Troubled Thoughts and the Self-Esteem to Match

GABE

"Mr.Way!" I sounded a little too desperate perhaps, but I didn't care. He was heading out the facilities' doors when he heard me and froze.
"What's wrong?"
"I know you were heading home, but this is an emergency." He didn't ask questions.

"Okay, what's wrong?"
He questioned when he was in his computer chair, perched behind his Oak desk.
"Did you see what I did to him?! Did you fucking see?!"
I was talking too loud and fast, but I couldn't help it.
"Yes I did."
It angered me that he was so calm.
"Did you see how fucking bad those bruises were?! I really hurt him!"
I only just realized I was pacing the width of the room and rubbing my hair back, distressed.
"That makes me just fucking like my step-dad was! You know what that bastard did!
I don't want to be like that! To anyone!"
He shook his head no.

"You're not being like your step-father.
You were delusional; you thought he was taunting you."
He went on to say something else, but I interrupted.
"That doesn't mean shit!"
"Yes it does, Gabe. Your father figure,"
He used his fingers to put quotes around father figure.
"hurt people because it made him feel strong. You didn't even mean to."

I kicked the wall, which secretly hurt like hell.
"You don't get it! I don't want to be anything like that!"
I fled the room then, and decided to hide in the shower rooms.
I wasn't going to be an abuser, even if it meant avoiding people entirely.

BILL

"Bill!" The group was surrounding me suddenly.
"Come on. It's lunch time."
They pulled me in the direction of the cafeteria.
"What's wrong?"
Ryan inquired, instantly catching on to my flustered mood. Everyone else joined in then.
"Ribs hurting?" Frankie guessed, shoving his hair behind his ears.
"No."
I debated on telling them.
Whatever. You have nothing to lose.
"I ran into Gabe in the hall after therapy."
Brendon glanced up from a book in his hands.
"Did he hurt you again?"
I wrinkled my lip, confused.
"No, actually he apologized. Then he saw the bruises, freaked out, and ran off."
They all stared with shocked faces.
"He actually apologized?" Bob snorted, adjusting his black beanie.
"Yeah."
Brendon gave a quick laugh.
"Wow. You should be proud though. He usually only apologizes to a person two times a year.
He's said it to you twice, in less than a week!"

Frank changed the subject then.
"Sooo...you'll never guess what I heard this morning."
Everyone waited impatiently for him to giggle in that 'I-know-something-you-don't' way.
"That rumor about two new mates will be coming true tomorrow!"
Everyone gasped. "Seriously?!" Brendon yelped with joy.
"Where'd you hear it this time?" Bob pressed skeptically.
"Mr.Way was informed by the secretary this morning, and I heard!"
This was obviously good news to everyone. Everyone but me.
Didn't they say they were coming from the worst group on the lot?
"How is that good?" I pressed, the only thing going through my mind being when one of them mentioned the possibility of a rapist coming to our group.
"Well, the more the merrier." Brendon answered with that particularly angelic smile.
"That's okay, I'm on your side on this one."
Ryan whispered to me assuringly as we stepped into the lunchroom.

"Dude, he's still not here."
Brendon glanced at an imaginary watch on his wrist, knowing lunch was almost over.
The table was oddly barren without the obnoxious loud-mouth sitting between Bob and I.
This awkwardness was my fault somehow, even if I didn't exactly understand how.
"Maybe I should go look for him. I mean, this is my fault."
Ryan peeked up from his tray.
"How is it your fault?"
I shrugged before standing.
"It just is."
I left the packed cafeteria then, sighing at the fresh air outside of the building.
The air was more moist than usual and I knew it was going to rain soon.
This didn't sit well with me, considering I was afraid of storms.
"Great."
I murmured, stuffing my hands into my pockets before beginning the path toward our block.
Gabe was here somewhere, and I was going to find him and find out what I did wrong... If he was willing to cooperate.

"Just forget it, William."
Frankie whined, grasping my wrist as I walked by.
I hissed at the contact and he instantly jerked back.
"Sorry. I forgot!"
"It's okay." I groaned inwardly.
I had searched every last inch of this block and yet, I was still Gabe-less.
"It's not your fault. He's just being a stubborn ass."
Bob half heartedly added, flicking channels on the television.
He stopped on Fuse.
"It is too."
I flopped down on the floor in front of the couch, dangerously close to Brendon's bare feet.
He was reclined on the sofa reading his book, Ryan draped across his chest, eyes glazed over and content.
"Don't worry too much. He's a complicated person."
Ryan placed a gentle hand on the crown of my head.
It was oddly one of the most relaxing sensations I'd felt in weeks.
"He'll come around when he's ready. If you go looking for him though, he'll just rebel and avoid us even longer."
Brendon uttered nonchalantly as he turned the page of his book.
"Ecstasy" by Irvine Welsh?
I'd never heard of it before, and I'd read many books in my time.
Maybe they were right. Maybe I should stop worrying about it...But I couldn't.
The feeling that I had screwed something up was consuming, and I hated it more than anything.