The ABC's of Growing Up

It was tense. I think that was really the only way to really explain how things were between Zacky and I. After a not too awkward breakfast...things just seemed to get worse. I think it might have to do with all the knowing looks people were sending us. The only people to have mentioned what had happened were Sarah, Lyndsey and Jimmy. Even Zacky and I hadn’t really mentioned it. No more was said about it between us than the short conversation we had at breakfast after Brian’s mum’s birthday.

Now it was a week later and we were slowly but surely becoming more and more awkward with each other. Somewhere along the line I think it may have occurred to both of us that we had actually slept together. Obviously we knew we had but I think that at some point it hit us. Zacky and I had slept together, willingly and completely sober. And on top of that...I lost my virginity to him. A month ago if you had told me that would have happened then I would have scoffed in your face.

But then again, a month ago Zacky had hardly ever spoken a word to me. A friendship between us seemed like a long shot let alone anything more.

Was there even anything more to us? Were we just friends who happened to have slept with one another? Or was there more?

It was definitely making me think more about what Zacky meant to me. What I felt for him. It was something I still wasn’t too sure about, which sounds stupid – something that both Sarah and Lyndsey pointed out to me, since I did sleep with him – but I wasn’t sure how far my feelings went for him. That’s been my problem for a while now when people ask me, I say people when I really mean the usual three idiots, Sarah, Lyndsey and Jimmy.

I knew I trusted Zacky. I knew he made me feel safe. I knew that if I ever needed someone to talk to he’d be there for me. I knew he’d protect me and make sure I was happy. I knew all of that before and that’s why it was so easy to let the other night happen. It’s because I trust him so much that I wanted my first time to be with him.

Maybe I was over thinking it. Maybe I was putting too much pressure on how I felt about him. Maybe I just needed to let life go on its merry way and see what cards were dealt for me.

So a new way of thinking is what I need. I just need to see what happens. Make my decisions depending on what is happening and not necessarily what may happen. This could be a dangerous risk of mine...or it could make everything that bit easier and a little bit clearer. I guess we’ll just have to wait and find out.

Zacky’s P.O.V

We slept together. One night of complete and utter bliss for me...I can’t really say much for her. I don’t know what Teagan is thinking. I very rarely do know what she’s thinking. I wish I did. I really wish that I could just climb into her mind and work out what’s going on in there. I wanted to know why exactly she wanted her first time to be with me. I was stunned when she said she did. That the reason was because she trusted me and that I made her feel safe, something that did inflate my ego a little. But for some reason that wasn’t enough.

I needed to know if she liked me the way I liked her, or if that night was a ‘caught up in the moment’ moment.

I groaned in frustration as my thoughts went into overdrive and I ran my hands through my hair.

“What’s wrong with you?” Brian asked as he looked over at me.

I shrugged and shoved my hands in my pockets. “Nothing. I’m fine.”

“Bullshit,” Jimmy sang as he sidled up beside us, Matt, Johnny and the Berry’s walking a bit ahead of us. “You are thinking about Tea.”

I rolled my eyes and remained quiet, knowing there was no use in lying but not wanting to readily admit it to them. Brian grinned and smacked me on the back. I looked at him as if he was insane before rolling my shoulders in order to get rid of the slightly uncomfortable pain that was shifting through my spine due to Brian’s hit.

“Did you two have fun the other night?” Brian questioned.

I nodded slowly but stayed quiet still.

“What’s up Zack?”

I looked at Jimmy seeing as he’d called me ‘Zack’ and not ‘Zacky’ like usual. This usually meant he was being serious and by the looks in his eyes I could see that he was. I sighed and shook my head.

“It’s nothing don’t worry about it. Just my mind going into overdrive.”

“About Tea?” Brian hinted, obviously wanting to know more.

I shrugged and looked at the ground as we walked. “Yeah.”

“What about it?” Jimmy asked. “Dude, you know you can talk to us right?”

I nodded and liberated one of my hands from my pockets to run down my face.

“I just...things have been awkward since that night and I...I’m gonna sound like a fucking pussy but I want to know where I stand with her. I don’t know what’s going on in her head and I’m so fucking confused.”

The two boys were quiet before knowing grins crept across their lips.

“You like her don’t you?”

I sighed and nodded. “Yeah I do.”

Jimmy squealed. He actually squealed like a girl and it was enough to make me and Brian stop walking and exchange a glance that showed we both thought Jimmy had lost it.

“You’ve been hanging out with the girls too long mate,” Brian chuckled.

Jimmy flipped him off before looking at me. “You going to tell her?”

“You think I should?”

“What have you got to lose?”

He had a point.

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“Hey baby,” Brian smiled as Lyndsey walked up to him before his brow furrowed at the look of frustration on her face. “What’s up?”

Lyndsey nodded over towards something and I looked over, my jaw dropping as I saw Teagan quietly talking to Jack.

“What the fuck is he doing here?”

“Begging for her bloody forgiveness,” Sarah muttered as she cuddled up to Jason. “Bloody wanker. She better not be thinking what I think she is otherwise I’m kicking her fucking arse.”

“Amen,” Lyndsey mumbled in agreement.

“You don’t think she would take him back do you?” Brian asked Lyndsey, looking down at her and pressing his lips to hers quickly in a bid to calm her slightly.

Lyndsey shrugged and sighed. “I don’t know. She might be lonely enough.”

Sarah muttered something but I didn’t quite catch it. All I could think was how could Teagan be lonely enough to go back to that dickhead when I was around.

“But she’s not stupid enough to...”

Jimmy’s sentence trailed off as we all saw that Teagan was in fact that stupid. By the looks of the hug she was sharing with him and the quick kiss that Jack left on her lips, she had taken him back.