over a few times as he asks, a look of puzzle breaking through his features.

“I have plans with a friend.” She turns on her high-heeled feet to look him in the eyes instead of his reflection, placing a soft kiss on his lips before walking off in the direction he just came from.

“We can stay in if you rather do that, babe?”

“I have plans, didn’t you hear me say that? I’m not cancelling.” She irritably mutters, picking up her cell and keys off of the kitchen counter.

“With a friend? What friend?” His arms cross his chest as he gets aggravated, his feet lightly tapping the wooden floor as she checks herself out in the mirror above the kitchen sink.

“Stop sounding jealous, with my new friend Matt.”

“Matt who? You’re going out with a guy?”

“Yes, do you have a problem with that? Because I don’t fucking care, I’m sorry that I’m busy now that you’re free but I’m not cancelling out on him.”

“Yeah I have a problem with that, look at you, you’re all dressed up like-“

“Don’t you fucking start with me; you have no reason to be jealous or any sob shit like that. He’s a friend that’s taking me out to dinner,” A car horn beeps signaling Matt had arrived right on time, eight-thirty. Jacoby lets out a puff of annoyance as she passes past him without a kiss goodbye and walks straight out the front door.

“Hey,” She greets him as she climbs into the passenger seat of his car.

“I would have rung your bell but I heard the yelling and thought best of it.” He says pulling out of the drive way and into the little street, taking off towards the restaurant.

“Oh you heard that? I’m sorry,”

“Don’t apologize,” He muses, flaring a small smile, one big enough to show his diamond cut dimples though. “But you still want to go, yeah?”

“Of course, I’m in the car aren’t I? Theres nothing wrong with dinner and thank you for that by the way.”

He nods and steps on the gas a little, “You look very beautiful tonight by the way.” He works in there, shooting out another five star smile.

“You called the station, very inventive way of asking me out.” “To dinner…” She says, attempting to correct herself.

“Yeah and you played my request,” He jokes, turning up a road that’s lined with building of all sizes and colors, the twenty four hour rainbow of Huntington.

“How did you find me?”

“Oh the radio, I MySpaced you, wasn’t too hard either because you were right there in the new friend request batch.”

“Ah, yes well I’m kind of new to that thing and haven’t gotten around to adding all the greats, surprisingly I have better things to do then sit there pathetically for hours on end. Not that you’re pathetic or anything…I mean you’re a band, you have a meaning on there…I’m going to such up now…” She starts shaking her head and rolling her eyes at her self as Matt laughs, his face to near stiff expression. He nods in response, stretching his mouth a bit making the tightness wear off.

Matt took Ember to a rather large restaurant that seemed to make just about everything. The inside was decorated in deep blues, light cloud blues and black. Square tables to the left for smokes and circle tables to the right for non-smokers. The waiters and waitresses wore black pants and black tops with blue name tags that matched the blue serving trays. Pictures of seals, birds, the seashore life hung all around the room giving people something pretty to look at if their date wasn’t.

They both ordered salads to start with and steaks as their main course, splitting the restaurants famous foot long Banana Split that had everything from chocolate sauce to marshmallow on it.

“I had a great time, Matt; we so have to hang out again sometime soon. Like breakfast on me?”

“Just call me whenever you’re ready, I’m not too busy at the moment.”

“Okay, well see you soon then.” She unlatches her seat belt and shrugs her shirt in place before getting out of the car. Before he had any power over what he was doing Matt has his lips against hers softly. Their noses feel each other lightly, every pore radiating with delight and heating with light excitement. Ember doesn’t pull away, leaning her lips against his a little harder, getting a better taste, a better touch, a deeper kiss.

“I’m s-sorry,” Matt stutters, pulling back with his eyes flashing up towards the windows of the lit house. “Goodnight,” He whispers, his eyes looking back over to hers, unsure.

“Goodnight Matt thanks for dinner,” Her sentence comes out rushed as she fumbles at the door handle, swiftly Matt presses his hands against hers and pops open the door. His hand feels red hot, like the heat of a turbo powered hair dryer. Shifts of breath escape Embers lips and she riskily leans over and presses her lips to Matt’s; enclosing his upper lip between her lips to get an even better taste. She pulls her mouth from his in urgency and jumps out of the car, breathing in the light night air, slamming his door accidentally loud.

Shaking with intense excitement and worry Matt pulls out of the driveway with squealing wheels with one more look at Ember, thinking he’s got her hooked now. That or he’s just really fucked up, maybe it’s a little too early in their game but he couldn’t help himself. His whole body was screaming at him to just kiss her, to see if she tasted as good as she looked, she did was the only thing he can think on the drive to somewhere.

Ember stood outside for a few minutes before going into the lit house, checking herself out in her phone to see if the redness of exchanged mouths had gone away. There was mail in the box, something she didn’t notice when she came home earlier and grabbed it before taking out her key to let herself in.

“Have fun?” Jacoby asks dully from the couch as she closes the door behind herself.

“Yeah I did,” She says as if nothing was wrong, and nothing was wrong, all they did was kiss a little. “Did you eat?” She asks as she drops her keys and mail onto the counter, looking at the sink and only seeing soda cans and a wine bottle.

“Yeah,”

“Are you mad at me?” She asks after a few minutes of thick silence, not making her feel any better as the minutes went by.

“No, are you mad at me?”

“No I’m not mad at you,” She walks over to the front of the couch, setting down on his stretched out legs and taking his hand into hers. “It’s just a down pour is all,” Her affectionate lips touch every one of his knuckles lightly, one by one.

“Yeah it has been and baby I’m sorry, god I feel so fucking far from you, ya know?” He shifts upward to meet her face, only inches away and close enough to feel her breath on his face. “I love you.” His eyes close as he nuzzles his cheek against hers warmly, taking in the smell in her hair as if for the first time in months. “I don’t want to be like this right now, I feel apart even though I’m right fucking here.”

“I know,” She coos with closed eyes, keeping tempo with his nuzzles.

“Do you love me?” His voice bounces through her ear, the warmth of his voice and the heaviness of his breath sends an invisible shake through her body.

One kiss, okay two kisses can’t change whether your heart belongs to someone else, can it? As her mouth went dry she felt as if a paw with piercing claws tore at her lungs, leaking out all the air inside leaving her to gasp. As Ember holds back the noise of gasps a pounding builds up in her heart as an instant replay blurs through her closed eyes making her mouth twitch out a smile. An inappropriate smile, luckily Jacoby had his eyes closed; unless he felt the sudden tension in her face against his, well even if he did he’d think she was smiling about loving him.