Heartaches Grow a Little Bit Stronger

Feeling completely and utterly lost, I struggled to my feet and then braced myself against the tree. Tears of hurt and confusion clouded my vision and it was all I could do to keep myself from collapsing on the ground. I wasn't sure whether or not it hurt more to see the hurt in Caleb's eyes when he found out that I was indeed still with Kyle, or to hear his opinion about the situation.

I knew he was right ... Madison didn't deserve to have this happening to her behind her back. I did have more class than to run around with someone else's fiancé. But still ... here I was, doing all the things I said I'd never do.

All for Kyle, because I was in the love with the boy.

Still ... seeing how much I had hurt Caleb ... it was hard to live with that.

Taking a deep breath, I let it out slowly as I tried to calm down my emotions. I reached up and hastily wiped away the tears that had fallen since Caleb left, trying to remove any traces that I had been, in fact, crying.

I'm wasn't too sure as to how long I had been sitting there beside the tree where Caleb had left me, but I knew that I had to get back to the booth soon before anybody came looking for me. Breathing in deeply once again, I sniffed back any more tears that threatened to fall and started off in the direction we had come.

Millions upon millions of thoughts running through my mind, I wasn't really able to register the fact that Caleb had appeared in front of me once again until he was standing directly in front of me.

"Caleb." I whispered when I comprehended that he had come back. "What are you - "

"Forget about Kyle." He said, taking my hands in his. "Forget what he says about breaking up with Madison at the end of tour, forget everything he's promised you. Be my girlfriend instead."

"Caleb ... I love Kyle though." I said quietly. "I told him I'd wait for him, so I'm gonna wait."

"Alyssa, please." Caleb begged me. "Why can't you see that I'm right here, right in front of you? I'm ready to be your boyfriend, I'm not going to make you wait until the end of summer like Kyle is. Please Alyssa," he whispered, "just give me a chance."

"Caleb, I can't." I whispered back as a whole new string of tears stared to fall from my eyes. "Kyle is going to - "

"Alyssa, don't you think that if Kyle really did love you, he would have broken up with Madison by now?" Caleb questioned. "If he were really going to break up with her, if he really didn't have any more feelings for her, he wouldn't keep you waiting like this."

"Caleb, stop it." I cried. "I'm sorry, I just can't be with you while I'm - "

"While you're waiting around for Kyle?" He mumbled. "Alyssa, please ... I usually don't beg girls to be with me ... but you're worth all this begging. You're worth making myself look like a fool. You're worth so much more than Kyle is putting you through."

"I love Kyle, though." I whispered. "Caleb, just go on, and forget about me. If things don't work out between Kyle and me, then you can stand back and laugh in my face, because I would have deserved it for putting you through all this. But ... this may be my only chance I have with Kyle; I can't pass it up ... no matter how far down I have to lower my morals to do so."

Caleb stared at me with his brown eyes for about half a minute, not saying a single word. Just when I started think he wasn't going to say anything at all, he reached up and wiped some of my tears away.

"You really are in love with him, aren't you?" He whispered.

Sniffing slightly, I nodded my head.

"You're so hung up over him," he mumbled, "honestly I'd give just about anything to have you care that much about me." He said quietly as a single tear fell from his eye.

"I do care about you, Caleb." I insisted. "Right now, I'm not crying about Kyle ... I'm crying because I hate myself for putting you through all this. You say I deserve better than Kyle, but you deserve someone better than me." I mumbled.

"Alyssa, you're a lot more amazing that you think." Caleb whispered softly before he leaned over, and kissed my cheek softly.

When he pulled away, he released my hands and reached up to wipe away the rest of his tears that had fallen from his eyes. Clearing his throat, he turned away from me without another word and started his way back toward the venue.

As I watched him walk away, I finally noticed that Kyle had been standing not that far away from us. I don't know how long he had been standing there, or how much of our conversation he had heard.

"You'd better not break her heart," Caleb threatened Kyle, "if you do, you're never going to be able to live with yourself."

Kyle didn't say anything as Caleb walked away, but rather watched him with sad eyes. A troubled frown adorning his usual smiling lips, he turned his gaze to me. As soon as he caught sight of my tear stained face, his troubled frown turned to a panicked expression and he hurried over to me.

"Alyssa? Sweetheart?" He asked as he did his best to wipe away my tears. "Babe, what did Caleb tell you?"

"He wanted me to be his girlfriend." I mumbled. "But ... I told him I couldn't ... because," I paused momentarily, licking my suddenly chapped lips, "because I'm waiting for you."

"Oh, sweetheart, I - "

"And then he said that if you really loved me, you would have broken up with Madison already." I whispered.

"Allie J, I'm going to break up with her." Kyle assured me. "I promise you I will. It's just ... I'm not the kind of boy who breaks up over the phone. That just seems like something a jerk would do. I need to be face to face with Madison when I do it."

"Breaking up over the phone is a jerk thing to do, but running around behind your fiancé's back isn't?" I questioned.

"Alyssa, I ... that's ... different." He said hesitantly.

"No, its not, Kyle. Caleb's right ... if you really are doing to break up with Madison, you would have done it already." I said meanly.

"Alyssa, I'm gonna do it." Kyle said, staring at me somewhat in shock at the tone I had used with him.

Shaking my head, I turned away from him. "I need some time to myself," I mumbled.

"I don't want you to be by yourself." Kyle insisted.

"I want to be alone." I snapped.

"Alyssa - "

"Leave me alone, Kyle." I growled.

"Sweetheart, please." Kyle whispered, slipping his hand gently into my own. "Don't shut me out like this. Tell me ... are you bugged by what Caleb had said, or is there something more?"

Slowly, I turned back toward him but kept my eyes down on the ground. "I don't know." I mumbled, shrugging my shoulders. "I guess I'm just confused with how you're able to run around behind Madison's back, but you're not the kind of boy who has the heart to break up with her over the phone."

"Alyssa, it's," Kyle hesitated for a few seconds, thinking to himself before he continued, "it's a lot easier to do something behind someone else's back, because they don't know about it." He said slowly. "But confronting Madison about our relationship," he paused, sighing to himself, "it's different because no matter how I go on about it, Madison is going to get hurt. I guess I'm just putting that off because I don't want to hurt her."

"You're hurting her by running around behind her back." I pointed out.

"It's different, though, because she'll never have to learn about this." Kyle whispered. "This can be between just you and me."

"And Caleb." I mumbled.

Kyle gave me a sad look, and then reached up, brushing my hair away from my face. "I love you." He whispered. "I'm sorry I'm putting you through all this, but ... there are some things that I'm just not brave enough to do." He mumbled.

"I love you too, Kyle." I replied. "But right now ... I just need to be alone."

"Alright," he whispered. He leaned over, pressing his lips to my temple before he pulled away.

Giving him a soft smile, I turned away and started to wander aimlessly along the sidewalk, thinking to myself. Maybe Kyle and I should just stay away from each other for the rest of tour.