Waking Up To Love

The band was doing rather well. We had one single out that went #1 for seven weeks. I was in awe. We went through the interesting process of making a music video and just finished our third tour, with the latest being in Europe. Even in Holland we had fans!

The band that opened for us was a group of young guys in the band Newport News. We had an amazing time on tour with them. They soon enough became our best friends. And the vocalist Cade and I just clicked immediately. We often kidded by calling each other BFFs.

Fans everywhere filled sites with discussion of just how close we were. Interviewers stuck in that question related to our assumed relationship. If you had Googled either my or their bands name, Cade and my furtive relationship would pop up immediately. I of course shrugged it off, but subconsciously, the buzz was messing with my thoughts. I became more and more self conscious of my looks and my style, and jealousy became a new confusing feeling.

The first day back home made me feel empty without my friend. I tried to force back feelings. Crushes weren't me. I battled that it wasn't a crush. That I didn't have feelings. I knew i didn't. It was just that I missed him.

Then came the phone call that our band was invited to the VMA's. And our video was nominated. Not only ours, Newport News as well.

Let's jump to that night.

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The night was amazing. Surreal doesn't even come close to a description.

Afterward, we were all invited to an after VMA party. And there I was, talking with Cade against a wall in the club. Celebrities I dreamed about meeting my entire life were surrounding the room. But I was content against that wall. I was home. I had my best friend back.

Then Jared Leto of 30 Seconds to Mars and one of the hottest actors in my mind, walked up to me and said "I don't mean to interrupt but I just had to come say hi to you. I simply love the band and the music and your vocals are incredibly unique and beautiful."

In the meantime-Cade walked off. And while my mind should have been on the simple fact that Jared Leto was standing in front of me and complimenting me hardcore, in actuality...my mind was on the whereabouts of Cade.

I replied anyway to Jared. I said that I couldn't believe that he would compliment me. I mean-I loved him seventeen years prior when I watched him sing 'Red' and 'Sedated' on My So Called Life.

Mr. Jared Leto was talking to me. My heart was rambling.

Apparently my thoughts were an open book as Jared paused in his exultation of my band and just smiled at me. I apologized that my mind must have been off in a different place and he apologized for keeping me from someone. I wasn't sure what he had meant but he informed me that my heart was in a different place.

After a look of extreme confusion. I must of revealed a look of extreme understanding.

I was awake.

He was it. Cade was it.

Shannon, Jared's brother and band mate, interrupted my revelation by informing Jared that they had to go to the next stop. Jared looked from me to him. Then said:

'I would love for you to come with, but I can tell you need to walk the other direction.'

My only response was a nod.

He walked away and I was left alone with my thoughts. That wasn't me. I didn't get feelings of that strength. Questions ran through my mind so fast and all at once. Possible answers trailed those questions and brought inspiration for new ones.

What if he didn't feel the same way? Of course he couldn't, but then again he could. Why did he walk away? Did Jared just finally give him that opportunity to? Or what if he really was jealous? No way. Couldn't be. If so? What if he just uses me? He wouldn't do that to me. Or would he? What if I just imagine that he seems interested in my boggled mind? If I am the first to say anything, and he doesn't really feel the same way, will I ruin our friendship? I can't lose him.

I decided to go look for him. With no intention on bringing anything up.

I walked up to their guitarist Danielson and asked where he was.

'He went out back, I wouldn't go back there though. He seemed pretty pissed about something.'

Could he have actually been pissed that Jared came up to talk to me? No. Couldn't be.

'I'll take my chances. Thanks.'

I finally found the back door where I saw smoke billowing from the right side. I could tell by his breathing that he was really upset. He always breathed really heavy and short. And when he smoked, he took much longer puffs.

'Cade?' was all that came out of my mouth. Then a sudden rush of confidence came over me like an epiphany. I had goosebumps.

I took a few steps forward and peered around the brick corner. There he was. Lips pursed, rocking on his feet, breathing really heavy and short as if he were a bull and couldn't get to that red cape.

'Cade?' I said again, though this time in a worried, but still confident tone. I was his best friend and more conscious of his frustration than of all of the feelings that plagued my mind earlier.

He glanced over at me, very surprised to see me, but then calmed and turned back towards the street.

'What happened to Jared? That was quick.'

That hurt. I could hear the sneer in his voice.

'He just wanted to come talk to me...'

'Before he saw another girl right?'

'No-'

'So you came to cry on my shoulder? Jared Leto turned you down?'

'That wasn't it at all.' I was pissed. Why was he...

Then it hit. Why would he treat me this way? Because he was jealous. Mr Tough Ryan Cade Williams was jealous. I was still fuming with anger though. I couldn't give in that easily.

'You know, I can't believe Jared Leto. THE Jared Leto came over and talked to me. He is SO hot! And that voice...'

'Yea I know who he is. Seriously? Why are you here.' He finally looked at me. Cigarette thrown to the side. I then understood why angry cartoon characters had smoke coming out of their ears. He was pretty close. I wasn't giving in yet.

'Where else would I be?' I had a sneer, but in the form of a smile.

'I should get back.' And he walked past me, without even glimpsing at me. It was time to give in.

'He asked me to go to the next party or club or whatever with them. But he knew I'd say no.'

He stopped.

'Why would you say no?' His face turned slight towards me, but his back still to me.'

'He knew I was wondering where you were. He knew I wanted to be somewhere else. It's funny...I have Jared Leto in front me. A childhood crush. And my mind is completely on someone else.'

Now there was silence. He wasn't breathing heavy anymore. I was starting to get scared. I envisioned him turning around and telling me that he didn't feel that way. When I get nervous or scared, I ramble.

'I'm sorry, I shouldn't feel this way. I guess maybe I just missed you. You're my best friend and I haven't seen you in forever and I wondered why you just walked away without saying anything, I mean you had a full drink and Jared Leto which is the frontman for one of your favorite bands is standing in front of you too and you just walk away and leave me there-'

'Ava.' A very stern yet soft voice broke my verbose thoughts and was appearing before me with his hands on my arms. Looking directly into my eyes. Another sneer. But a comforting one. I sighed.

'Why would the girl of my dreams pick me over Jared Leto? I couldn't stand there and take it. I didn't want to talk to anyone else in there. Just you.'

'Really?'

'Truly.' And he put his hands on the side of my face. Something out of a cliche chick flick. But I loved it. And I started crying.

'Shhh. Come here.' And he kissed me. Me. Someone loved me. Someone actually loved me. And I had no reservations about standing there with him. I never knew I'd find it but I did. He found me.

Thank you Jared Leto.