Exposed In Lights

Nick, Joe and Kevin left without me so I had to get driven there by Tank, I was slightly annoyed but I knew they had interviews to do before they got to the fashion show. I buttoned up my trench coat as the car ground to a stop in front of the venue, there was a red carpet but I wasn’t planning on walking it.

Tank walked in front of me as photographers crowded me, I tried my best to ignore the pity looks I was getting from people. I’d only been punched and everyone acted as if I’d been in a coma for a year.

It was such a relief when I sat Big Rob sat behind the boys who were on the front row. I took off my coat and handed it to Tank who sat next to Big Rob. Kevin was the first to spot me, he stood up with a smile on his face. “Hello there pretty lady.”

I blushed and gave him a tight hug, “Hello.” I said cheerfully giving Joe and hug. The next hug with Nick was awkward, he seemed down and I matched that up to the whole wounded ego thing. Kevin moved down a seat so I could sit between him and Joe after watch Nick and I hug.

As the boys talked casually about their schedule to each other while I scanned the room, no one was new but the fact everyone was whispering about me and looking at me made me very paranoid. I kept catching people looking at me, they’d look away as soon as they saw me looking but it still hurt.

I froze as I heard my name spoken by a woman only four people down to my right, “Apparently, she was cheating on him—”

“Who?” Another woman cut in.

“Nick, the youngest on the end and yeah he was ‘talking’ to the guy and she walked over and then he just hit her.” She sneered and the other gasped. “I know right.”

I let out a frustrated sigh and stood up, “Julia, leave it.” Kevin said quietly.

“Since when am I known for leaving anything?” I smirked and walked down the front row until I was in front of them, “You know, I’m just there and I love to talk about my self so…” I sat down on the floor, cross legged. With a coy smile, I propped my head up on my hand with my elbow on my thigh. “Please, do carry on. You’re perfectly happy to talk about me when I’m less than three metres away. This shouldn’t be a problem.

They sat there, speechless, motionless and utterly embarrassed as everyone stopped their conversations to watch us in the large room. I stood up and brushed my self down, “Nothing? What a shame.” I turned back around to see everyone looking at me, I flashed them all a fake smile to try and hide the fact I was breaking down. I looked at Tank and hit my fists together three times then snapped my fingers, which was our secret signal that I wanted to leave.

Tank stood up, grabbed my bag for me and followed me as I walked out of the fashion show and into the large main entrance. I stalked over to the disabled toilet and took my bag from Tank, “Thanks.” I told him breathlessly and then locked my self in the small room.

I looked for the smallest space I could find which was between the wall and the toilet, I squeezed into the gap and let out a choked sob. My chest moved up and down heavily, I wasn’t crying heavily but hyperventilating. Public humiliation was my biggest fear and it just happened right in front of me and I wasn’t even aware it was happening at the time.

After a minute I stood up and walked over to the mirror. My face was tired and I had streaked of make up missing, my eyes landed on the steristrips on my cheek I lifted my hand to rip them off but a knock on the door startled me.

“Julia, can you let me in?” Joe’s voice was a comfort, “It’s just me and Tank, the show has started.”

I walked over to the door and unlocked it. I walked back to the mirror and continued to fix my make up, Joe closed the door and locked it behind him. He sat on the floor against the wall until I was finished. I turned around and leaned against the sink, he opened his arms and I smiled.

Joe cuddled me on the floor like an older brother would do to his little sister who just had a bad dream, “She’s a good girl, loves her Mama, loves Jesus and America too. She’s a good girl, crazy ‘bout Elvis, loves horses and her boy friend too.” He sung sweetly in my ear, I smiled against his neck.

When he stopped singing I pouted, “Keep going.”

He chuckled and carried on, “It’s a long day living in Reseda
there’s a freeway runnin through the yard
And I’m a bad boy cause I don’t even miss her
I’m a bad boy for breakin her heart

And I’m free, free fallin
Yeah I’m free, free fallin.”

“Joe,” I said, stopping him from continuing. “Let’s go to Greggs.”

I stood up then pulled him up, “Greggs?” He asked putting on a purple beanie.

“They do sausage rolls and pasties, oh and they do the best chicken and mayonnaise sandwiches in the whole world.” Joe laughed at my enthusiasm then swung the door open, “Let’s go!” I cheered.

“Where are we going?” Tank asked as he held my coat out for me, I gave him a smile and I shoved my arms through the sleeves, fastened it and then straightened it out. We walked for the exit, Joe was texting on his phone probably to Big Rob and his brothers.

“Greggs, it’s just across the street.” I told him.

We snuck out of the building through the side exit and we walked across the road and into an empty Greggs. Everyone was either outside or inside so the streets weren’t too busy.

When Joe stepped in the shop he let out a soothing ‘ah’ sound at the luscious smelling café, being a bakery the sweet smell of pastry and biscuits was in the air. I immediately grabbed an Oasis drink and a chicken and mayonnaise sandwich from the fridge whilst Joe started at all the food behind the glass.

“I want sausage and ginger bread man and pasties and doughnut. I’ll take it all!” He said cheerfully, I laughed and went to pay for my things.

“Can I have a cornflake cake too please?” The old lady smile and went to put it in a paper bag with the Greggs logo on. “That’s it thanks.” I handed her the money and went over to Joe who was still staring at the food.

“Okay, I’m going for a cheese pasty and one of those dinosaur things.” He told a lady behind the counter who got them out, he paid for them then we walked over to the set of stairs. We were allowed access to the upstairs after Tank had explained who we were and for safety reasons we sat in a completely different area than everyone else.

The top floor was empty so we picked a table in the middle of the room and Tank stood at the bottom of the stairs stopping people from coming up, “I think Greggs needs to open in the US.” Joe said after taking his first bite of a cheese pasty.

“No, Greggs is mine.” He laughed at me and stole a drink of my Oasis, I didn’t mind. “Sorry for dragging you out of the fashion show.”

He shrugged, “It’s only Dior Homme and that’s Kevin’s thing really.”

“Try some of this.” I said to him, I pulled some cornflake tart off and threw it to him. He caught it in his mouth, “Score!” I cheered and giggled.

He broke off the leg of his dinosaur then realized what he did, “No! Nigel!”

I burst out into a fit of laughter, “You named him Nigel!” I said still laughing.

“I just snapped off his leg! No!” He pulled out his iPhone, “I must take a picture to remember him.” He snapped a picture then wiped away a fake tear while I continued to laugh. “Poor Nigel...” He said quietly and let his hit the table in defeat, but instead he crushed Nigel.

My laughter was booming now, “Oh my God.” I clutched my stomach and laughed harder as crumbs of Nigel were stuck to Joe’s head.

“What’s so funny?” Nick asked appearing on the level with Kevin and Big Rob behind him. Joe turned to look at him with a sad face that made the three new arrivals start to laugh too.

“Come on Julia, the Brits are in three hours we need to get moving.” Tank yelled up the stairs, I grabbed my drink and stood up.

“Are you guys coming back to the hotel?” I asked before I took off.

“We’re going to do some sight seeing.” Kevin told me.

I nodded, “Okay, well I’ll see you at the Brits.” I gave them a shy wave and left.

TIME LAPSE

I sat with my laptop on my lap as the hair stylists attacked my hair, curling it and then pinning it back they were using so many pins trying to keep my fringe back and they used so much hairspray there was none left in the newly bought can.

Once it was all back I clipped in some diamond pearl drop earrings then clasped Nick’s watch around my wrist. I stepped into a little black Balenciaga dress with Jacquard prints on it then slipped my feet into some hot pink Yves Saint Laurent satin shoes. I checked my self in the mirror then got my Mum to snap a picture of me.

Before I go to do any event I take a picture of my self in the outfit, eyes are very deceiving and also it helps pin point what needs to be changed but in this case everything was perfect.

My Dad had arrived and was dressing in the suit I bought him for Christmas, it was a cream suit with brown stripes with matching pants, waist coat and jacket. He wore a white shirt with a dark brown tie with mahogany shoes. Mum wore some wet look leggings with black shoes and a stunning grey dress. They looked great.

I checked my watch then hurried them out the door, the boys were with my Grandma in Manchester where the next show was. Most of my family would be there considering my Dad is from there so I was hoping for Nick and I to be on better terms.

We rode in a tinted out Mercedes that was like a mini limo, “I’m so nervous.” I admitted tapping black painted fingernails against the black leather. “Three nominations, I bet I hyperventilate when they’re announcing.”

“James Corden, Matthew Horne and Kylie are hosting which will be interesting.” My Dad said trying to distract me as we pulled up outside.

We worked the carpet quickly then headed to our table which was A5, we were just along from Taylor’s table which I was happy about. The boys were already seated and we were apparently ‘late’. Beckhams? Late? Never. I sat down next to Nick who gave me a smile then kissed my forehead.

“Come on my bus tonight? My parents are flying there to spend some time with the family so it’s just me and the band.” I whispered to him so my parents couldn’t hear.

“I’ll have to ask Joe and Kevin, you know how the parents get.” He smirked and placed his arm around the back of my chair.

I was so nervous that my leg was constantly bouncing up and down and I just stared at the stage was consisted of a farm and a giant triangle stage. They even had extremely large cows and a giant Indian type tent which was where the hosts came out of to present the awards.

The very first award to be presented was a one I was nominated for, Lionel Riche was presenting it and it was for ‘Best British Female’. When the clip of my video for ‘Decoy’ came on I got very loud screams.

My heart was beating strong and fast in my chest and I held my eyes shut and just listened to the intense silence as the microphone picked up the sound of the envelope being torn open, I wanted to scream for him to get on with it. “And the winner is… Duffy!”

Time Lapse

I won one award which was Best Breakthrough act which was totally enough for me. They annoying thing was they didn’t even give me my award because they had to mail it apparently. How stupid is that?

Although Nick and I sat together all night it was still awkward as the two of us walked to my room, the silence was beginning to stress me out but I tried to hide it. I let us both into the room, my heels clicking on the tiles being the only sound. The silence was definite once we hit the carpeted floor and out shoes could no longer be heard.

Being the gentleman he is, he helped me out of my coat and hung it on the wall next to his. I stood awkwardly like a lost puppy in front of him, he looked at me with narrow eyes. I was suddenly pleased to be in my heels or else he’d be looking down on me.

I looked down at my toes then back up to him, “I’m so tired of arguing with you.” I told him softly. His face twisted at my comment. “I know you were ready last night. I could see it in your eyes but I’m not prepared for you to make a stupid mistake like that all because of me.”

Nick rubbed his jaw and closed his eyes, “Sometimes you annoy me to no end.”

I scoffed at him, “Is this your way of apologizing? If so, fuck off.”

He smirked but then let it fall, “You annoy me because you’re so…” he let out a frustrated sigh, “You’re so oblivious to how much you mean to me, it’s like you know I love you but not how much.”

“Nick, I don’t know what the hell is going on with us.” I paced away from him and then turned back, “It’s almost like everything is plotted against us.”

He sighed and closed the distance between us. I relaxed under his touch as he held my shoulders softly, “But I need you.”

The word need struck me, sometimes I think it’s better than love. The idea of someone loving you so much that love turns into need is intense. I know that many people never get to the point, sure they’re in love but they don’t need each other so badly that their world would crumble without them.

If I told someone that I needed Nick they’d laugh at me. It was silly that people would not believe we were in love because of our ages. What happened to the days when people got married at 17? Since when did society decide that 25 was the age to get married? It all seemed stupid to me.

“Julia.” Nick’s voice brought me from my trace. “I mean it.”

“I know you do.” I said quietly to him, “I know.”

A loud banging on the door snapped us out our moments causing my heart to lurch, “Julia, come on!” Ashleigh’s voice bellowed as she continued to bang, “We need to leave.”

I walked into my bedroom and grabbed my suitcase and which Nick took from me, I flashed him a small smile then threw my other large bag over my shoulder. I carried my handbag in my hand and headed out.

My band caused a ruckus through the hotel and began unpacking their things into the bunk. Ernie and Albert lived in the bag room where Ernie had a secure place for his cage and Albert had a lovely bed on the floor with his favorite teddy. The bunks were small but still livable, I chose a middle bunk and tossed my handbag into it then began emptying my case, with Nick’s help, into the spare drawers below it.

Joe and Kevin joined us but Nick and I decided it was time for some alone time. I changed into a pair of red shorts and a black tank and climbed into the bunk with Nick.

We watched Phineas and Ferb on the small TV that hung from the roof of my bunk. I chuckled as Perry went into slow motion, “Do be do be do wa.” I said slowly along with the TV.

Nick laughed showing all his teeth, once he’d calmed down I looked up to him and smiled, “Thank you." He said.

I smiled, finally he acknowledged why I did what I did. I picked up his left hand and twisted the silver ring around a few times, I brought his hand to my mouth and I kissed the ring. “As I said, it’s too important to you.”

He smiled down at me and kissed me softly, I smiled against his lips and he smiled too. I had the sudden urge to lick his tooth so I did, “Did you just lick my tooth?”

I smiled widely, “Maybe.”

Nick just wrapped me up in his arms and dipped me down so he could kiss my neck cheekily.