I'm Not Bulletproof

*beep beep beep*

I sigh and roll over to the other side of the bed to shut off my alarm clock. 6:45am on a Saturday morning. Yes, I wake up early every day. I can’t function during the day even if I wake up an hour or so later than normal. All night I dreaded waking up. Today was the day I have to break the news to me best friend Reta that I am moving to a whole new country. I already know that she is not going to take it lightly. Reta is my best friend; she is all that I have. I go to her when my life is going downhill and I go to her when my brother is torturing me. She is my personal psychiatrist, and she doesn’t mind it. I tell her everything, she tells everything. I turn my bed light on and think about what I am going to say. Should I say “Reta! I’m moving to Finland!” or “Reta…I’m moving to Finland…”? This is going to be hard on both of us. I shut my light off and walk downstairs. My mother is on the couch reading a book, and sipping coffee.

“Good morning,” she says. I nod and walk to the kitchen. Since our family is so big, there is always a mass amount of food in the house. Everything one can crave for is probably in our kitchen. Eh, I don’t really feel like eating this morning, or today for that matter. Ever since that--

“Triinu!” I am interrupted by my father, “Can you do me a favor?” I nod in response. I am not a vocal person, the only time I really talk is when I’m singing, or yelling at my siblings.

“Can you go to the neighbors and ask if you can use their computer to see if there any hotels in Espoo that we can afford?” he finishes.

“Yes,” I say quietly. We used to own a computer, but I was downloading too much music, so it ‘corrupted my mind’ as my mother said.

“Mother?” I call, “Are all eight of us going to stay with those people?” I say.

She put her book down, “They are the Laiho’s.”

“Are all eight of us going to stay at the Laiho’s?” I correct myself. This is why I do so well in school. If I don’t use proper grammar at home, I get into trouble.

“No, only you and Katerzyna are.” Me and my sister in one house with strangers?! No. First of all, I haven’t seen this family in what, eleven years, and now I am going to live with them? No mother, no father, no Dominik?! This is bullshit.

“But I will be there for a few days out of the week,” she says, “But for the most part, your brothers and the twins will stay in a hotel until we can afford an apartment.” I nod and ask permission to go to Reta’s house. She agrees and I leave.

The walk to Reta’s house is about twenty minutes. I usually ride my bicycle, but I need the time to absorb what will happen in the not too distant future. “Let the butterflies cry, let them cry for you,” I sing quietly sing to myself, “Because the world is wonderful…” If only that line was true. I wish I can remember that boy that I apparently was friends with eleven years ago. What was his name again? I don’t even remember visiting Finland.

Before I know it, I am outside Reta’s house. 7:27am, my watch reads. She is probably still asleep, but who cares. I walk around to the side of the house where her bedroom is located.

“Reta!” I say in a loud whisper and tap on the window. She jolts up and looks around. I tap the window once again and she gives me the ‘infamous death glare’ as we call it. She looks pissed, buy hey, I did wake her up. My face is gloom but that is not something new. Her face softens after glancing at mine, and she opens the window.

“Reta, come out.” I say.

After a moment she comes around the house. I look down.

“Triinu, what’s wrong?” she says quietly.

“I don’t know how to put this, but…” I pause, “My family is moving to Finland this week,” Reta stares at me in disbelief.

“Where?” she asks.

“To Espoo and with some family I haven’t seen in eleven years. And they have a son about the same age as me,” I say. Only she knows why I am so worried about re-meeting the boy.

“Triinu, it is going to be okay, there isn’t a worse person in the world than…you know who,”

“I know, but there are equivalents,”

“What…it did doesn’t deserve to breathe air, and you shouldn’t dwell on what it did to you,” she comforts me. My life has been nothing but turmoil for the past three years. And I am still living the moment that has changed my life-- every day.

“When are you moving?”

“I think on Monday or maybe tomorrow,” I mumble. Reta starts to cry. If I only knew a little bit sooner. I feel the tears start to grow in my eyes as well.

“Triinu, you are the only one who dares to be different, and no matter what people say, or what they do, Elva will never forget you. And neither will I,” she says.

“Reta, you make it sounds as if I am dying!” I laugh while crying. I say my hard goodbye and walk back home. It is only 8:15am, I have the whole day to dread. This is going to be such as bad day…