I Have Been Right All Along

SARA'S POV

“What’s your favorite band?” I read out loud, quietly, though, to myself; this question coming from Brendon through a text message. He obviously found the Red Bull earlier and has been hopped up ever since. Panic’s show was…insane, mainly because of Brendon and his Red Bull mixed with alcohol…that and the fact that it was the first show of the tour.

“I don’t know if you’re wanting me to say ‘Panic’ or ‘Paramore’ but, really, it’s neither of those,” I text back. I close my eyes as I lie in my bunk and wait for his response, which comes quickly.

“You mean Panic at the Disco isn’t your favorite band? That hurts, Sara.”

I laugh and quickly text back.

“Actually Brand New is my favorite band. I DO like Panic; however, you guys aren’t my favorite.”

“That’s fine, I’m just teasing. I don’t have a favorite band,” he replies. This answer surprises me. I’d figure he’d have a favorite, but then again, I shouldn’t be surprised. There are tons of good bands out there; it is definitely hard to pick just one as a favorite.

“Fair enough. What’s your biggest secret?”

Oh great, I forgot I also have to answer that too. Unfortunately you can’t un-send a text message.

“Oh whoa. If I tell you my biggest secret, then it wouldn’t be a secret, now would it? =)”

I snort. I should have expected that sort of response. I’m kind of glad, though. I don’t really want to tell Brendon of my secrets just yet.

“Smartass. Goodnight =)”

“I’ll tell you my biggest secret if you promise to tell me yours,” he replies, obviously not tired yet.

“I shouldn’t have asked that question, really. NEXT!”

“Can we make a deal, then?”

“Tell me the deal and I’ll consider,” I text back.

I let out a sigh and let the phone drop onto the mattress. It’s really late at night; I’m not sure what time. All I know is its past midnight. Everyone else on this bus is fast asleep. The show really knocked them out, as expected. My cell phone vibrates just as I was getting relaxed.

“I’ll tell you my biggest secret if you promise to tell me yours.”

“You already said that. What’s the deal you want to make?”

“That is the deal.”

“Well…deal, then. But seriously? That’s the worst deal ever.”

“Let’s see if you can make a better deal about this whole secret exchange.”

“If you tell me your biggest secret, I promise to tell you mine,” I send, hoping he catches the sarcasm that text messages can’t convey.

“THAT’S THE SAME DEAL!”

“I know, I was being sarcastic. Let me think for a minute about making a better one.”

“Okay.”

I lie there, thinking. I honestly don’t know of a better way to phrase the deal. The only thing he really needed to add to it was when we’d tell each other. Oh, hey! That’s the deal!

“I’ll tell you my biggest secret tomorrow. Right now, since it’s past midnight, is the second day of tour. On the third day, I’ll tell you and you tell me yours. Deal?”

“Deal. What’s your favorite song?”

“Oh lord…um…Me and the Moon by Something Corporate is pretty good. I also like Violence by Blink-182. I don’t know. I like a lot of songs.”

“Sweet songs. I don’t have a favorite.”

“You keep asking me things you can’t answer.”

“I know.”

“Well quit doing it or pick something!”

“=(“

“Oh whatever haha”

“I really am sad now.”

“I bet. I’m going to sleep now. Sorry if I made you sad. =)”

“Goodnight =(“

“Don’t do that to me! Why are you sad?”

“You’re being mean and also you’re going to sleep.”

“I’m not being mean! I just don’t know why you’re picking questions you know you can’t answer yourself. And I’m going to sleep because I’m tired.”

“Fiiiiiiiine. I’ll see you tomorrow =)”

“Goodnight Brendon.”

“You’re up early,” I say as I walk out into the front of the bus, meeting the face of none other than Josh Farro sitting on the couch. He takes his eyes off the TV for a second to turn and smile at me.

“So are you,” he laughs, gluing his eyes back onto the TV.

“Are we at the venue yet?” I yawn, plopping down next to him from the couch, immediately falling over onto my side into the empty spot next to me, lying down.

“Yeah we’re here already,” he says, giving me a weird look. I glance up at the clock and realize it’s not early at all; it’s a little after 12pm. I quickly sit up and turn to Josh.

“It’s not early,” I point out. He laughs and shakes his head at me, raising his eyebrows ever so slightly.

“Argh,” I say, quickly getting up and heading towards the bunk to get some clean clothes. I walk back out and stop in front of Josh.

“Is there a decent shower around here?”

He looks at me for a second before replying.

“Yeah,” he says, getting up, heading towards the door. I follow behind him, shielding my eyes from the sun as we step out of the bus.

“There’s only one shower, but it’s a nice one,” he says as we walk toward the back entrance of the venue.

“I hope no one’s in there; otherwise I’m just going to shower with them. I feel so nasty, Josh,” I laugh.

He looks down and laughs a little, but keeps walking. He opens the door for me as soon as we reach it. I wait for him to lead the way, following him as he takes several turns down several hallways. He finally stops at a door, pointing his thumb to it as he turns to me.

“This is where the shower is,” he smiles.

“Thank you, kind sir,” I say, bowing slightly to him, causing him to let out a snort.

“I don’t get bowed down to?” a voice I recognize as Brendon’s, says from behind me. I turn around, placing my hand on my hip.

“No way, dude,” I say, flashing him a smile. He nods once, accepting my answer with a smirk on his face.

“What’s goin’ on, Brendon?” Josh asks in a friendly tone.

“About to shower,” Brendon replies.

“What-no! I’m about to shower,” I whine. No way am I going to go any longer without showering.

Brendon’s eyes avert to the door handle, and then back to me. My eyes widen and I quickly bolt towards the door at the same moment Brendon does.

But who got the door handle first? Me, of course, which conjures a pout out of Brendon.

“Don’t even give me that pout, Brendon. It may work with others, but it will not work with me,” I say staring at him as he continues to pout. The way he looks so…so…sad just really makes it hard for me to resist giving in.

But I stand my ground and do not give in. I turn the doorknob and quickly step in the small, but luxurious room. I don’t know why the venue has such a nice bathroom, but I’m really glad they do. It has a huge shower with many different spray nozzles, and sliding glass doors on it too. There’s a huge closet, but nothing is in it. Why would they need a closet? The toilet in here looks extremely fancy, but I don’t dwell on that fact for two long as someone knocks on the door.

“I’ll just be waiting out here for you to get done,” I hear Brendon mumble from outside the door. I walk to the door and open it just a little.

“Yeah right. You wouldn’t be able to sit here for as long as I’m going to be in the shower, which is only 15 minutes, I might add,” I say through the small opening.

“I have nothing better to do,” he says, sitting against the wall opposite the door.

“Go find some Red Bull or candy or something.”

“Tempting, but I want to get in the shower next. I know someone will try to get in before me,” he says, giving me a glare as if to say I’m the bad person for getting to the shower before him.

“Yeah, but I’m a lady and you know ladies are always first,” I say and smile sweetly at him.

“Well maybe sometimes they shouldn’t be; Jack from Titanic may have lived if women and children didn’t always have to be separated from the men,” he says, trying to keep a straight face, but the way the corners of his mouth seemed to slowly turn upwards told a different story; he was absolutely amused with himself.

“Irrelevant,” I say, shutting the door, ready to shower.

Exactly 15 minutes later, I’m heading out of the bathroom, my hair dripping wet. Brendon is nowhere in sight, instead a member of the band Fall Out Boy is in his place. I do not know exactly who it is just by looking at the guy as I did not get to meet that band yet, so I decide to introduce myself.

“Hey, I’m Sara,” I say, holding out my right hand to shake. “I’m Hayley’s friend.”

“Pete,” he says, shaking my hand.

“Oh, so you’re Pete Wentz,” I say, grinning. I’ve definitely heard of the dude. Who hasn’t?

“Yeah, I’m Pete Wentz,” he says, laughing while looking around.

“So where’s Brendon?” I say, looking around as well.

“I don’t know. He asked me to hold his place in line for the shower,” he pauses to laugh. “I didn’t see a line, but I agreed. That was 5 minutes ago.”

“He was pretty adamant about staying out here the entire time I was in there,” I say, pointing my thumb towards the bathroom door. “I knew he wouldn’t be able to stay in one place for 15 minutes.”

“Yeah, that kid’s insane,” he says as we hear approaching footsteps. Or should I say as we hear someone running down the halls towards us.

“How much you want to bet that’s Brendon running?” I ask, stepping closer to Pete, ready to make a deal.

But we have no time to make an actual deal as Brendon runs around the corner, stopping quickly in front of us, his brightly colored Nike’s slide a little on the dusty floors. He smiles casually at us, stuffing his hands in his back pockets as he looks from me to Pete, then back at me several times.

“Where’s the fire?” I ask after a few seconds, blinking several times at his as he collects himself.

He points to the bathroom and walks towards it, turning around to smile at us before he begins to shut the door.

“If there’s a fire in there, you might not want to go inside,” I say smartly, being sarcastic, of course. Pete tries to hide his laugh as Brendon stares at me, his smile faltering slightly.

“Did you set a fire in here?” Brendon asks in all seriousness.

My jaw drops slightly and I close my eyes, letting out a loud laugh. I open my eyes and look at Brendon.

“Are you serious,” I say rather than ask. “I did…I set a fire in the bathroom.”

I turn around, laughing, and walk away. I hear Brendon say this to Pete:

“I don’t see a fire in here.”

Pete laughs loudly as I turn the corner, making my way back to the buses. I stop mid-walk, realizing I don’t know where I’m going.

“Pete!” I yell, hoping that he’d help me out of here.

“What,” he asks, amused, as he turns the corner, still laughing.

“I need to find the exit,” I say, sounding really concerned.

I watch Panic play from the side of the stage, watching Brendon get really into playing guitar as he dances manically around the stage, his pants sliding lower and lower with each step he takes. Hayley is standing next to me, also watching on.

“Someone needs to get that boy a belt,” she says from beside me. I squint my eyes at Brendon, trying, with my mind, to make him stop jittering around as I try to see his pant line. I turn to Hayley.

“He’s got one on. I think he might need to be informed on how to tighten one, though,” this causes Hayley to laugh, and even more so as his pants slide completely over his butt, and suddenly, everyone’s favorite color becomes orange. Brendon pulls his pants back up in an obvious fashion, not that anything else was expected.

Thankfully Panic’s set is the last of the night tonight. Each night, a different band headlines as each band are so well known and highly popular. And thankfully their set is now over. Hayley and I stand at the side of the stage, unaware of what’s to come as the four boys of Panic hurry off stage towards us.

We high five Jon, Ryan, and Spencer, but receive an absolutely disgusting sweaty hug from Brendon.

“Ew, Brendon!” Hayley shrieks as he hugs her. She struggles to push him off of her body as he hugs her tightly.

I stand there, appalled, as I feel my clothes begin to stick to me and the aroma of sweat lingers in the air. I feel his sweat sticking on my face. My face contorts into one of pure disgust and I turn to watch Brendon walking away. I look at Hayley, whose facial expression is quite like mine. We hear Brendon yell from the dressing rooms.

“First shower!”

As soon as I hear him yell that, a plan devises in my mind.

“What are you thinking?” Hayley asks, a smirk spreading across her face. I start grinning as I nod at her.

“I’m thinking we get Brendon back for these horrendous hugs,” I say. Hayley’s smirk turns into a grin.

“He said first shower, right?” she asks, I nod.

“Good,” she says, turning on her heel before making her way towards that oh-so-luxurious bathroom this venue has. I follow quickly behind her, knowing she is thinking the exact same thing that I am thinking.

We hid in the bathroom’s huge closet until we were sure Brendon was in the shower. We agreed to wait until he started singing to sneak out of the closet.

Sure enough he started singing and we quickly and quietly got out of the closet. We had decided to only take his jeans so he’d have to walk around with a t-shirt and boxers on. It’ll make him look like a 5-year old, and to Hayley and me, that is funny.

Hayley and I are currently sitting in the hallway just around the corner from the bathroom, waiting for Brendon to come around sooner or later, wondering where his pants are. We hid his jeans on Paramore’s bus. Thankfully no one saw us; no one can give us away.

Zac Farro walks around the corner quickly, spotting us and immediately smiling.

“Do you guys want to play cards?” he asks, walking over to us with a pack of cards.

We agree and begin a game of Go-Fish…shut up, it’s the only game we know of that can work with three players.

Ten minutes into the game, we hear the bathroom door shut and Brendon cough as he turns the corner and walks towards us. I don’t look over at him; I don’t want to look suspicious.

“Zac, do you have any Aces?” Hayley asks Zac, also trying to not be suspicious. I stare down at my cards, trying to not laugh.

“Excuse me,” Brendon says, stopping at our little Go-Fish group. We all look up at him and Zac immediately laughs.

“Dude, where are your pants?” Zac laughs.

“That’s what I’m wondering,” Brendon replies, clearing his throat.

“Maybe you left them on the bus?” I ask, holding back my smile.

“No…I didn’t. I’m just wondering who I pissed off to make them go and take my pants…and they were my only good, clean pair of pants, too,” he says, letting out a sigh. I look up at him and immediately feel bad. He’s just standing there all disappointed in a t-shirt and boxer-briefs holding his cell phone, towel, and his dirty clothes.

I glance at Hayley, who also looks empathetic towards Brendon, and wonder if we should tell him and give him back his pants.

“We took your pants,” Hayley blurts out.

I turn away from Hayley and look back up at Brendon.

“Why?” he asks innocently.

“Do you recall giving out nasty, sweaty hugs?” I ask, smirking. He better remember.

He thinks for a moment before nodding. One second later, realization spreads across his face.

“Revenge, huh? Can I have my pants back?” he laughs.

“Nope,” Hayley says, returning her attention back to her cards.

“Well why not?” he asks, becoming impatient.

“I’ll get your pants, come on,” I say, throwing my cards into the ‘fish pond’ of cards. Zac lets out a groan.

“Aw come on, Sara, you can’t bail! I’m about to win!”

“Sorry, dude, I’ve got to get Brendon his pants back before he cries,” I say, standing up,

“But I’m going to cry if you quit the game,” Zac says, his shoulders dropping. I look down at him, seriously considering re-joining the game and finishing it out.

“You’ll live, Zac. We’ll do a re-match later, okay?” I say, stepping over the pile of cards. I turn around and look back at Brendon, who hasn’t moved an inch. Unusual.

“Come on, Brendon. You want your pants, right?”

“I have to go outside like this?” he asks, looking at me like I’m a crazy person.

“You definitely gave Hayley and me the grossest, sweatiest hugs ever, so, yeah, you have to go outside like that if you want your pants back. You can stay in here if you want, but I won’t go get your pants if that’s what you choose.”

He makes his way towards me, beyond me, and even goes outside before me.

“Where did you put them?” he asks the door closes behind us. Luckily for him, no fans are around stalking the buses, but there are other band and crew members randomly about.

“Hot!” someone yells at Brendon.

Brendon decides to elaborate the crude comment by grabbing his crotch and protruding his hips forward, raising his free arm.

“Yeah!” he yells before regaining his composure.

“He’s got them apple-bottom briefs, boots with the fur,” I start singing as he walks in front of me, heading towards his bus; Panic’s bus. He turns to look at me, smirking.

“You talking about my ass?”

“Definitely, but your pants are this way,” I say, turning towards Paramore’s bus.

He follows behind me, no longer ashamed of his boxer-brief, t-shirt ensemble. I open the bus door and head towards my bunk where we hid his jeans.

“I can’t believe you would just take my pants like that,” he says as I climb in my bunk and grab his jeans from under blankets.

“I can’t believe you would just give me a sweaty hug like that,” I say back, holding the jeans tightly in my hands. He tosses his things in my bunk and flops his hands down onto my mattress, palms up, waiting for me to gladly hand over his jeans…which I will not do.

“You think I’m giving these babies up that easily?” I ask, holding the jeans to my chest protectively.

“I could only hope so,” he says, beginning to pout.

“If I give you your pants back, you have to promise not to give me or Hayley a nasty, sweaty hug ever again.”

“I promise,” he says insincerely, grabbing at the jeans. I smack his hands away.

“You’re a liar.”

“I promise,” he says again, sounding more whiny than sincere.

“What do you promise, Brendon?”

“I promise I won’t give you or Hayley a sweaty hug ever again,” he says, looking me in the eyes. I stare back for a few seconds as he grabs at the jeans. I scoot back further in my bunk so he can’t reach the jeans.

“Quit grabbing at them, monkey!” I laugh, causing him to laugh as well.

“Come on, I’m getting cold,” he says, still laughing a little. Reluctantly, I give him back his beloved jeans. He puts them on and looks at me expectantly afterwards.

“Now what?” he asks. I shrug, not sure of what he wants me to say or suggest.

“Oh I know!” he says, jumping into my bunk with me. I give him a weird look as he scoots his things out of his way.

“Let’s exchange those secrets we were talking about last night,” he says, sitting cross-legged towards me.

“I said I’ll tell you tomorrow.”

“But I want to know right now.”

“That sucks,” I laugh, but he pouts. That pout must have worked with a lot of people, but it’s not going to work with me. I just stare back at him, expressionless.

“Why do I have to wait until tomorrow?”

I let out a sigh, knowing that the only way I can explain why I want to wait until tomorrow would be to tell him the damn secret. It’s not really a secret, just something I keep from a lot of people.

“You’ll find out why when I tell you tomorrow. It’ll make sense once I explain, I promise,” I pat his knee.

“I seriously have to wait until tomorrow?”

I nod. He sighs.

“Sara?” someone yells out from the front of the bus.

“What is it?” I yell back, not moving from where I am.

“Where are you?” I figure out its Josh’s voice that’s yelling out for me.

“I’m in my bunk,” I yell back, footsteps immediately following my response. Josh appears on the other side of the pulled back curtain, looking slightly surprised to see Brendon in my bunk with me.

“Hey,” Josh says, sounding a little disappointed.

“What’s up?” I ask, looking at Josh with concern.

“Well, I, um…I was going to talk to you about tomorrow,” he says, lowering his voice a little. I nod slowly at him.

“What about tomorrow?” I ask, hoping he doesn’t completely give away that he’s talking about the anniversary of my parents’ deaths.

“I had a suggestion for what to do to occupy your mind,” he says, looking a bit uncomfortable, I notice. Josh has never been uncomfortable around me so this is a bit weird. I wonder if it’s because Brendon’s with me in my bunk.

“What’s the suggestion?”

Josh opens his mouth as if he were going to say something, but pauses for a second, glancing at Brendon.

“I’ll talk to you about it later, it can wait,” he says before taking a few steps towards the back lounge. Brendon gets up and gets out of the bunk quickly.

“I can leave so you two can talk,” Brendon suggests. Josh turns around.

“Oh, no, it’s fine. If you two were talking, go ahead. It’s totally fine,” he says, heading to the back lounge. Brendon turns to me, worry spreading across his face.

“I’m sorry,” he says, his eyes wide. I shake my head and lean towards him a little and motion for him to get closer.

“Josh likes me and I think he feels a little awkward when you’re around me.”

Brendon mouths, “Oh,” and nods.

“Just don’t,” I say a little too loudly. I lean forward a little more and continue what I was going to say, but whispering this time. “Just don’t let him know that I know that he likes me.”

“Okay,” he laughs.

“Don’t tell anyone, actually. Not that you’d have a reason to, but if the occasion arises,” I say, scratching my head. “I’d rather him tell me, himself, before everyone gets wind of his liking towards me.”

Brendon hops back into my bunk and returns to his cross-legged sitting position. I take the hint at him wanting to have another nightly talk so I continue on with my story, but not before closing the curtain and turning on the little bunk light. I keep my voice low so Josh doesn’t overhear mine and Brendon’s conversation.

“Josh and I have been friends for as long as Hayley and I have. Actually all of Paramore and I have been friends for five years. Anyway, Josh never once told me he liked me. He’s never acted as if he did. He’s more like a brother to me and dating him, I think, would be completely awkward. At least I think so. I’d probably give him a chance, though, because it wouldn’t be fair not to. And besides, it may not be as awkward as I think and I may actually like him in the same way, but as of right now, I don’t think I like him that way. I’m just waiting for him to tell me that he likes me. I’ve heard it from Hayley, but I think he should be the one to tell me, especially if he wants to do anything about it.”

“Sounds complicated,” Brendon laughs, twisting his fingers together. He looks down at his hands and stops twisting them, holding them out flat so he can look at them. I don’t know why, exactly, he is doing this but whatever. My eyes go straight to his head of hair and I begin to obsess over his hair. I don’t know why, but I just like it a lot.

“I really like your hair,” I say, laughing afterwards at how random and crazy that sounded. He quickly looks at me, smiling.

“Really? What about it?” he asks, running his hand through it several times.

“I like the style,” I say, looking at his layered, short hair.

“Those pictures from your latest album, the hair you had in there,” I pause, shaking my head. “Never again. Keep it shorter, it was too long in those. You look crazy with long, mullet hair.”

He laughs loudly at comments.

“I’ll take that into consideration next time, but I kind of thought it looked sexy long.”

“No.”

“You don’t think so?”

I shake my head furiously, my eyebrows raised.

“I think it looks sexy short and trimmed nicely. I like the messiness of it.”

Brendon grins at me sincerely.

“Well thank you!”

“No problem. I’m here to hand out compliments any time you need them.”

An hour passed and Brendon and I just sat and talked in my bunk about anything and everything. He’s turning out to be a really great person, not that I didn’t think he was before.

He told me about his high school years and joining the band and the record label. Turns out he’s only had one girlfriend and he’s still a virgin, despite what many believe. I also exchanged those details of my life, and, like him, I am also a virgin. I have had five boyfriends, but none of them serious by any means.

The font of the bus slowly but surely became more and more loud with enthusiastic conversation between the band members of Paramore.

“Let’s go see what’s going on,” I say, sliding out of the bunk. Brendon grabs for his cell phone, quickly looking at the time. His eyes widen and he looks at me.

“When do the buses leave?” he asks, not moving from his position.

“How am I supposed to know?” I shrug. Just then, the bus starts moving. Brendon’s shoulders drop as he lets out a sigh-like laugh.

“The buses leave now,” he says before crawling out of the bunk.

“Looks like you’re staying with us tonight,” I say, opening the door to the front lounge.

“Sara! You’re alive!” Hayley yells at me from the couch.

“And Brendon’s here!” Jeremy yells, also from the couch.

Josh briefly looks at Brendon and me with a weird look that I can’t quite place if it’s a jealousy or disappointment or both.

“I lost track of time!” Brendon yells excitedly to Jeremy, raising his hands up in victory before laughing at himself.

“I can’t believe I lost track of time,” Brendon finishes off, his voice lowering with each word, sounding disappointed with himself.

“It’s okay, I told Spencer you were probably staying on our bus tonight,” Josh says, giving Brendon a slight smile as he sits at the small table.

Brendon smiles back with a closed-lip smile.

“Thanks,” he says happily before he goes and makes himself comfortable on the couch with Jeremy and Hayley.

I take a seat across from Josh at the table because I feel bad. I didn’t intend for Brendon to stay on our bus tonight and I don’t think that was Brendon’s intention either. I try not to make eye-contact with Josh, but it’s really hard not to when I can feel him staring at me.

“I need to talk to you,” he says quietly, scooting out of the booth-like seats at the table. I look up at him, unsure of what he wants to talk about, which worries me a little.

“Sure,” I say happily, getting out of the seat and following him to the back of the bus where Zac is currently sitting on his laptop.

“Out, Zac,” Josh demands. Zac types and clicks a few things on the laptop before shutting the lid and making his way to the front. Josh closes the door behind Zac as I take a seat on the U-shaped leather couch.

“So what do you want to talk to me about?” I ask, watching Josh sit down next to me. He slouches down and looks at his hands before making eye-contact with me.

“Um,” he pauses, his eyes looking elsewhere for a moment before coming to rest on my eyes.

“A couple of things, actually.”

I nod, waiting for him to continue. I can hear the loud chatter from the front of the bus.

“First, I just wanted to make sure you were feeling alright since, you know, tomorrow’s…” his voice drifts off as I nod at him and smile a little.

“I’m okay, Josh. It’s not tomorrow yet. I don’t need to think about it until tomorrow and tomorrow only.”

He nods at me and shifts his body a little more towards me.

“The second thing I wanted to talk about I’ll save until tomorrow. It’s just a suggestion of what we should do this year,” he says quietly, sighing heavily afterwards. I know he’s referring to what we should do to keep my mind off the anniversary of my parents’ deaths and I’m glad he realizes I don’t want to talk about it today.

“Okay the last thing,” he says, becoming shy. “I just wanted to tell you that…that I like you in a way I’ve never felt before.”

I smile at him, not sure of what to say since I already know this information. I try to play it off as if I never knew. Hayley would kill me if I told him that she already mentioned it to me.

“I know we’ve been friends for a long time, but I’ve just recently developed feelings for you. You don’t have to feel the same or feel like you have to feel the same. I just thought that I would tell you just for the sake of you knowing.”

“Well I’m glad you told me,” I smile, resting my hand on his knee momentarily. He smiles back, waiting for me to say something. I quickly rack my brain for something to say.

“I guess it’s just kind of weird for me since you’re like my brother. But I mean, I don’t know. I guess the only thing we could do is give it a shot, but I can’t tell you right now that I would want to just yet,” I say, hoping he understands.

“No, that’s fine. I just wanted to tell you. I thought it’d be better for me to tell you rather than keep it to myself just in case there could be something between us.”

“Yeah,” I laugh out, not sure of what else to say.

“I guess I have one more question, then,” he says, quickly averting his gaze back down at his hands

“Do you like Brendon?”

I don’t answer; I don’t know what to say. I’m not even sure with myself if I like him or not, so what am I supposed to say to Josh?

“I mean, I can tell he likes you,” he says quickly, trying to redeem himself. “But I was just wondering if you liked him too…because if you do, then I think you should go for it.”

“I don’t…I don’t know if I like him or not. I haven’t known him for very long, but what I do know of him, I do like. I just…I don’t know. I’m confused about that whole thing,” I pause, letting out a sigh.

“To me it seems like you like him. You act like you do, at least. I could be wrong,” he laughs, looking at me happily as I blush.

“I guess I do, I don’t know. I feel weird talking to you about it since you like me,” I say, embarrassed.

“You don’t need to feel weird. I think of you as a best friend before anything else. You can talk to me about anything you want, I don’t care. I won’t sit here and be mad at you or jealous of Brendon if you tell me you like him or if you date him or whatever. You’re my best friend and I will always be happy for you,” he says sincerely.

I stand up and hold out my arms for a hug. Josh takes the hint and stands up, engulfing me in one of his prize-winning hugs.

“Let’s go back up front and stop feeling weird around each other, okay?” I suggest, heading for the door. He nods and follows me out.