Note to Self
Ch 16
A Week Later
“What the fuck?” Kieran yelled at me. I was crying. “How can you say that you’re going to keep doing things with that fucking jock and not with me? I’m your boyfriend.”
“Kieran, I don’t want to.” I whispered. I was so depressed. I thought that Kieran would make me feel better, but he was making me feel worse. My body ached and I felt like shit. I was swallowing more cum than food and drinks lately. I was throwing up every few hours. I felt so bad. Reggie and Reese were listening unable to speak.
"You’re a fucking liar. I hate you! Go fuck Jerry! Go fucking throw your guts out. I don’t give a shit about you anymore. You’re so disgusting. Ugh. We’re over bitch.”
“Kieran Garret Daniels!” Reggie got up and slapped his arm.
“What?”
“He’s sick. He’s being forced to do this shit and he’s getting sick. All you want to do is make him feel more like shit. How would you like being raped all the time?”
“You can’t rape the willing.”
“He’s right you know.” I whispered.
“You’re only willing to live instead of die.” Reese said softly in my ear hugging me rocking me back and forth. We drove to school. I didn’t want to go. I hated school. Jerry came over to me and I was forced to go with him. Reese and Reggie watched sorrowfully. If the three of us weren’t so fucking scared of Jerry this would be over.
“So how are you Ari?”
“Um…I’m okay.” I lied.
“You sure? You seem very sick.” He looked so concerned.
“Well…”
“Oh shit you are aren’t you? It’s my fault isn’t it? Oh shit!” He hugged me…in front of people.
“Jer?” One of his friends said.
“Get off me you fucking fag.” He pushed me away gently, only it looked violent. “Closet.” He whispered. I shakily went to the janitor closet rocking myself back and forth. He came in and kissed me. “Are you up for anything?” He asked brushing his hand over my cheek.
“Uh…honestly…not really.” He nodded.
“What about something I can do for you? Handjob? Blowjob?” I smiled. He gave the best blowjobs ever! And handjobs too homie! I looked at him. His blue eyes were the color of the taskbar of a computer. It was so beautiful. They were filled with something I couldn’t read. A look I had never seen someone give to me. My parents gave that look to each other. What was it?
“Uh…how about you surprise me.” I said squeezing my arms tighter around my torso. Jerry smirked and kissed me. He found my belt and undid it. He slowly unbuttoned and unzipped my jeans. Then peeled them off. He gave me a handjob and blowjob! I was so happy. I fixing my pants when the door opened and the janitor, Dan, looked startled.
“Uh sorry.” He said.
“No it’s okay. We were just finished. Jerry pulled me out and pushed me against the locker. “That’s what you get!” He said, then whispered. “You’re my boyfriend now.” Shit. I felt nothing for him. I just nodded and went to class.
Five Months Later
Jared and I were sitting in my room as I played a song for him. “That’s fucking beautiful!”
“Thank you.” I said and pressed my lips to his. He was so wonderfully sweet. Jerry, now Jared, had changed so much since the five months we’d been together. At first, I hated him. I couldn’t stand it. I hated him. Then I noticed how sweet he was. He treated me like I mattered. Like I was the only person in the world worthy of love. I loved him for it. Jared had become emo. He was so fucking gorgeous. Even more so anyway. He was always sexy. His tight black shirt clung nicely to his thin frame. He’d quit all sports teams. He’d dropped his old friends. I figured out that we had been scared of someone who was scared of themselves. I laced my fingers with his.
“You’re amazing.” I whispered in his ear. I straddled him and pulled him close to me. I brushed my tongue on his lips that quickly parted. He slowly laid me on the bed and rolled on top of me.
“Ari!” Reggie called. “Earth to Arman!” I broke the kiss and Jared left his arms around me.
“Hey.” I smiled.
“Hey…can I talk to you?”
“Yeah of course.”
“I have to go. Bye.” Jared kissed me and left. “Bye Reg.”
“Bye J.” Reggie waited for him to go.
“Ar, are you okay?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean…you know what I mean…brownies?” He tugged on his sleeve.
“Uh…I haven’t for like three months. Since I started loving Jared as much as he loved me.”
“Oh…well that’s good.”
“You?”
”Just now.” I stared at him. He was so wonderful. I wish he knew what it was like to love someone the way I loved Jared. Even though Jared raped me over and over and made my life hell until recently. Two months into it, I fell in love with him. I loved him so much. I don’t know if it was because of the way after he’d do something I’d cry a lot and he’d hug me and tell me it was okay. Tell me that he loved me.
“Oh…well, what happened?”
“I don’t know.” I hugged him.
“I hope you get happy soon.” I smiled. “It’s always good to be happy.”
ATTENTION PEOPLES!!!! PLEASE READ THE FOLLOWING INFORMATION FOR THE NEXT UPDATE. SOMEONE IS GOING TO BE MURDERED. I NEED TO KNOW SHOULD THEY BE DRIVEN INSANE AND MURDERED IN A PADDED ROOM OR SHOULD THEY BE MURDERED IN THEIR OWN HOUSE? YOU WILL BE PLEASED WITH WHO DIES, SO DON'T FREAK OUT. BUT I REALLY NEED PEOPLES OPINIONS OR I WILL NOT POST ANOTHER CHAPTER. I WOULD LIKE ABOUT FIVISH. THAT MAKES THE POST. IT DOES NOT INCLUDE COMMENTS FROM TAMARA, CRISTIN OR JEFFREE *. THEY ALREADY KNOW THE DOOM. SO IF YOU WANT AN UPDATE THEN COMMENT YOURSELF. DO NOT ASSUME THAT SOMEONE ELSE WILL DO IT.
-Alana
“What the fuck?” Kieran yelled at me. I was crying. “How can you say that you’re going to keep doing things with that fucking jock and not with me? I’m your boyfriend.”
“Kieran, I don’t want to.” I whispered. I was so depressed. I thought that Kieran would make me feel better, but he was making me feel worse. My body ached and I felt like shit. I was swallowing more cum than food and drinks lately. I was throwing up every few hours. I felt so bad. Reggie and Reese were listening unable to speak.
"You’re a fucking liar. I hate you! Go fuck Jerry! Go fucking throw your guts out. I don’t give a shit about you anymore. You’re so disgusting. Ugh. We’re over bitch.”
“Kieran Garret Daniels!” Reggie got up and slapped his arm.
“What?”
“He’s sick. He’s being forced to do this shit and he’s getting sick. All you want to do is make him feel more like shit. How would you like being raped all the time?”
“You can’t rape the willing.”
“He’s right you know.” I whispered.
“You’re only willing to live instead of die.” Reese said softly in my ear hugging me rocking me back and forth. We drove to school. I didn’t want to go. I hated school. Jerry came over to me and I was forced to go with him. Reese and Reggie watched sorrowfully. If the three of us weren’t so fucking scared of Jerry this would be over.
“So how are you Ari?”
“Um…I’m okay.” I lied.
“You sure? You seem very sick.” He looked so concerned.
“Well…”
“Oh shit you are aren’t you? It’s my fault isn’t it? Oh shit!” He hugged me…in front of people.
“Jer?” One of his friends said.
“Get off me you fucking fag.” He pushed me away gently, only it looked violent. “Closet.” He whispered. I shakily went to the janitor closet rocking myself back and forth. He came in and kissed me. “Are you up for anything?” He asked brushing his hand over my cheek.
“Uh…honestly…not really.” He nodded.
“What about something I can do for you? Handjob? Blowjob?” I smiled. He gave the best blowjobs ever! And handjobs too homie! I looked at him. His blue eyes were the color of the taskbar of a computer. It was so beautiful. They were filled with something I couldn’t read. A look I had never seen someone give to me. My parents gave that look to each other. What was it?
“Uh…how about you surprise me.” I said squeezing my arms tighter around my torso. Jerry smirked and kissed me. He found my belt and undid it. He slowly unbuttoned and unzipped my jeans. Then peeled them off. He gave me a handjob and blowjob! I was so happy. I fixing my pants when the door opened and the janitor, Dan, looked startled.
“Uh sorry.” He said.
“No it’s okay. We were just finished. Jerry pulled me out and pushed me against the locker. “That’s what you get!” He said, then whispered. “You’re my boyfriend now.” Shit. I felt nothing for him. I just nodded and went to class.
Five Months Later
Jared and I were sitting in my room as I played a song for him. “That’s fucking beautiful!”
“Thank you.” I said and pressed my lips to his. He was so wonderfully sweet. Jerry, now Jared, had changed so much since the five months we’d been together. At first, I hated him. I couldn’t stand it. I hated him. Then I noticed how sweet he was. He treated me like I mattered. Like I was the only person in the world worthy of love. I loved him for it. Jared had become emo. He was so fucking gorgeous. Even more so anyway. He was always sexy. His tight black shirt clung nicely to his thin frame. He’d quit all sports teams. He’d dropped his old friends. I figured out that we had been scared of someone who was scared of themselves. I laced my fingers with his.
“You’re amazing.” I whispered in his ear. I straddled him and pulled him close to me. I brushed my tongue on his lips that quickly parted. He slowly laid me on the bed and rolled on top of me.
“Ari!” Reggie called. “Earth to Arman!” I broke the kiss and Jared left his arms around me.
“Hey.” I smiled.
“Hey…can I talk to you?”
“Yeah of course.”
“I have to go. Bye.” Jared kissed me and left. “Bye Reg.”
“Bye J.” Reggie waited for him to go.
“Ar, are you okay?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean…you know what I mean…brownies?” He tugged on his sleeve.
“Uh…I haven’t for like three months. Since I started loving Jared as much as he loved me.”
“Oh…well that’s good.”
“You?”
”Just now.” I stared at him. He was so wonderful. I wish he knew what it was like to love someone the way I loved Jared. Even though Jared raped me over and over and made my life hell until recently. Two months into it, I fell in love with him. I loved him so much. I don’t know if it was because of the way after he’d do something I’d cry a lot and he’d hug me and tell me it was okay. Tell me that he loved me.
“Oh…well, what happened?”
“I don’t know.” I hugged him.
“I hope you get happy soon.” I smiled. “It’s always good to be happy.”
ATTENTION PEOPLES!!!! PLEASE READ THE FOLLOWING INFORMATION FOR THE NEXT UPDATE. SOMEONE IS GOING TO BE MURDERED. I NEED TO KNOW SHOULD THEY BE DRIVEN INSANE AND MURDERED IN A PADDED ROOM OR SHOULD THEY BE MURDERED IN THEIR OWN HOUSE? YOU WILL BE PLEASED WITH WHO DIES, SO DON'T FREAK OUT. BUT I REALLY NEED PEOPLES OPINIONS OR I WILL NOT POST ANOTHER CHAPTER. I WOULD LIKE ABOUT FIVISH. THAT MAKES THE POST. IT DOES NOT INCLUDE COMMENTS FROM TAMARA, CRISTIN OR JEFFREE *. THEY ALREADY KNOW THE DOOM. SO IF YOU WANT AN UPDATE THEN COMMENT YOURSELF. DO NOT ASSUME THAT SOMEONE ELSE WILL DO IT.
-Alana