Exposed In Lights

I put my headphones back on my head and adjusted my red pyjama pants. Today was the first day of the last two days of recording. My hands were sore from playing guitar so much so I was doing vocals all day today.

I let out a large burp into the microphone and swallowed some water. “You’re not having anymore diet coke.” I heard Jay say into my earphones. I sighed, I knew he was right. The coke was setting us back.

The music played into my ears and I cleared my throat. “She was lost, in so many different ways, out in the darkness with no guide. I know the cost, of a losing hand. Never for the grace of God though I… I found heaven on earth, you are my last my first and then I hear this voice inside.”

“That was the one, now time for the Ave Maria business.” Jay announced. I waved to Beyonce who had entered holding a bag of Starbucks. We had become close over this period, she listened to me and respected me and was my vocal coach.

Ave Maria was a song that was meant for her, it was the song that would prove my self as a singer. My version of a song sung by people such as Celine Dion and Pavarotti. Pava-frigging-rotti! I couldn’t believe the label trusted me with such a song.

It was the slowest song on the album, which had practically written itself. My issues with being torn away from the one I love conjured up a lot of songs inside of me.

He never did call, text, email… nothing. But his family did, I always sent them my songs as soon as they were finished and they would always tell me how proud they were. Kevin was my link to Nick, he was the one I trusted to tell me everything and do it truthfully. Nick wasn’t good, but he was better than I was. Kevin had told me Nick didn’t want to see me, that hurt more than anything.

I wanted to see him but I knew things between us would never be the same. I broke up with him, but I only hoped he could see I wasn’t doing it because I wanted to but because I had to. I was in just as much pain as he was. I was sick of seeing everyone other than him.

Lots of people had decided to drop in and see me during the first month of recording. Musicians, producers, friends, family, practically everyone! It got so ridiculous Jay banned everyone except from himself, Bee, my self and everyone who was working on the album from visiting me. My parents occasionally came to visit me though.

My Dad and I still weren’t on the best terms. We had established that I wasn’t going to be fine with him until I was back where I belonged, in L.A. He didn’t have to take this loan, he didn’t have to send us out of another comfort zone. We were all happy there, but no, we couldn’t stay. He sent me away from my life and caused me more pain than anyone ever had, he regretted every minute of it though. I didn’t like the fact I was making him guilty, but he deserved it in some respects.

I knew it was for his job, but I didn’t care. L.A. was about my job too, I wanted to record my album over there so my friends could see me progress and so that the Jonas boys could produce it like I told them they could. It wasn’t that I wasn’t ecstatic to have Jay-Z produce it’s just whenever I look through the glass I know who should be there.

Once I had nailed that song I shuffled out the recording booth, my slippers comforting the soles of my feet. I loved these slippers, they were giant pink fuzzy monster feet. I pulled on Nick’s hoodie which I regularly sprayed with Polo Black to make it smell like him and sat down on Beyonce’s lap.

We replayed the song and I had a grin on my face the whole way through. My voice was so powerful, it made me wonder how much farther I could push it. Everyone clapped once the song finished, Bee was crying. I chuckled and wiped away her tears.

“Right, next song!” Jay exclaimed. I scowled at him.

“If you make me sing once more I will drown you.” I threatened.

He smiled, “Where are you going to drown me?”

“I’ll dig a hole.” I retorted and stuck my tongue out. I smiled at the camera that was recording us. I had cameras on me all the time I was in the recording studio, they saw me crying when I record a Nick inspired song; Stop This Song and saw me dancing at random times with Bee. They caught me doing everything. I had some awesome YouTube videos but the main of it was for the album DVD.

“You have weak arms.” He said, I failed my arms around and giggled.

“I could beat you up any day.” I boasted and stood up. I started jumping around like Rocky, throwing punches into the air. I felt my slippers slide across the floor then I fell onto my ass. “Crap, I’m ruined!” I cried dramatically then jumped back up and bowed as everyone laughed.

“You ruined yourself when you came into the studio in pyjama bottoms and slippers.” John smiled and I gasped. “BURN!” He shouted and tackled me onto the sofa.

Okay, so recording my album in Madrid had some up sides. I had an amazing album crew that I loved to be around, but I’d still prefer my boys as my album crew. My boys… I guess I can’t call them that anymore. But next week I’d be back in L.A and that would make things interesting.

I browsed over my comments on my music MySpace page, giggling at some of the more ridiculous ones. “Julia! Are you on MySpace?” Jay shouted looking at me sternly.

“No…” I dragged it out and fluttered my eye lashes at him. “I love you?” I grinned innocently. “No!” I shouted as he stomped over to me. He pulled the laptop from me and pointed to the recording booth. I pouted and stomped into it. “What song am I doing?” I asked putting my headphones back on.

The music for POV started to play so I figured I was doing backing vocals over Ashleigh’s (my new drummer and best friend). I was so happy when I was told I could choose my own band members, I now had Shaun, Ashleigh and Emma who were my friends from school playing in my band with me. I also had a basist named Tom who was from the record label, he was immense though.

I did the vocals for that then I was sent back to my house, I never called it home. I was so eager to get home that I was already packing, my room was basically boxes. Some I hadn’t even unpacked since we arrived. I gave a quick hello to my family then went and showered.

Later, when I was sat on my bed talking to friends on MSN my Mum walked into my room and sat next to me on my bed. She did this whenever she wanted to talk. “Honey, seeming as tomorrow is your last day of recording I was wondering if you wanted to come with me to L.A to sort the house out.”

I smiled and nodded, “Really?” I asked, I would be going home five days earlier. “I love you!” I shouted and hugged her, she hugged me back and then gave me a kiss.

“I know how much you gave up coming with us here, this is the least I could do.”

She had to bring it up didn’t she? Nick. I was nervous though, how do you approach someone you love but someone who shattered to? Someone who doesn’t want to see you but who is the only person you want to see? The answer is simple, you can’t.

* * *

I took pictures with everyone and of every room in the recording studio, I would kind of miss it but I wouldn’t want to see it again. Eleven songs, one album, thousands of happy fans… hopefully. I stared at the piece of paper that had all my songs listed on it;

1. We Are The Young
2. Decoy
3. On The Line (ft. Jonas Brothers)
4. Too Close For Comfort
5. Everybody Knows
6. POV
7. Calling All Skeletons
8. Ave Maria
9. Stop This Song (Lovesick Melody)
10. She Falls Asleep
11. Fences

I smiled to my self and did a little dance. I was the last out of the recording studio so I locked up and began my mile walk back to my house.

I liked to walk , I don’t know why. It was refreshing some how, it kept me busy and killed a lot of time before I had to be home to go to the airport. When I arrived I was so happy to see this house empty, moving back to L.A made me happier than ever.

I ran up to my room and changed into my travel clothes. A simple pair of jeans, black dolly shoes, a white t-shirt, Nick’s hoodie and his watch. Comfortable and easy to sleep in. I dragged my case down the stairs and rested my travel bag on the top of it.

“Devils!” I called, the all came running in except Cruz. He decided crawling would be easier. “Now, who is going to get you if you’re bad for Daddy?”

“Fanacapan.” Romeo and Brooklyn said at the same time, Cruz just giggled.

“Give me a hug.” I opened my arms and hugged them then picked Cruz up and hugged him. I put him down and the walked away quickly trying to keep up with his brothers. I picked up Albert and put him in his travel cage and said goodbye to Hope who was coming across with my Dad. Ernie was already in the car.

Security helped me with my bags and Albert stayed next to me in the car ride there. I felt hyper and anxious at the same time. The whole plane ride I sat staring out the window waiting to see Los Angeles underneath me, my Mum fell asleep and I quietly sung along to my iPod all the way there.

When we landed I had the biggest smile on my face. “Come on, hurry up!” I shouted to my Mum who was slowly gathering herself and reapplying her make up. I walked through the tunnel with my back pack on my back and my Mum in front of me, I smiled at all the paparazzi and waved to everyone who welcomed me back.

When we got outside barriers created a path for us to our SUV. My Mum kept going as I stopped to sign for fans and take pictures. “How was it like recording you album?” One asked.

“Amazing, but I’m glad to be back.” I was tugged away by security and pushed into the car.

I ran around the house happily and then ran up to my room. I immediately started putting my posters and recreating my memories wall with even more from my trip to Madrid. I even put up my ones with Nick, I was far from over him.

My furniture was still in place so I began stocking my closet which took two hours, the darkness was starting to make me sleepy along with the fluorescent lighting in my closet. Once I was done I made my room normal again then collapsed on my bed.

* * *

I dressed in a pair of black skinny jeans and a cream t-shirt which had a pair of nerd glasses printed on it. I pulled on a pair of black cow boy boots and pulled on a grey jacket. I decided to take Albert for a walk.

As I walked down the street I noticed paparazzi were keeping their distances, across the other side of the road and never crossing my path. I smiled and waved to them. “Welcome back to L.A Julia!” I noticed it was a common paparazzi called Harry.

“Thanks!” I called back and turned back for my house.

On the way my iPhone rang in my pocket. I pulled it out and saw it was Joe. “Hey!” I answered smiling.

“You’re back!” He exclaimed, “Are you coming over?”

“Maybe, we should meet somewhere. It would be awkward with Nick and things.” I sighed.

“Eff Nick. We all want to see you.” Joe really wanted to see me. I could tell. “Nick probably wants to see you too.”

I stepped into my house and let Albert off to run around. I grabbed my keys and shoved them into my pocket, already set on my decision. “Okay, are you at the house?”

“Yeah, we all are. Thanks!” Joe said happily then cut off the phone. I ran up the stairs and grabbed a black waist coat just to spice my outfit up a bit. I tossed my grey jacket on my bed and headed back down and out the house.

I locked up my house and ran to my car. I put on my black Ray Bans Wayfarers as I drove. I was really going to see him again, I was going to see them all. I almost started hyperventilating as I pulled up outside the house, I rested my head on the wheel and took a few deep breaths.

“Are you coming in or what?” Kevin’s voice was comfort to me, I turned my head to look at him and smiled at his welcoming attitude. Joe appeared behind him and waved. I climbed out of my car and locked it before running up to Joe who was half way down his driveway. I jumped onto him and wrapped my legs around his waist, he spun me around laughing against my neck.

“I’ve missed you!” I giggled as he put me down. Kevin embraced me as soon as my feet touched the ground. “I’ve missed you too” I told Kevin.

“You’ve lost weight.” Joe told me as we walked back inside.

“Just a few pounds, nothing serious.” I shrugged. When I stepped in the house I was faced with Denise and Paul. “Hey!”

“Julia!” Denise smiled and hugged me. Paul hugged me and kissed both my cheeks. Frankie hugged me too and I felt the awkwardness between the family. “Your songs sound amazing!”

“Thanks.” I grinned.

“Kids, why don’t you take Julia to the front room and I’ll go bake some brownies, come on Paul.” They left for the kitchen and I walked into the front room, Frankie didn’t stay he just sped upstairs.

“Is he here?” I whispered as Joe and Kevin sat either side of me.

“He’s in his room. You should go and talk to him, seriously.” Kevin told me. I looked at both of them who nodded to me.

I swallowed my nerve and stood up.