Creating Something out of Nothing

A month passed since that eventful Saturday. Things with the group were incredibly awkward and strained whenever Zacky and I had to be in each other's presence, which acutally wasn't often at all. We basically acted as though the other didn't exist or that we didn't know each other: we didn't speak to each, look at each other, hell, we didn't even acknowledge each other. If he was sitting next to me and I needed to get something, I would just reach over him or around him, like he was a statue. I decided that if he was gonna treat me like a stranger, I would treat him like a stranger.

And I've never felt more depressed about anything in my seventeen years. Actually, my birthday was approaching, the date was days away. I would soon be eighteen, and I was hoping I'd feel liberated after the change. I hoped something would change for the better.

But at this moment in time, I was writing my speech for graduation, which would be the coming Friday. Oh, I didn't mention I was valedictorian, did I? Yeah, I'm fucking smart.

I couldn't figure out what I should write after the line "I hope everyone gets their wish." I was concentrating on that when I heard a tap on my window. I wasn't used to the sound, so I whipped my head around to look. I saw Matt standing outside my window, waiting to be let in. I signaled that the window was unlocked and he slipped inside after getting the message. He came and sat next to me on my bed and rubbed a hand down my back comfortingly.

"How ya doin'?"

"I'm fine, Matt. Thank you for asking." I'm not sure why I was being so cordial and polite, but I was at the moment. Maybe it was the mode I was in, writing a school-appropriate speech. "How are you, dear?"

"I'm fine."

"How's Stephanie-Ephanie?"

He laughed at that. "You know she hates when you call her that."

"Meh, like I give a shit. I don't gotta be nice to her anymore, she's my friend now."

"Yeah, anyways, what'cha doin'?"

"I'm trying to write my valedictorian speech, but I'm stuck."

"Like Chuck?"

"What?"

"Nothing. What are you stuck with?"

"Something about wishes or something, I dunno." I sighed. "Get my mind off it so I can finish later."

"I talked to Brian. He told me about how Zacky's been."

Matt kinda stopped talking to Zacky whenever he didn't need to, which included whenever we weren't all together in a group.

"Oh yeah?" I gulped. "How's he doing?"

"Well, apparently, Zacky's drinking a lot. By himself. Or going to parties. And drinking. A lot."

"Are you trying to hint at something, because subtlety ain't your strong point, Matthew."

"I'm not hinting at anything. I'm just saying. Maybe you should try to talk to him or something."

"Why?! He's the one that yelled at me! He's the one that said he didn't wanna speak to me! So why should I make a move?"

"Because he's a wreck. And because you still love him and you'd fucking die if something happened to him."

"Oh yeah, what the fuck could possibly happen to Zacky?"

"He could drink too much and have to be taken to the hospital. He could drink too much and throw up in his sleep and die from choking on it. He could do any number of things when he's fucked up like that. Not to mention.... Nevermind."

"No, tell me. You've opened this fucking can, now you're gonna tell me everything."

"Well, Brian said Zacky's been delving into some... drug usage."

"What?! What kind of drugs?"

"Like... cocaine."

My heart stopped. Like I couldn't breathe. All of a sudden my cheeks were flushed, my palms were sweaty, and my mouth was watering. I ran to the bathroom and only had a second to spare when my head was over the toilet and I spewed my dinner into the bowl. And I didn't stop for about five or six minutes, and at some point, Matt had came in to hold back my curly, now damp, hair and rub my back. When I was done and had flushed the toilet for the last time, he pulled me into him, holding a wet rag. I hadn't even noticed the sink had been turned on or off.

"Are you alright now?"

"Zacky does cocaine, Matt. I'll never be alright until he stops."

"You know he won't listen to anybody if they tell him to stop. It's the only reason why Brian hasn't said anything to him about it. He doesn't want him to be spiteful and do some stupid shit."

"Why does Zacky have to be that way?" I said, shaking my head. It was really a rhetorical question, but I knew Matt would answer anyway.

"I don't know. But you love him, so you should try to help him."

"How? He won't speak to me."

"Well, maybe he'll surprise you."

Well, he sure did surprise me later.

*******************************************************************************

Every day that week I worked on my speech until it was finished, polished, and perfected. And every day, someone would bring me news about Zacky [as if I hadn't already heard enough], and every day I would puke after they told me what they had to say. And sometimes when I thought about him during other parts of the day, I'd vomit. I've come to the obvious conclusion that thinking about Zacky or hearing about him makes me throw up.... Ain't that fuckin' grand?

No, it's not.

But I had to put all the bullshit I was feeling and experiencing aside for the next two days. That day, Thursday, the day before graduation, I had to see to picking up some relatives from the airport: my aunt Tabitha [my mom's sister], my Grandma Lawrence [my mom's mother], and my uncle Frank [my mom's brother]. So I drove out there, got them, saw to their luggage, and packed them all into my car, heading back to the house.

When I pulled up to the driveway, I parked and turned off the car, unlocking the doors and popping the trunk to help with bags. My aunt Tabitha got her bags first and headed inside, then my uncle Frank grabbed his and left as well. My grandma stayed with me while I grabbed her heavier bags and she had her carry on. I was about to turn to head up the walkway when she stopped me with a gentle hand on my arm. I looked up at her.

"Yes, Gramma?"

"Have you been feeling alright lately?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, your eyes have circles below them. Your face is a little pale but it's glowing. And your cheeks have more flesh for me to grab. If I didn't know you were a virgin, I'd think you were pregnant, dear."

Wait, pregnant? Me? No way.

*******************************************************************************

I paced the floor of Mandy's room, wringing my hands together and biting my lip.

"Calm down, Tams. You're not pregnant."

"Dude, no, you don't understand. My gramma knows everything, she's fucking psychic. And not only that, but I've definitely missed my period now that I've thought about it. I've been so busy worrying about my speech and graduation and other shit that I haven't even fucking thought about it! Fuck!"

"Dude!" She stood up and grabbed my hands, putting my pacing to a halt. "You can sit here and speculate about this shit all you want to, but if you really wanna know, we need to get you one of those home kits."

"Dude, I don't wanna know."

"You're probably not pregnant. You probably missed your period because of the stress you've been under."

"But I've been throwing up a lot. Like everyday. Multiple times a day."

"That doesn't mean anything. It could be nerves, it could be anxiety."

"It could be a fetus in my stomach!"

"Alright, stay here, I'll go to the drugstore."

"No! You can't leave me by myself. I'll go nuts. I'm coming with you."

"Alright. Give me your keys. You can't drive like this."

*******************************************************************************

Thirty minutes, a roundtrip car ride, and some peeing on a stick later, a timer went off, signaling that my results were in. I was fucking sweating.

"I can't look, Mand. I can't do it. You have to look for me, okay? You look at it and tell me what it is."

"Alright, I'll be right back."

She walked into the bathroom to grab the test while I grabbed the box. She came back, staring at the thing intently.

"Okay, which color means positive?"

"Blue means positive. Why?"

"'Cause your stick is blue, Tams. You're preggers."

*******************************************************************************

ZACKY'S POV

Tomorrow is graduation and my phone hasn't stopped ringing. So many people have been calling to let me know about their parties or about other parties that they'll be heading to, wanting me to show up or ride with them or whatever. I'm sure I'll hit up one, get fucked up, and crash there, so I'm not sweating it. I was looking through my closet for what to where to breakfast with my relatives in the morning when phone rang again. I was gonna ignore it, seeing as it would most likely be another stoner wanting to party with me tomorrow night. But I looked at the screen to see who was calling and saw that it was Mandy's cell. So I answered it.

"Hey, doll. What's up?" Even though she was Tammy's best girl friend, she still talks to me. She wasn't completely heartless.

"Zacky, you need to come talk to Tammy."

"I'm not talking to Tammy, Mandy. You know this. I've told you a bunch of times already. I have nothing to say to her and I don't wanna hear anything." Yeah, I'm still saying the same shit, even a month later.

"But Zacky, it's important."

"It always is. Bye, Mandy." I hung up the phone.

END ZACKY'S POV

*******************************************************************************

Graduation was... crazy. After I found out the results of that test, I flipped out. I puked some more [why the fuck not?] and went home. I was so scared to face my family. But I decided that I wouldn't tell them yet. I didn't wanna spoil their time with my graduation. So I went home like nothing was wrong, ate dinner, took a shower, and went to sleep.

The next morning, the morning of graduation, my parents wanted to have breakfast with all of my relatives, and of course, we went to IHOP. We went earlier so that we wouldn't be mixed up in the jumble of people whose kids were graduating and and would be occupying tables filled with relatives. So when we arrived, only ten tables of families were in the restaurant. Including a family I didn't even think of running into.

The Bakers. Yeah, Zacky's family. Including Zacky.

Thankfully, we were seated across the restaurant from them, because my parents didn't know that he and I weren't speaking and I didn't want them trying to make plans or talk and have me standing near Zacky awkwardly. Somebody was looking out for me because not too long after we were seated, they left.

That night before graduation, I puked for the first time that day, which was odd, I usually puked earlier than that. I wasn't complaining though. I was so nervous about giving my speech. I was sitting near Celena and Brian, and we all kept giving each other looks and thumbs up and stupid faces like idiots. I was so excited that we were graduating, I couldn't believe it was happening. Then I finally went up for my speech. When I was done, there weren't many dry eyes in the place. Apparently, I can write some deep and meaningful shit when I want to.

*******************************************************************************

ZACKY'S POV

Graduation was so boring. The only person from the group near me was Mandy, and she kept looking around for Brian so she wasn't paying attention to me. I just wanted to get my paper, shake the guy's hand and rip off the fucking gown. And of course I had to sit through Tammy giving her speech. She looked so beautiful, she looked like she was glowing, her freckles really helped with that. And why shouldn't she? She was fucking valedictorian! She worked her ass off to be number one and she fucking pulled it off. Without me.

She didn't need me. She never did. I don't know why she put up with the way I treated her, limiting her to sex and teasing affection and never a relationship. No dates, no flowers, nothing special [other than the oils or sweets we'd rub on each other, but that was more for kink purposes than romantic ones].

So after graduation, I found this guy Alex that was having a party, got his address, and told him I'd be there within a couple of hours of it starting, which was ten o'clock. Graduation was done by nine, so I had a couple hours to kill, after pictures with my relatives, of course.

*******************************************************************************

I walked through the front door of Alex's parents' beach house where the party was being held. When I had parked, I could already hear and feel the thumping music. As I walked across the threshold, I saw and heard people laughing, dancing, having a good time. But of course, I was looking for the drinks. After my little realization about how Tammy didn't need me, even if she loved me, I decided that I was gonna get so fucked up that I wouldn't even remember my name.

I walked into the kitchen and bumped into Alex. He was talking to this girl with black, choppy hair, the longest layer reaching just above her shoulders. Something about the way she held herself reminded me of someone. When she turned her face to me, I saw why.

She had changed some. She'd dyed her naturally brown hair black, gotten it cut to look like she'd gotten pissed off and didn't want hair anymore [she might have done just that]. She'd obviously quit being bulimic, because she'd gotten some curves on her and her cheeks were fuller. She had snakebites now, but they only accentuated what had always been lush lips. I couldn't believe this was Maddie.

Madison Lee, my ex, the girl that stomped on my heart, was standing in front of me, talking to the host of the party. When she saw me, she smiled that fucking Cheshire cat smile of hers. It was her up-to-no-good smile, and she knew that I knew what it meant. She slithered up to me, putting a hand on my shoulder and the other on my waist.

"Hey, Zacky, long time to see."

"Yeah," I said, rolling my eyes and looking at Alex. "Excuse me," I said, detangling myself from her limbs and approaching Alex.

"What's up, Baker? Glad you could make it."

"Well, you know, what the fuck else was I gonna do? You know if I was gonna hit up anybody's party, it'd be my boy's party!"

"Haha, yeah, I know that shit! So what's up, man? Spot any potential yet?"

"Nah, I ain't lookin' for that shit."

"I saw Madison all over you like a fly on stink. You know her?"

"I used to. And when I did, it wasn't very well."

"Ooh, I sense the burn here, I sense the hostility. Well, it's a big place, bro, and plenty of fucking people, I'm sure you can lose her just as easily as she found you."

"God, I hope so."

"In the meantime, let's get you fucked up."

*******************************************************************************

Fucked up is what I got. And then some. In fact, I was so fucked up that I was kissing a girl. Actually, we were making out like it just got back in style or something. And for the most part, I hadn't been with anyone since that last time I'd been with Tammy. That girl had my heart and I didn't actually want anyone but her. But I was fucked up and being fucked up makes you do fucked up things.

I pulled back for some air and saw that I had been kissing Maddie. If I'd been sober, I would've pushed her away, called her something I'd never say in front of my mother, then book. But I wasn't sober, I was fucked up beyond repair. Which meant I did exactly the opposite of my sane mind's actions. I pulled her in for another kiss. Which led to more making out. Which led to the bedroom. Which led to a foil wrapper being opened and some horizontal dancing. Yeah, we fucked. It felt good at the time, but later, when I remembered, I knew I'd feel like shit. And I did.

END ZACKY's POV