How much you mean

“Is everything okay?” Ray asked.
Frank’s mum cleaned her tears. “Yes. I mean, he's awake that’s what's important. I just thought I'd never see my son's eyes open again.”
“So what did the neurologist say?” Jamie asked.
“He will have to do therapy and take some medication,” Frank's dad told us.
“Why? What’s wrong?” I asked
“He has a brain malfunction from the crash,”
“Oh my god!" Alicia exclaimed.
“he’s been having some… attacks” his dad continued.
“They have to do more tests, but apparently it's something to do with his hand.”
No.
"So, he won’t be able to play?" Brian asked, looking at his cellphone, He was typing a text message.
"Is that all you can think of?!” Jamie suddenly screamed
"I didn’t mean it like that," He looked at him. "relax man."
"Not everything is about tours and money!"
"Jamie, take it easy."
"I don’t think like that!" Brian raised his voice. "What’s wrong with you?"
I put my hand on Jamie’s shoulder. “It’s okay...”
"Sorry." He apologized.

-------

“Hey,” I said as entered the room. I sat in the chair next to the bed.
“Hi,” He said without enthusiasm. He looked at the ceiling, avoiding looking at me.
“How're you feeling?” I tried to start a conversation.
“How do you think?” He said sarcastically. “I can’t play anymore.”
“You just need therapy...” I tried to give him some hope.
He laughed at me. “Whatever.”
An awkward silence surrounded us.
“I..." I started.
“Save it.”
“Let me explain, please.” I despaired.
“Mikey explained everything to me on New Years.” He gave another sarcastic smile. “I haven´t lost my memory, you know?” Suddenly he closed his eyes and held his head, like if he was in pain.
“Are you ok?”
“Yes!” He shook his head. “I’m perfect,” After a couple of seconds of silence. “I don’t want to hear your excuses”
“No, you don’t understand!” I reasoned.
“Really?” He raised his eyebrow.
“There is no baby. There never was. Lind-Z black mailed me.”
His face changed. “That bitch.”
I smiled a little.
“You have a magnet for bitches, you know that?”
We both laughed and our eyes connected. Like old times. We were silent again.
“I’m so sorry” I looked at my shoe.
“Gerard…”
“No, let me finish.”
“You’re right. I’m a coward, a bastard, a piece of shit. I don’t deserve anything and all this is my fault. I was so afraid to lose the baby, and I just thought to myself, if left her I wouldn’t see the baby, and I wanted to be there for my child. I know I took the easiest path. I cut you just because you were the weakest link in the chain.”
Tears were streaming down my face.
“But when I broke your heart I broke mine too. You don’t know the hell I’ve been living since all this started” I closed my eyes. He had to know what I’ve been hiding from the world.
“I even… started to... to...to take pills again...” I cried more.
He turned his face the other way around. I knew I had hurt him. Suddenly he looked at me, like he was about to say something.
“I know I broke a promise by taking the fucking pills.”
He closed his eyes.
“But don’t realize how much I’d missed you? How much I love you?”
“And because you love me so much you treat me like shit?” His voice was calm.
“What am I supposed to do?! She wouldn’t let me see the baby. And If I told you the truth from the beginning you wouldn’t let me go!” My voice was weak.
“You’re right, I wouldn’t let you go, I loved you too much to let you go”
Loved, past tense.
“You were the biological father. We could've fought for custody and all that shit. And along the way we would've realized the truth, that there was no baby. But together.”
“I know that, now” I looked down again.” Please forgive me, please” I pleaded and I took his hand in mine.
“I love you, I can’t lose you again!”
He pulled his hand away. I gasped and my heart stopped.
“It’s over” His voice was cold.
I started to cry even harder.
“No, baby, don’t do this” I was drowning in my own sobs. “Don’t sacrifice happiness for pride”
“I’m not sacrificing anything. I……….I don’t love you, anymore.” He didn’t look at me.
“No.” My voice was a weak whisper.”You said you’d love me forever”
“You said that you’d never take pills, again!” He sounded angry.
He breathed deeply.
"Love dies” I could see a tear rolling down his cheek.
“Look at me”
He kept looking at the ceiling.
“Frank, look at me and tell me you don’t love me” He didn’t turn around, I took his chin and forced him to looked at me.
He slowly turned his head towards me and looked me directly in my teary eyes.
“I don’t love...” He breath deeply “Like I did" He smiled sadly and finished the sentence. "....Yesterday.”
I let a sob out. Suddenly his hand started to shake.
“Damn” He tried to controlled, but I saw his face, he was in pain. I ran to the hallway and called a nurse. He was starting to despair.
A nurse came in.
“ Call Dr. Cameron” Said the nurse to Dana and she left the room.
God
Now Frank was having breathing troubles.
“Mr. Iero, take a deep breath, you can do it”
He shook his head in a negative answer. She put the oxygen mask on his face.
Dr. Cameron entered the room.
“Relax” Said the Dr.
He injected something in Frank’s arm.
Dr Emma arrived seconds later. “How long he’s been like this?”
"A couple of minutes." Answered the Dr "He is not your jurisdiction anymore.”
“He is my patient, Robert” She looked at him, annoyed.
“Frank” She looked in his eyes. "You can do this” He kept breathing fast and his hand was still shaking. “Relax. Take deep breaths, let the medicine do his work”
Frank started to relax and his hand stopped shaking
She smiled at him.
“Put him to sleep, he needs to rest” said Dr. Emma.
“He has to be awake, so we can see the frequency of the attack” Responded Cameron
“That is too aggressive!” She and Dr. Cameron were standing in front of each other.
“We have already talked about this!” She was angry.
“He’s my patient now!” He responded with the same angry.
She suddenly realized my presence.
“We can talk later” She gave him a glance.
“Mr way.”
She pointed at the door.
We left the room.
“Dana, give him five millimeters of clonazepin” I hear someone say.
“Yes doc.”

“Is he okay?” I asked
“He will be. Now he needs rest”
I felt bad, I had caused it, the attack. I went to the bathroom took take one of my anti depressants. I looked at my image in the mirror. He was disappointed in me. I was disappointed in me!
I felt a surge of anger and threw the bottle of pills across the bathroom.
He didn’t love me anymore. I have killed the love he felt for me! How stupid could I have been?.
Stupid Gerard; stupid, stupid Gerard.

I sat on the floor, and a melody started to sound in my head.
Say goodbye, it was so hard for me
Because I loved you, since the moment I saw you.
Now I’m here, thinking only of you babe.
And your memories are everything to me.
The days will go by and your voice will remaining each corner, and those whispers, when we made love.

I broke into tears.