Dear ***!
Gerard
Dear Whore! 15.8.2001
I just got a job. Adult. Yeah, I need a job when I move into the big apple. You see, I don’t get paid for schooling. Yeah, I got the scholarship, but I need money, ‘cos it ain’t free. It’s nothing big, I’m just working at this little record store near my campus at three night per week. I don’t get that much paid from it, but I think it will be… TOTALLY AWSOME! Finally one reason to move into that hideously big city. We don’t have any record stores around here. Awesome. I was just looking for the situations vacant and I was feeling totally hopeless, I didn’t into go any crappy McDonald’s because all that gross meat and fat and. Yack! But then I noticed it.
“Record store looking for an employee! Must own some knowledge of music!”
It’s like, the most perfect job for me. I know, trust me, I know a lot about music. And not just about punk rock, I do know a lot of stuff about all kind of music. So, I just went there, by buss. Yeah, I went to fucking New York, my future home town. And I find that store, I can read a map, thought. And there was this man, covered in tattoos and stuff (grrrr) and I asked for the job and he made me this trivia and I passed it, I was better than him and I got that job. All thought, It involves people. But, I guess I can handle it, I can always go hiding behind the self’s. But tiddedilyuudioo, I’ve got also something else to tell you. After I had gotten the job, I went to a tattooist!! And, well I guess you already know, what did I do at there! I took a tattoo. Surprise. Wanna know, what kind of a tattoo did I get? I took it into my fingers. It says something. It says HALLOWEEN. Yeah, I needed to put those two LL into same finger, but OMG it is so fucking awesome. I love it I love it I love it! It orange and black. And it looks real creepy, so it’s so cool. Just like Halloween is. Mom hasn’t seen it yet. She finally accepted my last tattoo, because she didn’t need to watch it at all, and well, this one is always showing. And I know, that she wont understand the real purpose of this particular body art, so I’m just gonna say “mom, it’s my birthday! I can make a tattoo about your birthday too!” Or something. And when I tell her that I got the job. And I also went to visited my campus. And I deled whit my room. Room number 600, such a shame, I’d love to live in a room 666, I’d love to see the look of my mom’s face. And I got some books and papers to fill before I can go into that school. So, I’m ready. Here we go life!
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“How naive can a child be?” Frank asked from himself and took sharp razor blade into his hands. He made just a little cut, into his fingers. “Did I really believe, that everything is gonna be good if I just take another tattoo and move into another city. If so, I should be the happiest guy on earth by now!” he laughed for him own nativity and made another cut. Again, into his fingers. The blood started to run across his fingers, across his tattoo. The tattoo witch was supposed to make him feel good, make him perfect, make all bad things go away. During these years he had been relying to that little peases of body art. Every time when something was going wrong, he had been just looking for those things. Making himself to believe that it all will just go away.
Everything is gonna be fine. And for those years, it had been working out for quite nicely, but no he realized, that it had been only some kind of morphine for him. Escape. “How stupid” he thought “It’s just a tattoo” he made several more cuts. He cut one holy letter out of his hands “A” fell to the floor “we will be so much better white out you” he thought and cut the letter “W” away.
Then it hit into him again “This is only a tattoo, it doesn’t matter, wheatear I have it or not. Now when I cut this away, it doesn’t help me. Jut like when I took it, I didn’t help me.” He took those missing letter and wash them away through the toilet. He took the razor again. This time would be the last time he ever holds it. After this, he’d be free. But his thought’s didn’t leave him alone.
“What if this is just another tattoo for me, what if, this doesn’t work?” He threw the razor to the floor, “How I can be sure, that this will work?” He took it into his bloody finger again and went to the kitchen. He took an apple, made some cuts into it and after it, he made the cut. Straight into the arm, nice and clean, big and. bloody. Just when he was gonna do the final cut, into his another arm. He hear how someone opened the door. “Fuck the shit” he thought and tried to hide.
“Frank, where are you?” He heard Gerard’s voice.
“Oh, no, he can’t see me like this, he doesn’t need this shit!” He thought.
“I DON’T WANNA SEE YOUR BLOODY CORPSE!” He yelled. Frank started to cry, big time he tried to dry his tear, but his hands were bleeding so badly, thatit was impossible, soon, his face was covered in blood.
“Oh, my good, Frank….” He heard Gerard’s voice before he passed out.
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Dear Whore 20.11.2001
Oooh, I’m so on cloud nine! Damn!
I just med a boy whit sparkle eyes, twice, during the day. He is so, what do normal dudes say about their latest crushes when they first meet them? Well, he is adorable, gorgeous, the cutest pale faced shitty messy dude I’ve ever sawn! He came into the shop at the afternoon. He entered the shop and my heard stopped beating for a while. Yeah, he was so freaking good looking. I didn’t have the time to jump behind the cashier before he was talking to me. Yeha, I talked whit him. I even remember, how did the conversation went:
Gergelousdude: “Hi”
Me: “Hi, can I help you?”
Dude” Umn, Do you happen to have the latest White Strippers album?”
ME: “Well of course! Let me see… Strippers, strippers. Dumbeliduu, aaaand, here we go!”
Dude:”Awesome!”
Me: “Grnght”
Dude: “Did you say something?”
Me: “grnght”
Dude: “Oh, I see.”
Me:”Something else?”
My inner him: “A mouthfuck please”
Dude: “No thanks:”
ME: ”Okay. It was pleasure *caught* to service you”
Dude: “Yeah, see you”
Me: “In my dreams”
Dude:” Did you say something?”
Me:” Grnght”
And then, he was gone. How foolish can a boy be? Well, it doesn’t matter anymore, ‘cos like I said, I met him again later that day. At the practice studio! Really! He is at that new band who we are sharing our practise studio! I couldn’t believe my eves when I saw him entering the room. He was so drunk and his smile was bigger than suns. He laughed so… cutely, like, I don’t know, how to describe him, I need to take a deep breath before I continue. He has black hair, he’s face is something beautiful than any fairy’s I’ve ever sawn, his eyes. Pure sparkles, like two perfect stars. His teets, looked awful, like a little hamsters, but I still… Love them. More about him, I can’t get enough of him. His name is Gerard. I know his name.
“Hi, I’m Gerard” He said when he entered the room. He looked straight into my eyes and said: “You were at the record store, weren’t you”
“Yeah...” I said shyly, I blushed so badly.
“So, I’m Gerard, singing at this band. You have so cool space here…”He shacked my hand. I needed to really push myself to say something.
“H-hi, I’m Frank, singing and playing guitar.”
“And selling records and studying!” Time yelled. Was he had to do that!!! So wrong time.
“That’s cool… Super dude.” He said to me, and smiled that adorable smile.
Then we started our practise. I really tried to do my best, but, oh it was soooo sooo hard to try to consternate while I constantly felt his eyes burned into my flesh. But I tried. After our practice, they started theirs. We stayed at there to follow them, not just me, I’d never have the guts to do it. We all. His voice. Something unbelievable. The words he had bee making. Just beautiful. Well, that Toro was a great guitarist, so much better than me, and that Matt dude, I guess, he knows, what he’s doing. And then there was Gerard’s (oh my hands are shaking every time when I even think about him.) younger brother Mikey. Bass. The musical Way brothers (yep, their last name is Way, how awesome!). After their practises, we needed to go. He said me something.
Gerard: “I hope we’ll see again!”
Me “Me too!” Then I needed to go. Did he mean that he want’s to see ma again or that we are gonna see again because we’re sharing that practise space? Uhmn, I so don’t know. But I’m still making cookies, so good mood I am at the moment.
I just got a job. Adult. Yeah, I need a job when I move into the big apple. You see, I don’t get paid for schooling. Yeah, I got the scholarship, but I need money, ‘cos it ain’t free. It’s nothing big, I’m just working at this little record store near my campus at three night per week. I don’t get that much paid from it, but I think it will be… TOTALLY AWSOME! Finally one reason to move into that hideously big city. We don’t have any record stores around here. Awesome. I was just looking for the situations vacant and I was feeling totally hopeless, I didn’t into go any crappy McDonald’s because all that gross meat and fat and. Yack! But then I noticed it.
“Record store looking for an employee! Must own some knowledge of music!”
It’s like, the most perfect job for me. I know, trust me, I know a lot about music. And not just about punk rock, I do know a lot of stuff about all kind of music. So, I just went there, by buss. Yeah, I went to fucking New York, my future home town. And I find that store, I can read a map, thought. And there was this man, covered in tattoos and stuff (grrrr) and I asked for the job and he made me this trivia and I passed it, I was better than him and I got that job. All thought, It involves people. But, I guess I can handle it, I can always go hiding behind the self’s. But tiddedilyuudioo, I’ve got also something else to tell you. After I had gotten the job, I went to a tattooist!! And, well I guess you already know, what did I do at there! I took a tattoo. Surprise. Wanna know, what kind of a tattoo did I get? I took it into my fingers. It says something. It says HALLOWEEN. Yeah, I needed to put those two LL into same finger, but OMG it is so fucking awesome. I love it I love it I love it! It orange and black. And it looks real creepy, so it’s so cool. Just like Halloween is. Mom hasn’t seen it yet. She finally accepted my last tattoo, because she didn’t need to watch it at all, and well, this one is always showing. And I know, that she wont understand the real purpose of this particular body art, so I’m just gonna say “mom, it’s my birthday! I can make a tattoo about your birthday too!” Or something. And when I tell her that I got the job. And I also went to visited my campus. And I deled whit my room. Room number 600, such a shame, I’d love to live in a room 666, I’d love to see the look of my mom’s face. And I got some books and papers to fill before I can go into that school. So, I’m ready. Here we go life!
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“How naive can a child be?” Frank asked from himself and took sharp razor blade into his hands. He made just a little cut, into his fingers. “Did I really believe, that everything is gonna be good if I just take another tattoo and move into another city. If so, I should be the happiest guy on earth by now!” he laughed for him own nativity and made another cut. Again, into his fingers. The blood started to run across his fingers, across his tattoo. The tattoo witch was supposed to make him feel good, make him perfect, make all bad things go away. During these years he had been relying to that little peases of body art. Every time when something was going wrong, he had been just looking for those things. Making himself to believe that it all will just go away.
Everything is gonna be fine. And for those years, it had been working out for quite nicely, but no he realized, that it had been only some kind of morphine for him. Escape. “How stupid” he thought “It’s just a tattoo” he made several more cuts. He cut one holy letter out of his hands “A” fell to the floor “we will be so much better white out you” he thought and cut the letter “W” away.
Then it hit into him again “This is only a tattoo, it doesn’t matter, wheatear I have it or not. Now when I cut this away, it doesn’t help me. Jut like when I took it, I didn’t help me.” He took those missing letter and wash them away through the toilet. He took the razor again. This time would be the last time he ever holds it. After this, he’d be free. But his thought’s didn’t leave him alone.
“What if this is just another tattoo for me, what if, this doesn’t work?” He threw the razor to the floor, “How I can be sure, that this will work?” He took it into his bloody finger again and went to the kitchen. He took an apple, made some cuts into it and after it, he made the cut. Straight into the arm, nice and clean, big and. bloody. Just when he was gonna do the final cut, into his another arm. He hear how someone opened the door. “Fuck the shit” he thought and tried to hide.
“Frank, where are you?” He heard Gerard’s voice.
“Oh, no, he can’t see me like this, he doesn’t need this shit!” He thought.
“I DON’T WANNA SEE YOUR BLOODY CORPSE!” He yelled. Frank started to cry, big time he tried to dry his tear, but his hands were bleeding so badly, thatit was impossible, soon, his face was covered in blood.
“Oh, my good, Frank….” He heard Gerard’s voice before he passed out.
_________________------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Whore 20.11.2001
Oooh, I’m so on cloud nine! Damn!
I just med a boy whit sparkle eyes, twice, during the day. He is so, what do normal dudes say about their latest crushes when they first meet them? Well, he is adorable, gorgeous, the cutest pale faced shitty messy dude I’ve ever sawn! He came into the shop at the afternoon. He entered the shop and my heard stopped beating for a while. Yeah, he was so freaking good looking. I didn’t have the time to jump behind the cashier before he was talking to me. Yeha, I talked whit him. I even remember, how did the conversation went:
Gergelousdude: “Hi”
Me: “Hi, can I help you?”
Dude” Umn, Do you happen to have the latest White Strippers album?”
ME: “Well of course! Let me see… Strippers, strippers. Dumbeliduu, aaaand, here we go!”
Dude:”Awesome!”
Me: “Grnght”
Dude: “Did you say something?”
Me: “grnght”
Dude: “Oh, I see.”
Me:”Something else?”
My inner him: “A mouthfuck please”
Dude: “No thanks:”
ME: ”Okay. It was pleasure *caught* to service you”
Dude: “Yeah, see you”
Me: “In my dreams”
Dude:” Did you say something?”
Me:” Grnght”
And then, he was gone. How foolish can a boy be? Well, it doesn’t matter anymore, ‘cos like I said, I met him again later that day. At the practice studio! Really! He is at that new band who we are sharing our practise studio! I couldn’t believe my eves when I saw him entering the room. He was so drunk and his smile was bigger than suns. He laughed so… cutely, like, I don’t know, how to describe him, I need to take a deep breath before I continue. He has black hair, he’s face is something beautiful than any fairy’s I’ve ever sawn, his eyes. Pure sparkles, like two perfect stars. His teets, looked awful, like a little hamsters, but I still… Love them. More about him, I can’t get enough of him. His name is Gerard. I know his name.
“Hi, I’m Gerard” He said when he entered the room. He looked straight into my eyes and said: “You were at the record store, weren’t you”
“Yeah...” I said shyly, I blushed so badly.
“So, I’m Gerard, singing at this band. You have so cool space here…”He shacked my hand. I needed to really push myself to say something.
“H-hi, I’m Frank, singing and playing guitar.”
“And selling records and studying!” Time yelled. Was he had to do that!!! So wrong time.
“That’s cool… Super dude.” He said to me, and smiled that adorable smile.
Then we started our practise. I really tried to do my best, but, oh it was soooo sooo hard to try to consternate while I constantly felt his eyes burned into my flesh. But I tried. After our practice, they started theirs. We stayed at there to follow them, not just me, I’d never have the guts to do it. We all. His voice. Something unbelievable. The words he had bee making. Just beautiful. Well, that Toro was a great guitarist, so much better than me, and that Matt dude, I guess, he knows, what he’s doing. And then there was Gerard’s (oh my hands are shaking every time when I even think about him.) younger brother Mikey. Bass. The musical Way brothers (yep, their last name is Way, how awesome!). After their practises, we needed to go. He said me something.
Gerard: “I hope we’ll see again!”
Me “Me too!” Then I needed to go. Did he mean that he want’s to see ma again or that we are gonna see again because we’re sharing that practise space? Uhmn, I so don’t know. But I’m still making cookies, so good mood I am at the moment.