Winning the World at a Carnival.

They four of them walked back to the cabin and Spencer sat at the table, watching Ryan cook. Brendon and Jon sat opposite her, just staring, but she tried to ignore them.

Tried was the word most important.

“Will you stop with the staring?” She snapped at them. “Jesus, you weren’t staring 10 minutes ago.”

“Whoa, and I thought your bitchface was bad when you were a dude.” Brendon commented. Spencer glared at him while Ryan and Jon both slapped him round the head.

“Seriously Bren, stop before you even get started.” Ryan said, turning back to the stove.

“But-”

“Brendon, I have nails now. And I will slap and scratch you if you act weird around me.” Spencer glared. “And I don’t care how girly I feel doing it.”

Brendon gulped. “Uh, no thank you.”

“So, what should we do then?” Jon asked as Ryan put pancakes down in front of all of them and sat down himself.

“How about we get a wig, strap your tits down and you wear something loose? I mean, if we did that, you’d be able to get away with being on stage.”

“Yeah, but what about interviews?” Spencer asked. “I sound like a girl.”

“We’ll work this out. I know for a fact that you don’t want to leave the band, and we don’t want you to either.” Ryan said, moving slightly to give her a one armed hug. “We’ll work this out.” He repeated.

“For now, it doesn’t matter. We’re just working on the album so we don’t have to talk to anyone.” Jon said.

“Uh…” Brendon looked away from them all.

“Brendon, what is it?” Spencer asked.

“Well, I was talking to Pete last night and he said he wanted to come see what we had already.”

Ryan covered his face with one hand. “When?” He asked, hand still on his face.

“Today.” Brendon muttered.

“WHAT?!” Spencer, Jon and Ryan yelled.

“And you didn’t think that this was something you should have told us a little earlier, like, as soon as I told you about Spencer?” Ryan shouted.

“It slipped my mind.”

“You’re an idiot, Urie! A fucking, FUCKING IDIOT!!!” Spencer screamed, getting up and storming up to her room. She couldn’t even look at him right now. She slammed the door shut and threw herself onto her bed.

She could hear shouting downstairs, mostly from Ryan and Brendon, and just curled up into a ball. She wished that she had never made that wish. Maybe then, this wouldn’t have happened. She wouldn’t have to worry about anything. Maybe Panic At The Disco would still have existed.

Maybe.

She just didn’t know what to do right now. Obviously Ryan, Jon and Brendon would have had to have been told, but she didn’t want anyone else knowing. Least of all Pete. He had such a huge mouth, half the label would know within an hour of telling him.

And she did not want Gabe Saporta to know this. He’d try and get into her pants or something the moment he heard about it. And although she had thought that he was hot (even when she was a guy because dude, it was Gabe Saporta and it was like, law for everyone to have a crush on him, even guys and it totally wasn’t gay) she did not want to have sex with him. That would just be so wrong.

Spencer heard someone knocking on her door but she ignored it. She didn’t want to talk to anyone, she just wanted to be left alone. Why couldn’t they understand that?

“Spence?” She heard Ryan say. She just ignored him. “Spencer, please, talk to me.” His voice was pleading to her.

“Leave me alone Ry.” She called to him, her voice breaking slightly. For fucks sake! Why was she crying again? She hated being a woman already. She should have just wished to swap for the rest of her life.

God, why was she acting so bi-polar now? First she wished that she had always been a woman, now she was wishing that she had stayed a man. Why couldn’t she make up her mind? Stupid goddamn hormones!

“I’m not going to leave you alone, you douche.” Ryan said. “I don’t really care if you let me in or not, I’ll wait out here if I need to.”

Spencer sighed. She knew that Ryan would go through with it too. He could wait all day if Spencer didn’t let him in.

“Fine. Come in.” Spencer told him. The door opened and shut and Spencer heard the lock click. She had her back to the door so she didn’t see Ryan walk over to the bed. But she felt the bed sink slightly. She felt Ryan’s body next to hers. She felt Ryan’s arm wrap around her waist, holding her close.

“Spence, please don’t block me out.” He said softly.

“Don’t.” Spencer said, closing her eyes.

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t call me Spence. It just reminds me of what I am now.” Tears fell down Spencer’s face again. Before she changed into a boy, Ryan always called her Spence. Never Spencer. When she changed, he started to call her Spencer, only occasionally saying Spence instead. But all of a sudden, Ryan was calling her Spence all the time again.

“Spencer,” Ryan used her full name, careful not to upset her. “Please, could you just look at me?”

Spencer said nothing. She just turned slowly until her face was just a small space away from Ryan’s. His arm was still around her waist though.

“I know that Brendon is a complete idiot, I think we worked that out long before now, but we’re going to sort out something to tell Pete-”

“Like what?” Spencer asked, snapping at Ryan.

“Like, we’re working something out.” Ryan wiped away the tears on Spencer’s cheeks. “I’m just as confused about this as you are. I’ve not had to deal with my best friend having hormonal fits like this. It’s all new to me too. I need to work out how to deal with you when you’re upset.”

“I’m just the same as before, I’m still Spencer Smith.”

“So, you need to beat the fuck out of your drums and get some new shoes then?” Ryan asked, eyebrow raising.

Spencer thought about it for a moment. “Yeah, I think that’s all I need.”

Ryan rolled his eyes. “Ok, how about we go rehearse for a while, then you and I can go out shopping. And I’ll buy the shoes.”

“Seriously Ry?” Spencer was suddenly grinning. “Oh, I love you Ryan Ross!”

“Love you too Spencer Smith.” Ryan grinned. He kissed her forehead, bringing her a little closer as he hugged her. “Come on, we’re going to go rehearse, then I’m going to do your hair and make up, then we’re going shoe shopping.”

“Uh, make up?”

Ryan gave a sharp nod. “Yes, make up. You, Spencer, are a woman. Women usually wear make up. And I know for a fact that you would look fucking awesome with the right make up on.”

“Ryan…”

“Look, Spencer, I’ve put you in make up before and you’ve looked fucking hot, so I don’t care if I have to strap you down, I’m going to put at least some eyeliner and eye shadow on you, because now, you‘ll look stunning.” Ryan stared Spencer down, not looking away from her eyes.

Spencer stared back. She would not lose this, she couldn’t.

2 minutes later, Spencer was the first to look away. She glared at Ryan.

“Fine. Eyeliner and a tiny bit of eye shadow only though. Or I will kick you in the balls with some very pointy stilettos I found in my closet earlier. And I won’t have any regrets about doing it, since you are the only one out of us now who has a dick now.”

“Ouch.” Ryan winced. “Ok, you’ve made your point.” He sat up and pulled Spencer with him. He wiped away the rest of Spencer’s tears, pulling her hair away from her face. “Let’s go rehearse. You’ll feel loads better when we do.”