I Need Something More.

SOPHIA P.O.V

Sunlight shone throughout the entire condo. Hannah waited patiently by my side as I finished making us grilled cheese sandwiches for breakfast at her request. Hannah still dressed in her fairly odd parents pajama’s relocated to the bar like stools by the other end of the counter trying to climb one of them. I set down the slices of kid-friendly, wonderplus bread and rushed over to Hannah, scooping her up and helping her onto the chair. Hannah made herself comfortable as she sweetly thanked me for the help.

I couldn’t help but smile at the little girl. Honestly, I had grown to love her as if she were my own throughout these past few months. She sat perfectly at the other end of the counter while I finished grilling her sandwich and fetching her some orange juice to compliment it. Hannah thanked me again as I sat beside her joining her for breakfast.

As the two of us ate our grilled cheese the sound of Tino and the rest of Disney’s The Weekenders on the television. Hannah watched intently while taking small bites as Carver tricked Tino into a mild freakout over a clown. As Hannah watched I thought back to last night.

It was the first time I’d seen Alex since I ran out on him crying. Needless to say the both of us acted stiff as if we were dancing around broken glass. Alex kept his head down in the same bashful way he always would whenever he felt embarrassed and his eyes were cast low refusing to look at mine. The two of us hadn’t acted like this before, not even when we first met. I missed how we used to be. I missed him.

“Sophie?” Hannah’s voice broke my daze.

“Yes sweetheart?”

“Do you’s have work?” She asked innocently.

“No sweetheart, I called my dad and told him you’d be visiting.” I smiled tapping her nose causing her to giggle. “He says hello, and told me not to come in.”

“Sophie can we goes to the park then?” She smiled brightly.

“Anything you want sweetheart.”

After finishing our meal, Hannah and I got ready. Hannah dressed herself in the dress Alex had packed for her and was working on putting on her tiny pink velcro shoes while I changed. I quickly pulled on a pair of light blue jean shorts and matched it with a breezy pink tank top with black roses printed on it, deciding a casual outfit would be best for a park environment. Once I had finished strapping on my sandals Hannah helped me grab a couple of water bottles from the fridge and place them in my bag along with all our necessary belongings.

Hannah skipped down the sidewalk holding my hand as the two of us ventured down the block to the same park Alex and I had taken her after the first night I slept over at Alex’s. Hannah excitedly pulled my hand harder once she saw the park in view. She let go of my hand and ran towards the play structure, climbing the wooden steps as fast as her petite legs would carry her towards the top. She stood triumphantly at the top under the arch of the slide and waited until I was at the landing of the big yellow slide.

“Catch me Sophie!” Her tiny voice called as she sat and pushed herself to the initial slope of the slide.

I waited at the bottom, arms wide open, waiting to catch the fallen girl. Hannah landed in my arms erupting into fits of giggles. The smile on my face hadn’t been brighter in weeks as I set her down.

“Catch me again mommy!” She smiled running back to the base of the play structure exploring a new set of wooden steps to climb to the top.

My breath caught in my throat at her words. My heart began to race as I felt myself become shaky. Hannah called me mommy, never before has she called me that. A mix of emotions consumed my body as I watched the small blonde climb her way to the top of the structure. On one hand I was overwhelmed with joy at the thought of meaning so much to Hannah, but at the same time a sense of fear, equal in size consumed me. I meant so much to her and at any time she’d be leaving back to Baltimore, miles and miles away from me. I could only imagine the heartbreak I’d cause her as I flashed back to the day she left for Malibu.

“Sophie!” She laughed again. Quickly attaining all of my attention as she prepared to slide down again.

I caught her in my arms and lifted her up again, with a smile of mixed emotions. I hugged her close swinging her around in my arms before setting her down. If she wanted see me as her mother, so be it- she deserves to have a mother, every child does. I thought as I back to my own mother.

Her airy giggles filled the park as she tugged my hand and led me in the direction of the swings. Automatically, I picked her up and placed her in the kid-friendly swing set, pushing her lightly. Smiling to myself and down at the little blonde.

The rest of the afternoon Hannah recalled stories of her time in Malibu, most dealing with Jack being silly. As we walked down the streets taking the scenic route home we stopped by a small ice cream parlor. Hannah and I both ordered vanilla and sat on the patio enjoying the dessert when my phone began sounding off.

“Hello?”

“Hey Soph” I heard a familiar voice.

“Oh, hi Alex.”

“Sorry, are you out? I tried calling you and Hannah at home a couple times, but got your voice mail.”

“Y-yeah, sorry. I took Hannah to the park and now we’re having ice cream.” I informed him, not really knowing what else to say. “Is something wrong?”

“Oh, err not really. I was just wondering when Rian should pick up Hannah.”

“Rian?” I questioned. “You’re not coming to get her?”

“Nah, I-umm I’m swamped with work. Sorry.”

“Oh,” I frowned slightly disappointed that I wouldn’t get to see him.

I told Alex Hannah and I would be back in less than half an hour so anytime after that would be fine. Alex kept the call short sounding like something was bothering him throughout the whole conversation. In any other circumstance I would have pried until Alex would let me in and tell me what was bothering him, but currently the two of us were dancing in circles trying not to offend the other. I sighed as I hung up and continued to entertain Hannah.

We walked hand in hand in a mild rush to get back on time. On our way home she said she was still hungry and wanted another sandwich, so once we arrived back at my condo I set Hannah down on the couch while I prepared a quick lunch and gathered her belongings at the same time. I had her napsack ready by the couch as she munched on a chicken sandwich with apple slices on the side. She watched whatever was playing on the Disney channel as we waited patiently for Rian.

Within a few short minutes after Hannah finished her lunch she fell asleep on the couch with her thumb in her mouth and her other hand clinging to her yellow blankie. I sat beside sleeping Hannah and stroked her feathery blonde hair admiring her innocence.

I grabbed my macbook off the coffee table and began to check my e-mails upon shutting off the television to aid Hannah’s nap. As I checked my mail, I noticed a forward from Rian, orignially from his girlfriend Kara with the label Malibu Pictures printed in the subject bar. I clicked the e-mail and waited for it to load when I heard a knock at the door. Immediately, I closed everything and set the laptop back onto the coffee table before rushing to the door.

“Hey Sophia.” Rian smiled showing off his perfect piano-key teeth.

“Hi Rian.” I greeted quietly him with a hug and led him into my home, placing my finger to my lips signaling to be quiet.

He took note of Hannah sleeping and quietly followed me towards the island dividing the kitchen and dining area.

“Well I haven’t seen you in some time.” He joked, unintentionally making me feel horrible.

“I know, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to, really. It’s just that--”

“Soph, it’s okay.” He smiled reassuringly. “How have you been?”

“Okay. I’ve missed you guys.” I admitted quietly.

“We’ve missed you too Soph,” Rian paused awkwardly. “Alex especially.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah...”

The two of fell into an uncomfortable silence for a moment before I continued.

“You know,” I started. “I wouldn’t have minded driving down to Butch’s studio to drop off Hannah. I hope the ride here wasn’t too bad.”

“It’s not problem Soph, but we’re actually done at Butch’s studio.” He smiled lightly.

“Oh you’re not in Malibu anymore.”

“Nah, we finished a couple days ago and just got back into LA yesterday.”

“Oh, I see. How long are you guys staying? Tomorrow night you guys should come over for dinner.” I offered.

“Err, we can’t. Sorry Soph.” Rian’s smile fading as he replied.

“Ohh, maybe the day after then?” I smiled tightly, hoping to find an excuse to see Alex again.

“You don’t know?”

“Know what?”

“I guess Alex didn’t tell you.” Rian frowned.

“Tell me what?”

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ALEX P.O.V:

I continued to shove folded and non-folded clothes back into my luggage as the day went by. Before Hannah left yesterday she helped fold some of her clothes and set them aside. Mine on the other hand were sprawled inside the luggage. Screw it, its not like it really matters, I thought as I shoved everything inside, struggling as I zipped it up.

These past two weeks have been the longest they’d ever been. I couldn’t think straight with Sophia mad at me, all I could think of, all I could see was the hurt plainly written across her porcelain face.

“You done?” I heard Jack call from behind me.

“Yeah, I think I’ve got everything.”

Jack nodded, stepping in to the room. After Sophia ran out on me two weeks ago, Jack finally heard what really happened. Once Sophia fled the house everyone came straight to me to find out what happened once they saw her leave on the brink of tears. I told them what happened and finally everyone knew the truth. That I didn’t do what they thought I did- I didn’t slept with Sophia in her drunken state.

The guys felt bad for jumping to the conclusions that they did but of all Jack felt the worst. Jack kept apologizing for being such a dick, but really- I couldn’t blame him for half the things he said. With my reputation and him knowing me best, how could he not have thought the things that he did.

“So...” Jack started, attaining my full attention.

“Jenna called again.” He stressed her name.

“And...” I mused wondering what shit Jenna was trying to pull. “What did she say.”

“Well after calling me a douche bag for the umpteenth time, she kept saying that she wanted to talk to you. That she wanted to see Hannah.”

“Mmmm. You told her that wasn’t going to happen right?”

“Duh!” Jack countered. “Believe me, I wouldn’t let her near Hannah myself if it were my decision.”

“Thanks man.” I smiled tightly.

Jenna had managed to get her hands on my number through old mutual friends and now all she did was harass me and plea to see Hannah. Everyday she’d threaten how it was her right to see Hannah, that she was her mother. I didn’t care, at first I’d argue with Jenna telling her that when she left she gave up the right to be apart of Hannah’s life, but after a few arguments it didn’t seem worth it. Instead, I just ignored her calls.

For the past two weeks, since that night, I waited for a call- just not Jenna’s. I’d hope that eventually all my harassment towards Sophia would pay off. That eventually she’d understand how sorry I was and call back- but she never did. Nothing I said would convince Sophia, I just hurt her too much. The worst part is, I still couldn’t figure out what exactly it was that hurt her so badly. I know that what I did was shady, but when Sophia started to remember, she- herself began apologizing. It wasn’t until I told her it was all my fault and that is was a mistake that I offended her. Everyday since Sophia left, I played back my exact word in my head- dissecting each word with scrutiny to piece together what exactly upset Sophia so much. If I could figure out what I did wrong, I’d do anything I could to fix it.

“Did Rian go to pick up Hannah?” I asked snapping out of my thoughts.

“Yeah, he left like ten minutes ago.”

“Oh, okay.”

There was a small pause before Jack continued. “Why didn’t you just go?”

I didn’t answer, merely continued to double check mine and Hannah’s belongings. I didn’t go because I couldn’t bare to see Sophia again. As much as I wanted to, it killed me. Sophia wouldn’t talk to me, she would barely even look at me when all I wanted to do was tell her how much I loved her, and I never meant to hurt her.

Jack sighed, “Dude, you miss her.”

“No shit.”

“Then why didn’t you go see her, and talk to her?”

“I tried that remember, with the countless phone calls. She hates me.”

“She doesn’t hate you, we all know she misses you.”

“You don’t get it Jack.” I sighed. “You didn’t see her face when she told me she didn’t want to talk to me.”

“I’ve never seen anyone look that... broken.”

Jack looked down not knowing what to say.

“See, she hates me.” I groaned. “I completely blew it with Sophia.”

“Nah, man. You two love each other--.”

“You’re wrong. I love her. And she only loved me as a friend- which isn’t even true anymore.”

“Dude, I’m telling you. Try again.” Jack advised. “I know how badly you want to see her. Plus you don’t have much time left.”

“I know...” I said trailing off. “We leave tomorrow.”