Roxanne
012.
Billie hadn’t stayed much longer, much to my dissatisfaction, after he had cheesily thanked me for not wearing heels that day. I believe that the only reason he even thanked me to begin with, to be honest, was because he didn’t know what else to do after the slightly awkward situation we had found ourselves in only seconds before. We had continued to stand on my aunt’s porch embracing each other for another five or so minutes in what had t o have been probably the most comfortable silence that we had ever shared, until Billie had sighed loudly and pulled his nose from my cheek while admitting that he should go despite the fact that he really didn’t want to.
And while I had been internally pleading with him to stay and even come into my aunt’s house with me, I had managed to nod and only verbally agree that it was getting late, even if we both knew that it really, in fact, was not. I didn’t want to come off as an incredibly desperate teenager, though, especially after a day like I had just gone through, which had consisted of me constantly recognizing that I really was already growing rather attached to my newfound friend. I did finally let Billie go, though, but not before managing to get him side-tracked for another ten or so minutes, which he didn’t seem to oppose all-too much [or at all, really].
It was a bit disappointing re-entering my aunt’s house that evening after watching Billie’s BMW leave my aunt’s driveway and go down the street until it was no longer visible. It wasn’t so much that I was upset to have been back in the house itself seeing as now that I had learnt my way around it I liked it, but rather that the last time I had been in it, Billie had been there to pick me up before heading out for the day. The house just seemed to have been so much…warmer when I had been leaving it that afternoon with him.
It took me about five minutes to go throughout the house and turn on a few random lights and the television in the kitchen so that it looked as if either I hadn’t left that day at all, or if I did, it was only for a short amount of time and not for the whole afternoon. If my aunt somehow managed to figure out that her large home had indeed been empty that day, I would just tell her that I had gone out to the supermarket or something along the lines. Truth be told, I believe that I didn’t feel ready to tell my aunt about Billie because I simply didn’t believe that my aunt was ready to know about Billie. I just couldn’t see her reacting well to my newfound friend, especially when I filled her in on all of the inevitable details.
After I had successfully made it look as if I had done nothing but lounged around throughout the day, I had decided that I didn’t feel like sitting in the kitchen that evening and thus made my way throughout the maze of white walls and black photography and into my room. I turned on the television in there and slid my laptop out from the bag that I had brought it to California in and after hesitating for several moments, I began to unzip my dress that I had been so frantic over only a little less than twelve hours ago. The fussing that I had done over one article of clothing along with my hair and makeup seemed so terribly ridiculous at a time like so.
Once changed into a pair of sweatpants and a white tank top, I dropped myself down onto the bed underneath me and sprawled out over it for a few minutes before I picked myself back up and shifted closer to my laptop. My eyes slowly moved from my laptop and to my cell phone that was resting besides me on the comforter and after staring at it for a moment, I bit down onto my bottom lip and picked it up from its spot. I slid the top up and selected my recent calls to scroll through them. I scrolled down from my most recent call and then hovered over the second name on the screen, in which read Billie J. The fact that I had been so angry over the J that he had also entered into my phone only a mere 24 hours ago my lips on account of how ridiculous I felt now that I knew what came after the letter.
It took me a lot to place my phone back on the bed next to me without pressing the call button when I had been looking at Billie’s name on the screen. I found myself forcing myself to pry my thumb away from the small button and to get over the sudden want to call him and talk to him—to just hear his voice. I wanted to call him and thank him for being the complete opposite of what I had expected when I first saw him in the airport not even a week ago, or when I realized how disgustingly cheesy that was, I wanted to instead call and tell him that he had never told me his favorite color after I had asked him it back in the car. I knew that I could never have done it, though. If I had gotten the courage to call Billie and he had actually picked up, I don’t know what I would have done other than hang up as fast as possible despite the fact that he would have already known it was me anyway. It’s certain that I wouldn’t have been able to talk, though. God knows I could barely talk to him when he was standing in front of me.
I turned my attention back to my laptop for the first time in a good ten minutes and opened up iTunes along with AOL instant messenger to see if Sadie had been on considering since I had befriended Billie I hadn’t spoken to her much, however I quickly signed out and closed it after it had signed me on. I didn’t really feel like talking to Sadie at the moment especially because I knew that I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from bringing up Billie seeing as, well, he really was quite a big deal. I knew that once I’d bring the faux blonde up, I’d have to explain his age to her amongst other things and I wasn’t really in the mood to deal with have to justify him to anyone.
It was when I had turned to my iTunes library and had begun to play Muse when the band that Billie had been so hesitant to mention earlier that day made an appearance in my mind. I remembered that after I had noticed how awkward he had been about liking a certain band that I had made a mental note to look them up, however there was now the problem that I had forgotten what their name had been. I paused my music and lifted a hand from the touch-pad of my laptop to my chin, in which I tapped gently in thought.
What the hell had been their name?
I went over the bands that he had listed a few times, though each time paused at the one damn band that I hadn’t been sure of. I knew that Billie had named The Ramones, Sex Pistols, The Clash, however there was one more that just refused to come out from hiding in the corners of my memory. The Ramones, Sex Pistols, The Clash…Green Day.
Green Day.
I cocked my eyebrow at the name that suddenly became familiar to me and after repeating the name in my mind for a few moments as if to see if it sounded correct, I clicked away from my iTunes library and to the iTunes store. I hesitated for a second as I went to type in the band’s name, considering I was still puzzled as to why Billie had made such a big deal out of liking them. Perhaps there was something about them that he hadn’t wanted me to know, thus creating the odd reaction of his that I had ended up so confused over.
However, I quickly got over my hesitation and typed in the two words before hitting enter.
My eyebrow stayed cocked at the list of songs that came up as a result. I’m not sure whether it was the fact that I hadn’t really expected to see many results for Green Day or whether I was confused as if they existed or not due to Billie’s odd attitude, but the number of songs that appeared on iTunes at my request surprised me quite a bit.
I scrolled down and then back up amongst the list of songs while reading a few aloud as if it would help me realize whether or not I knew them. Number one on the list of songs was called Good Riddance (Time of Your Life). I lifted my hand from my touch-pad and ran it thoughtfully over my chin as I stared at the song for a few moments, deciding whether or not to play it. The name had sounded almost too familiar to me to the point where I was actually rather afraid to play it. By familiar, I mean that I could almost promise that I had heard it one time or another, which explained why I was also somewhat afraid to hear it—I didn’t want any memories that could have been associated to the song to flood my mind.
By memory, I mean Bryan Bates. I was afraid that once playing the song, a certain time that I had shared with him would be brought up back again and after having a day like I had had today, I certainly wasn’t in the mood for my nearly damn perfect mood to be shattered—especially by that asshole.
I stared at the song for a moment in concentration while biting deeply onto my lip before I decided to skip it. Perhaps the fact that I skipped it did make me sound a bit pathetic seeing as I would only be hearing a thirty second preview of a song, but I couldn’t force myself to do it. I was too afraid of just the thoughts of the memories that I shared with Bryan Bates. Despite how attached I was becoming to Billie, I still wasn’t over Bryan Bates and I guess that you could say that I was alright with admitting that. I don’t think that I was ready to be over him considering I dated the damn bastard for well over seven years—and the same went for Billie and his ex-wife. In no way had I expected him to be over her.
I turned my attention back to the computer screen and clicked my arrow key down so that the song underneath Good Riddance was highlighted for me to preview it.
When I Come Around
The name sounded almost equally familiar as Good Riddance, however for reasons in which I couldn’t really pinpoint, it didn’t scare me nearly as much. I stared at the name for a few more seconds and then after raising the volume of my laptop, I very hesitantly clicked enter so that it would begin to play.
I cocked my head to the side a bit as I leant closer to the screen and speakers as the song faded in.
I was rather surprised at the familiar tune that came through my speakers along with the familiar lyrics that, even though they only lasted for a few seconds, I instantly recognized from not only the radio and school dances, but my ex-boyfriends iPod, too.
I'm just roaming for the moment
Sleazin' my back yard so don't get so uptight
You been thinking about ditching me
No time to search the world around
Cause you know where I'll be found
When I come around
Well, shit. I knew exactly who Green Day were.
No wonder they had sounded so familiar to me when Billie had mentioned me. The only reason I hadn’t known exactly who they were when he had was because even though I now knew them and knew some of their songs, I had never been a legitimate fan—meaning I had never really taken the time to sit and listen to them as I had done with bands such as Muse or The Hives.
Now that I had recognized Green Day and realized how familiar I was with them, I began to wonder why the hell Billie had been so odd when mentioning that he had liked them earlier that day. Green Day was a great band that was also pretty damn famous. Perhaps the lead singer had been a little hard to understand when listening to a preview the first time; however it wasn’t exactly as if it was a big issue or something. As far as I was concerned, there was nothing embarrassing about liking them in the least, whether you were eighteen as I was or thirty one as he.
With my hand still tapping my chin, I clicked down to the next song which was called Basket Case and without any hesitation this time, I hit enter to play it. The name didn’t sound as familiar to me as the last two had along with the song itself, but I knew that I had most definitely heard it before.
I went to a shrink
To analyze my dreams
She says it's lack of sex that's bringing me down
I went to a whore
He said my life's a bore
And quit my whining cause it's bringing HER down
Sometimes I give myself the creeps
“Hey.”
I jumped up at the sound of a voice other than the lead singer of Green Day and slammed my laptop shut out of surprise. I relaxed almost instantly and opened it back up once I saw my aunt standing in20the doorway to the guest bedroom with a rather amused look on her face. “Hi,” I greeted back awkwardly.
She laughed. “What was that about?” She asked with a grin as she stepped inside. “A little jumpy, are we?”
I laughed nervously and ran a hand through my hair that fell loosely around my shoulders and face. “I wasn’t expecting you,” I admitted honestly as I opened Green Day back on iTunes.
My aunt smiled at me. “What did you do all day?” She asked while looking over at the TV. “Just stayed around?”
I bit my lip at the fact that I absolutely hated lying to my aunt, especially when she had been the one to volunteer to open up her house to me for the summer. The fact that I was lying about something that I’m nearly positive would be a pretty damn big deal to her only made it worse. “Yeah,” I lied smoothly. “I slept most of the day.”
My aunt laughed and rolled her eyes as she stood up from the bed. “Teenagers,” she stated simply. “Well, I brought home pizza if you want any. I was craving some and I figured that even if you ate already you’d have something to eat tomorrow.”
I scowled inwardly at the way that my aunt was unknowingly making me feel guilty. I absolutely hated the fact that she was being too nice this particular night. I felt as if it was God’s way of making me feel like a lying asshole. Despite the bitch that I currently felt like, I smiled up at my aunt. “Great,” I grinned. “Thanks a ton. I’ll definitely have some tomorrow.”
My aunt smiled at me and took a step closer to the bed that she had just stepped away from. “You look tired,” she pointed out with a cocked eyebrow.
I shrugged. “I am,” I admitted. And I had every reason to be—today was an incredibly long and incredibly eventful day. I hadn’t expected her to know that, though. In fact, I hoped she didn’t. “I think I got too much sleep,” I lied with a forced laugh. “I’m going to head to bed soon; I was just looking up some new music.”
My aunt nodded. “Alright,” she hummed. “What music?”
I hesitated for a second. “Err,” I mumbled. “Green Day?” It was meant to be a statement, although I’m not sure as to why it sounded like more of a question. I was most definitely looking up Green Day.
“Oh,” my aunt stated sounding slightly surprised. “I’ve heard of them. I’m pretty sure that they’re from around here, too.”
I cocked my eyebrow and twisted my head to the side. Billie hadn’t told me that. “Are they?” I asked.
My aunt nodded. “Right here in the bay. I’ve seen the lead singer around a lot.” She snapped her fingers a few times in thought and then sighed. “Oh, I can’t remember his name,” she admitted in aggravation. “He’s a good looking guy, though.”
“Ah,” I hummed slowly. Perhaps that was why Billie had been somewhat hesitant as to telling me about the guy—they lived close and well, according to my aunt, the front man was good looking. I suppose if I knew that a beautiful girl in some band that I liked and knew that I lived near while Billie didn’t, I probably wouldn’t have gone telling him, either. “I’ll drop your name if I ever see him,” I said to my aunt and winked playfully.
She laughed. “He’s married, sweetie. And I’m too old for him, anyway. He’s pretty young, I think.” She waved her hand at me and laughed again. “Go to bed. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
My aunt and I exchanged “good night” before she left and I shut off the television to the room that I was in, though left my laptop on for a few more minutes. I guess I hadn’t really realized exactly how exhausted I truly was until I found myself sitting in the middle of the bed and in the darkness with the exception of the small screen in front of me.
I had wanted pretty damn desperately to continue to listen to the small snippets of Green Day’s song as I had been doing for the past ten or so minutes so that I could bring them up to Billie as if I actually knew a lot of their music, however at the same time all I really wanted to do was to sleep. And so I made the deal to listen to them tomorrow or perhaps even ask Billie to borrow a CD of theirs since I was sure that he had to have had at least one.
I hesitated for a moment and then logged off of my laptop after deciding that I truly had just about all the time in the world to listen to this band when I wasn’t beat. I placed my laptop on the floor next to my bed before climbing back onto it and underneath the large comforter despite the fact that it was the middle of summer in California.
I hadn’t gotten nearly as much sleep that night as I had been hoping or expecting to. I had fallen asleep on the large bed only fifteen or so minutes after my eyes had closed; however I had only stayed asleep for about another hour until I was jolted awake from what I imagine had to have been a bad dream because there really wasn’t any other explanation. Once I had been awoken, I ended up turning to lie on my back while staring up at the white ceiling of my aunt’s guest bedroom and tried my best to close my eyes to fall back into a dream. It shouldn’t have been a problem considering how exhausted I really was, but there was absolutely no avail to my eyes closing.
.
After lying in the bed in silence with the exception of my thoughts for what had to have been at least an hour, I ended up throwing the comforter off of my body in frustration and made my way to my aunt’s kitchen, in which I retrieved a large class of water from as if it would help me sleep. I ended up staying in the kitchen and sitting at the island in the middle with my head in my hands for a good fifteen or twenty minutes before making my way back throughout the house and to the bedroom that I was going to once again try to sleep in.
I entered the bedroom and gently closed the door behind me before quickly stumbling over to the bed in the darkness. I fell onto the end of the bed and on my hands and knees, I crawled up to my pillows and slid back underneath the comforter and sheet. I checked my cell phone that rested on the dresser next to the bed once more even though I knew no one would be calling at that hour and then I rolled over with an aggravated sigh. I had to have lied there for another good fifteen minutes before I finally admitted that I wouldn’t be sleeping much that night to myself, no matter how much I tried.
The worst part, perhaps, out of all of it, was the fact that I couldn’t explain why I couldn’t sleep in any way.
To be honest, for a while I blamed my lack of sleep on my thoughts of the thirty one year old that had done nothing but impressed me and broken down my wall that I had built against men after Bryan Bates, but at the same time I didn’t want to admit to myself that he was the reason I was awake. I didn’t know him well enough to be staying up all night for him—no, not nearly enough.
By the time that I had finally settled down to bed and stopped with my consistent thoughts and twisting and turning and actually fell asleep, it was nearly five in the morning.
By that point, sleep had felt so damn good that I couldn’t have ever imagined waking up. I had fallen into such a deep sleep after I had finally managed to fall asleep at all that for all I knew, I didn’t dream at all that night. It was if by that time I was just too tired to dream—my mind seemed to have just completely shut down.
I stayed in that deep sleep for what I believe had to have been a mere three hours before the irritating, shrill ring of my cell phone brought me back to the conscious state that I had been trying to avoid all along. And although I absolutely adored Matthew Bellamy’s voice, I would rather have not heard it so soon after I had finally escaped reality. I scowled loudly at my obnoxious ringtone that I normally loved so much and turned over in bed to grab my phone from the dresser next to it, figuring that it was Sadie or my parents because neither of them had seemed to figure out what the hell time zones were. “What?” I snapped once I accepted the call. The fact that my throat was dry and my voice came out as a croak only made me sound angrier than I was, had that been possible at all. I was clearly letting the asshole that was currently calling me know that better have had a good damn excuse to have been waking me up so early, especially after my ever-going night.
Whatever bastard was on the other side of the line remained quiet for a moment and I scowled, becoming impatient. At my scowl, there was a slight intake of breath and then a hesitant answer. “…Roxanne?”
At the sound of the voice that seemed to be drilled into my mind by now, I shot up from underneath the duvet and clutched it tightly against my chest that was now heaving up and down in mortification. I pulled my phone from my ear in shock to check the caller ID and once my fear had been confirmed, I pressed my phone back against my ear in shock at how rude I had just been. I hadn’t even been awake for more than a minute, yet there was already a blush on my cheeks that I’m damn near positive my family back in Connecticut could have seen. “Billie?” I answered slowly. Perhaps the slower I said it, the more mistaken I would be—or so I hoped.
There was a slight chuckle from who I was praying wasn’t really on the other side of the line at the moment. Despite the fact that he now sounded nervous, his chuckle was an amused one. I suppose that that was a good sign. “Yeah…” He trailed off slowly. “Hi. Did I call at a bad time?”
I scowled as I pulled the phone from my ear and buried my head into my arms while flailing my legs in anger. I was getting pretty god damn sick of mortifying myself in front of this damn man, especially when it seemed that that was all I had been doing since I had met him. Christ, I had met him while being mortified because of something I had unknowingly done to the bastard. I was beginning to feel as if my whole damn relationship with this man was based on my mortification.
“No,” I answered honestly. I lifted a hand from next to me and covered my mouth as I yawned. I shook my head and then realized that Billie was on the phone rather than standing in front of me. “I thought you were my parents or my best friend from back home.” I sighed loudly and closed my eyes while pressing a hand to my temple. “They always call really early because they don’t know what the hell time zones are. They think it’s the same time here as it is in Connecticut.”
Billie laughed and despite the fact that I had started out the morning with a rotten mood due to my wake up call, his laugh managed to cheer me up a bit. I think it was just that I was thankful that he wasn’t laughing at me and how stupid I really was. It didn’t mean that I was any less embarrassed than I currently was though—in fact, drowning myself in my aunt’s pool was becoming more and more welcoming than ever.
“It’s twelve, Roxy,” Billie stated. It was quite obvious that he was smiling as he spoke. “You wake up later than I do, hon.”
I lifted my hand from my temple and glanced over at the clock that sat on the dresser that was next to my bed. Sure enough, the time read 12:07. Apparently I had slept deeply longer than I had thought—much longer.
“Oh,” I muttered lamely. I wasn’t sure what else to say to that now that I was feeling like a complete fool again.
Billie laughed and I got the feeling that he was trying to lighten to mood. He must have known that there was indeed a blush that was only becoming more pronounced on my cheeks as I only became even more humiliated. “It’s alright, Roxanne,” he said easily. “I’m no better than you. I’ve slept til’ like fuckin four before and I’ve got no excuse. At least you can blame it on the fact that you’re a teenager and all you guys do is sleep.” Once he heard my soft, still-mortified giggle, the smile was even more evident in his voice. “I can call back later if you’d like, though?”
“No,” I answered quickly. I shifted uncomfortably at his words and sat up straighter. Although I had woken up incredibly grouchy and had snapped at the poor man, at the moment I couldn’t have imagined much of a better wake-up call. Truth be told, I don’t think I would have minded getting up in the morning anymore if it was him that was waking me up. “No, no, it’s fine. I’m awake now. I’m just really grouchy. I’m sorry.”
Billie snickered into the phone. He obviously wasn’t too bothered by my grouchiness. “Don’t worry,” he murmured. “I’m a real big bitch to people who wake me up. You were sweet compared to how I am. I throw things.”
I laughed at Billie’s attempt to calm me. I was quite a sucker for guys with humor, in fact I believed strongly that a guy wasn’t worth getting to know unless they were amusing—I needed a guy that had a sense of humor and could cheer me up, as I’m sure all females did. Considering all the times that Billie had stopped me from burying myself alive already, I’d say that he was pretty damn good at it.
“Well,” Billie started. “Good morning, then.”
I laughed again now that the mood had indeed been lightened. “Good morning, Billie.”
I was quite surprised and relieved that things between Billie and I weren’t awkward after the things that had occurred the night before. I know that after that fraction of our lips has connected that things weren’t awkward and had shown no hints of becoming awkward, however this was the next morning—meaning Billie and I had both had a whole night to sit and think of what had happened. And if Billie had done even a fraction of the amount of thinking as I had, then he was still most certainly thinking about our departure the night before. So far, it seemed that he didn’t regret it.
Perhaps the fear that he would was part of the reason that I hadn’t slept that night. I was paranoid in general and the fact that I had almost literally no experience with guys—especially over the age of twenty, wasn’t helping.
“About last night,” Billie started slowly. At the sound of his words, I winced as if rather than starting a sentence Billie had slapped me. Perhaps I had spoken too soon. Maybe he did regret it.
“Yeah?” I answered lamely once managing to regain at least some of my composure. I wasn’t exactly sure as to how else to respond to his attempt at a conversation. With my luck, Billie would end up saying that he had made a mistake and hoped I didn’t get the wrong idea from it. He’d end up saying that what we had shared was barely a kiss at all and that was how it should stay—I knew it.
Billie chuckled quietly—nervously. “I don’t know how to ask this,” he admitted after a moment of silence. His tone had changed completely—now instead of sounding hesitant, he sounded contemplative, yet still nervous. At the change of the tone of his voice I felt my whole body relax quite a bit. It didn’t seem that he was worrying about the same thing that I was. “I told you, Roxanne, I’m shit at this shit.” I giggled quietly at his lack of vocabulary. “You saw how crap I was at asking you to grab lunch with me. I kinda tried to prepare myself for this phone call but I’m an idiot.”
I laughed. “Billie,” I called. “You’re not an idiot. I’ve only ever dated one guy—I’m just as bad as you are. Hell, worse. I don’t even remember what it’s like to go through this. I was eleven.”
Billie chuckled. It seemed that we both found comfort in how terrible and awkward we both were about the sensitive subject that was being brought up. “That makes me feel like a little less of an asshole,” he admitted into the phone. He sighed heavily and I could imagine him running his hand over his face in aggravation as he had done back on the plane when I had accidently taken his seat and he was allowing me to sit with him. I wanted to help him out, but at the same time I didn’t really know how considering I had no idea of what was going on inside his mind.
For all I knew, he was going to tell me that he was moving to Canada because he found me creepy.
“So…” He started and then trailed off slowly. “Last night,” he continued. I waited and he chuckled, although he didn’t sound all-too amused at all. “Fuck,” he muttered. “Fuck. Can you just tell me right now if you’ll accept so I don’t feel like such an asshole asking without even knowing if you’ll go with me tonight?” He paused. “I mean, when I say that I feel like an asshole, Roxanne, I mean I really feel like a fuckin’ asshole here.”
I tried for Billie’s sake to not burst into laughter at how, well, adorable he was. As far as I was concerned, there was almost nothing smooth about the man that I was growing so dramatically fond of and if anything, it only made me like him more. I heard Billie sigh rather loudly and then groan in the same aggravated nature, which caused me to apologize quickly in fear that I had angered him. “Don’t,” I giggled into the phone. “You’re not an asshole. I don’t know what you want me to accept, Billie, or else I would, I promise.” I laughed, however it wasn’t at him but rather a laugh in order to lighten his mood. Even though I found his terrible struggle with asking me on what I assumed to be a date amusing, I did feel bad for him.
Billie chuckled, however this time it wasn’t dry and I was glad to hear the change in it. “I’m asking you to go out with me tonight,” he answered as if he had been having no trouble with asking me prior to the statement.
I rolled my eyes at how easily Billie had admitted that last statement, but was instantly thankful that Billie wasn’t to see the motion. “Hmmm,” I hummed playfully into my phone. I giggled as Billie groaned at my obvious teasing after what he had just gone through to ask me one simple sentence. “That depends—where to?”
“Hmm,” Billie hummed back at me. We both sat in silence on the phone for a few minutes or so until I heard Billie exhale softly. “You wanted it to be casual, didn’t you?” He asked. Perhaps it was a bit ridiculous, but it made me rather happy that he had remembered such a small thing. It showed that Billie actually really did listen to me. “Well, since you’re so damn picky, I say you decide.”
If I hadn’t begun to understand Billie’s humor and sarcasm as I thankfully had by then, I would have easily mistaken his tone for anger. However, I did know Billie’s humor and sarcasm and therefore his rude attitude did nothing but make me giggle a bit. At the realization that I found what he had just said funny, Billie also laughed somewhat.
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “You’re the one that knows Berkeley, Billie,” I pointed out. I paused and lifted a hand to tap my chin. Billie was correct when he accused me of only wanting something casual and it was because I wanted to be in a comfortable environment with him—especially for a first date. I didn’t want to go to some restaurant where we had to keep our voices low and not only would the food be in French, but outrageously priced. There was nothing enjoyable or appealing about that to me at all. “I’d be fine with something like a pizza joint,” I suggested after a moment of silence in which we were both thinking during. I never would have figured that thinking of a place to go for a first day would have been nearly as hard as we were making it out to be. Then again, Billie and I both seemed to be nothing but complicated—together and apart.
The silence that Billie and I had just surrounded ourselves in seemed to continue for a moment after I had announced my choice—until it was shattered by laughter. I cocked an eyebrow and shifted on the bed so that I was lying down while Billie did nothing but continued to laugh at what I assumed to be my suggestion. Perhaps I would have been more embarrassed by his laughter if I had thought there was a reason to be embarrassed about. There was also the fact that he sounded highly amused at what I had just said rather than me myself. “A pizza joint?” Billie asked incredulously into the phone. “As a first date—Roxy, you’re aware that that’s what I’m asking you out on, right? I mean, I thought I made that clear.”
“You did,” I answered honestly with a nod even though Billie, quite obviously, wasn’t able to see it. I sat back up on the bed by propping myself up with the arm that I wasn’t using to hold the phone to my ear. For the first time in a long while I began to notice the soft blush that was now beginning to steadily become brighter on my cheeks. I sighed softly into the receiver and ran a hand through my hair in embarrassment. I shrugged. “I just-I like to go casual places,” I admitted. “I love the atmosphere of them.”
Billie chuckled. “You’re so simple-minded, Roxanne,” he stated. “It’s unreal. I’ve never met a girl who wanted to go to a fuckin’ pizza joint on a first date.”
“Is that bad?” I asked hesitantly. I was beginning to realize that as this conversation continued, the most my self-esteem seemed to drop even if Billie wasn’t insulting me in any way. In fact, he seemed rather happy about my decision, but it didn’t stop me from becoming overly self-conscious. I found myself constantly worrying about sounding stupid to Billie, which would quite obviously turn him off. “If you don’t want to go to one, Billie—,”
“No, no,” Billie interrupted. “I’m fine with that, Roxanne. I think it’s…I don’t really know what I think about it, but it’s not bad.” I could, again, picture Billie running his hand down his face as he had done on the plane when we had first met, however it wasn’t out of aggravation for the first time. “You’re something else, Roxanne.” I felt my cheeks begin to burn as if they had almost literally been lit on fire. The way he had said it most certainly was not an insult in any way and I certainly wasn’t embarrassed, but the blush on my cheeks was nearly making me look as if I had been sunburnt.
“I know a great little pizza joint,” Billie thoughtfully admitted after a moment of silence in which I’m assuming he had used to think. “It’s not too far away. We could go there,” he offered. “Their pizza is real kick ass.”
“That sounds great,” I accepted easily. I couldn’t exactly go telling Billie that I didn’t want to go to the certain place seeing as I had no idea what the hell it was. I hesitated on the account that I didn’t want Billie to feel as if I was rushing him, however I was curious. “What time?” I asked after a few seconds.
“Hmmm…” Billie hummed. He paused and I could see him shrugging. “Whatever time is good for you, Roxy. I was thinking dinner rather than lunch—so around six or seven? It doesn’t matter to me.”
I wasn’t sure if it mattered to me. Seeing as Billie wanted to go out to dinner with me rather than lunch, which was of course expected since he had told me so the night before while on my aunt’s porch, meant that our date was of course going to be in the evening. My aunt usually got home in the early evening, thus creating a slight problem considering I had never even mentioned to Billie after she had asked me about him at the airport. I was a bit worried about what I would say if I arrived home later than her, which I was almost positive I would. However, I wasn’t going to go and be difficult for Billie. After all, if things kept progressing with the man as they were now, my aunt would be finding out about Billie rather soon.
“Six is fine,” I agreed. I ran a hand through my hair and while cradling my phone against my shoulder, I pulled it up. “Whatever time is fine with me.”
“Six is it then,” Billie confirmed. He sounded just about as relieved as I currently felt. I supposed I hadn’t realized how nervous and uptight I was about Billie asking me out on our first date until everything about it had been confirmed. I felt good now—excited. I had assumed that after Billie confirmed the time in which he’d be getting me we sat in a silence; however that was until I heard a somewhat muted talking on Billie’s end of the phone. Despite the fact that the conversation I was hearing was muted and I couldn’t make out a single word, it sounded as if Billie was talking a male. After a moment of sitting and listening to Billie converse with whomever it was around him, I heard Billie scowl loudly into the receiver. “Roxanne, I gotta go,” he admitted. “My friends are nothing but five year olds trapped in thirty year old bodies.” I giggled quietly at that and Billie chuckled. “I’ll get you at six, though, right?” He asked.
I nodded. “Yeah,” I confirmed. “And don’t worry; my friends are about five, too.”
Billie laughed. “Great, we should make a fucking play date for them some time.” I laughed , causing Billie to chuckle once again. “I’ll see you then, Roxy,” he murmured a bit quieter after a moment. In that moment his tone had gone from joking to a more…delicate one.
“Bye,” I called in nearly the same exact tone as the faux blonde. I wasn’t too fond of not being able to talk to him.
Billie returned the bye and then I was left with a dial tone.
I had expected Billie to be late that night and so when the clock turned to around 5:45, I still wasn’t fully dressed—not that it took me long anyway. Quite unsurprisingly, I had settled on a sun dress considering that even though we were going to a pizza joint, meaning that this date wouldn’t exactly be much more than casual, it was nonetheless a date. I didn’t feel as if jeans were right for the occasion, but then again that could have just been an excuse for me to not wear them since I absolutely loathed them in the summer.
I had scribbled down a note on a piece of paper and left it on the island in the kitchen for my aunt if she came home earlier than I, which was looking like a pretty big possibility seeing as I expected Billie to be later than six and I was pretty damn sure that our date wouldn’t last all of a half hour. The note had simply said that I had gone to get something eat and to call me if she felt the need to.
After I had hung up the phone with Billie, I had spent most of my day in an almost dream-like state because of the fact that I, Roxanne Watson, was actually going on a date. I don’t believe that it was fair to call it my first date because Bryan and I had gone out together plenty of times, however this was my first cliché date—this was my first time going out on a date to get to know a guy. I had never gone out to dinner with a guy while not being in a legitimate relationship with him and now that I was, I was rather proud of myself.
For what seemed to be the first time in my life, I was actually a teenager. I didn’t feel like a wife rather than a teenage girl anymore, and the change just felt so damn amazing.
It was at about five minutes to six that I had been finishing applying my mascara. I had been playing the music on my laptop rather loudly in my bedroom so that I could hear it while getting ready in hopes that it would keep me calm so that I wouldn’t be repeating what happened the day before when I had been getting ready to go to the café with Billie. Surprisingly, it had worked—that or after realizing how Billie seemed quite impressed with me no matter how I looked.
I had jumped in surprise when I heard the doorbell to my aunt’s house ring and quickly regained my composure seeing as it was literally six on the dot and that it simply couldn’t have been Billie ringing that bell. I placed my mascara down on the counter and without unplugging anything or turning anything off, I quickly paced throughout the house, down the stairs and into the foyer where the large doors were. With a heave, I pulled them open and low and behold, there stood the man that I had been so sure it wouldn’t be.
I cocked an eyebrow in surprise as I gripped the edge of the door and stared at Billie. Upon seeing that I answered, Billie’s lips were pulled back over his teeth into a grin. “Hey there,” he greeted through his grin. I blushed at once as I felt his eyes go from my head to my feet and then over again.
“Hi,” I greeted slowly, however there was still a smile on my face. “You’re early,” I stated. “Or well, not late.”
Billie cocked an eyebrow at my statement and then laughed once he realized what I was saying. “Thanks, Roxy,” he thanked sarcastically. He rolled his eyes playfully and stepped into the foyer of my aunt’s house once I had stepped back to allow him to. “You look fantastic, too, sweetie,” he stated. It was sarcastic seeing as how I had greeted him, however he spoke his words honestly. That was confirmed with a grin that spread across his face and the slightly bashful look that took over his features once he must have realized that he really did say it.
I felt my cheeks burn and sighed inwardly at the fact that I was going to have to deal with this for the rest of the night. Despite the fact that I enjoyed spending my time more than I enjoyed most thing currently, the blushing was thoroughly pissing me off by now. I was beginning to pray for a time where Billie could say something that was either a full-blown compliment or borderline compliment that I wouldn’t blush to.
I lifted my eyes from the wooden floors of my aunt’s home and to the faux blonde standing before me with his hands tucked into the pockets of the leather jacket that he was wearing despite the fact that it was summer. Much like Billie had just done to me, I felt my eyes to trail from his two toned, incredibly messy and shaggy hair, down past his green eyes that I knew for a fact that I had fallen in love with, over his face that he had once again seemed to have shaved and down to his torso in which was covered by a black t-shirt with a leather jacket zipped up half-way over it. On his hips sat a pair of black jeans which seemed to be rather tight much like the ones he had worn in the supermarket the other day and to hold them up was a leather belt. He was also back to his converse rather than the Creepers.
If a man could have been beautiful, then he certainly was so—in fact, Billie seemed to be more beautiful than handsome. Far more.
I stuttered for a second and then scowled as I looked down at the floor. Billie laughed from where he stood a few feet away from me and once seeing that I was still somewhat embarrassed over to what we both weren’t quite sure about, he closed those few feet and wrapped an arm around my bare shoulders. I had become so accustomed to having one of his arms wrapped around my shoulders that it didn’t faze me at all. In fact, rather than freezing at the feeling of his body against mine, I leant into it and giggled quietly at the feeling of the leather against my skin.
What made me freeze, however, was the feeling of his nose and then lips placing themselves on the top of my head and in my hair.
I felt my body tense rather noticeably for a second before I managed to force myself to relax against Billie’s warm body as I felt his nose nuzzle itself into my hair and then his lips press themselves to my head. “You’ve got to be the shyest girl I’ve ever met, Roxy,” he cooed sweetly into my head. “There’s nothing wrong with that, but by the end of tonight I’m going to loosen you up beyond belief.” He chuckled and I felt his lips press themselves back to my head.
And while I had been internally pleading with him to stay and even come into my aunt’s house with me, I had managed to nod and only verbally agree that it was getting late, even if we both knew that it really, in fact, was not. I didn’t want to come off as an incredibly desperate teenager, though, especially after a day like I had just gone through, which had consisted of me constantly recognizing that I really was already growing rather attached to my newfound friend. I did finally let Billie go, though, but not before managing to get him side-tracked for another ten or so minutes, which he didn’t seem to oppose all-too much [or at all, really].
It was a bit disappointing re-entering my aunt’s house that evening after watching Billie’s BMW leave my aunt’s driveway and go down the street until it was no longer visible. It wasn’t so much that I was upset to have been back in the house itself seeing as now that I had learnt my way around it I liked it, but rather that the last time I had been in it, Billie had been there to pick me up before heading out for the day. The house just seemed to have been so much…warmer when I had been leaving it that afternoon with him.
It took me about five minutes to go throughout the house and turn on a few random lights and the television in the kitchen so that it looked as if either I hadn’t left that day at all, or if I did, it was only for a short amount of time and not for the whole afternoon. If my aunt somehow managed to figure out that her large home had indeed been empty that day, I would just tell her that I had gone out to the supermarket or something along the lines. Truth be told, I believe that I didn’t feel ready to tell my aunt about Billie because I simply didn’t believe that my aunt was ready to know about Billie. I just couldn’t see her reacting well to my newfound friend, especially when I filled her in on all of the inevitable details.
After I had successfully made it look as if I had done nothing but lounged around throughout the day, I had decided that I didn’t feel like sitting in the kitchen that evening and thus made my way throughout the maze of white walls and black photography and into my room. I turned on the television in there and slid my laptop out from the bag that I had brought it to California in and after hesitating for several moments, I began to unzip my dress that I had been so frantic over only a little less than twelve hours ago. The fussing that I had done over one article of clothing along with my hair and makeup seemed so terribly ridiculous at a time like so.
Once changed into a pair of sweatpants and a white tank top, I dropped myself down onto the bed underneath me and sprawled out over it for a few minutes before I picked myself back up and shifted closer to my laptop. My eyes slowly moved from my laptop and to my cell phone that was resting besides me on the comforter and after staring at it for a moment, I bit down onto my bottom lip and picked it up from its spot. I slid the top up and selected my recent calls to scroll through them. I scrolled down from my most recent call and then hovered over the second name on the screen, in which read Billie J. The fact that I had been so angry over the J that he had also entered into my phone only a mere 24 hours ago my lips on account of how ridiculous I felt now that I knew what came after the letter.
It took me a lot to place my phone back on the bed next to me without pressing the call button when I had been looking at Billie’s name on the screen. I found myself forcing myself to pry my thumb away from the small button and to get over the sudden want to call him and talk to him—to just hear his voice. I wanted to call him and thank him for being the complete opposite of what I had expected when I first saw him in the airport not even a week ago, or when I realized how disgustingly cheesy that was, I wanted to instead call and tell him that he had never told me his favorite color after I had asked him it back in the car. I knew that I could never have done it, though. If I had gotten the courage to call Billie and he had actually picked up, I don’t know what I would have done other than hang up as fast as possible despite the fact that he would have already known it was me anyway. It’s certain that I wouldn’t have been able to talk, though. God knows I could barely talk to him when he was standing in front of me.
I turned my attention back to my laptop for the first time in a good ten minutes and opened up iTunes along with AOL instant messenger to see if Sadie had been on considering since I had befriended Billie I hadn’t spoken to her much, however I quickly signed out and closed it after it had signed me on. I didn’t really feel like talking to Sadie at the moment especially because I knew that I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from bringing up Billie seeing as, well, he really was quite a big deal. I knew that once I’d bring the faux blonde up, I’d have to explain his age to her amongst other things and I wasn’t really in the mood to deal with have to justify him to anyone.
It was when I had turned to my iTunes library and had begun to play Muse when the band that Billie had been so hesitant to mention earlier that day made an appearance in my mind. I remembered that after I had noticed how awkward he had been about liking a certain band that I had made a mental note to look them up, however there was now the problem that I had forgotten what their name had been. I paused my music and lifted a hand from the touch-pad of my laptop to my chin, in which I tapped gently in thought.
What the hell had been their name?
I went over the bands that he had listed a few times, though each time paused at the one damn band that I hadn’t been sure of. I knew that Billie had named The Ramones, Sex Pistols, The Clash, however there was one more that just refused to come out from hiding in the corners of my memory. The Ramones, Sex Pistols, The Clash…Green Day.
Green Day.
I cocked my eyebrow at the name that suddenly became familiar to me and after repeating the name in my mind for a few moments as if to see if it sounded correct, I clicked away from my iTunes library and to the iTunes store. I hesitated for a second as I went to type in the band’s name, considering I was still puzzled as to why Billie had made such a big deal out of liking them. Perhaps there was something about them that he hadn’t wanted me to know, thus creating the odd reaction of his that I had ended up so confused over.
However, I quickly got over my hesitation and typed in the two words before hitting enter.
My eyebrow stayed cocked at the list of songs that came up as a result. I’m not sure whether it was the fact that I hadn’t really expected to see many results for Green Day or whether I was confused as if they existed or not due to Billie’s odd attitude, but the number of songs that appeared on iTunes at my request surprised me quite a bit.
I scrolled down and then back up amongst the list of songs while reading a few aloud as if it would help me realize whether or not I knew them. Number one on the list of songs was called Good Riddance (Time of Your Life). I lifted my hand from my touch-pad and ran it thoughtfully over my chin as I stared at the song for a few moments, deciding whether or not to play it. The name had sounded almost too familiar to me to the point where I was actually rather afraid to play it. By familiar, I mean that I could almost promise that I had heard it one time or another, which explained why I was also somewhat afraid to hear it—I didn’t want any memories that could have been associated to the song to flood my mind.
By memory, I mean Bryan Bates. I was afraid that once playing the song, a certain time that I had shared with him would be brought up back again and after having a day like I had had today, I certainly wasn’t in the mood for my nearly damn perfect mood to be shattered—especially by that asshole.
I stared at the song for a moment in concentration while biting deeply onto my lip before I decided to skip it. Perhaps the fact that I skipped it did make me sound a bit pathetic seeing as I would only be hearing a thirty second preview of a song, but I couldn’t force myself to do it. I was too afraid of just the thoughts of the memories that I shared with Bryan Bates. Despite how attached I was becoming to Billie, I still wasn’t over Bryan Bates and I guess that you could say that I was alright with admitting that. I don’t think that I was ready to be over him considering I dated the damn bastard for well over seven years—and the same went for Billie and his ex-wife. In no way had I expected him to be over her.
I turned my attention back to the computer screen and clicked my arrow key down so that the song underneath Good Riddance was highlighted for me to preview it.
When I Come Around
The name sounded almost equally familiar as Good Riddance, however for reasons in which I couldn’t really pinpoint, it didn’t scare me nearly as much. I stared at the name for a few more seconds and then after raising the volume of my laptop, I very hesitantly clicked enter so that it would begin to play.
I cocked my head to the side a bit as I leant closer to the screen and speakers as the song faded in.
I was rather surprised at the familiar tune that came through my speakers along with the familiar lyrics that, even though they only lasted for a few seconds, I instantly recognized from not only the radio and school dances, but my ex-boyfriends iPod, too.
I'm just roaming for the moment
Sleazin' my back yard so don't get so uptight
You been thinking about ditching me
No time to search the world around
Cause you know where I'll be found
When I come around
Well, shit. I knew exactly who Green Day were.
No wonder they had sounded so familiar to me when Billie had mentioned me. The only reason I hadn’t known exactly who they were when he had was because even though I now knew them and knew some of their songs, I had never been a legitimate fan—meaning I had never really taken the time to sit and listen to them as I had done with bands such as Muse or The Hives.
Now that I had recognized Green Day and realized how familiar I was with them, I began to wonder why the hell Billie had been so odd when mentioning that he had liked them earlier that day. Green Day was a great band that was also pretty damn famous. Perhaps the lead singer had been a little hard to understand when listening to a preview the first time; however it wasn’t exactly as if it was a big issue or something. As far as I was concerned, there was nothing embarrassing about liking them in the least, whether you were eighteen as I was or thirty one as he.
With my hand still tapping my chin, I clicked down to the next song which was called Basket Case and without any hesitation this time, I hit enter to play it. The name didn’t sound as familiar to me as the last two had along with the song itself, but I knew that I had most definitely heard it before.
I went to a shrink
To analyze my dreams
She says it's lack of sex that's bringing me down
I went to a whore
He said my life's a bore
And quit my whining cause it's bringing HER down
Sometimes I give myself the creeps
“Hey.”
I jumped up at the sound of a voice other than the lead singer of Green Day and slammed my laptop shut out of surprise. I relaxed almost instantly and opened it back up once I saw my aunt standing in20the doorway to the guest bedroom with a rather amused look on her face. “Hi,” I greeted back awkwardly.
She laughed. “What was that about?” She asked with a grin as she stepped inside. “A little jumpy, are we?”
I laughed nervously and ran a hand through my hair that fell loosely around my shoulders and face. “I wasn’t expecting you,” I admitted honestly as I opened Green Day back on iTunes.
My aunt smiled at me. “What did you do all day?” She asked while looking over at the TV. “Just stayed around?”
I bit my lip at the fact that I absolutely hated lying to my aunt, especially when she had been the one to volunteer to open up her house to me for the summer. The fact that I was lying about something that I’m nearly positive would be a pretty damn big deal to her only made it worse. “Yeah,” I lied smoothly. “I slept most of the day.”
My aunt laughed and rolled her eyes as she stood up from the bed. “Teenagers,” she stated simply. “Well, I brought home pizza if you want any. I was craving some and I figured that even if you ate already you’d have something to eat tomorrow.”
I scowled inwardly at the way that my aunt was unknowingly making me feel guilty. I absolutely hated the fact that she was being too nice this particular night. I felt as if it was God’s way of making me feel like a lying asshole. Despite the bitch that I currently felt like, I smiled up at my aunt. “Great,” I grinned. “Thanks a ton. I’ll definitely have some tomorrow.”
My aunt smiled at me and took a step closer to the bed that she had just stepped away from. “You look tired,” she pointed out with a cocked eyebrow.
I shrugged. “I am,” I admitted. And I had every reason to be—today was an incredibly long and incredibly eventful day. I hadn’t expected her to know that, though. In fact, I hoped she didn’t. “I think I got too much sleep,” I lied with a forced laugh. “I’m going to head to bed soon; I was just looking up some new music.”
My aunt nodded. “Alright,” she hummed. “What music?”
I hesitated for a second. “Err,” I mumbled. “Green Day?” It was meant to be a statement, although I’m not sure as to why it sounded like more of a question. I was most definitely looking up Green Day.
“Oh,” my aunt stated sounding slightly surprised. “I’ve heard of them. I’m pretty sure that they’re from around here, too.”
I cocked my eyebrow and twisted my head to the side. Billie hadn’t told me that. “Are they?” I asked.
My aunt nodded. “Right here in the bay. I’ve seen the lead singer around a lot.” She snapped her fingers a few times in thought and then sighed. “Oh, I can’t remember his name,” she admitted in aggravation. “He’s a good looking guy, though.”
“Ah,” I hummed slowly. Perhaps that was why Billie had been somewhat hesitant as to telling me about the guy—they lived close and well, according to my aunt, the front man was good looking. I suppose if I knew that a beautiful girl in some band that I liked and knew that I lived near while Billie didn’t, I probably wouldn’t have gone telling him, either. “I’ll drop your name if I ever see him,” I said to my aunt and winked playfully.
She laughed. “He’s married, sweetie. And I’m too old for him, anyway. He’s pretty young, I think.” She waved her hand at me and laughed again. “Go to bed. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
My aunt and I exchanged “good night” before she left and I shut off the television to the room that I was in, though left my laptop on for a few more minutes. I guess I hadn’t really realized exactly how exhausted I truly was until I found myself sitting in the middle of the bed and in the darkness with the exception of the small screen in front of me.
I had wanted pretty damn desperately to continue to listen to the small snippets of Green Day’s song as I had been doing for the past ten or so minutes so that I could bring them up to Billie as if I actually knew a lot of their music, however at the same time all I really wanted to do was to sleep. And so I made the deal to listen to them tomorrow or perhaps even ask Billie to borrow a CD of theirs since I was sure that he had to have had at least one.
I hesitated for a moment and then logged off of my laptop after deciding that I truly had just about all the time in the world to listen to this band when I wasn’t beat. I placed my laptop on the floor next to my bed before climbing back onto it and underneath the large comforter despite the fact that it was the middle of summer in California.
I hadn’t gotten nearly as much sleep that night as I had been hoping or expecting to. I had fallen asleep on the large bed only fifteen or so minutes after my eyes had closed; however I had only stayed asleep for about another hour until I was jolted awake from what I imagine had to have been a bad dream because there really wasn’t any other explanation. Once I had been awoken, I ended up turning to lie on my back while staring up at the white ceiling of my aunt’s guest bedroom and tried my best to close my eyes to fall back into a dream. It shouldn’t have been a problem considering how exhausted I really was, but there was absolutely no avail to my eyes closing.
.
After lying in the bed in silence with the exception of my thoughts for what had to have been at least an hour, I ended up throwing the comforter off of my body in frustration and made my way to my aunt’s kitchen, in which I retrieved a large class of water from as if it would help me sleep. I ended up staying in the kitchen and sitting at the island in the middle with my head in my hands for a good fifteen or twenty minutes before making my way back throughout the house and to the bedroom that I was going to once again try to sleep in.
I entered the bedroom and gently closed the door behind me before quickly stumbling over to the bed in the darkness. I fell onto the end of the bed and on my hands and knees, I crawled up to my pillows and slid back underneath the comforter and sheet. I checked my cell phone that rested on the dresser next to the bed once more even though I knew no one would be calling at that hour and then I rolled over with an aggravated sigh. I had to have lied there for another good fifteen minutes before I finally admitted that I wouldn’t be sleeping much that night to myself, no matter how much I tried.
The worst part, perhaps, out of all of it, was the fact that I couldn’t explain why I couldn’t sleep in any way.
To be honest, for a while I blamed my lack of sleep on my thoughts of the thirty one year old that had done nothing but impressed me and broken down my wall that I had built against men after Bryan Bates, but at the same time I didn’t want to admit to myself that he was the reason I was awake. I didn’t know him well enough to be staying up all night for him—no, not nearly enough.
By the time that I had finally settled down to bed and stopped with my consistent thoughts and twisting and turning and actually fell asleep, it was nearly five in the morning.
By that point, sleep had felt so damn good that I couldn’t have ever imagined waking up. I had fallen into such a deep sleep after I had finally managed to fall asleep at all that for all I knew, I didn’t dream at all that night. It was if by that time I was just too tired to dream—my mind seemed to have just completely shut down.
I stayed in that deep sleep for what I believe had to have been a mere three hours before the irritating, shrill ring of my cell phone brought me back to the conscious state that I had been trying to avoid all along. And although I absolutely adored Matthew Bellamy’s voice, I would rather have not heard it so soon after I had finally escaped reality. I scowled loudly at my obnoxious ringtone that I normally loved so much and turned over in bed to grab my phone from the dresser next to it, figuring that it was Sadie or my parents because neither of them had seemed to figure out what the hell time zones were. “What?” I snapped once I accepted the call. The fact that my throat was dry and my voice came out as a croak only made me sound angrier than I was, had that been possible at all. I was clearly letting the asshole that was currently calling me know that better have had a good damn excuse to have been waking me up so early, especially after my ever-going night.
Whatever bastard was on the other side of the line remained quiet for a moment and I scowled, becoming impatient. At my scowl, there was a slight intake of breath and then a hesitant answer. “…Roxanne?”
At the sound of the voice that seemed to be drilled into my mind by now, I shot up from underneath the duvet and clutched it tightly against my chest that was now heaving up and down in mortification. I pulled my phone from my ear in shock to check the caller ID and once my fear had been confirmed, I pressed my phone back against my ear in shock at how rude I had just been. I hadn’t even been awake for more than a minute, yet there was already a blush on my cheeks that I’m damn near positive my family back in Connecticut could have seen. “Billie?” I answered slowly. Perhaps the slower I said it, the more mistaken I would be—or so I hoped.
There was a slight chuckle from who I was praying wasn’t really on the other side of the line at the moment. Despite the fact that he now sounded nervous, his chuckle was an amused one. I suppose that that was a good sign. “Yeah…” He trailed off slowly. “Hi. Did I call at a bad time?”
I scowled as I pulled the phone from my ear and buried my head into my arms while flailing my legs in anger. I was getting pretty god damn sick of mortifying myself in front of this damn man, especially when it seemed that that was all I had been doing since I had met him. Christ, I had met him while being mortified because of something I had unknowingly done to the bastard. I was beginning to feel as if my whole damn relationship with this man was based on my mortification.
“No,” I answered honestly. I lifted a hand from next to me and covered my mouth as I yawned. I shook my head and then realized that Billie was on the phone rather than standing in front of me. “I thought you were my parents or my best friend from back home.” I sighed loudly and closed my eyes while pressing a hand to my temple. “They always call really early because they don’t know what the hell time zones are. They think it’s the same time here as it is in Connecticut.”
Billie laughed and despite the fact that I had started out the morning with a rotten mood due to my wake up call, his laugh managed to cheer me up a bit. I think it was just that I was thankful that he wasn’t laughing at me and how stupid I really was. It didn’t mean that I was any less embarrassed than I currently was though—in fact, drowning myself in my aunt’s pool was becoming more and more welcoming than ever.
“It’s twelve, Roxy,” Billie stated. It was quite obvious that he was smiling as he spoke. “You wake up later than I do, hon.”
I lifted my hand from my temple and glanced over at the clock that sat on the dresser that was next to my bed. Sure enough, the time read 12:07. Apparently I had slept deeply longer than I had thought—much longer.
“Oh,” I muttered lamely. I wasn’t sure what else to say to that now that I was feeling like a complete fool again.
Billie laughed and I got the feeling that he was trying to lighten to mood. He must have known that there was indeed a blush that was only becoming more pronounced on my cheeks as I only became even more humiliated. “It’s alright, Roxanne,” he said easily. “I’m no better than you. I’ve slept til’ like fuckin four before and I’ve got no excuse. At least you can blame it on the fact that you’re a teenager and all you guys do is sleep.” Once he heard my soft, still-mortified giggle, the smile was even more evident in his voice. “I can call back later if you’d like, though?”
“No,” I answered quickly. I shifted uncomfortably at his words and sat up straighter. Although I had woken up incredibly grouchy and had snapped at the poor man, at the moment I couldn’t have imagined much of a better wake-up call. Truth be told, I don’t think I would have minded getting up in the morning anymore if it was him that was waking me up. “No, no, it’s fine. I’m awake now. I’m just really grouchy. I’m sorry.”
Billie snickered into the phone. He obviously wasn’t too bothered by my grouchiness. “Don’t worry,” he murmured. “I’m a real big bitch to people who wake me up. You were sweet compared to how I am. I throw things.”
I laughed at Billie’s attempt to calm me. I was quite a sucker for guys with humor, in fact I believed strongly that a guy wasn’t worth getting to know unless they were amusing—I needed a guy that had a sense of humor and could cheer me up, as I’m sure all females did. Considering all the times that Billie had stopped me from burying myself alive already, I’d say that he was pretty damn good at it.
“Well,” Billie started. “Good morning, then.”
I laughed again now that the mood had indeed been lightened. “Good morning, Billie.”
I was quite surprised and relieved that things between Billie and I weren’t awkward after the things that had occurred the night before. I know that after that fraction of our lips has connected that things weren’t awkward and had shown no hints of becoming awkward, however this was the next morning—meaning Billie and I had both had a whole night to sit and think of what had happened. And if Billie had done even a fraction of the amount of thinking as I had, then he was still most certainly thinking about our departure the night before. So far, it seemed that he didn’t regret it.
Perhaps the fear that he would was part of the reason that I hadn’t slept that night. I was paranoid in general and the fact that I had almost literally no experience with guys—especially over the age of twenty, wasn’t helping.
“About last night,” Billie started slowly. At the sound of his words, I winced as if rather than starting a sentence Billie had slapped me. Perhaps I had spoken too soon. Maybe he did regret it.
“Yeah?” I answered lamely once managing to regain at least some of my composure. I wasn’t exactly sure as to how else to respond to his attempt at a conversation. With my luck, Billie would end up saying that he had made a mistake and hoped I didn’t get the wrong idea from it. He’d end up saying that what we had shared was barely a kiss at all and that was how it should stay—I knew it.
Billie chuckled quietly—nervously. “I don’t know how to ask this,” he admitted after a moment of silence. His tone had changed completely—now instead of sounding hesitant, he sounded contemplative, yet still nervous. At the change of the tone of his voice I felt my whole body relax quite a bit. It didn’t seem that he was worrying about the same thing that I was. “I told you, Roxanne, I’m shit at this shit.” I giggled quietly at his lack of vocabulary. “You saw how crap I was at asking you to grab lunch with me. I kinda tried to prepare myself for this phone call but I’m an idiot.”
I laughed. “Billie,” I called. “You’re not an idiot. I’ve only ever dated one guy—I’m just as bad as you are. Hell, worse. I don’t even remember what it’s like to go through this. I was eleven.”
Billie chuckled. It seemed that we both found comfort in how terrible and awkward we both were about the sensitive subject that was being brought up. “That makes me feel like a little less of an asshole,” he admitted into the phone. He sighed heavily and I could imagine him running his hand over his face in aggravation as he had done back on the plane when I had accidently taken his seat and he was allowing me to sit with him. I wanted to help him out, but at the same time I didn’t really know how considering I had no idea of what was going on inside his mind.
For all I knew, he was going to tell me that he was moving to Canada because he found me creepy.
“So…” He started and then trailed off slowly. “Last night,” he continued. I waited and he chuckled, although he didn’t sound all-too amused at all. “Fuck,” he muttered. “Fuck. Can you just tell me right now if you’ll accept so I don’t feel like such an asshole asking without even knowing if you’ll go with me tonight?” He paused. “I mean, when I say that I feel like an asshole, Roxanne, I mean I really feel like a fuckin’ asshole here.”
I tried for Billie’s sake to not burst into laughter at how, well, adorable he was. As far as I was concerned, there was almost nothing smooth about the man that I was growing so dramatically fond of and if anything, it only made me like him more. I heard Billie sigh rather loudly and then groan in the same aggravated nature, which caused me to apologize quickly in fear that I had angered him. “Don’t,” I giggled into the phone. “You’re not an asshole. I don’t know what you want me to accept, Billie, or else I would, I promise.” I laughed, however it wasn’t at him but rather a laugh in order to lighten his mood. Even though I found his terrible struggle with asking me on what I assumed to be a date amusing, I did feel bad for him.
Billie chuckled, however this time it wasn’t dry and I was glad to hear the change in it. “I’m asking you to go out with me tonight,” he answered as if he had been having no trouble with asking me prior to the statement.
I rolled my eyes at how easily Billie had admitted that last statement, but was instantly thankful that Billie wasn’t to see the motion. “Hmmm,” I hummed playfully into my phone. I giggled as Billie groaned at my obvious teasing after what he had just gone through to ask me one simple sentence. “That depends—where to?”
“Hmm,” Billie hummed back at me. We both sat in silence on the phone for a few minutes or so until I heard Billie exhale softly. “You wanted it to be casual, didn’t you?” He asked. Perhaps it was a bit ridiculous, but it made me rather happy that he had remembered such a small thing. It showed that Billie actually really did listen to me. “Well, since you’re so damn picky, I say you decide.”
If I hadn’t begun to understand Billie’s humor and sarcasm as I thankfully had by then, I would have easily mistaken his tone for anger. However, I did know Billie’s humor and sarcasm and therefore his rude attitude did nothing but make me giggle a bit. At the realization that I found what he had just said funny, Billie also laughed somewhat.
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “You’re the one that knows Berkeley, Billie,” I pointed out. I paused and lifted a hand to tap my chin. Billie was correct when he accused me of only wanting something casual and it was because I wanted to be in a comfortable environment with him—especially for a first date. I didn’t want to go to some restaurant where we had to keep our voices low and not only would the food be in French, but outrageously priced. There was nothing enjoyable or appealing about that to me at all. “I’d be fine with something like a pizza joint,” I suggested after a moment of silence in which we were both thinking during. I never would have figured that thinking of a place to go for a first day would have been nearly as hard as we were making it out to be. Then again, Billie and I both seemed to be nothing but complicated—together and apart.
The silence that Billie and I had just surrounded ourselves in seemed to continue for a moment after I had announced my choice—until it was shattered by laughter. I cocked an eyebrow and shifted on the bed so that I was lying down while Billie did nothing but continued to laugh at what I assumed to be my suggestion. Perhaps I would have been more embarrassed by his laughter if I had thought there was a reason to be embarrassed about. There was also the fact that he sounded highly amused at what I had just said rather than me myself. “A pizza joint?” Billie asked incredulously into the phone. “As a first date—Roxy, you’re aware that that’s what I’m asking you out on, right? I mean, I thought I made that clear.”
“You did,” I answered honestly with a nod even though Billie, quite obviously, wasn’t able to see it. I sat back up on the bed by propping myself up with the arm that I wasn’t using to hold the phone to my ear. For the first time in a long while I began to notice the soft blush that was now beginning to steadily become brighter on my cheeks. I sighed softly into the receiver and ran a hand through my hair in embarrassment. I shrugged. “I just-I like to go casual places,” I admitted. “I love the atmosphere of them.”
Billie chuckled. “You’re so simple-minded, Roxanne,” he stated. “It’s unreal. I’ve never met a girl who wanted to go to a fuckin’ pizza joint on a first date.”
“Is that bad?” I asked hesitantly. I was beginning to realize that as this conversation continued, the most my self-esteem seemed to drop even if Billie wasn’t insulting me in any way. In fact, he seemed rather happy about my decision, but it didn’t stop me from becoming overly self-conscious. I found myself constantly worrying about sounding stupid to Billie, which would quite obviously turn him off. “If you don’t want to go to one, Billie—,”
“No, no,” Billie interrupted. “I’m fine with that, Roxanne. I think it’s…I don’t really know what I think about it, but it’s not bad.” I could, again, picture Billie running his hand down his face as he had done on the plane when we had first met, however it wasn’t out of aggravation for the first time. “You’re something else, Roxanne.” I felt my cheeks begin to burn as if they had almost literally been lit on fire. The way he had said it most certainly was not an insult in any way and I certainly wasn’t embarrassed, but the blush on my cheeks was nearly making me look as if I had been sunburnt.
“I know a great little pizza joint,” Billie thoughtfully admitted after a moment of silence in which I’m assuming he had used to think. “It’s not too far away. We could go there,” he offered. “Their pizza is real kick ass.”
“That sounds great,” I accepted easily. I couldn’t exactly go telling Billie that I didn’t want to go to the certain place seeing as I had no idea what the hell it was. I hesitated on the account that I didn’t want Billie to feel as if I was rushing him, however I was curious. “What time?” I asked after a few seconds.
“Hmmm…” Billie hummed. He paused and I could see him shrugging. “Whatever time is good for you, Roxy. I was thinking dinner rather than lunch—so around six or seven? It doesn’t matter to me.”
I wasn’t sure if it mattered to me. Seeing as Billie wanted to go out to dinner with me rather than lunch, which was of course expected since he had told me so the night before while on my aunt’s porch, meant that our date was of course going to be in the evening. My aunt usually got home in the early evening, thus creating a slight problem considering I had never even mentioned to Billie after she had asked me about him at the airport. I was a bit worried about what I would say if I arrived home later than her, which I was almost positive I would. However, I wasn’t going to go and be difficult for Billie. After all, if things kept progressing with the man as they were now, my aunt would be finding out about Billie rather soon.
“Six is fine,” I agreed. I ran a hand through my hair and while cradling my phone against my shoulder, I pulled it up. “Whatever time is fine with me.”
“Six is it then,” Billie confirmed. He sounded just about as relieved as I currently felt. I supposed I hadn’t realized how nervous and uptight I was about Billie asking me out on our first date until everything about it had been confirmed. I felt good now—excited. I had assumed that after Billie confirmed the time in which he’d be getting me we sat in a silence; however that was until I heard a somewhat muted talking on Billie’s end of the phone. Despite the fact that the conversation I was hearing was muted and I couldn’t make out a single word, it sounded as if Billie was talking a male. After a moment of sitting and listening to Billie converse with whomever it was around him, I heard Billie scowl loudly into the receiver. “Roxanne, I gotta go,” he admitted. “My friends are nothing but five year olds trapped in thirty year old bodies.” I giggled quietly at that and Billie chuckled. “I’ll get you at six, though, right?” He asked.
I nodded. “Yeah,” I confirmed. “And don’t worry; my friends are about five, too.”
Billie laughed. “Great, we should make a fucking play date for them some time.” I laughed , causing Billie to chuckle once again. “I’ll see you then, Roxy,” he murmured a bit quieter after a moment. In that moment his tone had gone from joking to a more…delicate one.
“Bye,” I called in nearly the same exact tone as the faux blonde. I wasn’t too fond of not being able to talk to him.
Billie returned the bye and then I was left with a dial tone.
I had expected Billie to be late that night and so when the clock turned to around 5:45, I still wasn’t fully dressed—not that it took me long anyway. Quite unsurprisingly, I had settled on a sun dress considering that even though we were going to a pizza joint, meaning that this date wouldn’t exactly be much more than casual, it was nonetheless a date. I didn’t feel as if jeans were right for the occasion, but then again that could have just been an excuse for me to not wear them since I absolutely loathed them in the summer.
I had scribbled down a note on a piece of paper and left it on the island in the kitchen for my aunt if she came home earlier than I, which was looking like a pretty big possibility seeing as I expected Billie to be later than six and I was pretty damn sure that our date wouldn’t last all of a half hour. The note had simply said that I had gone to get something eat and to call me if she felt the need to.
After I had hung up the phone with Billie, I had spent most of my day in an almost dream-like state because of the fact that I, Roxanne Watson, was actually going on a date. I don’t believe that it was fair to call it my first date because Bryan and I had gone out together plenty of times, however this was my first cliché date—this was my first time going out on a date to get to know a guy. I had never gone out to dinner with a guy while not being in a legitimate relationship with him and now that I was, I was rather proud of myself.
For what seemed to be the first time in my life, I was actually a teenager. I didn’t feel like a wife rather than a teenage girl anymore, and the change just felt so damn amazing.
It was at about five minutes to six that I had been finishing applying my mascara. I had been playing the music on my laptop rather loudly in my bedroom so that I could hear it while getting ready in hopes that it would keep me calm so that I wouldn’t be repeating what happened the day before when I had been getting ready to go to the café with Billie. Surprisingly, it had worked—that or after realizing how Billie seemed quite impressed with me no matter how I looked.
I had jumped in surprise when I heard the doorbell to my aunt’s house ring and quickly regained my composure seeing as it was literally six on the dot and that it simply couldn’t have been Billie ringing that bell. I placed my mascara down on the counter and without unplugging anything or turning anything off, I quickly paced throughout the house, down the stairs and into the foyer where the large doors were. With a heave, I pulled them open and low and behold, there stood the man that I had been so sure it wouldn’t be.
I cocked an eyebrow in surprise as I gripped the edge of the door and stared at Billie. Upon seeing that I answered, Billie’s lips were pulled back over his teeth into a grin. “Hey there,” he greeted through his grin. I blushed at once as I felt his eyes go from my head to my feet and then over again.
“Hi,” I greeted slowly, however there was still a smile on my face. “You’re early,” I stated. “Or well, not late.”
Billie cocked an eyebrow at my statement and then laughed once he realized what I was saying. “Thanks, Roxy,” he thanked sarcastically. He rolled his eyes playfully and stepped into the foyer of my aunt’s house once I had stepped back to allow him to. “You look fantastic, too, sweetie,” he stated. It was sarcastic seeing as how I had greeted him, however he spoke his words honestly. That was confirmed with a grin that spread across his face and the slightly bashful look that took over his features once he must have realized that he really did say it.
I felt my cheeks burn and sighed inwardly at the fact that I was going to have to deal with this for the rest of the night. Despite the fact that I enjoyed spending my time more than I enjoyed most thing currently, the blushing was thoroughly pissing me off by now. I was beginning to pray for a time where Billie could say something that was either a full-blown compliment or borderline compliment that I wouldn’t blush to.
I lifted my eyes from the wooden floors of my aunt’s home and to the faux blonde standing before me with his hands tucked into the pockets of the leather jacket that he was wearing despite the fact that it was summer. Much like Billie had just done to me, I felt my eyes to trail from his two toned, incredibly messy and shaggy hair, down past his green eyes that I knew for a fact that I had fallen in love with, over his face that he had once again seemed to have shaved and down to his torso in which was covered by a black t-shirt with a leather jacket zipped up half-way over it. On his hips sat a pair of black jeans which seemed to be rather tight much like the ones he had worn in the supermarket the other day and to hold them up was a leather belt. He was also back to his converse rather than the Creepers.
If a man could have been beautiful, then he certainly was so—in fact, Billie seemed to be more beautiful than handsome. Far more.
I stuttered for a second and then scowled as I looked down at the floor. Billie laughed from where he stood a few feet away from me and once seeing that I was still somewhat embarrassed over to what we both weren’t quite sure about, he closed those few feet and wrapped an arm around my bare shoulders. I had become so accustomed to having one of his arms wrapped around my shoulders that it didn’t faze me at all. In fact, rather than freezing at the feeling of his body against mine, I leant into it and giggled quietly at the feeling of the leather against my skin.
What made me freeze, however, was the feeling of his nose and then lips placing themselves on the top of my head and in my hair.
I felt my body tense rather noticeably for a second before I managed to force myself to relax against Billie’s warm body as I felt his nose nuzzle itself into my hair and then his lips press themselves to my head. “You’ve got to be the shyest girl I’ve ever met, Roxy,” he cooed sweetly into my head. “There’s nothing wrong with that, but by the end of tonight I’m going to loosen you up beyond belief.” He chuckled and I felt his lips press themselves back to my head.