Had My Heart on Lockdown

I went back to the coffee shop almost religiously for a week, same time, same coffee, same seat. Each night I told myself that it was completely futile, she wasn’t going to be there, each night I was right, and my heart sank a little bit more.

The bit I was having trouble understanding, was why I cared quite so much. I hadn’t seen her in two years, hadn’t paid her a second thought, I was too busy living the dream so to speak. I hadn’t realised what I was missing.

I grimaced at my reflection in my bathroom mirror, my eyes had dark circles around them and my hair was horrendous, then again, that was normally the hairstyle I went for.

The whole apartment seemed to shake as someone knocked on my door and I certainly cursed the thin walls of the new apartment block, I wasn’t sure they’d be able to withstand even a heavy thunderstorm.

I tapped the walls angrily as I made my way to the door, still mumbling about the architects and builders who obviously didn’t care if my house could protect me or not.

‘Sisky? You okay man?’ I blinked in surprise, suddenly realising my greeting had been a far cry from normal door-answering etiquette.

‘Hey, Bilvy, don’t mind me, just cursing life in general, what brings you to my humble abode?’ I grinned, pulling the door wider to let him in.

‘Does a guy need an excuse to hang out with his friend?’ he asked nonchalantly, immediately making me suspicious.

‘I guess not,’ I mumbled, scratching my neck awkwardly and watching as he jumped onto the sofa and
started flicking through the channels.

I grabbed two cans of Coke and threw him one, and then we sat in silence.

‘Look,’ I said after about an hour of sitting on the edge of my seat feeling awkward. ‘What are you honestly here for?’

He turned his face away from the tv momentarily to give me a mock wounded expression, I just glared back, and eventually he sighed.

‘Ok, you want to know?’ I nodded. ‘I’m worried about you, man.’

My face contorted in confusion. Worried about me?

‘Why?’

‘You’ve been all spacey. Seriously, none of us have been able to hold a conversation with you for more than ten minutes, and you’re obviously not sleeping…’ he trailed off and waved his hand in my direction, not so subtly indicating my sleep-deprivation. ‘What’s going on?’

I considered the questions he was asking me for a minute, thinking my answers through carefully before I gave them.

‘Do you remember Isla?’ He thought for a moment before shaking his head.

‘Auburn hair…blue eyes…always majorly skinny…I was friends with her in-’

‘Isla Jones?’

‘Yes! Well, anyways, I saw her the other day in a diner…it was the night after that Harry Potter marathon…’ I watched as a proud smile passed briefly across his face…William Beckett, the closet nerd.

‘What about it? I mean, her?’ he asked impatiently.

‘I think something’s wrong with her, I mean, I haven’t seen her for two years, but I’ve known her for about twelve years, and not once have I seen her as miserable as she looked in that diner…’ I trailed off, almost shuddering at the memory of it.

‘So? She was probably just having a bad night, we all have them.’

I looked at him doubtfully.

‘No, because I went back to the café and I saw her again and she still looked upset, I honestly think something bad’s happened…’ I trailed off, running through possibilities for the hundredth time.

‘Wait a minute, you went back to the café?’ I jumped as Bilvy’s shocked voice broke into my reverie.

‘Errr…yeah?’

‘…Why?’

‘I don’t know! That’s the thing, I don’t know! I want to help her, and talk to her, and know her again, but I don’t know why!’

It was obvious from the expression etched on his face that he thought I was insane, I didn’t blame him, he wasn’t the first person to question my sanity, that was me.

When Bilvy finally left, with a goodbye of ‘I worry about you’, I sank onto my sofa, rubbing my eyes.

‘Don’t go back there, Adam, don’t do it,’ I tried to reason with myself, but I knew I was fighting a losing battle, I was going back to the coffee shop that night whether I wanted to or not.