Playing Russian Roulette.

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid.

-Kelly Clarkson.

I fucking hate make up. The bane of my existence the brightly colored, tiny containers were. Eye shadow and blush and lipstick, all things that were out of my realm and things I refused to experiment with. I knew nothing about them.

Growing up, I didn’t have a female to teach me how to apply eye shadow or mascara in the perfect way, or what colors looked good on me. I barely knew how to fix my hair nicely and pick out well-coordinated outfits.

Without Devin and Stefan, I would be a hot mess in the fashion and style department. They knew what was perfect for certain body types and were more fashionable than every girl I ever met. My gay best friends kept my beautiful.

It was nice sometimes to put effort in my appearance, to make myself look a little nicer, a little more presentable. But there was a firm line that needed to be drawn.

I slowly let my gaze slide over Devin’s collection of make up that he used for his side job of helping Stefan’s mother do make up for brides on their wedding days, sprawled out over the dinette table to the left of my tipsy wooden stool.

Eye shadows of various earth tones and neon colors; blushes ranging from an almost non-existent pink to a garish color that made my stomach roll with nausea, sat in a straight line atop the table. Tubes of lip glosses and lipsticks stood in the back like their own tiny city.

Then, there were the only semi familiar things in the arsenal. Eyeliner, black and brown, placed beside white powder in a compact… which suspiciously matched my skin.

I tossed my head to the left, feeling my ponytail move with my action and swept my eyes across the RV living area. Devin and Stefan were standing at the counter together, arguing about where all the cups had gone, and Devin was fumbling with his camera.

“They’re missing,” Stefan mumbled, yanking open the bottom drawers beneath the sink. He lowered himself onto one knee, his head disappearing into the dark space. “Our mugs and plastic cups we bought before we left. Did someone steal them?”

I pressed my lips together, fighting back a smile. Only Stefan would jump to a conclusion like that. I blamed it on spending time with his crazy, rich aunt for whom we could thank the RV for.

I grabbed the little pad from the compact and rubbed it on the skin of my wrist. IT matched my complexion perfect. Of course. Devin picked his second job equipment with me in mind. That wasn’t creepy in the least.

“Who would want to steal our cups? Of all things, our cups?” Devin flipped the camera’s little LCD screen open and adjusted a button the side. “I could understand our equipment or our television, or Ghost!”

Teetering on the small legs of my stool, I peered down at Ghost from over my knees, as he was curled on the floor, asleep in a ball of brown fur. His tags, reading Ghost Hunter Radke with our previous address and phone number on it -- Ronnie’s idea -- shimmered in the lights. His head rested on his little paws as he looked up at me.

I leaned over and touched his soft side with my bare foot. He raised a thin, brown eyebrow, a sound whining from his lips. “Aw, Ghostie,” I whispered, slinking to the side and snatching my Boxer off the carpet.

I settled him into the lap of my jeans and close to my stomach. “Mommy needs to get you new tags.” I trailed my fingers along his back. “You and Kit Kat have a new home and phone number, and your last name--” I lifted him so he was face-to-face with me. “--will never be Radke.”

Stefan slammed the cabinets shut, snapping my attention back to the two of them. He jumped up and started pulling the ones above his head open. Soft, mumbled curse words and foul language spewed from his mouth in an endless circuit.

I planted my palms over Ghost’s ears as If he were a child. “Baby in the room,” I hissed.

Stefan whipped around, his hands gripping the counter behind him. “He’s not a baby,” he shot, thrusting his arms at Ghost. He’s a dog, Piper, and I feel like cussing, so, please.” He turned his back on me once more, and I slithered an angry, questioning look at Devin.

Devin met my gaze. I nodded toward Stefan and raised my hands palm up into the air. “What crawled up his butt?” I mouthed silently.

He waved his free hand in the air and shook his head. Okay. So we weren’t going to talk about it, whatever it may be.

“Stefan, please stop being a jackass.” He flipped me off, but I ignored it. “And check the dishwasher. I washed the cups yesterday and stuck them there. Sorry.” And I didn’t tell you because I was having too much fun watching you throw a man fit.

Stefan tossed a nasty glanced over his shoulder, but pulled open the little silver door anyway. Sure enough all the cups and mugs were lined on the silver racks inside, just where I had left them. He let out a humorless laugh and yanked a cup from the first rack, slamming the dish washer.

Devin crossed the room quickly to where I sat and rested his lower back against the booth seat in front of me. He crossed his legs at the ankles. “Stefan, do you still want to hold the camera or do you want to go to bed?”

“Sorry I’m being a jackass.” Stefan flipped on the faucet and filled his glass with the steady flow of water coming forth. “But do you mind if I go to bed? I don’t know how long I can make it without at least a little bit of sleep.” He turned the spout off.

Devin smiled. “I don’t mind. Go on to bed, babe.” Pushing away from the counter, he planted a quick kiss on Stefan’s lips before smacking him on the butt and pushing him toward the back bedroom. “Have sweet dreams.”

“Love you,” was Stefan’s final sentence as he departed to the back of our bus.

Devin sighed loudly, tearing his gaze from the hallway, and set his camera down on the counter parallel to us. He turned it on and turned the recording screen so we could see the picture from where we sat. After he adjusted it a little, I saw myself in the monitor, sitting on a stool, with my arm leaning against the dining table, Ghost covering parts of my ratty white tank top and old jeans.

The red recording light burst to life in contrast to the black plastic of the device, shining brightly in our direction, as Devin stepped back to his place in front of me, smiling. He appeared on the screen as well.

Devin cupped his hand around my chin and forced me to look forward. He picked up the compact, popped it open, and padded the first puff of powder onto my forehead.

I frowned closing one eye against the extra fall of white makeup. “Why are we recording this?” I asked.

“Because,” Devin sang, running the pad along my nose, a wide smile on his face. “The rest of our friends would want to see this! You getting ready for your first date in four years.” He squealed. “Do you not know how wonderful this is?”

Not really, no. At least, not in the way Devin and Stefan were taking it… And Bryan, but I had always known he didn’t approve of Ronnie and my relationship and that he wanted Max and I to get together. He seemed the most excited when I told him I was going to break up with Ronnie.

I thought Devin and Stefan were hands down the biggest cheerleaders in my decision to do so, when they threw a mini surprise party the day before. But, right in the middle of that party, Bryan burst into our RV, demanded to know if what Max said was true. Was I really finished with Ronnie?

I said yes, and he attacked me with yells and hugs and shouts of happiness. How I loved him.

Nonetheless, it was strange how everyone came out of the woodwork to tell you something was wrong after the issue was over and done with. Of course, Bryan told me about how horrible a couple we made before, but never to the extent of yesterday.

Devin snapped the compact shut, dragging two containers of eye shadow to the edge of the table in its place: purple and green. “You know our LA friends have always wanted to see you with Max,” he whispered softly. “They never liked Ronnie. Never! And since when were our California gays wrong?”

Never.

“That’s why we’re recording this, Jay!”

“Okay.” I swiped a piece of hair that had fallen from my ponytail behind my ear. “I miss them, by the way! We haven’t seen half of our California gays since you and Stefan’s anniversary. How long has that been? Six months?”

Devin nodded, opening the green eye shadow. “The other half we haven’t seen in a year, since word got out that you were addicted.” He kissed the top of my head. “But that is not your fault, Juliet. Close your eyes.”

I obeyed and closed my eyes, lifting my head slightly to give him more access. Soon, I felt the soft applier swipe across my eyelid, from side to side and up to the crease. I didn’t know what he was doing, so I didn’t say anything and remained silent. No complaining…

Only for a few seconds, though.

“Why are you putting make up on me, again?” I opened the eye he wasn’t working on and peered up at him and his grinning, glowing face. I laughed. “Besides you wanting to make me your Barbie.”

“I’m making you beautiful,” Devin answered. “For Max.”

“He already thinks I’m b--” I stopped. I could not bring myself to the say the ‘b’ word, so I veered away from it. “Uhrm -- nice enough without make up. He said he’s liked me for four years and he’s only seen me made up -- what? Twice?”

Besides, could this be considered an important enough date to get dressed up? We didn’t even know what we were going to do, just that we wanted to spend time together because we hadn’t done so apart from the short time we spent watching VersaEMERGE’s sound check.

A strange, butterfly-like twinge passed in my stomach. I relived Max grabbing my hips and yanking me forward, being rough with me and not caring if anyone had anything to say about it.

I talked a bit game, but damn! Any possible thing, even as little as sitting together in an empty amphitheater, meant the world to me when it involved Max. I could pretend it wasn’t important; however, I knew it was a lie.

Everything concerning Max was important. Max himself was important.

No wonder everyone was so happy and thrilled about this, to the point of dolling me up like a high priced hooker. Hopefully our friends in LA Were up to date on our Buzznet videos so they would be able to see this… ritual of make up and sparkles.

If only they were here, all the amazing guys and the few girls we acquired as lifelong friends from our high school years and lives in Los Angeles. It truly had been too long since I had seen most of them, my love for the majority of them having been cut off around the same time I stopped talking to Bryan and Robert.

The others were just after I started Ecstasy and fought with Max. Loss of everything was hard -- very hard -- and my drugs only made things harder, added to the fact that we lived in Nevada and they in California, hours away.

“--still try.”

I glanced at Devin, only then realizing he had been talking. My cheeks flamed to life. Shit. Quickly, I covered my tracks and nodded. “Mhm.” And then changed the subject. “The last day of Warped is in LA, right?”

“Right. Close your other eye.”

I listened again, closed my left eye, and opened my right eye. Devin dove into work on my naked eyelid with the shadow, jabbing me with the pointed tip of the applier, making me jerk slightly away, only to have Devin pull me back upright.

“Why do you ask?” He stuck out his tongue, focusing.

“It’s in LA.” I can’t wait until this is over. I hate make up. “While we’re picking Kit Kat up from Dad’s, it wouldn’t hurt to visit Mattie and Ryan. Please? I haven’t seen them in forever and I miss them.”

Outside of Stefan and Devin, Mattie and Ryan happened to be my best friends. They were a couple, of course, and they recently adopted a little orphan girl as their daughter. I met them during my performance as Juliet; they were a grade above me and attacked me in the hallway after the play to tell me how great I was.

Devin and Stefan still held my best friend title, but Mattie and Ryan were always right behind them on that scale.

“That’s a good idea,” Devin grinned. “ I want to see their daughter, too.” HE roled back on his heels, straightening his back to his full height, pulling the make up away. “I think Mattie said her name was… Tariane. Tari--an--ee. I think.”

Devin exchanged the green eye shadow for the purple. “He sent a picture, too, over e-mail. She’s absolutely adorable, and has dark hair and olive skin.” He sighed dreamily. “When are you going to have children that I can love and spoil?”

I leveled an angry looked at him. Did he have to bring that question up when he damn well knew the answer? I shook my head. “Devin, you know I will now have a kid until my life is straightened out.” The mere thought made my stomach coil into tight knots. A baby -- a helpless, beautiful infant -- in this mess.

Yeah, ha! I would not be a mother anytime soon. Thank you, condoms and birth control. Those amazing tidbits of protection were the reason I was not in prison for child negligence, because I knew I could not have cared for a baby up until just recently.

…On second though, I found it hard to believe I was capable or giving enough care for a baby even now. My life still was not set in perfect stone. Yes, I was clean. Yes, I had a job and a good boyfriend and wonderful friends and a stable household.

I had a house[ now! And a car, a Bentley, and everything I needed, but something told me it wasn’t the right time. Moreover, my father made it clear to only have children if you were married, otherwise it would be a huge mistake, one he made with the mysterious being known as my biological mother.

Devin put the eye shadow down and collapsed into the dinette booth. Slumping his elbow on the table, he rested his chin on his palm. “I know. That’s why we started the ‘no condom, no action’ rule, wasn’t it?” His lips curved upward.

Suddenly he looked very tired and exasperated.

Fear spiked deep into my stomach. “Dev, are you… okay?” Please tell me I wasn’t jumping to conclusions! Maybe the tour was just taking a toll on him and Stefan. They couldn’t… be having trouble with their relationship. Hell no -- no -- no.

“I’m fine.”

“Then tell me what is wrong between you and Stefan,” I whispered. My voice sounded like a child, and I felt like I had years ago when questioning my father as to why he was fighting with his girlfriends. That was long ago.

I did not want to fall back into that mindset and start sounded like a vulnerable child, but I and had been generally scared of the possibility of Devin and Stefan breaking up, then I would lose one if not both of them.

“What?” Devin furrowed his eyebrows, his brown eyes shimmering in concern. “There’s nothing wrong with Stefan and me. Don’t let Stefan’s bad mood worry you, we’re both just very exhausted. Driving all night really sucks.”

It was just the stress of the tour. That’s all.

“By the way, I think I’m going to drive tomorrow to give Stefan a break. Stay up with me?” Devin stuck out his bottom lip. “A long drive, all the way to ----”

“Whatever you want.” I carefully set Ghost on the ground, and he fell where his paws landed, curling back into his original ball with a great, comfortable sigh. I clamped my hands down on my knees and leaned slightly off the edge of the stool. “If we’re done with make up, you can go take a nap or rest or something.”

I cocked a weary half smile. “You look awful, Dev. Please go to sleep.”

He opened his mouth to protest, but I cut him off. “I was fine when you slept in the other day. Don’t worry about me.”

Devin slowly stood from the table. “What about your make up?” he asked, frowning. “You know only good things have happened when I make you beautiful, Jay. Are you sure?”

I nodded and slipped of my own stool, my hand finding his wrist as I rose. I nudged the stool out of the way with my hip and pulled Devin away from the living area and our little setup, and drug him own the bright hall. Devin snatched his wrist away once we came to the back bedroom.

I peered around the corner. Stefan was sleeping under the white comforter already, only his head visible on one of the feather pillows, his precious glass of water on the nightstand to his right.

Devin made a sound and spun me around to face him. His expression reeked of apprehension and worry. “I will have my cell phone on--” He patted his back pocket. “Call me if anything happens, and I will come rescue you, and I mean anything, Piper.”

“Okay, okay!” Could he be anymore stubborn? “Go lie down, now. I’ll wake you up when I come back to tell you everything. I love you.”

“I love you, too, Jay.”

With that, I spun on my heel and backtracked to the living room, stealing my duffle bag of clothes from my bunk as I passed. I already knew what outfit I was wearing, Devin having picked it out earlier in fear I couldn’t do so myself.

And since my eye shadow and skin were beautified, lip gloss was the last thing on the agenda. Thankfully I was capable of that small feat.

I bent, peering at the colors ranging in every shade of the rainbow, my duffle bag slipping from my grip. I hauled It back up onto my shoulder and grabbed a tube of sparkling, clear gloss before stepping over Ghost and trailing back to the bathroom.

I left the door open. No one in the RV had yet to see me naked. Nothing new. And, as a female, being naked around gay men did not bother me in the least. It wasn’t like they were going to flirt with me!

The duffle bag hit the counter with a thud. I placed my measly make up item beside it and unzipped my bag. The outfit sat folded on top where Devin left it, made up of my only mini skirt and a low cut baby doll top of a blue color, the bust covered in black lace.

I pulled my tank top off, depositing it on the floor to the left and replaced it with the other shirt. Next, I dropped my jeans and yanked on my mini skirt.

Call me if anything happens, and I will come rescue you, and I mean anything, Piper. I wasn’t surprised Devin said that, especially the latter. His “anything” involved every possible form of abuse, whether it be mean words or an escalation of something even worse.

I frowned into the mirror, the lip gloss applicator suspended inches from my bottom lip. Max wouldn’t do that to me, but it made me feel better knowing Devin was prepared and ready to rescue me in any case.

My gay knight in shining armor. Not the normal cliché, to say the least, but I loved it nonetheless.

Slowly, I applied a later of shimmering, clear lip gloss and set it down on the counter. I pulled the rubber band from my ponytail, positioned it on my wrist, and shook my hair out, fluffing it and giving it a sexy look.

I stepped back, eyes roving over my reflection. I looked wonderful, much more so than I was used to. I was still a stretch from being beautiful and I looked like myself, just a slightly prettier version. One Max would hopefully like.

Good things happen whenever I make you beautiful. I snorted. Devin knew he was right. Every big event in my life happened after he covered me in his professionally enhanced beauty. I won Homecoming queen thanks to him. When I first met Ronnie, I had been dressed up in my best outfit and made up. I met Max while dressed up for a date with Ronnie, and kissed him for the first time, too.

The first day of Warped, when I reunited with the boys, Devin had demanded I put make up on and spend more than just a few minutes on my hair, though the latter crashed as soon as I felt how hot it was outside. But the make up stuck through.

Maybe something fantastic would happen today.

With a final look, I pivoted, slipped on my high heels, and hurried through the living room and kitchenette, my heels clacking. I bid Ghost goodbye and hopped down the steps, out the front door, and down onto the cement parking lot. I closed the door, cutting me off from my familiar surroundings.

Stragglers stood around the parking lot, leaning against tour buses and discussing things quietly with one another, but I ignored them and began across the blacktop toward Escape the Fate’s tour bus. I knew their bus sat at the edge of the grounds, off in a corner.

I bowed my head away from glances and still-insulting looks as I walked quicker than usual toward my destination. Will people ever get over this? It’s like I have the plague just because I’m dating Max instead of staying with Ronnie. What the hell is so wrong with that?

I couldn’t think of an answer for it. People who didn’t even like the band had opinions on the matter, which I found ignorant and rude. Why get in other people’s business when you don’t even want anything to do with the actual beings in question?

I managed to keep my nose out of other people’s issues quite well over the passed few years, so I thought everyone should follow the example. Mind themselves and leave strangers alone.

After a few moments, I ducked into a section of tour buses where no one else wandered. It was quiet, and the sun felt nice, warm and soothing, on my arms and chest. I raised my head, taking a deep breath to calm myself.

But, even with the concept of going to spend the day with Max and the comfortable ambiance, something prodded at the back of my mind. This job was supposed to be about getting away from the stress and bad things in Las Vegas.

No one told me touring would cause more problems and put a strain on Devin and Stefan’s relationship, if that was the reason… If they were even having trouble and it wasn’t my imagination running wild.

Yeah, my paranoid imagination again. Crazy Juliet having understandable trust issues and an even more irrational fear of her best friends, her only solid lifelines, breaking up. With a frustrated growl, I lurched forward and broke into a jog in the direction of Escape the Fate’s bus, now within my line of vision at the end of the lot.

My aching chest screamed in protest as I hurried through the buses as fast I could, dodging three unsuspecting bystanders and coming scathingly close to tripping a few times. I was barely aware of the sun anymore.

A faint mix of happiness, fear, and anger built in my stomach. I focused on the happiness and the thrill of my date, pushing the nasty thoughts away. For the most part, it worked, for I managed to push the worry of a possibly ludicrous idea of break up from my head as I came to a halt at the black and silver door.

Heaving and panting, I opened the door and ushered myself inside, slamming it quickly behind me and stamping up the steps into the entranceway.

…Boys lived in chaotic messes. I learned that far back in my life, living alone with my father and acquainting myself only with boys instead of girls my age. Exposure to males and the way they lived told me clothes would be scattered everywhere, bottles in odd places, and things faintly smelled… strange. Devin, Stefan, and my other gay friends were the exception of that.

Thought I didn’t consider that a success. A well-known fact that was gay guys -- most of them, at least -- were neat, clean, and fabulous. The complete opposite of unmarried guys living on their own without a female presence to keep their environments somewhat in check.

The female aura was gone from where I stood, but this seemed to be the largest exception I had seen to the “bachelor pad” stereotype. A few food items were strewn on the counter, some of Leila’s toys lay on the floor, as well as one of the boys’ jackets, but otherwise, the living space was surprisingly clean.

Alcoholic bottles were nowhere to be seen, and it smelled like someone had burned incense or candles recently.

Of course, I had been inside the bus before, but during those visits, I was more focused on the boys and Leila than the state of the surrounding room. Now I was the only person standing in the entrance of the living area.

Without the distraction of Max stealing my attention, or of Craig walking around shirtless and sexy, or Leila tugging the hem of my shirt to make me cover her in love, I could see every spot and out-of-place object, even though there wasn’t that many at all.

Bending to pick up the lonesome leather jacket from the floor, I draped it over the arm of the couch and let my eyes sweep around everything for the second time. Max was supposed to be here…

I was here.

He was nowhere to be seen.

I leaned to the left, looking toward the back hallway, passed the bunks. The light from the dull bulbs above my head and the scanty windows stopped halfway passed the bunks, only showing the dark colored curtains concealing the boys’ beds. Max could very well have been somewhere in the back among the shadows. I just couldn’t see him.

What a jack ass! He was hiding from me like a four-year-old in the bus. Well, if he wanted to be mysterious and thought it would be endearing or sexy, I would sneak up on him. Something about surprising him and possibly making him cry out like a little girl made me feel better than I had all day.

After all, people liked to surprise me lately. A little payback never hurt anyone… unless he had my reflexes and elbowed me in the ribs. Not exactly my idea of a good day together, thought I had no idea that he would be alone on the bus.

Alone time usually resulted in things a little more serious. A little more… sexual, so to speak. Was I ready for that so quickly? We had only been a couple for a few days! And sex already…

The memory of the shower fantasy flickered through my mind’s eye. My legs turned weak and I slumped against the low wall to the left of the entrance steps, my hands gripping the edges tightly to hold myself upright.

I wanted that terribly, more than anything, but the concept of sex with Max was nerve wracking an frightening. You’re intimidating. I snorted. Yeah, I was not the intimidating one. He was.

Taking a deep breath, I pushed away and carefully started toward the hall. I stepped over a pink toy guitar and hopped passed the kitchenette and dining booth. I peeked into the dark hallway, my shoulders slumping forward.

I still couldn’t pinpoint where he might be, and the thought of sneaking up on him was decidedly unpleasant now. What if I stumbled on him doing something I did not approve of or like at all? It was the last thing I wanted to do when things were finally set into place for us.

Bracing my shoulder against the corner of the wall, I took a final look around. Nothing. “Max?” I called out, listening to my voice challenge the distinct sound of something running and bounce off the aluminum walls. “I’m here!”

I gave a swift glance down at my outfit, making sure everything was aligned and perfect. Check.

“Max?” I called again, staying just outside of the hallway, hands braced against the wall. “I’m going to leave if you keep ignoring me! Unless you’re not here, then I’m fucking insane and I’m talking to an empty bus.”

Something loud and rushing -- a sound that had been poking at the back of my skull since I stepped onto the bus -- turned off. Now, I realized what I had been hearing. A sink! And it was the rush of running water I heard.

Max was here!

Or, at least someone was.

“Max!”

“In here.” The bathroom door opened a crack, light spilling out into the hall. Max’s face popped into view. He threw me a beautiful smile and pushed the door ajar, disappearing back inside the room.

I hurried down the hall and spun around, peering into the bathroom. Max stood in front of the sink, looking in the mirror, shirtless and shoeless. The part of his reflection I could see was gorgeous. My eyes roamed over his bare back, down to the waistband of his black jeans.

I rested my shoulder on the door frame, crossing my arms over my chest. “What are you doing?” I whispered, watching him wipe a towel over the countertop.

“Getting ready.” Max dropped the towel on the counter. He shook his head and bent forward, ruffling his hair with his hands before standing to his full height again. His hair fell into its normal style and he glanced over his shoulder at me. “Done.”

I scowled. “Come on!” I cried, stamping my heel against the tiles of the bathroom. “It took me thirty minutes to look like this--” I gestured up and down my outfit, Max’s eyes following my motions. “--and it takes you two seconds to look sexy as hell. Unfair.”

Smugness passed over his face, then disappeared as he looked at me again. “You look… nice.”

So much for Devin making me beautiful. “Nice?” I didn’t know whether to consider it a compliment or if it was offensive. Nice wasn’t beautiful, pretty, gorgeous, none of the things I aimed for when agreeing to let Devin gussy me up.

Oh, blah, it would be fine! Nice was better than nothing, and I didn’t even get that from Ronnie. This was better than any prior relationship already, after ## days.

“Is that supposed to be a compliment?” I muttered.

“Yes.” Max leaned out and grabbed my hand, jerking me inside.

I stumbled up to the sink, using it to catch my fall. I shot him a horrified glance, turning so my hands gripped the sink and my lower back was pressed flush against it. “What was that for?”

Max smiled, sliding his hands onto my waist and digging his fingers into my back. “I lied,” he breathed, his voice low. “I don’t know what you did that took half an hour, but it made you look fucking sexy as hell.”

My cheeks scorched aflame again. I opened my mouth to say something, but my voice -- and my breath -- were caught in my throat. Only a faint, soft squeaking sound slipped from my lips, doing my no justice to what I wanted to say, what I craved to tell him and to do to him.

Slowly, I trailed my hands up his bare chest to settle onto his shoulders and leaned closer to him, feeling his hot breath on my cheeks. The pit of my stomach clenched tightly.

At last, I found my voice enough to ask, “Where is everyone else?”

Max tossed some hair from his eyes, leaving his head inclined. “They bailed,” he answered quietly. “Said me and you would have more fun alone, to do whatever we want… wherever we want in the bus.”

Fuck, I knew it. Sex. He wanted sex. With me. Now.

My mind was screaming with uneasiness, hesitation about it, but my body was saying something else. Lust and want climbed through my veins very suddenly. Now, all I could focus on was Max, how his exposed chest felt beneath my fingertips and how his hands were inching me closer to him, away from the sink.

It was the slightest of movements, but he knew exactly what he was doing…

And then he pulled away, turned his back on me, and sauntered out of the bathroom. I stood in surprised shock - and disappointment - leaning against the sink, staring out beyond the doorway. After a moment, my mind snapped back into full gear. …what the hell just happened?

I pushed away and hurried after him. My hand gripping the doorframe, I whipped around into the bunk area. I still felt hot and bothered, but anger at Max’s sudden asinine behavior was beginning to inch through the hazy fog the other emotions made.

Max was standing at his bunk, rifling through a suitcase on the floor. I moved to his side and jabbed him in the leg with my heel.

“What are you doing?” I hissed. “And why did you leave me in the fucking bathroom?!”

He muttered something that I couldn’t hear.

“What?” I sat down on the edge of Max’s bunk.

“I’m getting dressed.” Max rose, a black t-shirt in his hand, and kicked the suitcase back underneath his bunk. He looked down at me. “You don’t want me half naked around you, I’m sure.”

“Yes, I do.” I grabbed Max’s hand and the t-shirt and gestured for him to lay them down. His body was my own personal ecstasy. This was all I needed to get better; Max would be my cure. “You said everyone would be gone until tonight, right?”

Max dropped his shirt to the floor. “Right.”

“Then why don’t we make the most of our alone time?” I reached my hand up and trailed it down his gorgeous stomach. I peered up at him through my lashes. My heart pattered a little faster, our skin connection resulting in the usual electric currents.

Max was only silent for a second. “Really?” He sounded like a happy, excited child. It was almost cute.

“Really.” I hooked my index fingers into the belt loops of his jean and shifted myself closer to his bare torso.

He seized my hips and pushed my back against the wood separating the bottom bunk and the top bunk. He pressed our bodies flush together. My knees almost buckled. Through the denim of my skirt, I felt his rock hard crotch bulging in his jeans.

Even with such a minimal clue at what lay beneath the tight clothes, it was already easy to tell he was bigger than Ronnie. Maybe he’s better in bed, too.

Max lunged forward, ravaging my neck with his lips and teeth. I tilted my head backward against the thick, top bunk curtain, my hands finding their way up to Max’s soft hair. I tugged my bottom lip between my teeth.

Obviously wanting to get this show on the road, he inched kisses down to my collarbone, where he nibbled and sucked mercilessly. I threw my head back the rest of the way and moaned, not being able to fight it any longer.

“Oh, Max,” I breathed, my eyes fluttering closed.

Suddenly, Max stopped everything and I was upended. By the time my eyes flashed open, I was on my back on his bottom bunk, one leg dangling off the side, making my skirt ride up further than I would have been comfortable with in any other circumstance.

Max climbed atop me, placing himself between my legs, and attacked my mouth this time, parting my lips with his tongue and shoving it down my throat. I whimpered, my hands reclaiming their tangled place in his hair.

One of his hot hands slipped up my shirt, over my stomach and up to my bra. I felt his rough fingers explore over the front of the strapless undergarment, and with baited breath, I hoped upon all hopes that he would find the clasp in the front and take the damned constricting thing off of me.

Much to my dismay, he yanked his hand out and broke out kiss. I opened my mouth to argue, but stopped as he pushed my shirt up and over my chest. Max snapped the front catch and jerked my bra out from underneath me, revealing my bare breasts to the open air.

With a quick glance up at me, he ran his tongue along the pointed tip of my nipple. The feeling made stars explode in front of me and I gasped.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” I swore, my hands balling into fists in his hair. “Oh, my god, you are better than Ronnie already.” Shit. I hadn’t meant to say that out loud. Smooth! I so rock.

Max propped himself up on his elbows and looked at me. “What?”

Blood rushed to my cheeks. I detached my hands from Max’s hair and pushed myself up onto my elbows as well. “I - I said you were better than Ronnie.” I pressed my lips together, waiting. If his ego wasn’t big enough already, it would be the size of Texas now.

“Thanks.”

I tossed a smile at him.

"And, I just remembered Ronnie telling me something else you liked." Max moved lower on my body, to my hip where my piercing was located.

I grinned, breathing hard. I had to thank Ronnie for one thing. I braced myself,

Max's tongue zigzagged through the silver studs as he peered up at me... and my heart stopped, my breath caught in my throat, black edged at the corners of my vision.

The picture laid out in front of me was all too familiar. I... couldn't take it. This was too much like the countless beginnings of horrible, bad nights with Ronnie. On numerous occasions he had done the same thing, looked at me the same way, as Max was at that very moment.

"Tell me it hurts, Juliet." I choked back a sob. My mind began conjuring up pictures, memories, of those said times and throwing them at me. "I want you to cry like a fucking pussy and scream for me to stop.

“Stop!” I cried, and Max jerked away. “Stop, please. I - I can‘t.”

Max sat up as much as the low ceiling of his bunk would allow. “Why?”

“What you said the other day was right. I do have a problem, after what Ronnie did.” With shaking fingers, I re-hooked my bra and pulled my shirt down. “I’m not ready.”

Max didn’t say anything, only ran a hand through his hair and climbed out of the bunk.

“Where are you going?” I asked, my voice trembling.

“Where do you think?” And he walked off to the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

Turning toward the wall, I buried my face in Max’s pillow and let my tears flow.

Ronnie had ruined my life. He ruined me! Now, it was his fault that I couldn’t have fucking sex with Max, the one thing I wanted more than anything. He was a sick, sadistic bastard, and he probably knew exactly what he was doing when he abused me and scarred me for life before he went to jail.

He knew that if he broke me enough, I could never be happy with anyone else but him.