Behind This Smile

Sydri POV

The silence between Mikey and me was killing. Being dead would be a hell of a lot better then this dreadful, awkward silence. Our footsteps made a rythm and I watched as each footstep of my scuffed up converse shoes hit the pavement.

"Are you okay?" Mikey's finally said. Although I was still watching my shoes, I could feel Mikey burning a hole in my back.

"Just fine," I answered. "You're the one not talking." I glanced at him and he just stared at me. "What?" I asked, studdenly self consious.

He shrugged. "I don't know." He glanced away and I rolled my eyes. Boys seemed to be even more shy than girls.

The silence once again filled the atmosphere and I went back to staring at my shoes, my thoughts going back to the incident in the cafeteria. Why had Gerard been so angry? Is that why Mikey isn't talking? Because of Gerard? Mikey said he was usually nice.

"What was up with your brother?" I asked, breaking the long silence.

Mikey shrugged again. "I have no clue. I've never seen him like that before. He was pissed." He was frowning, which made me frown, too. After a couple more minutes of silence, he said, "He thinks he's in love with your sister." The way he said "in love" showed how much hate for my sister he had. It made me wonder if he hated her more than I did.

I had no clue what to say after that, but I wanted to avoid the silence. "So... you said something about my sister."

He nodded slightly. "Something like that." He wasn't telling me something.

"There's more." He glanced at me and smiled.

"Yes, there is. But you will find all that out in time. Probably shorter time than you think. No worries." He looked away, and I couldn't help but still stare at him. He smiled. "You know, it gets annoying when you stare at me."

I glared. "You should be talking. The way you stare at me, I feel like a frog being disected."

He grinned. "Did you disect the frog?" He raised his eyebrows.

I couldn't help but laugh. "No. I told them I was a vegetarian and I had to be a veg-head all through out junior high."

Mikey laughed, too. "How'd that go?" he asked, still smiling.

"So well, I'm now officially a vegetarian." I smiled back. "Have been since seventh grade."

He continued smiling and said, "Frank is a vegetarian, too."

I cocked my head. "Yeah, I think I talked to him."

He nodded. "Yeah, he said you couldn't open your locker... He said because of your hands." He glanced at my scathed hands. "Do they still hurt?" Something I hadn't noticed about Mikey until now was that his eyes were always so full of emotion. You could always tell just from his eyes. He was truly concerned.

I shook my head. "No. My dad just wants me to keep them bandaged so they won't get infected." I chuckled. "He cares way too much," I muttered to myself. Well, mostly.

"Isn't that good?" asked Mikey. He stared straight ahead and I shrugged.

"I guess it depends. I love my dad. He's my best friend. But over the past couple months, he's been 'have you been taking your vitamin?' and 'don't put too much butter on that corn.' But I guess it's because he loves me." I paused. "And I don't even like corn."

Mikey didn't laugh like I expected him to. "Was your mom that way?" he asked quietly.

I furrowed my brow and thought back. "No. Not to me. To Nicola she was, 'I want you to use this blush brush like so.' and 'I thought I told you the right way to put on eyeshadow!' and then she would start yelling about how her homecoming queen would not go far if she didn't know how to out on eyeshadow. And then my mom would slap her and she would say 'I don't want you to be like Sydri. A failure.' A failure. That's what I was. Am."

I didn't dare let the tears fall, though I was tearing up. But I wasn't going to cry. Not today. Not tomorrow. Not ever. Not over her.

--

The silence happened again. But I didn't expect anything else. I just told Mikey what I didn't even want to believe. I managed to keep myself together. I didn't know how, but I did.

"I don't think you're a failure," Mikey muttered.

A little whimper escaped my mouth and tears flooded down my cheeks. That I couldn't help. Mikey stopped and placed his hands on my shoulders. "You're not a failure," he repeated. He looked me dead in the eye.

I felt my bottom lip quiver and Mikey quickly pulled me into a hug. I sobbed into his shoulder. Making his shirt damp with my tears.

--

After I had finished crying- which Mikey surprisingly didn't mind at all- we started walking again. The walk seemed longer then usual and the damn silence overcame us again.

"My mom didn't know I knew she called me that," I said. Mikey glanced at me. "She always told me she loved me and she could never be even more proud of me than she already was and she'd put on that fake motherly smile I hated so much. And yet, I never loved her any less." I smirked. "That's how fucked up and twisted I am."

"Why do you always bag on yourself?" he asked. "You are not fucked up, nor twisted. You, Sydri, are Fruitloop in a world full of Cheerios..."