So Used

I looked at the boy searching for something familiar; he clearly had Val’s eyes, he had the same shaped face as my dad and his thin lips. He had Val’s perfectly shaped nose. Even a blind man could not deny that this boy was my dad and Val’s son. My heart sunk and it was then I realised something, my dad had a son. Wasn’t that the one thing every man wanted? Now dad would have his perfect son and I would take a back seat. Aunt Ruby always said “all good things must come to an end.” So was this it? My life, the one thing that had finally balanced it’s self out, the one thing that was finally sort of stable because let’s face it, my dad was a rock star my life was never going to be stable.

I stood back and watched as my dad walked over to where Maddock and Val stood. I stood back from the scene and watched as everyone had their faces plastered with stupid grins. I buried my flip flop clad feet into the sand and sat down in the warm Californian sand. I set my bag down and pulled out my iPod and plugged in my speakers. I scrolled through the list of songs until I came to ‘Humming Bird Heartbeat.’ I put it on a low volume and sat watching out on the sea, the families playing in it, the surfers surfing and the friends just messing about.

I pulled off my shirt and shorts and ran back to the car and pulled my board out of the back of the pickup. I made sure that the little strap was securely around my ankle before I took off toward the waves. I paddled out to where I thought I could catch a decent wave. I sat up on the board and started observing other surfers to see where the best place to start was. I paddled out a little further and straight for a wave. Before I knew it, I had caught the wave and was surfing. Adrenaline had taken over my body and I was doing exactly what had to be done to stay above water. I was lost in my thoughts, when I surfed it was just me and the waves. The board and I were one.

It’s cheesy so sue me. I hadn’t noticed I was heading toward this mammoth wave. Like I said when I was out surfing I was in a world of my own, adrenaline took over, and I didn’t have to think. I didn’t notice that my friends were watching while the adults busied themselves getting to know my half brother. If I had of noticed, I would have realised that Oli and Abi were screaming at the adults to go out and get me. I would have noticed Alex run to the car for his board, and I certainly would have notice Jamie screaming at me and crying.

This wave was huge; some of the other surfers who I recognised began to head to shore. The guys I did noticed had been surfing a lot longer than me. I snapped out of my trance and looked at the wave and then back at shore. If i jumped now, well I had no clue what would happen, but I staggered a guess that if I jumped it would not be a good result, so I headed on. I was chancing my arm. By the time Alex was back it was too late. I was in the middle of what i can only describe is a tube of water. I tried to keep in the middle knowing that the water would have to decrease in size before it washed up on the beach. The laws of physic said so. Then I suddenly felt all wet, almost like I was floating, I felt nothing beneath my feet and I knew I had become ‘wave food’ as my dad use to put it.

I laughed and hopped back on the board, I began to paddle back to shore to be met with a furious glare from my dad and a worried glance from my uncle Zacky.

“Autumn Grace Sanders, what the hell where you thinking, oh no don’t tell me you weren’t, how could you have been so stupid, did you not see the size of that wave. You should have come straight back in when you seen it. You could have drown! Then what would I do, and I what was I suppose to tell your mother?” Dad ranted on and on clearly angry.

“Dad, chill! I’m fine no scrapes, no bruises, no harm so no foul. God you freak out too much. I’m not a porcelain doll daddy, I don’t fall and break.” I huffed taking the strap from around my ankle and sticking the board in the sand where Abi, Oli, Jamie and Alex had place themselves.

Someone had brought my stuff over to the group so I dug through my bag and pulled out the pack of cancer sticks, placed one between my lips and light up. I took a deep drag and let the smoke fill my lungs, instantly calming me down. I exhaled and the pale smoke flew past my lips in little wisps.

“Pretty girls shouldn’t smoke.” A deep voice laughed.

I snorted “Hear that Jamie, you shouldn’t smoke” I laughed and soon her laughter followed.

“You’re as sarcastic as Brian and Michelle described.” The same voice said it sounded like it was smiling.

I looked up and seen Maddock standing gazing down at me. “Well aren’t you tall.” I giggled looking up and taking in the sight in front of me.

“Maybe you’re just short.” He shot back with a smile placed on his lips.

“Autumn Grace Sanders” I said sticking my hand out to him, for him to shake.

“Maddock Matthew DiBennettio.” He grinned as he shook my hand.

He took a place beside me and pulled out a pack of cigarettes of his own. When he had his light I just laughed causing the smoke to catch I’m my through leaving a bad taste. He raised an eyebrow at my sudden laughter.

“When you came out with that first line, I thought you didn’t smoke and hated smokers or something.” I spluttered trying to stop myself laughing.

“Glad to amuse you.” He smiled shaking his head. “So do you surf a lot?”

“Normally I’d be out here about two maybe three days a week. It just depends. How about you? You surf or are you into sports?” I inquired.

“I don’t surf, I’d love to it seems so hard though, so I just stick with Baseball.” He spoke modestly blowing a few rings of smoke out.

I mimicked his actions and then spoke slowly “whose you’re team, think about that very carefully, pick the wrong team and you’ve made yourself two new enemies.”

“L.A Angels I didn’t realise there was other team worth supporting.” He scoffed.

“HEY UNCLE ZACKY! IT’S OKAY HE’S AN ANGELS FAN!” I shouted over at the black hair and green eyed man laughing at me.

“SCORE ONE FOR THE ANGELS FANS!” He shouted back

“Want to go for a walk, get to know each other?” He asked standing up tucking the packet that previously rested in his hands into his pocket.

I nodded and threw my own pack into my bag. “Can I get changed first?” I frowned looking down on my appearance.

He nodded and I ran back to the car to get my other clothes. I grabbed the other bag from the back seat. I found a secluded spot quickly dried myself off and changed into a new red bikini, I pulled my red playsuit over the top. I pulled a pair of Chucks on m feet and made sure I looked semi presentable before chucking the bag back into the car and jogging back down the beach.

“Okay, let’s blow this popstickal stand.” I said in my best ‘gangster’ voice.

He laughed and we started our journey down the Californian beach. I grinned feeling the sun on my face and a slight breeze through my hair. I notice that the sun was starting to set over the ocean; I didn’t think we had been here that long.

“So tell me about yourself.” He muttered looking at his feet.

“Emm, Okay I got this. My name is Autumn Grace Sanders, I’m sixteen years old. I turn seventeen on the Eleventh of December, my favourite colour is green, I sing, play guitar and drums. I have two tattoos and am thinking about getting two more. I surf and play baseball, I support the L.A Angels of Anaheim, I have four best friends, but my bestest friend is Jamie Sullivan. We are tighter than a fat man in spandex. My favourite band is Avenged Sevenfold or My Chemical Romance or H.I.M or Paramore or KISS, I haven’t really decided yet. My friends and I play in a band, I couldn’t tell you what I do, we swap around that often sometimes we don’t even know. We have stage names; I think we are kind of going for a mini avenged thing at the moment. I go by Baby Shadow. Apparently it’s because I’m a total daddy’s girl although, I’d hardly say that.” I explained looking in front of me as I spoke.

“You’re Turn!” I exclaimed stopping and turning to face him.

He kept walking and began to speak “My name is Maddock Matthew DiBennettio. I’m twenty one years old and I turn twenty two on the twenty-sixth of July. My favourite colour is Orange, I have no musical ability what so ever, I’m a tattoo artist yet I have no tattoo’s, I am thinking about getting one. My favourite band is Led Zepplin, I have two best friends and one well she’s also my girlfriend, her names Beth. My other best friend is my Mom; she was there when i needed her and when she needed me. I found out when I was twelve, I had a sister and I hated her for having the one thing I didn’t. She had a dad. Now I’ve met my dad and my sister I feel guilty because it wasn’t their fault I didn’t know about they or they didn’t know about me. I feel guilty for hating them because they are two of the nicest people that could possibly ever walk the planet.” As he spoke the last few sentences were tainted with guilt.

We had turned and were now walking back toward our little group. I suddenly felt very guilty. I took my dad for granted. He was an amazing man, who was now left on his own with a sixteen year old daughter. I had no clue how hard this was for him, and my attitude was not making it any easier on him. If anything I was making it a hell of a lot more difficult. When we got back to the group I looked at my dad. I didn’t realise how this past while had been affecting him.

His normal bright sparkling hazel eyes had lost their sparkle. He looked constantly sleepy, and he had gotten thinner, and when you face facts my dad wasn’t fat it was all mussel. I took a seat beside him a curled up into his side.

“What are you looking now Autumn?” He sighed clearly annoyed.

“Nothing daddy, just wanted to let you I love you.” I said sincerely.

He looked down at me and he smiled. “Love you too baby girl.” He kissed the side of my head and pulled me in closer and for once I felt something different.

I felt safe