Anonymous

Take a step. That’s all I had to do. Take a step and it would be all over. I would tumble off this five-star hotel he just had to have. Go splat against the concrete in the parking lot. The guys looking from the tour buses would watch in horror as my small body fell. Everyone would scream; they would run to where my head was smashed open. They would step in the pool of my blood. Flinch in disgust. The real emotion ones would cradle my bloody body in their arms and scream my name. They would ask the heaven why I threw myself off the building. They would be asking the wrong people; doesn’t Satan deal in suicides?

Then I thought of something. Same thing I thought about the first time I stared death in the face. What the hell was I doing? I was going to kill myself over you and some dumb whore? What the fuck would that accomplish? Nothing. And I was a weakling for even thinking about it, right? I was the loser she said I was, wasn’t I? You even agreed with her! So, it must be fucking true.

I took a step…back. I placed my feet on the cobblestone roof…safe. I looked towards the sunset, the wind whipping my growing hair violently, taking in the beautiful colors that painted the sky. Paint. You painted. But this wouldn’t be something you would paint. You weren’t into sunsets. You liked dark things; zombies, death, blood, lack of hope. And sure, I liked all those things as well…but I also liked hope and bright things. This sunset with the purple, pinks, oranges, and yellows. All the beautiful colors swirling into one.

I suddenly realized why I wanted to jump off that roof so bad. I had bottled everything up. Every word I really wanted to say to you. Every beat down I really wanted to give you. I quenched some of my thirst when I attacked you earlier that day. But I needed more. I needed to unleash this anger before I fucking imploded.

So I did the only thing I knew I could do short of committing murder…

I screamed! I let out the most inhuman scream anyone had ever heard. I dug my fingers into my hair and tugged…and screamed…and yelled. As loud as my throat would let me. My nails found their way to my skin, where the dug to help fuel my powerful shouts.

Midway through my fit I realized I was singing…singing and screaming….

“Wake up!” I don’t remember when I started yelling that part of “Sleep” but it fit. Oh god, did it fit the occasion. And as if I was you on stage, the words tumbled out of my mouth like puke. Doubled over, my fingers returning to my hair, I was a sight to see. An angry rabid dog- “Wake up!” I was singing to you. “Wake up!” I wanted you to just “Wake up!”

I fell to my knees. My throat was raw and tingling as if needles were scraping against it. I looked towards the sun…orange with mild fury, the dark blue of night chasing it back into its hole. Frankie was disappearing and Gerard was taking over. Blackening his soul with poison.

I fell on my stomach, my arms lying dead on my sides. My eyes were half open and watery- not from crying but from screaming. My body jerked from alien pain. I think I put too much pressure on my self. My body couldn’t handle it. My mind wasn’t functioning. I closed my eyes and cursed the show that was doomed to go on in two hours. The Gerard Parade. You wouldn’t see me there. You wouldn’t even notice. You wouldn’t even care.