The ABC's of Growing Up

My head jerked up when I heard my name called and I looked over my shoulder to see Zacky standing there, his brow furrowed and his hands shoved firmly in his front pockets. I shook my head and swallowed before looking away from him. I heard his footsteps get closer so I stood up and walked away, not wanting to hear any I told you so’s.

“Teagan, wait up.”

I shook my head again and brought up a hand to wipe my tears away. My body jerked slightly as Zacky wrapped his hands around either side of my waist, halting me from taking another step further. I bit my lip and tried to wriggle out of Zacky’s grip but he just tightened his hold.

“Let me go,” I forced out.

“Teagan, calm down,” Zacky stated as he turned me to him. “What’s wrong?”

I shook my head once more before I just burst into tears again, sinking to the ground. Zacky went with me, still holding me as he guided me down slowly. Zacky’s arms wrapped tightly around me as he let me bury my face in his neck, my own hands clutching at his T-shirt as I sobbed. I felt Zacky cradle the back of my head as he muttered words to calm me but none of them worked. Zacky sighed and kissed the side of my head before he moved to get up. I whimpered and clung to him, making Zacky have to sweep me up in his arms.

“I’m going to take you back to mine,” Zacky explained as I brought my head up to see what was happening.

I looked at him for a second before resting my head back on his shoulder as I looped my arms around his neck. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, finding my body shake slightly as I hiccupped. I swallowed and pulled myself closer to Zacky, feeling his body warmth seep into me.

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“Teagan, talk to me.”

I bit my lip and pulled my knees closer to me as Zacky sat beside me on his bed. He reached forward and tucked some of my hair behind my ear. I’d been sitting on his bed for half an hour now and hadn’t uttered a single word to him. I’d long since stopped crying...or at least stopped audibly crying. The tears were still marring my skin as they trickled down before falling off of my chin.

“Please,” he quietly pleaded with me before moving slightly, bending a leg beneath him and moving slightly in front of me.

I opened my mouth before shutting it again and biting hard down on my lip.

“You were right...all of you,” I voiced after a moment or two.

“What do you mean?”

I let my gaze flicker over to Zacky’s and took a deep breath.

“About Jack.”

I watched as Zacky’s jaw tensed, his eyes narrowing slightly too.

“What did he do?” Zacky asked, his tone low and somewhat threatening.

I shook my head and rose my eyes to the ceiling before looking at Zacky again.

“He didn’t do anything...he tried to but I...I pushed him off and...” I trailed off as Zacky’s eyes darkened and he pulled my hoodie down slightly, seeing the rip on the front of my vest.

“That fucking bastard!” Zacky exploded as he shot off his bed.

My eyes widened and I quickly moved, grabbing Zacky’s arm and turning him to me.

“Zacky, please don’t do anything.”

“Give me one good fucking reason not to? He put his fucking hands on you Teagan!” Zacky shouted and I shrank back, taking my hand away from him and backing away. “Nobody has the right to do that to anyone! Not one fucking person. And he’s not going to get away with it.”

I stared at Zacky, tears in my eyes once more and once more falling down my cheeks. I had never seen him so angry, except when he was fighting Jack, and, quite frankly, I was scared. My hands shook and I bit my lip, trying my hardest to stop my shaking so Zacky wouldn’t notice how he was making me feel.

“I mean, who the hell does he think he is? Did he think he’d be able to fucking...Teagan?”

I focused on Zacky once more and noticed that he was now staring at me, anger completely fallen from him as confusion took over.

“What’s wrong?” He asked as he stepped towards me.

I took a step back and ended up falling down on to his bed as I shook my head.

“Teagan?”

I swallowed as my brow furrowed before I shook my head again.

“You scared me.”

Zacky’s face fell as I uttered those words and he stepped away from me before slowly making his way over to me. He fell to his knees in front of me and softly rested his hands on my legs. I sniffed and looked down at Zacky, before bringing a hand up and running my fingers through his hair gently.

“I’d never hurt you Teagan,” Zacky assured me and I nodded.

“I know,” I replied.

Zacky smiled softly before leaning up and pressing his lips to mine gently.

“I mean it.”

I sniffed and nodded. “I know.”

Zacky smiled again before crossing his arms and leaning them on my legs, propping his chin on his arms and staring up at me. I bit my lip and smiled slightly as I ran my fingers through his hair again, gently running my nails against his scalp. He sighed and closed his eyes, the both of us falling into silence.

I contemplated speaking up but I remained quiet, not quite sure how to phrase what I wanted to say. I wanted to talk to him about everything. About the night we slept together, about Jack...about now. But I didn’t know how to start it. So I instead decided to just go with the first thing that came into my head.

“We slept together.”

Zacky’s head jerked up and he looked at me with wide eyes. My face flushed and I stuttered as I wondered how the hell I was going to recover from that.

“I mean...what I meant to...oh fuck,” I muttered and covered my face in my hands.

I heard Zacky chuckle and I was sure that my face was getting brighter as each second passed.

“Teagan,” he sang out quietly as he tried to pry my fingers away from my face. “Why the random outburst?”

I helplessly smiled as Zacky smiled softly at me.

“I just...I was trying to work out how to start talking to you about the stuff I wanted to talk about and for some reason...that came out.”

Zacky chuckled before pushing himself to his feet and sitting beside me on the bed, wrapping an arm around me and propping his chin on my shoulder.

“What did you want to talk to me about?”

I shrugged and looked down at my lap. “Just everything I guess. I mean...we’ve been friends for like what? Just over a month...and I still don’t understand why you suddenly started to talk to me? I’m glad you did, don’t get me wrong but it was just so...so random. And then we slept together...and then Jack and then...then...you told me you didn’t want to be my friend and I...”

I trailed off as tears slipped down my cheeks again as I thought about how angry Zacky had been with me for choosing to be with Jack again. I shook my head and looked at Zacky as he brought his head up.

“What would have happened if I hadn’t gone back to Jack?”

Zacky looked at me, his eyes flickering across my face before he leant forward and pressed his lips to mine.

“I would have done that,” Zacky told me, keeping his gaze on mine as he cupped my cheeks. “I would have grown a pair and told you how I felt...fuck that. I should have grown a pair when we first met and told you then that I liked you.”

My eyes widened and I pulled my head back slightly to look at Zacky, thinking that he was lying to me.

“What?”

Zacky smiled. “You wondered why I had never spoken to you before? Because I was scared...I was such a fucking gawky guy when we first met and then by the time I mustered up the courage to tell you that I liked you, you were with someone and then you were with Jack and I...” Zacky shrugged. “It was easier for me not to talk to you than to try and be your friend.”

I bit the inside of my cheek as I looked at Zacky, letting his words sink into me. I honestly couldn’t work out what to say to what Zacky had just admitted to me. Nothing in my mind seemed to be good enough so I kissed him instead. I felt Zacky smile beneath my lips before he pulled away.

“Why did you say you didn’t want to be my friend?” I asked quietly, biting down on my lip slightly afterwards.

Zacky swallowed and looked down before looking at me, his eyes centered on mine so I knew what he was saying was true.

“Because I want more.”