This Is the World We Left for Dreamers and Believers

“Hey Tim I’m-I’ll be back.” His playful green eyes met mine. His head tilted to the side.

“Everything okay?” I nodded and smiled to reassure him.

“Just bored. Thought I’d explore.” I said shrugging.

“Do me a solid?”

“Yeah?”

“Take someone with you. You’re like a little baby. I worry when you disappear.”

“That’s cute. Do I really have to though?! The whole point was to be alone!”

“Yes. Take someone with you. I don’t care who but pick someone. Okay?” I huffed and nodded.

“Thank you baby girl.” He yelled as I was walking out of the room.

“Yeah. Whatever.” I muttered. Someone laughed and matched my steps.

“Someone feeling a little antisocial?”

“How’d you guess?” I asked sarcastically meeting Nate’s beaming face.

“The I’m going to kill a bitch walk.” I laughed.

“You know we haven’t talked hardly at all over the past month. Care to change that?” I asked.

“Now your okay with company?” I shrugged.

“Mind as well make the best of having to take someone along with me. Why not you?” I said pushing open the door.

“True. How’s tour been for you honey?” He asked placing his arm around my shoulders. I sighed.

“Fucked.”

“Way to be blunt. How come?” I looked up at him. He was trust worthy. I didn’t doubt his secret keeping skills for a second but I was starting to feel like a bitch for shoving my problems onto other people.

“Nah. You don’t wanna know.” I said looking at the sky. He guided me around a building.

“Sure I do. There’s obviously drama. Touring with a girl never goes without it. So which guy is after you and which are you after?” I stared at him. He’d knew it without even having to hear what was going on.

“John.”

“And?”

“Halvo and John. I was with Justin for a little less than a week but other than that….yeah.”

“So, John wants you but you want his bromance?” I laughed.

“Bromance?”

“Those two are best friends.”

“I have a theory that Justin and Halvo are in a secret battle for John’s attention.” He laughed and led me into a coffee shop. It was nearly empty, extravagantly decorated, and smelled amazing. A speaker on the ceiling emitted soft music. Nate strolled up to the counter like he owned the place.

“This place has amazing iced coffee. You look like an iced coffee kind of girl.” He said smiling.

“Dude, I’m down for any place that has some amazing iced coffee.” Voices filled the small space behind us. Familiar voices.

“Looks like you’ll never escape.” He whispered. I laughed and sighed.

“Maybe if we act like they don’t exist they won’t realize its us!” I whispered back.

“I have to put my order in though!”

“We’ll whisper it!” A short, black haired girl came up to the counter.

“What can I get you folks?” She asked in a thick Carolina accent.

“Two iced coffees.” Nate whispered. I suppressed the urge to fall out laughing. She nodded and turned away. Her face already distorted in confusion at the whispering. She handed us each a clear plastic cup, ice cubes banged against the side.

“Annabelle!” Kennedy screamed. I pulled the purple straw out of my mouth.

“Sup?”

“You didn’t say hi to us!” Garret pouted. I laughed and side hugged him.

“How come he gets side hug?!” Jared whined. Nate joined me at my side. He leaned down.

“Didn’t they just see you?”

“Since when does that matter? They’re all big babies.”

“Are not!” Pat muttered placing his phone in his back pocket. I shook my head and hugged them each, pausing awkwardly at John.

“Dudes, so were going to keep exploring see ya later.” I said pushing Nate out the front door. We walked in silence for a few minutes.

“Awkward.” I looked up at him.

“Hmm?”

“The John hug.” I cursed under my breath.

“You noticed?”

“It wasn’t hard not to. You had small inside jokes with the others and his was silent and quick.”

“Like friend sex.” He nearly choked on his drink laughing.

“That’s a new one.” I shrugged.

“Guess I’m full of firsts, huh?” His arm wrapped around my shoulders again, this time he pulled me to him.

“It’ll be okay. On the bright side, John was just as confused and hurt as you are.”

“I’m not hurt though.”

“Anymore.”

“Huh?” I asked sitting on a park bench. He followed suit.

“When we first started tour. It was awful. You looked betrayed and hurt.” I nodded.

“Yeah, there’s a story. John. Douche move. I don’t feel like retelling.” He nodded understandingly.

“He definitely regrets it.”

“How do you know these things?! Why are we talking about this?! I wanna have fun! Hit The Lights boys know how to party! Let’s party!” I said jumping off the bench. He laughed.

“First, I’m a guy and second, where do you wanna party?”

“Anywhere! Let’s do something fun!”

“We should go back to the bus and plan a huge party.” He said nodding.

“Let’s do it then!” We both trashed the now empty cups and ran along the sidewalks earning looks from strangers as we blew past them. I was happier than I had been for most of tour. Free. It was comforting to be around someone who wasn’t either talking about a relationship or beginning a friendship to get a relationship. Nate wanted friendship. I like friendship far better than a relationship right now.

>> Who like’s to party?

“Halvorsen! Hi!” I yelled obnoxiously spinning in the parking lot.

“Uh oh. Someone has joined the Hit The Lights parties.” I nodded eagerly and shoved the red cup at him.

“It’s really good! I don’t know what it is but it’s sooo good!”

“Is she trashed?” Tim asked walking by with a tote.

“Tim! I’m not trashed! I’ve only had like five or six!” He sighed and walked over to me.

“Can you walk a straight line?” I scoffed.

“I can’t walk a straight line when I’m sober! It’s only a buzz! Loosen up baby!” I said leaning against Halvo. His arm slid around my waist.

“I’ve got her.” Eric said pulling me out of the middle of the near empty parking lot and into the venue. Katy and Justin were sitting on the edge of the stage, their legs dangled. He quickly leaned in and kissed her before pulling away. His face crimson. His shyness was cute. Katy was beaming. She quickly looked up at the sound of our entrance.

“I know that walk. Eric, you need help?” She asked.

“No. I have her. She’ll be fine.” She nodded worriedly and continued talking quietly with Justin. They were by far the best for each other.

“Where are we going?” I asked leaning my head on his shoulder.

“Back here. There’s some water and some food to help you sober up a little.”

“It’s the other way around though! You’re suppose to eat a lot before you drink so you won’t get drunk as fast!” I said skipping away from him.

“Did you eat today?” He asked grabbing my hand.

“Once or twice. I don’t know! Don’t be a mood killer! Let’s dance!” I said excitedly pushing a button on the cd player that sat inside the room Halvo had just pulled us into, soft jazz filled the room.
“Talk about a mood killer.” I muttered reaching to turn it off.

“No leave it on! You want to dance? Come here.” Eric said sticking out his hand. I smiled softly and took his hand. His unoccupied hand settled on my waist.
“We’ll slow dance. Do this right.” I laughed quietly and laid my head on his shoulder.

“Are you suppose to even dance to Jazz?” He shrugged. I looked up at him.

“You’re kind of cute when your out of it.” I blushed and looked at the floor.

“Aw.” His hand slid underneath my chin and lifted it. My eyes met his. For a kid who would seem awkward in this situation he was so sure of himself. His lips met mine seconds later. My fingers tangled in his hair, his other hand was on the small of my back holding me to him. I pulled away, stared up at him, and ran. I ran. Blowing past the two lovers on the stage and out to the bus, ignoring shouts. I slid up the steps and grabbed another cup. That was my night; cup after cup after cup.

>> FML.

“Hey.” I shushed Nate and leaned my forehead against my palm. The purple sunglasses on my eyes were doing nothing for the pounding headache I was sporting.

“Just whisper. Like yesterday. My head may explode if you don’t.” I croaked lifting the water bottle that was sitting on the van floor.

“Advil?” He asked producing a small pill bottle from his jacket. I stuck my hand out. He poured a few into my hand before recapping it.

“I. Fucking. Suck.” I muttered dropping the water bottle. The guys loudly returned from the gas station store. I groaned. Between them and the sun rising I was on the verge of tears.

“What are you doing awake anyway? You downed a good 20 to my knowledge.” Nate asked rubbing my back.

“Really? Gees. Uhm. The Maine. I’m in a van with The fucking Maine. They all decided to wake up early today and play spot the license plate.” I said glaring at the seven men who were standing off to the side arguing over who spotted a Pennsylvania plate first.

“Aw. What caused the major meltdown last night? You left for a little while and then re appeared half an hour later with a vengence.” I opened my mouth to answer. Nausea overwhelmed me, I pushed past him and ran for the side of the van. The water and pills I had just taken were now on the ground. I coughed and wiped my face with the back of my jacket sleeve.

“You okay?” Pat asked walking over to me. I nodded and threw the useless sunglasses onto the seat.

“She drank too much. Don’t baby her Pat. This her lesson.” Tim said.

“Hey! Don’t you judge me! You act as though you haven’t gotten trashed before in your life. Give me a break! Gees!” I said leaning against the van and sliding down it onto the pavement. New voices joined the guys. I picked out Halvo‘s and slid even farther down. Hands were suddenly on my waist helping me up. I slowly opened my eyes and sighed with relief. Nate smiled and helped me back onto the van seat.

“We’ll talk at the venue? When your hangover is gone?” I nodded and hugged him.

“Thanks for being a friend, Nate. I went too far last night its okay if you don’t want me at another HTL bash.” He laughed quietly.

“Are you kidding? You’re a funny lil drunk. You’ll have to ask Kevin about his pillow.” I gave him a worried look.

“Is this act taped?”

“I think Omar had the camera going. Yeah.” I groaned and buried my face in my sleeves.
“It wasn’t that bad!”

“Of course not. To you it was funny and cute and you can forget it. Me, I get to remember that night I got trashed and Omar Zehery fucking taped it.” He rubbed my back comfortingly.

“I’ll get him to edit it out if you want. Okay?” I nodded and let him go.

“Go get some sleep Nate. I have to join the game of find the license plate. These bitches are going down!” I said rubbing my temple. The worst was over. The headache was subsiding, I’d puked and found out an embarrassing act. At least I hadn’t been like one of those idiots who sent txts to family members or friends…..or had I? I quickly pulled my phone out and looked in the sent box. There was the messages I remembered sending, a few worried unread from Tim and one from Eric which I chose to ignore.

“No embarrassing texts?” Loren asked walking past. I laughed.

“Nope! I’m safe. Hey, Tim. Sorry I didn’t answer your messages last night. My phone wasn’t on vibrate and they had Third Eye Blind really loud. I wasn’t intentionally ignoring you.” His face softened.

“Fine. I forgive you. No more drinking for you though. Okay?” I nodded and jumped down. I crashed into him. My arms wrapped around his waist.

“You are such a kiss up.” Kennedy said ruffling my hair.

“I’m cute though.” I said nudging him. He rolled his eyes and motioned for me to get in the van.

“Is our party girl back there joining the fun now?” John asked. I leaned around the seat and placed my chin on his shoulder.

“Only if I can play with your hair. It’s soft.” I said running my fingers through it.

“Are we sure she only drank? This is out of character for her.” Garret said staring at me worriedly. I shrugged.

“I’m relaxed and all partied out. I don’t have the energy to be bitchy.” I said shrugging.

“Promise not to throw up on me?” John asked pushing his sunglasses onto his head.

“I defaced the parking lot back there. I can’t throw up on you.” He nodded satisfied and leaned his head over to me. I ran my fingers through his hair. His eyes closed as he relaxed. The others shouted around us. I fell asleep sitting on the floor, my fingers half in John’s hair.

“Maybe we should let them sleep.” Jared whispered. My eyes stayed closed. I was now aware of the stillness. We’d stopped and a blanket had been thrown over me. My head rested on John’s chest. His breathing still slow and even. They all filed out silently and left the door open a crack. I smiled and fell back to sleep. Maybe it was best to just embrace John and forget what had happened between Halvo and I last night. Like that would ever happen. That was a problem I would be faced with later. Sleep was an escape. Escaping sounded great at the moment.