A Softer World

How could so many catastrophes happen in such a short period of time? First, Gerard was leaving. Second, Riley punched out my boyfriend. Lastly, Riley ended up in the hospital. I hoped and prayed nothing else would go wrong tonight.

True to Gerard’s word, Mikey ordered in Chinese food due to the lack of his cooking knowledge. We all sat around the Way’s basement stuffing our faces with chicken fried rice and egg rolls. I sat alone on the single seat, while Bob, Ray, Mikey and Gerard tried to fit on the one couch. Riley and Frank were sitting together on the love seat and we were all watching some random show on TV. I paid little attention to whatever it was. I was trying to figure out what I was going to do about Alex.

Was I supposed to stay with him? Stay with the plan to make Gerard forget that he ever liked me in the first place, or leave Alex and hope that I can be good enough for Gerard. I watched as my brain weighed each decision with care. I could hurt Gerard and not hurt Alex, or I could hurt Alex and spare Gerard. I didn’t even truly know why I was with Alex. Sure on the exterior it may have happened because I truly wanted to protect Gerard, but did I actually truly care about Alex?

I took another bite out of the egg roll I had on my plate and chewed slowly. I wasn’t quite hungry anyways. I was still eating more than I would have been if I had done crank this afternoon. I hadn’t forgotten about not doing any today, it gnawed at the back of my mind every second since I started doing it in the first place. But there were many other things to worry about. But still it felt as if every pore of my body was craving the drug. I felt absolutely disgusting, like I needed the drug.

“I’ll be right back,” I said to no one in particular.

I got up from the chair and went up the stairs. Gerard’s parents weren’t home yet, so I didn’t worry about them seeing me not that they would have minded that I was here. I practically lived here. I slipped on my shoes and opened the front door and sat down on the steps. The cool evening air rustled through my air, it felt good against my sweat covered body. I reached down to the pocket of my jeans and felt for the little baggy, but to my surprise I couldn’t feel anything. I searched every pocket I had in my jeans and couldn’t find anything. That’s when the panic set it, where could it have gone? I know I didn’t use it all, I had it all planned out, I wasn’t meeting my dealer for another couple days. It was supposed to last that long.

I saw someone approaching Gerard’s driveway. Who would be coming at this time? I sat down and tried to calm down, I tried to focus all of my attention on the person approaching.

“How did I know you would be here,” he laughed, but this laugh wasn’t the one that made my knees weak.

“Alex?” I said and stood up to meet him halfway.

We were both standing on the grass. The sun was almost finished setting the streetlamps had already turned on.

“I went to your fucking house and you weren’t there,” he said. “So I tried to think of where you could be, and the only place I could think of was where ever that little emo fag was.”

He stepped closer to me and I could smell the faint scent of alcohol, “have you been drinking?”

“What does it matter?” he said as he wrapped his arm around me and pulled my body closer to his. He leaned in close to my ear, “So what if I’m drunk? You little drug whore.”

“Get off of me!” I yelled as I pushed against his body. It must have caught him off guard because he stumbled backwards.

“Don’t think I didn’t know,” he laughed again. “I can spot a druggie from a mile away, or rather late at night in a park.”

“What?” I whispered in shock, I felt my knees buckle beneath me.

Alex kneeled down and stared at me, “that’s right. I’m the person you sneak to in the middle of the night just to get your fix. And believe me damn you look hot when you’re terrified.”

“Chey, is everything okay?” I heard Gerard’s voice call from the front door. “Chey, what the fuck is going on?”

I could hear his footsteps approaching, along with a few others. Alex smiled and stood up from his kneeling position. He offered me his hand and I grabbed it.

“Just tell him to fuck off. Stay with me and you can have all the crank you want,” Alex leaned into me pressing his body against my back and whispered into my ear. I felt something pressed against my arm. I looked down and saw the knife Alex had in his hand.

“G-Gerard, just go away,” I yelled.

“What?” Gerard said, hurt clearly plastered to his face.

“You heard her fag,” Alex said. “She said go away.”

“Chey, you don’t really want me to go, do you?” Gerard pleaded.

I started towards Gerard but Alex grabbed my wrist. “Let go of me,” I said and yanked my wrist out of Alex’s grip.

I wrapped my arms around Gerard and pulled him close to my body. I could smell the cologne that lingered with the ever present smell of cigarette. “Of course I don’t want you to go away, but it’s for the best Gerard. He’s drunk, and there’s another reason why I can’t piss him off. He’s my dealer”

Tears started trickling down my cheeks, but Gerard starting speaking before I could pull away. “So that’s why you’re with him, you give him a piece of ass. You get all the drugs you want.” Gerard said and started to pull away.

I pulled him back into the hug, “That’s not it at all. He can really hurt you Gerard! He can really hurt me!”

Gerard pulled away from the hug and before I could register what was happening, Gerard lunged at Alex.

“Gerard, No!” I yelled. I tried to pull Gerard from the fight but I only got pushed away, I lost my footing and fell to the ground. By this time, Frank, Gerard, Bob, and Ray were all on top of Alex. “Stop it!” I yelled. I turned to look around for help, I saw Mikey holding back Riley at the front door.

I didn’t know what to do, I felt helpless. There was nothing I could do. I wasn’t strong enough to stop them. I saw the glint of the knife that Alex had had before. I grabbed it, “this is all because of me!” I screamed and before thinking I pulled the blade across my wrist.

“No!” I heard someone’s voice yell.

I felt a pair of arms wrap around me and pull my body close to theirs. “What the fuck Cheyenne! What the fuck were you thinking,” I could hear Gerard’s voice.

“Riley, call 911!” I heard someone yell in the distance.

I could feel the pain in my arm getting worse. I looked up at Gerard and smiled. “At least I’m not thinking about the drug.”