Philophobia.

"The way you look tonight?" I asked my mom.

"Overdone." She sighed. "I want something that isn't on that top whatever number wedding songs list." She said. I narrowed my eyes at my computer screen and sighed as I clicked out of that website. I pulled up my i tunes instead and just hit play hoping she'd fine something one here.

"It's helpful." I stated.

"Yeah." She said looking over at her future husband as he sat behind the sound board. We were at the studio as the boys finished up the last of their album. I was trying to help her pick out their first dance. "That's about what 20,000 others brides said to when they used them for theirs."

"Your difficult."

She shook her head at me. "No." she stated to me. "it's my second..."

"Fourth." I coughed in as she glared at me.

"Marriage. I don't need anything fancy Allyson Jane Harley. I just want simple."

"How about-"

"Not Endless Love either."

I squinted my eyes at her. "How did you know I was going to say it?"

"Your my daughter." She stated raising her brow at me. "I know everything about you."

"Not everything." I mumbled.

"Ally."

I looked up and saw Matt staring at me with his dimple smile. I smiled back at him. "Yes dimple?"

"Dimple?" He asked confused with an eyebrow raised. I nodded biting my lip slightly as he continued. "Anyways. I'll be ready to leave in ten minutes."

"Okay." I said softly as he bent down to kiss my cheek. "Just let me know when your ready."

"Okay." He smiled and walked make over to Brian Senior.

"Well this is new." My mother muttered next to me.

I shook my gaze off of Matt and towards my mother. "What is?"

She gave me a small look as she study my face. "The rose cheeks. That sparkle in your eye. The way your whole attitude changes. My god." She gasped with small water specks in her eyes. "I think my little Allyson Jane is in love."

"In love." I stated looking back over at Matt. I was in love with Matt? Yes. No. Maybe. Sorta. Completely. Unfortunately. Hopelessly. In love with Matthew Charles Sanders.

"Mom."

"Yes sweetpea?" She asked waiting for me to say what she always wanted to hear from me.

That I Allyson Jane Harley was in love. Was I ready to admit that. Because to me love always never exist. It didn't make sense. To love means unconditional. No matter what. Forever. But what happens when love finds something new, something different.

Love is giving someone the power to break your heart, and trusting them not. Love is being with someone though tough times and staying with them. How do you accept someone to know what love is if the person they thought loved them walked completely out of their lives.

"I thought he'd come back." I whispered.

"Who?" my mom asked puzzled.

"When he said goodbye." I continued not answering her question. "Maybe he was going to go get my present after all." I stated looking at her, I could feel the warm liquid come down from my eyes. "After all, it was only my fifth birthday."

"Ally." My mom said rubbing my shoulders and pulling me into a hug. "Don't blame yourself."

"I don't." I stated a little to loudly. I didn't see it but I could feel others looking at me. "I just wished he didn't leave...or at least I wished he didn't leave the way he did." I spoke softer now as the room started to go quiet, barely a whisper. "He messed me up mom." I choked on my tears. "I don't think I could ever be full in love. I don't know what it looks like. I'll have no one."

"Hunny." My mom whispered as Brian Senior tried to get the boys attention back on him and not on us. "Guys are like the stars" She said picking up my head and wiping my tears away. "There are millions of them, but only one of them will make all your dreams come true."

"How do you know that?" I asked, with a small laugh.

She smiled at me and glanced away from me. I followed her gaze and my eyes landing on Matt. He was looking over at us with concern in his eyes. His arms crossed and his face was focused on me. He gave me that face, the one that asked if I was okay.

"One day." My mom began again as I kept looking at Matt. "Your going to realize that your in love with him."

"How do you know though?"

"Because, you already are."

"Huh?" I asked looking over at her.

"You wont admitted now Ally. But one day, when you least expect it, you'll admit it."

"And what if I lose him before then?" I asked scared of her answer.

"Don't push him away. He stole your heart." She stated.

"Ally." Matt asked as he stood in front of me, with the same worried look on his face. "Are you ready to go?"

I nodded. "Just give me one second."

"Okay. I'll meet you outside, I need a smoke anyways."

I nodded as he just sighed and walked out of the studio room.

"Don't push him away Ally." My mom stated again. "Don't let him give you your heart back." She stated kissing my cheek as she got up and walked over towards Brian Sr.

I sighed leaning my head back.

Hands down this is the best day I can ever remember,
I'll always remember the sound of the stereo,
the dim of the soft lights,
the scent of your hair that you twirled in your fingers
and the time on the clock when we realized it's so late
and this walk that we shared together.
The streets were wet
and the gate was locked so I jumped it,
and I let you in.

I looked down at my laptop as Hand's Down by Dashboard Confessionals played. A small smile crept onto my face as I leaped up, placing the laptop on the table and ran, the best I could in heels towards the door.

"Ally?" My mom yelled after me.

"Thanks." I yelled back and kept moving towards the door.

I pushed open the door roughly and tumbled out slightly. I landed on my hands and knee's and hissed slightly as the air hit my fresh scrape.

"Shit." Matt said throwing out his cigarette and bending down to help me up. "Are you okay baby."

I nodded grabbing a hold of his hands as he picked me up. "I'm fine."

"Dang baby." He said looking down at my knee. "That looks like it stings."

"A lot actually." I said quickly. Matt looked up at me and laughed.

"You didn't have to run out here. I wasn't going to leave with out you." He teased me.

"I didn't think you were." I stated, rushed.

"Then why did you?"

"Because I wanted to-"

"Wanted to what?" He asked before I could even finished.

I smiled shyly up at him. "Because I wanted to do this." I stepped closer to him and tipped toed up so my lips touch his ever so softly at first.

And you stood at your door with your hands on my waist

I wrapped my arms around his neck and the kiss got my heated and passionate.

and you kissed me like you meant it.
And I knew that you meant it,
that you meant it,
that you meant it,
.

"Wow." Matt said as we pulled apart. "Maybe you should tumble out doors more often." He joked causing me to blushing. "Your so beautiful Ally." He stated moving a strand of hair from my face. "Why did you kiss me like that."

"Because..." I stated but the words just wouldn't come out of my mouth.

"Because." Matt asked raising his eyebrows so I would continue.

"I um. I like your lips." I stated, biting my lip and looking away from him.

Matt sighed and let go of my hips and tugged my hands off his neck. It wasn't harsh or rough he did it slow. His face was confused and hurt when I looked back at him with an equal expression.

"Why do you do that?" He asked me.

"Do what?"

"Get my hopes up."

"What do you mean." I asked as I watched him dig hid hands into his pockets.

"You know exactly what I mean Ally." He said frustrated. "Jesus. You do it all the time. I think your about to say it and you just don't, or you avoid it all together." His voice got higher and more annoyed.

"Say what Matt?"

"That you...you know what." He said changing his voice again. "I give up. Your not going to say it. And I'm not going to look like a fool again, Ally. That is not happening. I thought you were going to be different. Sure in a thousand ways you are different from her. She cheated and you never did... I think."

"Do you think I'm cheating on you?" I asked interrupting him.

"That's not what I meant, and you know it."

"Then what do you mean, Matt. Your right I'm nothing like Kayleigh. So stop comparing me to her."

"Im not."

"You just were."

"I want a real relationship Ally. Not another one way street were I get hurt cause you can't admit it." He snapped at me.

"Don't push him away Ally." My mom stated again. "Don't let him give you your heart back." my moms words came back into my head.

"Admit what Matt?" I asked. "That I love you?" Did I just say that. "Fine I love you. But when i say I love you, I don't want to say it out of habit or for conversation. I want to say it to so you never forget that your the fucking best thing to ever happen to me."

Matt stared at me as my breathing went down. "You know." He said walking back towards me. "You just said you love me."

"Ya so." I huffed and folded my arms across chest.

"Do you mean it?" He asked still stepping closer.

"Of course." I mumbled. "I'm just not used to saying it. I never believed in love" I stated looking into his hazel eyes. "before you split your drink on me."

Matt chuckled and placed his hands on my cheeks. "Well guess what."

"What."

"I love you to." He smiled before crashing his lips back down on mine.

and I knew,
that you meant it,
that you meant it