Dreams and Wishes

I was shocked, but it was a happy surprise. It wasn’t my first kiss, but it felt like the first kiss that counted. It was just a gentle lips on lips and when we pulled away we were both smiling.

“Wow, thank you for not hitting me.” Jonathan said after a while. I just laughed.

We turned around and headed back toward the house. Hand in hand again, but this time it felt different. More significant. There was still plenty of daylight, so we settled down in that kind of grass that always looks too green to be real. We ended up in the position of him sitting cross legged and me lying down with my head resting on his leg. He plucked a blade of grass and began to trace my face with it. I closed my eyes. The sun felt so good and Jonathan smelled like summer and happiness. I didn’t even feel the need to hold myself together.

“You make me feel like a different person.”

“Like the real you or a fake you? Which mask are you wearing today?” I sat up all confused.

“Personally I think we all wear masks.” I shot him a look. “No, no, hear me out.” I sighed and lay back down.

“So here is what I think.” Jonathan got all excited and started waving his hands around as he talked. “Every person is more than just one thing. There are so many different parts of people, different characteristics. Sometimes when you’re with one group of friends you act totally different but with another group it’s another side of you. The only thing is, is that it’s not a different you. You’re not being two faced or lying to anyone, you’re just trying on a new mask. Each personality is what makes you up. You know what I’m saying?” He looked me deep in the eyes, longing for me to understand.

I put up a finger to show I was thinking and considered it. It made sense if you thought about it really. There are no stereotypical people. We are comfortable with that cause then we can place them in categories and can expect them to do certain things. When they ‘go out of character’ we feel uncertain. But no person has only one side. It’s not even really a side, more of a part of them that comes out during different things. It makes you wonder if anyone knows the whole you. If you know the whole you.

“I never pin pointed you as the deep thinker, but I see where you’re coming from.” I finally concluded.

Jonathan laughed. “Me? I deep think all the time. It’s a favorite past time.”

“Really?” I was intrigued. “What sort of things do you think about?”

“Oh, tons of stuff. Ranging from universe theories to God to society to human nature. You name it, I have an opinion on it. But I love to change my opinion and learn more. Some time we will debate. Though I’m warning you, I have had a pretty impressive education.” He grinned. Suddenly his pocket vibrated, scaring the heck out of me as a yelp escaped.

“Sorry,” he laughed, “Hello?” Jonathan pulled out a really really nice looking phone. I began to trace his hand with my finger as I listened to one side of the conversation.

“The house. No, not McKelly’s place, the broken down thing you’re trying to fix up. Yeah. I don’t know, I felt like coming out here. Yes of course, it’s my one place to do drugs that you’ll never find me.” He said this last part sarcastically and rolled his eyes at me. With the mood I was in I giggled.

“Sure, and hour? Okay, yeah, me too, bye.” He flipped the phone shut.

“So you do drugs?” I jokingly accused.

“Why of course! Didn’t you know? You got involved with a bad person.”

“Who said I was involved with you.”

“Cause baby, you’re my drug.” He kissed the top of my head.

I turned my face to look at him. Moving one arm around his neck I drew him closer to me. Our lips bumped clumsily at first, but then formed to one another. The kiss became deeper and all I could think about was that here I was, with this amazing boy, and he was interested in me. Then I decided to skip the whole thinking process and just enjoy the kiss. We ended up lying next to each other in the grass, kissing every now and then, but mostly just looking at each other.

“You ever think there is a reason why you meet someone?” He was a deep thinker.

“I guess, never really considered it.”

“Well I think I’m in your life for a purpose. I feel like you need me, or maybe that’s just my need for you.” He pulled me close for another kiss. His vibrating phone interrupted us.

“Damn, I forgot the time. Come one, I’ll get you home.” We got back on his motorcycle and when I wrapped my arms around his waist it had a whole different meaning.

He dropped me back off at school like before. “You think I could have your number?” He asked, not shy at all. I nodded and ripped out a sheet from my notebook. In my scrawl I jotted down my number and handed it to him.

“Thanks. And, well,” he took a deep breath. “I don’t want this to come out wrong. Hear me out till the end okay?” I nodded. “I don’t love you. Not yet, because well, it’s to early frankly. But I think there is a definite possibility that I’m falling in love you with you. So thank you for today and I’ll see you Monday, but hopefully talk to you before.” He waved the paper with my number in the air.

“Goodnight my beloved.” Jonathan bowed again and I offered my hand to be kissed. As he stood up I saw only care in his eyes. If that makes any sense at all. I could tell he was different that a lot of guys.

He watched me as I got in my truck and started home, then took off in a different direction.

The house was empty when I came home, but my happiness seemed to fill it. Jonathan seemed to give me something I had been lacking. A purpose, something to look forward to.

I reheated some spaghetti noodles and sat down to a dinner of one with some music playing from my room. Then I went through my beads and sat down in my beanbag chair. I pulled out the picture he had made for me. The two trees next to each other. It gave me a sense that I wasn’t alone anymore. I picked up my pad and pencil and began to draw sunflowers. Tons and tons of sunflowers.