Exposed In Lights

“I’m not going to talk to him.” I announced and headed out the room before an argument could erupt.

I pushed my fringe back against my head and pulled up my jeans. Denise was in the kitchen I when I entered. The smell of chocolate was rich in the air and the oven hummed quietly in the background of Denise’s melodic humming.

I noticed she was cleaning dishes so I grabbed a towel and began to dry the ones she’d already washed. “Thank you.” She sung, “You do more than the boys do around here.” I chuckled and began a pile of dry mixing bowls on the counter. “How have you been then?”

“Good.” I answered staring at the plate in my hands. “-ish.”

“He’ll come around, I know my son.”

I carried on helping Denise by putting the dishes away and washing down the tops. I was a bit OCD when it came to tidiness and such, it wasn’t a burden on me though. It helps more if you’re bored. As I put away the plates my eyes caught a glimpse of the Jonas family photo which was hung on the wall in a glossy black frame, they looked so happy together, so close. I felt like an intruder now that I wasn’t a part of that happiness.

“I think I’m going to go now.” I told Denise. She looked at me with an odd expression, I couldn’t work it out.

“You don’t have to leave Julia, you’re welcome here whenever you like.” I smiled at her and nodded, “But if you feel uncomfortable don’t feel you have to stay.”

“Thanks Denise.” I gave her a hug and waved to her as I made my way to the front room. Leaving without saying goodbye would be rude and my keys were in there. But, just as I was about to push the door open I heard Joe speak.

“Nick, why won’t you just speak to her?” Joe demanded. They were talking about me?

“I think it’s a bit obvious, Joe. What is she even doing here? It’s not like we’re together.”

“She one of our best friends Nick, you need to stop being so stubborn.” Kevin snapped, I went and sat down on the stairs and continued to listen.

“I’m not being stubborn I’m being realistic. Do you think she was the only one who felt like shit? She broke up with me remember!” Nick almost shouted. I rested my elbows on my thighs and put my head in my hands.

He was right, they were so deluded into believing I was what Nick needed they failed to see I was what made him the way he was. It was frustrating and if it was frustrating for me it must be worse for Nick. I wish his brothers would side with him just to make his life easier.

I heard a door open and I sharply lifted me head, so quickly I actually hurt my neck a little bit. Nick’s face wasn’t very amused, “I… urm…” I couldn't speak, I cleared my throat then shook my head a little bit. Standing up, I tried again. “I need to get my keys.”

“Yeah, you do.” Nick spat back. I flinched at the harshness of his tone and the pain in his eyes. I walked past him and ignored the flip in my stomach as his hand grazed mine. I said goodbye to Kevin and Joe then sped out the house and to my car.

Why did I go there? Stupid idea, if I want to see Kevin and Joe anytime I should make sure that Nick isn’t there. It was obvious that it was making him uncomfortable to be around me. He didn’t want me there.

He didn’t want me.

My breath hitched in my throat and I immediately pulled over. “Fuck.” I said breathlessly. I tried to control my breathing and eventually did but it was still in my head. I was so used to having Nick close to me and having Nick want me with him that I’d thought that when I came back it would be the same. That he’d forgive me and welcome me with open arms but I see now that that will never happen.

I finally managed to get home in time for all my phone interviews with various radio stations. I answered a few comments on MySpace but gave up after twenty or so, they were all the same. It never failed to amaze me that most of these kids go to school, they can’t spell for toffee.

My phone started to ring beside me just as I was going to change, “Hello?”

“You’re back!” Demi sung, “What are you doing?”

“Nothing, why?”

“Well, I’m opening for the boys tonight so you should come and watch.”

“Demi, it’s awkward enough he doesn’t need me watching his show.” I sighed pulling up my purple cheetah print tights then stepping into a pair of denim high waist shorts. I pulled of my shirt quickly.

“So, come and watch me then leave. You don’t even have to see them and if you want you could get me a McDonalds on your way over here.” She spoke quickly.

I pulled on a baggy white shirt which had a scoop neckline and a smiley face on the front of it. “Fine, fine. What do you want?”

“Cheese burger meal, coke.”

“I’ll be there within the hour”

She chuckled, “Do you know where it is?”

“Yes.” I cut off the phone and threw it into my large black bag.

The drive to McDonalds was quick but the order was taking forever. I sat in my car with the sun beaming down on me, I noticed two guys making their way over to me with a camera around one wrist.

“Hey guys.” I smiled as the leaned against my side of the car.

“Can I take a picture of you? My friends will never believe me if I said I saw you here.” Just as he spoke my order was handed to me through the window. I grabbed it and placed it next to me on the passenger’s seat, I smiled for their camera giving thumbs up. “Thanks.”

“No problem.” I replied before speeding away.

When I showed up at the venue I was let backstage and into Demi’s dressing room. When I walked in she was doing what seemed to be an interview with two fans, “Bugger, sorry!” I said quickly. “I’ll come back.”

“No! It’s cool, just stay.” One of the girls said, “I’m Marie and this is Kelly.” I gave them both hugs then sat down behind the camera.

I pulled out my fries and began to tease Demi who was gazing at the food as she tried to concentrate on the interview. “Can you stop?” She demanded, laughing as I shoved a handful of fries into my mouth.

“I could…” I said dryly, grinning as I slurped up some coke. I took out my McChicken sandwich and pushed the bag across the table to her. “There.” I smirked, knowing fine and well she couldn’t eat in an interview.

“Madrid has changed you my friend.” Demi smiled and went back to her interview.

She was right, Madrid had changed me. It had made me so insane I broke up with the first guy I’d ever loved. But I don’t regret it, everything happens for a reason. There must be a light at the end of this insanely long tunnel, right? Someone would cut me break eventually…

I never realised how much I missed being around friends. Talking and joking with Demi was a relief to say the least, she didn’t make me feel pressured or make me feel like I had to force conversation, it all just flowed nicely and that’s what I needed in my life. Something that just went smoothly without a hitch and without interruptions. Something that I didn’t have to worry about.

“I’m just going to the bathroom.” I jumped over the back of the sofa so I didn’t have to disturb Demi who was focusing on completing a song on Guitar Hero.

I skipped down the corridor and into the bathroom. I relieved my bladder and retied my hair back, as I headed back out I immediately saw the familiar figure of Nick’s body. He was talking to his Uncle Josh who gave me a friendly wave but his face told a different story. Nick turned around and glared at me, again I was shocked by the fierce look on his face.

I held my breath as I stood stationary watching him storm over to me. He grabbed onto my upper arm tightly and dragged me back into the unisex bathroom. He swung me against the sinks and paced in front of me.

“What are you doing here?” He demanded, still pacing angrily. “Well?” He snapped when I didn’t answer.

“I came to see Demi.” I murmured in reply, staring at my feet.

“Why are you following me?”

I rolled my eyes and decided to take my stand. “I’m seeing my friend Nick!” I retorted. My posture was just as tense as his was, he stopped pacing and stood in front of me with a frustrated look on his face. “You can’t control everything.” I stated and crossed my arms over my chest.

“I’m not I just—” He paused to think about what he was going to say, “I just don’t want to see you.”

My eyes clouded over and before I could start to cry I rushed out the room and down the corridor. I slowed to a walk when I got closer to Demi’s dressing room but I heard him coming up the corridor. I slammed Demi’s door and ignored the looks I got from Kevin who was playing against Demi on Guitar Hero.

They paused the game and looked at me, “Boys are shit.” I said, “Carry on.” I motioned and pulled out my Blackberry.

I had a new email, I quickly went to my inbox and as soon as I saw the sender I let out an ear piercing scream. “Oh my god!” I quickly opened it and read it over.

Dear Miss Beckham,
We’re pleased to inform you that after conversation with your agent and discussing numerous things with our board that we would love for you and Mandy Van Duyne to be the face of our newest Chanel fragrance ‘Carnival’. This process has been long for which we apologise for our delay in giving you an answer towards doing this piece. Because you put forward Miss Duyne forward that means the original pay you would be getting will be split into two halves for you and Mandy.

We hope to see you on April 15th on the set of the photo shoot, we will be in contact with your agent and manager who I believe has been representing Mandy during this interaction later with details of the shoot. It will be of a carnival theme, obviously.

Thank you for doing this deal for us and for giving us your time as we know the shoot will be around the date of your album release.

Kind regards and best wishes,
Peter Harrison
(Head of Chanel fragrances)

“What are you screaming about?” Kevin asked, I tossed my Blackberry at him and jumped up on the sofa and began dancing. I pulled Demi up and forced her to dance with me.

“I have to call Mandy!” I announced and grabbed my iPhone.

I ran around the room as I told Mandy the news, then she was running around her house screaming. People had gathered in the room and voices of excitement filled it. “You seriously did it!” Joe exclaimed picking me up and spinning me around.

“I can’t believe it.” I heard Denise say to herself. “Mandy… and Chanel, her dreams.”

Everyone was hugging me, except Nick who joined in with the excitement but kept his distance from me. Eventually I was handed my phone back. “Julia! I love you so freaking much. Oh my—”

“I love you too.” I giggled as Kevin threw me over his shoulder. “Be careful who you tell okay? I don’t know if it’s supposed to be kept a secret.” I warned.

“Don’t even worry about it, I have to go call my Mom! Thank you so much!”

“No problem, bye!” I ended the call and patted Kevin on the back, he placed me on the floor and hugged me one more time.

Joe looked at me incredulously. “How did you pull it off?”

“I have no clue.” I said honestly. He smiled adorably at me and gave me another hug.

“Guys you have to do your sound check.” Paul announced and everyone filed out the room saying thanks to me for some reason.

Nick hung back, I gazed at him longingly. “Thanks for doing that, I know you didn’t have to.”

“I wanted to.” I answered simply. He almost smiled at me, I saw him trying not to but he wandered off before I could see it creep on his face. I let out a breath and went back to the sofa where Demi was laying across. I laid with my head near hers with my body on a 90 degree angle to hers. “Wow.” I whispered to my self as I stared at the roof.

He kind of smiled at me. That’s a start right?