Imaginary Eyes

Weeks went by, and I was still jealous of Clara. More that I ever imagined I could be. I watched her with worried eyes, now full of envy and sadness, every day when she went to school. She came home for an hour midday, forcing a reminder into my brain. I almost felt like I would cry every time I saw her.

But I didn’t. I couldn’t cry. Physically, anyway.

Eventually, bits of my home started to change. Instead of being just a room painted like a forest with old toys laying around, there was light green painted walls with new teddy bears all over the place. This bothered me to no end, especially when the crib and curtains went up.

“I didn’t ask for this!” I screamed after Brendan left the room to get a screwdriver he left in the living room. “This is where I live, for Christ’s sake!”

I kicked and screamed like that to no end whenever I had the chance, which, of course, was when Clara or Brendan were gone. I put on a pout whenever they entered the room, still knowing very well it would get me nowhere.

Eventually, Clara noticed this and decided to say something. “Ava, why the long face?” she asked. I turned away from her, refusing to face her. I stared at the wall instead. I heard her eyes welled up with tears, and her voice begin to shake. “Are you mad at me?”

My bones relaxed when she asked that, tear stricken and disappointed at something she couldn’t control. I turned to the broken child I grew up with and looked after and loosened. She couldn’t help that she was having this baby. It was forced onto her by some scumbag that was just in the right place at the right time, for him anyway.

I shook my head, knowing very well Clara couldn’t seem me through that hair of hers she was building a curtain with. “No...” I mumbled. “I couldn’t never be mad at you. I just wish... I could have what you have...” I uncrossed my arms and looked at her for forgiveness.

She picked me up and held me close to her heart. I felt it beating and shut my eyes. My legs dangled over her arm and grazed her, still bulging, stomach. I felt a force knock where my foot was. I smiled as an answer to them.

God knew I was still jealous, but I had to be there for Clara. If not, she would surely break.

Because on the inside, she was porcelain too.

We stayed glued at the hand every day for the next four months. She’d leave me at home during school, so I wouldn’t have to worry about getting chipped or having people throw death glares in my general direction. I smiled at the thought of me giving death glares back and confusing people, though I knew it’d never happen, even in a million years.

I stayed by myself on days where she wanted just “Clara and Brendan” time. This happened maybe once, twice a week, as per usual. Nothing too big, after all. I read up on pregnancy and marriage ceremonies, being Brendan was planning to propose after the baby was born.

After Clara and I had made up, Brendan had come to talk to me more, just to empty his mind. He liked his talking to me, and me listening, and suddenly understood why Clara did it for so many years.

This made me smile, of course.

Then, it hit Clara’s eighth month and she had made a few less visits. This worried me for about a week or so, and it suddenly all cleared up when she came in with a piece of paper and two cardboard boxes.

“Hey there.” she said. I smiled at her.

“Guess what today is.”

I didn’t say anything. Just shrugged lightly enough so she couldn’t see.

She unfolded the piece of paper she had in hand and slide it across the floor in front of me. I stood on my tiptoes and eyed it. On it, it read:

Name: Ava Annabelle Taylor
DOP (Date of Production): April 21st, 1991

I smiled at my “Birth Certificate”, being it was the first time I’d ever set my eyes on it. I kneeled down and touched it, happily. Knowing when my birthday was was one thing, but knowing I had a certificate to prove it made the whole day better.

Clara put an open box next to the certificate. I stepped over to see what it was. The box was too high for my line of vision. “This was Brend’s idea.” she told me. She reached her hand into the box and pulled something out and stood it next to me. Brendan came in and crouched down by Clara, putting his hand on her back.

“I’m taking she’s just meeting Aidan?” he asked. Clara nodded. I stood still, careful not to see what an “Aidan” was. Brendan and Clara smiled at me, and walked out of the room.

I turned, only to see a porcelain white boy with dark brown eyes and messy black hair starting to turn to me as well. I blushed heavily, and looked away. I felt his stare on my back. “Hey.” he said.

I couldn’t say anything. I covered my mouth with my hand and squealed a little. I prayed he wouldn’t hear me. “So... I’m Aidan.” he started. He leaned forward to see if I was okay. I turned away from his completely. “I’m taking you’re Ava?” he asked.

I nodded after a moment.

“Great!” he said. He walked over to me, turned me around to face him. My eyes widened with fear.

This boy was touching me.

This boy was touching me.

This prince was touching me.

“You okay?” he asked. I nodded, the heat in my cheeks still persisting. He smiled. “You’re cute when you blush.” The heat in my face became beat colored now, instead of pink. I pushed him off of my and turned away, crossing my arms.

“I’m not blushing.” I alerted him, half turning towards him.

He laughed. “Yeah.” he chuckled. “All right.”

He walked over to another part of the room and pulled out a walkman to listen to, from what I guessed, some street metal. I stared after him as he walked away and sat on the floor, tapping the floor with his fingers lightly. He already understood the fragile drill, that was for sure.

I exhaled heavily and, fed up with just books and broken cello strings, walked up to him. I towered over him when he sat, which, needless to say, made me happy already. “What are you listening to?” I asked. He looked up at me and pulled his headphones off. He stood, and, very easily, could have told me who was on that CD.

But instead, he put the headphones over my ears and watched me listen.

It was weird music, at least to me anyway. It had horns, piano, guitar, drums... everything imaginable. People were singing to it. I couldn’t help but rock back and forth to dance. “What is that?” he asked me, smiling.

“I’m dancing.” I told him matter-of-factly.

“Dancing, huh?” he laughed. He bowed his head. “I’d be honored if you’d let me join a beautiful girl such as yourself.” The music persisted, urged me on. I smiled and took his hands, and we danced together, laughing harder than I’d ever laughed before.

I was surprised my body didn’t give way to such intensity.

Aidan and I became fast friends, and spent a lot of time together. We went and explored areas of the room I’d never seen before, including the closet, the inside of a toy box, and the innermost workings of a bedside table. We would spend hours just running and laughing. And it was the best I’d felt in all of my life.

When Clara finally went to the hospital, she left me behind, due to the fact doctors wouldn’t want me in the room, and she went into labour away from home. Aidan and I sat, side by side, on the window sill. It was raining outside, and some wind was creeping in and playing with the curtain. I sighed, trying to calm my anxiety.

“You’re worried.” he said. I nodded.

“That’s understandable.”

I nodded again.

He looked to me. “Ava, are you okay?” he asked. “You seem a little down.”

I covered my mouth to keep from getting overwhelmed with emotion. God knew I couldn’t produce tears, but I could still sob my brains out.

The fact was, I was still jealous of Clara for having this child. I wanted something to call my own. Something of mine to love me as much as I loved them. Clara wasn’t property to me. If anything, I might be considered property to her. But I wanted something other than a silly little house and a record player that was ten times my size. I wanted more out of life than that.

My breathing got sob-heavy, which inclined Aidan to do something I never really expected. He embraced my fragile form and ran his fingers down my silvery blonde locks to calm me down. I dryly sobbed into his shoulder.

“I want what she has!” I cried. “I want something to love me back as much as a child would!”

Aidan smiled and kissed my forehead. “I love you.” he said.

I pulled away and looked at him. Wind pushed at the windows and, finally, knocked them through. Rain fell into my eyes and dropped across my face. I looked at Aidan, unable to even respond to what he’d told me.

The first thing that came to mind was to kiss him. At least, that’s what my heart told me to do.

It urged on until I caved and melded out lips together. Rain fell down my face more, ruining the years worth of makeup Clara had always put on me, ever since she figured out how.

We pulled apart and I laid my head on Aidan’s chest. He smiled and held me, running his fingers through my hair, and looking out the window. Rain fell into his eyes and glided down as well, into my hair and down through my dress.

We stayed like this for what seemed like forever, and eventually, we pulled ourselves onto my roof and went into the house through the attic window. We went into my room and sat, side by side, quiet for minutes on end.

I turned to break the silence. “I love you too.” I told him. He and I both smiled at each other, and let our hands wrap around one another’s. We held hands and sat on the edge of my bed for hours, just listening to the rain.

And as I could sense Clara getting the child she deserved, I got what she had that I had always wanted. Lost what she’d wanted to keep for a while. Gained what I needed to survive.

And that was love.

Aidan and I curled up, hours later, and continued waiting for Clara. I fell asleep, curled up at his side, and he drifted off, head against the arm of the chair, hours later. We stayed like this until we heard the front door open, and smiled at what was to come.

Aidan took my hand to lead me out, and I took it graciously. We walked out to see the newest addition to our clan, ready to greet them with smiles and still smeared faces. Love wasn’t that hard to come across in a world divided by flesh and glass eyes.

Because if you looked hard enough into imaginary eyes, you were almost guaranteed to always see the light behind them.