Anonymous

I was going to tell you. I was going to stand up and tell you- Gerard Arthur Way, I want you to love me. Yes, I was going to do it. I stood outside your hotel room for two hours working up the courage to knock on the door. I was going to tell you. I was going to scream it; scream it right in your face. It would be that easy right? You would hear my desperate words and be completely overwhelmed with love. Then you would dump your ass of a girlfriend- fiancé, whatever she was to you- and come to me. It isn’t like anyone knows or cares who she is, right? No one knows you are engaged. You have been lying to everyone so it will be easy….

“He is so dating Eliza!”

The sound of a fan caught my attention- they usually sneak into hotels looking for us- and I turned my head slowly, so not to grab their attention. Down the hall were two girls, no more than sixteen, wearing My Chemical Romance shirts and ripped jeans. Oh yeah, they were fans. The one who said Miss Eliza’s name had long, styled, black hair with a large bang that covered her eyes. Her arms were crossed over her chest and her eyes were narrowed as if saying Eliza’s name was painful to her own ears. The other girl was softer; her hair was smooth and brown and her arms were laying limp at her sides. I don’t know why am I describing this to you.

“Eliza? Their hairdresser?”

“Yeah! She was leaving hints all over her Myspace! I wouldn’t doubt they were engaged! They are both sporting rings.”

“Engaged? But didn’t he just get out of a six year relationship? He wouldn’t jump back in the game so quickly.”

“Bullshit. He cheated on Kat. Eliza said so in one of her blogs.”

“I don’t know Samara, that’s not the Gee I know.”

“Believe it Natalie. He isn’t the man we thought he was. He isn’t our hero.”

You weren’t their hero anymore. Did you realize you are loosing your fans now? The people who always supported and loved you no matter what you did. They were with us when you are boozed up, strung out, suicidal…they stuck by you despite this and supported us…this band. Now they were split- because of one woman. I thought…I guess I thought they were ignorant to what was happening, but I guess I was wrong about that. They knew all too well what was going on- it was affecting them…warping their view of us and you. Did you realize that? And if you did, did you even care?

The fans long gone, your door swung open. You looked around suspiciously and then laid your hair lidded eyes on me.

“What’s up man?”

You know how angry I was growing by the fucking second? There you were: your hair a sweaty mess, only wearing your boxers and socks (why do you fuck with socks on?), your shirt suspiciously missing. And in the bed, oh I could fucking see, Eliza laying under the thin white covers, naked. Fucking naked. You were fucking that bitch as I stood outside your door.

You looked so damn cocky too, like you achieved something. Like you were some fucking hot shot rock star. You were disgusting!

So I did what you had been doing to me! I pushed you as hard as my little body fucking could. Pushed you and punched you and backed you up against the fucking wall. Your eyes were wide with amazement that I had actually done it- that little fucking Frankie actually got the god damn strength to shove big old fucking Gerard way! You didn’t even try to defend yourself, you were too scared. You damn well should be!

“You’re a disgrace!” I shouted on top of my lungs. “You’re a fucking disgrace! I hate you! I hate the egotistical asshole you have become!”

You finally put your hands up when I went to punch you in your ugly face. I stopped and stared at you, angry like a fucking rabid dog. Your eyes were a mix of confusion and fright. You wanted to say something, but the words wouldn’t come. You looked towards Eliza for help, but she remained on the bed smoking your cigarettes and watching curiously.

“Frank,” you finally said, “Frank what have I become….”

I was like that fan who didn’t want to believe what her friend was saying. I wanted to pretend I had heard nothing, that it was nothing and that I was just imagining that you were changing. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t remain ignorant anymore: ignorance was how you almost died the first time.

“A failure.” Those two hides hit you harder than any of the punches I threw at you. You dropped your hands and looked at me shocked. Shocked and torn up. Like I taken a knife to your heart and stabbed you in the heart. “Gerard, a failure you are!”

I stomped out of the room, throwing the most dangerous death glare at the naked girl who stared at me as if I had gone insane. Maybe I had finally gone insane. I slammed the door behind me, shaking the walls of the five star hotel you just had to check into. I remained against the door waiting for my legs to stop wobbling.

“If you’re a failure,” I heard her say, “then he is a loser and a half.”

“Ha,” you laughed, “that’s for sure.”

Those would be the last words I heard.