Coffeshop Soundtrack

As the last full of week passed by Alex worked hard, with help from Jack, Rian, and Zack, to perfect his plan to win over Emily before they left for tour and he wouldn’t see her for three weeks.

Emily kept to herself. She even refused Jack’s company. She would wind up traveling to the beach, the park, the local coffee shop in her free time. As far as she knew now, Alex did have some kind of feeling towards her. She knew the words he spoke to her, however hurtful, were an effect of his inability to think before he speaks.

She just had the problem now of deciding whether she should listen to her head or to her heart. She even made a list of pros and cons one day when she became immensely frustrated.

It was Friday. She was currently sitting at the coffee shop sipping lightly on her latte and taking occasional glances around the store and out the window she was sitting next to.

The guys would leave for tour in five days, three days after the last day of school, two days after the day they graduated. Her heart rate quickened at the thought of Alex being gone for three weeks or more. The two hadn’t been separated from each other for longer than a week since the day they met. And even then they would run back to each other and stay inseparable for weeks after. She needed to talk to him; time was running out, even for her stubborn and nervous self. ‘Suck it up and just DO it,” she thought.

Her hands shook slightly at the thought of the conversation that would occur. She slowly set her cup down and placed her hands in her lap. “This boy should not make you this nervous,” she muttered with a slight smile.

“Hiya!”

Emily’s head shot up to be met nose-to-nose with none other than Jack Barakat. He had a goofy grin on his face and held a coffee in one hand a bag of marshmallows in the other.

“Why do you have marshmallows…?” Emily asked slowly.

“We’re going to throw them at each other, duh,” he explained throwing one in her face.

Emily chuckled and grabbed the marshmallow throwing it back at him. “You’re such a kid Jacko,” she smiled at him.

Jack grinned back at her. “Sooooooooooooo?!” Jack screamed, receiving alarmed looks from the people sitting near them.

“Jack don’t yell, I am not getting kicked out of this place,” Emily scolded.

Jack pouted and then threw another marshmallow at her face before putting on a serious face. “Why are you avoiding meeeeeeeeeeee?” he whined.

Emily sighed and gave him a pitiful look. “I’m sorry Jack. I-I…He—Ugh,” she stuttered. “I don’t know. I’m just so mixed up. I can’t decide what is right and what I want and where the two cross. Does that make sense?”

Jack gave her a sympathetic look. “I wish I could help love, but you two have to figure this out yourselves.”

Emily nodded her head slowly feeling the weight of his words. Of course she knew that what he was saying was true, but it didn’t really hit her until that moment that she had to do this now.

“Jack…” she said slowly.

“Hm?” Jack asked sipping his coffee.

“I’ll see you later,” she replied not really paying any attention.

“Wait Emi, where are you going?!” Jack yelled, following after her.

“To see Alex,” she replied shoving her key into the lock on her car door. She pulled open the door and looked back at Jack who had a small smile on his face, “Thanks, for everything.”

“Wait!” Jack yelled.

“What?” Emily asked opening her car door.

“He isn’t home right now,” Jack said quickly. Emily quirked an eyebrow at him. “He had to go to dinner with his mom or something. I don’t know.”

Emily gave Jack a questioning glance but shrugged it off and nodded. “Alright I’ll go see him later then I guess…” she said losing her adrenaline she had moments before.

“Thanks Jack,” she said disappointedly.

Jack nodded as she started the engine and pulled quickly out of the parking lot. He watched as she drove out of sight and smiled to himself. He crossed his fingers hoping for the best.

&&&

Emily parked in her driveway and slowly exited her car. She ambled into the empty house and up the stairs. Her body reached her bedroom door and before turning the handle she thought of the memories attached to it. Pressure built its way behind her eyes before she suppressed it just as quickly and turned the handle.

Her gasp rung through the silent air causing the eighteen year old boy sitting on her bed, with a guitar placed on his lap, to look up. As soon as his eyes met hers, he began strumming.

Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't, I can't give you a reason

Emily smiled lightly at the song and how he knew it was one of her favorites. She made her way across the room and sat next to him listening intently.

I feel so broken up
And I give up
I just want to tell you so you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one that gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one

Emily sat there staring at him frantically thinking about all the things she had considered for the past two weeks. She thought about the last eight years of their friendship, about the past year, and about this, here, now—him.

Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone

His eyes locked with hers at this point. Her heart just about exploded from the look he gave her. His eyes were full of guilt, regret, but most of all love.

And something's breaking up
I feel like giving up
I won't walk out until you know

Emily’s mind raced as fast as her pumping heart. She zoned out until she heard the change in his voice; it was powerful, more powerful than at any other point. Her eyes trailed back up to his.

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one, no one like you
You are my only, my only one
My only one
My only one
My only one
You are my only, my only one

He finished and moved his hair out of his face before loosely draping his right hand over the body of the guitar. He shifted slightly to angle his body towards her and stared at her silently.

"I'm sorry," Alex finally spoke up after the few minutes of silence that filled the air.

Emily looked up at him just as his thumbs swept across her cheeks softly wiping away the few tears rolling down her cheeks. At his touch she broke. Her body started shaking as tears poured from her eyes. She felt his arms wrap around her body and the soft cotton of his white v-neck shirt against her face. His hands rubbed circles in her back as he pulled her gently closer to his chest. She complied and felt his lips touch the top of her head.

Finally after about ten minutes, Emily stopped and slowly released herself from the warmth and comfort of Alex's arms. She looked up at him with sad eyes as he once again gently wiped away the last of her tears. He cupped her face and pressed his lips against hers.

His lips were fire against hers. It was a romantic and needy kiss. She fell into it for only a moment before pulling away and angling her body slightly away from his.

She saw his arms fall loosely to the bed and his head fall slightly out of the corners of her eyes. She took a deep breath and began, "Alex—"

"I really messed up, Em. I should have never done that—taken advantage of you. I should have listened to you when you tried talking. I should have been your friend above all else, and not let my hormones get in the way. You were always more important, than any girl, anything. You're the only girl that makes me nervous. You stay in my mind and don’t leave, and I LOVE that. You're the only one that really treats me like anyone else. You're really the only person that can be completely honest with me and tell me I've fucked up. You’re beautiful, perfectly imperfect, fun, witty, adorable and I trust you more than anyone, way more than myself. You keep me grounded, sane, and I can't bear the thought of not having you in my life. I want all of you forever and never ever have to share. You are everything I ever needed and so much more. I love you—"

"Alex." Emily interrupted tears pouring down her face. He stopped and held his breath waiting for her to continue. "I love you too, God I do. I have for so long. But," Alex started shaking his head realizing what was happening, "I can't do this."

"No!" he whispered.

"I, I—” she paused, “Can't,” she finally decided, “And won't let myself hurt because of you anymore. I hate the thought of not being with you, it kills me to even think about it, but my heart has been broken too much lately that I can't muster the energy to place it in your hands again. I will always love you Alex, ALWAYS, but I can't do this, not now."

"No, Emily, no, please no, I'm sorry please give me another chance, please," Alex pleaded as she stood up.

"I'm sorry Alex, I can't," she whispered as she kissed his cheek and turned to walk away.

Alex grabbed her hand and spun her around into his embrace. He held on even as she tried gently to get out of it. "I'm not letting you go again, I can't Em."

"Alex, please stop," Emily said giving up trying to release herself from his tight hold.

“No,” he whispered forcefully. His voice was full of pain and it broke Emily’s heart to hear it.

“Alex please,” she pleaded.

“I can’t Em,” Alex held her tighter to him.

“Al-Alex,” she choked, “Please, just—just forget about me.”

Alex looked down at her with a shocked expression. “Never,” he whispered before pressing his lips to hers again.

But this time, she didn’t kiss back. She dropped her head and his lips met her forehead instead. Alex loosened his hold slightly and looked down at her heart broken. She looked up at him, sorry etched deep within her eyes. He released a minute later and pressed his forehead to hers. "Don't give up on me," he whispered searching her eyes for confidence.

"I promise," Emily whispered back resting her right hand gently on Alex's cheek.

Alex and Emily stayed in that position for a moment longer before Alex gently gave her an Eskimo kiss and walked slowly and unwillingly towards the bedroom door. "I'm coming back for you Em, I promise."

And he shut the door behind him before Emily could reply, leaving her to sit slowly on her bed. After a few minutes of staring at her bedspread, she turned off her light and climbed under the covers falling asleep in a matter of minutes, finally at peace with the year's events. And at that time, that's all that mattered.