No Doubt.
And if you loose it, you are dead man.
I couldn’t believe my very own ear of what I just said it out. I’ve just said the forbidden words that I have kept to myself all these years. All those 5 years that I’ve been in love with him. No one knows my secret feelings. And them, they can just guess and I’ve keeps on a silence mode all these while.
Knowing what I have said, with all the tears that together with the forbidden feelings that I have kept a secret on, I felt my body slumping on the nearest tower with both of my palm covering my face. Slowly, my body slides down on the ground.
Then I felt Gerard touching my shaking shoulder ever so gentle. I cut him off before he could muster a word to my confession. I know that he was thrown off by what I’ve confessed. He never knew of my feeling towards him. Well, even he knows, he is not that confident to belief of what his feeling for me and mine to him. He never understands me. Never appreciate me. And never will he knows me.
So I said what I believe is the best things to say. Maybe?
“Go Gerard. Leave me alone.”
“What? Why?”
Looking up to him, with tears still pouring out of me, watching his beautiful angelic face in front of me, I touch his face and flounder with the feeling that I’ve missed all this while. He snuggled his face…caressing ever so gentle.
Smiling at the affectionately way he is doing to my hand. Kissing it. Savoring it.
“Please…give me a chance to show how much you means to me?” Gerard plead while still kissing my hand and when he tried to progress to kissing my arms, I gently pull my arms from his touch.
He looks up at me with his sad eyes. The eyes that tell me…the same eyes that never lies to me of his feelings to me. I know I am looking at the eyes of the real Gerard Way. The real person. The real man whom, not only the idol of all teenage girls and boys, and the creator of the comic Umbrella Academy.
The same men that have me fall in love all over again and again. Yes, I want him to leave me so that I can move on with my life. A new breathes of life. But Gerard Way is my life. He is my day and my night. His presence occupies my thoughts and sense. I simply could not live without him. Yes I can’t.
And I got to do what I have to do.
Wiping my tears with the sleeve of my shirt, again I look up at him. Giving him a sweet smile and a peck on his cheek,
“The reason is…I have no reason to ask of you.”
“Then let me love you like how you love me all these time. Tracie, I want to be with you and spend my waking hour with you.”
“Gerard?”
“Yes, princess?”
Smiling of hearing the name he loves to call me, “Are you proposing to me?”
“Will you say ‘Yes’?”
FYI, both of us are currently still sitting ‘Indian style’ at the lift lobby and Gerard Way is proposing to me. How romantic.
“I thought you are engaged. To…what her name again?”
“Who?”
“Michael Jackson. Of course, the girl you engaged to, dumbass!!”
Smiling at me, he shakes his head, “You believe all those internet-stuff?”
“No-“
“Get a life Trace. And the answer to your question, yes I’m engaged but not to “that” girl. She’s a fan. Of all people, you know I never dated a fan or groupie.”
“Oh how cute. Here we are, with you proposing to me in-“ looking surround our sitting area,” so romantic place of all. And you confessing you are engaged to ‘someone’.”
Silenced.
Watching him, playing with the end of my skirt thread, I tilt his chin towards me.
“Who is this girl?”
Gerard just stare straight into my eyes. Again, from his orbs, he gave me that “real” Gerard Way persona. And before I could help myself to say the name, Gerard beats me to it.
“You.”
Again, tears pouring out, I couldn’t control the emotion I’m feeling right now. How could this happen. When did this happen.
“I know what going thro your mind Tracie. And-“ Gerard pulling out a black velvety box out of his jean pocket, he open the lid and show me the black amethyst ring with double diamonds encrusted at the each side of the ring. “ your engagement ring.”
“It’s exotic.”
“Yes, it does. Here I put it on to you.”
“Thanks.”
He pulls my left hand and put the ring on my finger. I gaze at it loving it. Never I thought I would wear something beautiful as this. Looking up at Gerard, I realize he was watching me with his anxious face. Why must he always on his guard? Bloody man!!
“Well?”
I pull the ring out of my finger. I heard a grasp from Gerard. With my head bended towards my chest, I smiled to myself. Placing the most beautiful ring I’ve ever seen, back to its black velvet box, and place it onto Gerard’s open palm.
I look up at him and I saw a tear dropping from his green orbs. He was looking at the box on his palm. Swiping his semi-long hair away from his face, bending towards him, I kissed the top of his head and whisper in his ear,
“Keep it safe for my wedding rings. Not engagement. And if you loose it, you are dead man.”
He nearly knocked me off when he suddenly jerked his head upward.
“Oh so sorry, Tracie. Are you bleeding princess?”
“Lucky me not, dumbass!”
And then I pulled him to me for a kiss.
Knowing what I have said, with all the tears that together with the forbidden feelings that I have kept a secret on, I felt my body slumping on the nearest tower with both of my palm covering my face. Slowly, my body slides down on the ground.
Then I felt Gerard touching my shaking shoulder ever so gentle. I cut him off before he could muster a word to my confession. I know that he was thrown off by what I’ve confessed. He never knew of my feeling towards him. Well, even he knows, he is not that confident to belief of what his feeling for me and mine to him. He never understands me. Never appreciate me. And never will he knows me.
So I said what I believe is the best things to say. Maybe?
“Go Gerard. Leave me alone.”
“What? Why?”
Looking up to him, with tears still pouring out of me, watching his beautiful angelic face in front of me, I touch his face and flounder with the feeling that I’ve missed all this while. He snuggled his face…caressing ever so gentle.
Smiling at the affectionately way he is doing to my hand. Kissing it. Savoring it.
“Please…give me a chance to show how much you means to me?” Gerard plead while still kissing my hand and when he tried to progress to kissing my arms, I gently pull my arms from his touch.
He looks up at me with his sad eyes. The eyes that tell me…the same eyes that never lies to me of his feelings to me. I know I am looking at the eyes of the real Gerard Way. The real person. The real man whom, not only the idol of all teenage girls and boys, and the creator of the comic Umbrella Academy.
The same men that have me fall in love all over again and again. Yes, I want him to leave me so that I can move on with my life. A new breathes of life. But Gerard Way is my life. He is my day and my night. His presence occupies my thoughts and sense. I simply could not live without him. Yes I can’t.
And I got to do what I have to do.
Wiping my tears with the sleeve of my shirt, again I look up at him. Giving him a sweet smile and a peck on his cheek,
“The reason is…I have no reason to ask of you.”
“Then let me love you like how you love me all these time. Tracie, I want to be with you and spend my waking hour with you.”
“Gerard?”
“Yes, princess?”
Smiling of hearing the name he loves to call me, “Are you proposing to me?”
“Will you say ‘Yes’?”
FYI, both of us are currently still sitting ‘Indian style’ at the lift lobby and Gerard Way is proposing to me. How romantic.
“I thought you are engaged. To…what her name again?”
“Who?”
“Michael Jackson. Of course, the girl you engaged to, dumbass!!”
Smiling at me, he shakes his head, “You believe all those internet-stuff?”
“No-“
“Get a life Trace. And the answer to your question, yes I’m engaged but not to “that” girl. She’s a fan. Of all people, you know I never dated a fan or groupie.”
“Oh how cute. Here we are, with you proposing to me in-“ looking surround our sitting area,” so romantic place of all. And you confessing you are engaged to ‘someone’.”
Silenced.
Watching him, playing with the end of my skirt thread, I tilt his chin towards me.
“Who is this girl?”
Gerard just stare straight into my eyes. Again, from his orbs, he gave me that “real” Gerard Way persona. And before I could help myself to say the name, Gerard beats me to it.
“You.”
Again, tears pouring out, I couldn’t control the emotion I’m feeling right now. How could this happen. When did this happen.
“I know what going thro your mind Tracie. And-“ Gerard pulling out a black velvety box out of his jean pocket, he open the lid and show me the black amethyst ring with double diamonds encrusted at the each side of the ring. “ your engagement ring.”
“It’s exotic.”
“Yes, it does. Here I put it on to you.”
“Thanks.”
He pulls my left hand and put the ring on my finger. I gaze at it loving it. Never I thought I would wear something beautiful as this. Looking up at Gerard, I realize he was watching me with his anxious face. Why must he always on his guard? Bloody man!!
“Well?”
I pull the ring out of my finger. I heard a grasp from Gerard. With my head bended towards my chest, I smiled to myself. Placing the most beautiful ring I’ve ever seen, back to its black velvet box, and place it onto Gerard’s open palm.
I look up at him and I saw a tear dropping from his green orbs. He was looking at the box on his palm. Swiping his semi-long hair away from his face, bending towards him, I kissed the top of his head and whisper in his ear,
“Keep it safe for my wedding rings. Not engagement. And if you loose it, you are dead man.”
He nearly knocked me off when he suddenly jerked his head upward.
“Oh so sorry, Tracie. Are you bleeding princess?”
“Lucky me not, dumbass!”
And then I pulled him to me for a kiss.