I'm Not Bulletproof

All throughout math class, I keep thinking about Alexi. Why was he nice to me one moment and a total asshole to me the next? Even if he is bipolar, that does not make this any better.

And what pisses me off most is the fact that he is in my head. No one except for one other person has been stuck in my mind during school.

At least I already know the lesson. I guess I’m sort of a mathematician?

Not a fucking nerd.

“Triinu, what is the slop of the line AB?” my teacher asks me.

“8/16 which reduces down to 1/2,” I say. I told you I knew the lesson already.

“Good,”

After a few minutes the bell finally rang. My next class was lunch. If you even count that as a class.

I walk into the rather large cafeteria and panic. I never know where to sit. Everyone has their own specific table they sit at and I don’t want to sit at a table, and end up getting kicked out. I hate embarrassing myself.

“Hey Triinu!” I hear an asshole of a boy say. I close my eyes and turn around. He is smiling at me. I have nothing to smile about.

I continue to glare at him, slight fire in my eyes. His smile turns into a look of concern.

“What’s wrong?” Alexi asks. What do you mean ‘what’s wrong?!’

I want to scream at him! I still give him the glare. Bastard…

“Are you ok?” he asks. I ignore his remark and walk out of the cafeteria.

“What did you do to her?” I hear his friends talking to him.

“Oh…” I hear Alexi say.

Yes, he finally remembered what he said to be only a few hours ago.

I stomp my way up the stairs and into the library.

When I walk into the library, it is dead silent. Only the librarian was in the room. Back in my old school, I was the only one in the library. I guess it’s going to be the same here. I don’t have a problem with it either, it allows me to concentrate.

I take a seat in the far right corner and pull my notebook out. What should I write today? A journal entry, or a song? I think. I decide on a song.

“So full of rage
The human race
Hold me while I’m burning down
Rearrange what you have found

Hurt me
See me crawling on the floor
Is that what you’ve been longing for?”

I write in my notebook. The song isn’t finished yet, my mind is on other things right now. It sucks.

*fast forward until after school*

I walk out of the school and start walking home. I didn’t want to wait for Alexi.

Yes, I’ve been bitter all day. I do not take insults very well, my self-esteem is already low enough and not to mention I have no one to talk to.

I hope I remember where I live…

“Triinu!” Alexi yells. I stop in my tracks. Why?

I hear him start to run and then I hear more footsteps follow. Don’t tell me he brought his friends. Are they going to laugh in my face this time? Call me a nerd and possibly call me other names? Of course they’re going to be led by Alexi. Since he was the one who started it.

“Why didn’t you wait for me?” he asks.

“Didn’t feel like it,” I state. He grabs me by my arm and leads me to the curb and out of the sight of his friends.

“I’m sorry I called you a nerd,” he apologizes. I’m not taking it.

If he was really sorry to begin with, he wouldn’t have done it. I have nothing to say to him. Honestly.

He sighs and starts to walk back to his friends. I see him say goodbye to his friends.

“Come on,” he says quietly. Did I hurt his feelings?

He fucking deserves it.

.x.

“Are you excited about tonight?!” I was greeted by Anna.

Oh shit! I completely forgot about that!

“I sure am,” I fake to sound excited.

I don’t even know what song I am going to pick.