I Take Back Everything

“I love you too, Gee.”

Five little words. That’s all that was said, but it was enough to make the hearts belonging to two brothers bleed and swell and break, all at the same time. The brother that the words were meant to be spoken to heard them, but after everything that has happened on this fateful night, he couldn’t seem to handle them. Not after what his eyes had just seen.

“Gerard, please,” Frank pleaded, grasping a hold of the other brother, who was kneeling in front of him. “Didn’t you hear me? I said, ‘I love you.’ You just said you loved me, too. Why won’t you look at me?”

Little did Frank know, he was speaking to the wrong brother.

“I heard you,” Frank suddenly heard a voice whisper, but for some reason it didn’t sound like the words had come from Gerard. Confused, Frank shut his eyes and attempted to make himself sober up, just a little, so that he could better grasp control of the situation.

When Frank opened his eyes, he frowned in confusion.

“Mikey?”

Mikey nodded, the lump in his throat growing as tears began to well in his eyes. But he couldn’t let them fall; not in front of Frank. “What… what’s going on? Where is Gerard? I was just kissing him, he was just here…”

Mikey winced, attempting to swallow that growing lump that now felt like the size of a golf ball within his throat. “That was me, Frank,” he spoke softly, his voice barely audible.

“What?” Frank questioned, his eyes growing wide. “What do you mean, that was you?”

Frank’s head began to ache, as he blinked back to what had just happened. Yes, Frank was drunk; that much was clear. But how had he foolishly mistaken kissing Mikey for Gerard?

“I’m confused,” Frank muttered, feeling defeated. He buried his face in his hands, and sighed deeply. “I’m so fucking confused.”

“It’s my fault,” Mikey admitted, finally finding the ability to speak again. “You’re drunk. I said too much; I should have known better…”

Mikey stood up from his position in front of Frank, and extended his hand to help lift his best friend up from the ground. “Come on Frankie, let’s get you home.”

“No,” Frank spoke sharply, getting up on his own. “I’m sorry, Mikey. I have to think, I need to clear my head.”

“Please Frank, let me walk you home. You’re drunk, I need to make sure that you’re safe-”

“I’m fine now,” Frank retorted, only half-lying. “Please, I just need to be alone right now, so I can maybe make sense of what a horrible fucking night tonight turned out to be.”

Frank’s words made Mikey wince, and he suddenly felt badly about the way he had just spoken to him. He leaned up to gently kiss Mikey’s cheek, and smiled weakly at the taller man who held his eyes tightly shut. “I didn’t mean to upset you, Mikey.”

“You never do,” Mikey whispered, watching as Frank disappeared out of the stairway. Once he was safely gone, Mikey finally allowed the tears that had been building up permission to fall.

Frank flew down the rest of the stairs, tripping a time or two before he quickly burst through the front doors of the hotel. As he tried to catch his breath, he heard a voice from behind ask, “Do you need a taxi, sir?”

Still trying to regulate his breathing, Frank looked up at the doorman, and smiled. “Yes, please. I would love a taxi.”

The doorman did as he promised, and hailed Frank a cab in a matter of minutes. Frank quickly tipped the man, and climbed inside of the yellow taxi. He instructed the driver simply to drive, because Frank really didn’t know where he was going. He couldn’t go home, to that empty and depressing apartment that held so many memories of he and Gerard, when they were together. The only thing that Frank was absolutely certain of was that he needed to get away from the Ritz Carlton; away from Mikey. Away from Gerard.

And so they drove.

It felt like a lifetime, but in reality, only a few minutes had gone by until Frank finally felt like he was okay enough to breathe again. His thoughts were still flooded with Gerard, but at least he didn’t feel like his head was about to explode from such thoughts. He leaned his head back and shut his eyes tightly, hoping that the answer to everything would eventually seep into his brain, and he could finally begin to untangle the big mess that his life had become.

When he opened them, it was as if some sort of miracle had happened, and he was able to do just that. “The park!” Frank exclaimed, making the cab driver jump.

“Pardon?” He asked, eyeing Frank rather curiously in the rearview mirror.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. But right here is good, let me off here,” Frank apologized, as the driver pulled over to let Frank out. He hurriedly slipped the driver his money, and found himself standing in front of the only place he wanted to be right now. Sure, Frank wanted nothing more than at this very instant to be with Gerard, to be wherever he is, but since that wasn’t possible, the park where everything had began for them was the perfect place for Frank to be.

The warm summer breeze felt like fairy dust against his skin as he walked along the moonlit path, allowing Frank to finally begin to make sense of everything that has happened within the past few hours. He remembered the look on Gerard’s face when he first walked into the bar, how the expression that he wore was everything he had hoped for. Frank remembered their moment on the balcony, and felt incredibly proud of himself for handling himself the way he did.

He ran a hand through his hair and sighed, trying to pinpoint exactly where his plan had gone wrong. Unfortunately for Frank, it was a bit hard to unravel the next few parts of the evening. On normal circumstances, Frank had no trouble recalling exact details of any random event. Frank had a very photographic memory; except for the rare occasions where he decided to drink himself into oblivion, much like tonight.

“Stupid boy,” Frank muttered about himself, angrily kicking a pebble out of his way as he continued walking along the moonlit path, toward his favorite place in the world. Looking down at his hand, Frank sighed. He could still feel the ring that Gerard had given him, although it was no longer in his possession, lingering on his skin. Frank took a deep breath and kept walking, toward the only thing he seemed to have left of his broken relationship with the only man he has ever loved.

Gerard found himself in a similar predicament, although when he glanced down at his hand, he saw an extra ring adorning his finger. He never dreamed that Frank would ever give it back, but he did. It was so much harder than Gerard could ever have dreamed, having to completely let go of Frank and know just what it’s like to lose him for real. The lessons Frank had taught him on this particular night were cruel, but Gerard wasn’t mad. He couldn’t be, because Gerard knew that he deserved every bit of the loneliness and heartache that he was currently feeling.

But above everything else, the emotion that Gerard felt the most was by far confusion. He did in fact realize that Frank was the one he wanted to be with, but had it been too late?

When Gerard broke off his engagement and took off after Frank, he knew in his heart of hearts that Frank was his. Gerard knew nothing could stop him from being with his Frank now; but when he found Frank, he found him kissing someone else. And not just anyone, it was Gerard’s brother that Frank was kissing. Frank’s best friend; Frank’s shoulder to cry on.

Gerard was so upset when he heard Mikey confessing his feelings to his drunken ex-boyfriend, but what upset Gerard even more was when he saw Frank lean in to kiss Mikey. It was Frank that had made the first move, not his little brother. When he saw that, it was the most devastating thing that Gerard had ever felt before in his life. He’d never felt more empty, more broken, than that moment where he witnessed his Frank kissing someone else. But then, Frank put the icing on the confusion cake when he spoke his next few words.

Those five little words, that threw the universe for both Way brothers completely out of proportion.

“I love you too, Gee.”

Just as Gerard figured that he’d seen enough of Frank and Mikey kissing, just as Gerard turned to leave, he heard Frank speak those five little words.

At first, Gerard couldn’t be sure that he had actually heard Frank say them, or if perhaps his mind was playing an evil trick on him. But when Gerard peered over the railing down at the two men sitting just below, and saw the adoring look in Frank’s crystal green eyes as he glanced up at Mikey, Gerard knew that his ears hadn’t deceived him. Gerard knew the words that Frank spoke were true; he knew that Frank was still his.

The only thing left to figure out, is why Frank had spoken them to Mikey. Why had his Frankie kissed his little brother?

Too much had happened at once, that Gerard felt like he was going to pass out if he didn’t get the hell out of that hotel at that very instant. He didn’t have the strength to confront Mikey about going for Frank so soon after everything had happened between them; but not simply because Gerard was jealous. Sure, he was plenty pissed off at his little brother for pursuing Frank, but it was mainly the fact that Mikey had gone after Frank, knowing that Frank’s heart was bruised and broken, and in no shape whatsoever to grasp such strong feelings from anyone - especially from his best friend.

So before Frank was able to have that fateful conversation with Mikey that wound up breaking the younger Way brother’s heart, Gerard had already begun his destination toward the park. the moonlit path that he was currently walking on, was bringing him to his favorite place in the world.

It was the path that Gerard had followed just the night before, because even though Frank had given him his ring back, this was the one place that he felt that Frank was still his. It was the one place where he wanted to be, the one place where he was sure that he could be with Frank once again, even if it was only in his memories.

Little did Gerard know, the path that he was currently walking was in fact, bringing him directly to Frank. But neither man had a single clue that they were headed toward the same destination, so they trudged along with their heavy hearts, clinging to their precious memories of the only time either man felt alive.

As Frank spotted a figure walking toward him, he almost felt like turning around and heading home. He didn’t want anyone lurking around to interrupt his memories, but he also couldn’t bring himself to walk away. He needed this place, he needed Gerard back, if only in his memories.

As the figure in the distance advanced closer toward him, Frank couldn’t help but stop dead in his tracks when he laid eyes on that gorgeously pale face, illuminated only by the moonlight.

However, Frank quickly shook his head and continued walking.

“You’re just picturing things,” Frank told himself, trying to convince himself that he was just visioning Gerard now, just like he had visioned him when he was in fact having that heart-to-heart with Mikey a short while earlier. “Gerard is with his fiancée now; he’s not yours anymore.”

Gerard, on the other hand, was staring blankly at the ground below him, watching his big brown boots that clashed fabulously with his nice black suit instead of watching whatever was in the path in front of him. He hadn’t noticed just yet that it was Frank, or that he had almost reached his destination.

Frank was still advancing toward Gerard, or in his opinion, this vision of Gerard. He was thoroughly convinced that he was seeing things, and refused to think otherwise. However, when Gerard finally looked up from the ground and made eye contact with Frank, he couldn’t deny it any longer.

“Frankie,” Gerard breathed out, in complete shock as he stared at the love of his life, who was staring back at him with an identical look.
Gerard rushed over to him, quickly closing the gap between them by reaching up to touch Frank’s cheek. Frank shuddered, immediately closing his eyes at Gerard’s gentle touch. As much as he tried to fight the urge to fall into his arms, Frank was still a bit apprehensive as to whether this was really Gerard or not. This person looked like Gerard, and felt like Gerard.

However, when Frank was with Mikey, it also looked and felt like Gerard, so he couldn’t be too sure. He didn’t want to be hurt again, or hurt anyone else, for that matter.

“Frankie, open your eyes,” Gerard spoke softly in his ear, causing Frank to shudder once again. He kept his eyes shut, for if this was a dream, he didn’t want it to go away just yet.

“Fine then,” Gerard said, gently placing both of his hands on the side of Frank’s neck. He leaned in and pressed his lips tenderly to Frank’s, instantly convincing the younger man that this kiss was far too amazing to be a dream. This really was Gerard that he was kissing; this really was Gerard that Frank was now holding tightly within his arms. Frank kissed back quite eagerly then, savoring every moment of that amazing kiss that left both men breathless.

As Gerard pulled away, Frank finally felt brave enough to open his eyes. When he did, he was met with hazel eyes that sparkled like never before. He traced his fingers over Gerard’s face, feeling him shiver with each nimble movement of the guitarist’s skillful fingers.

“What are you doing here, Gerard?” Frank asked in a soft voice, breaking the peaceful silence that their amazing kiss had created.

“This is the only place I wanted to be,” Gerard replied just as softly, leaning his face into Frank’s gentle touch.

Frank sighed, finding the ability to breathe suddenly become quite difficult. “How did you know I would be here?” He spoke in a choppy voice, his words not coming out as eloquently as before. Frank was suddenly afraid of everything appearing too good to be true; he needed to know exactly what was going on.

“I didn’t,” Gerard replied, now realizing that finding Frank here was complete luck. “I needed to clear my head, and this was the only place I could think of that would allow me to do that. What are you doing here?”

Frank smiled. “This is the only place I wanted to be too, Gee,” He replied, leaning in to kiss Gerard’s temple. “Because here, I can still pretend that you’re mine. If only in my memories,” he added quietly, his lips still lingering against Gerard’s skin.

Gerard looked up at Frank then, staring intently in the younger man’s eyes. “So, you had no idea that I would be here, either?”

“Surprisingly, I didn’t have a clue that you would be here,” Frank said, shaking his head. In all honesty, this should have been the first place that either of them should have thought to come if they were looking for the other. Frank had no idea that Gerard was available though, that he had rushed off after Frank and saw the little episode between Frank and Mikey in the stairwell.

“I mean, why would you be here?” Frank asked, almost afraid of what Gerard’s response would be, even though he was dying to know.

“Because this is the only place where I can ignore the awful mistake that I made by letting you go, Frank. This is the only place where I can still pretend that you’re mine,” Gerard admitted, staring deep in Frank’s eyes as he said his next few words. “I don’t want to pretend anymore.”

As those words wrapped around Frank’s heart, he instantly connected their lips together once more, completely losing himself within Gerard’s arms.

It was suddenly clear to both Frank and Gerard, that no matter where they were, the path that either man happened to be walking along was always toward each other.