Excuse The Obscene

Paranoia has never been my thing. I learned early on that if you can’t trust your senses and your instinct that you’ll get yourself killed pretty quickly. So I’ve always trusted myself. And lately my instincts have been telling me that I had all the reason in the world to be paranoid. I’ve been on edge and I could practically feel the eyes trailing me.

“Toni!” Val’s fingers snapping in front of me pulled me from my thoughts.

“What? Yes?” I pulled my eyes from over Val’s shoulder and focused my gaze on her.

“I’m thinking of stashing a tracking device in his trunk?”

I blinked twice and realized I clearly hadn’t been following the conversation all that closely. My food remained untouched as I stared at Val and tried to decipher what exactly it was she was talking about.

“What?” I asked, raising one eyebrow and sitting back in my seat.

“Matt’s truck. He’s been really shady lately, sneaking off and keeping secrets.”

“Hey at least you have a boyfriend that’s still talking to you. “ I groaned a little, Zacky coming back to my mind. It’s been days since we’ve spoken to each other – since the jailing incident.

“Yeah and at least you know your boyfriend’s not cheating on you.” Val shot back with a hint of anger in her voice.

“You think he’s cheating on you?” I heard my voice spike up a notch in disbelief.

“Yes. No. I don’t know. And stop yelling.” Val groaned and shot me a frustrated look.

Matt wasn’t cheating on Val. Of the guys, he was the one closest to a model boyfriend. Johnny had vast long term commitment issues, Jimmy was too caught up in the fun of things to believe in monogamy, Brian rarely paid attention outside of the bedroom and Zacky…well Zacky was a shitload of problems as far as I was concerned. I took a moment to pull my thoughts back and try to reason with her.

“Why do you think he’s cheating on you?” I asked skeptically.

“If you had been listening to me you would know I said he’s been keeping secrets and sneaking out at weird times. What’s going on with you? You’ve barely heard a word I’ve said.” Val eyed me suspiciously.

There really wasn’t much to say. I couldn’t tell her that I felt like I was being stalked. I couldn’t tell her I was still worried about the incident in Santa Barbara. I couldn’t tell her about the cop who swore he’d make my life hell.

At that thought I looked up again and gazed around the restaurant, looking for the eyes I
knew were there somewhere.

“Toni!” Val practically shouted my name.

“What?” I asked, snapping my eyes back to hers.

“What is going on with you?” Val asked again.

“Nothing, just a little distracted by everything with Zacky.” I shrugged my shoulder in an attempt to be nonchalant.

It was only a half lie. When I wasn’t caught up in trying to figure out what to do about my potential stalker, I was thinking about what the hell I was going to do about Zacky. And my half lie would have worked with almost anyone else but Val had a way of knowing when she wasn't getting the truth.

“Now you’re lying to me too.” Val said, more exhausted than angry. “Fine, you and Matt can both keep your secrets. I’m done.” Val sat back in her chair and ran her fingers through her hair.

There was a long moment of silence before I spoke again.

“You have to know he’s not cheating on you. Matt loves you more than himself and he’s loved you for so long that I doubt any other girl will even come close to comparing.”

“Yeah,” Val scoffed “and if he’s getting tired of me?”

“That will never happen.”

Val’s phone beeped and she took it out to read the text that had just been received. While she glared down at her phone, I did another quick scan of the restaurant we were in.

“Speak of the devil.” Val said, slapping her phone shut and dropping it into her bag. “That was Matt, I’ve gotta run. “

“Sure.” I said nonchalantly, while inside I sighed from relief. I usually loved lunch with Val but with the Santa Barbara incident still on my mind, it was hard to focus on anything else.

I stood up, dropping a few bills on the table and followed Val out of the restaurant. I waved to Val as I walked to my car and she climbed into hers. It wasn’t until I was sure that Val had gone that I started up my car. I drove for an hour outside of town to an out of the way bar that I hoped no one Zacky knew would be at. Parking my car, I jumped out and strutted into the little run down place.

I’d been sitting at the bar for less than ten minutes when I finally spotted the face I was looking for.

“Jack and Coke.” I said, tapping my fingers on the bar to grab the bartender’s attention.
Moments later I grabbed the glass and made my way over to the darker corner of the bar. I knew he saw me coming, but it was too late to try and bolt.

“Officer Mills, have a drink.” I slammed the drink down in front of Mills before sliding into the seat across from him.

He shot me a smug look before wrapping his fingers around the glass and pulling it to him.

“So, you finally noticed me.”

“No, I noticed you awhile ago. I just thought I’d finally cut this little game short.”

“So you led me all the way out here.”

“Couldn’t be seen with you in Huntington. I’ve had a bad experience with cops.”

“Really, tell me about it. Your boy Zacky wasn’t there to save you?” He cocked his head to the side and stared at me.

“You’re a long way from Santa Barbara, Mills.” I ignored his question. “A long way out of your jurisdiction.”

“I took a little vacation for” he paused and eyed me “a special interest.”

“Do you have anyone that would miss you while you were on this little vacation? A wife? Kids?”

“An entire precinct of cops.” Mills said, subconsciously sliding his hand down to his gun holster.

“Well you don’t want to keep them waiting.” I said with a slight smile, looking down at the hand reaching for his gun. “Vacation’s over. Go home. I wouldn’t want you to get hurt.” I sat back in my seat and shot him a stony glare I had picked up from Zacky.

“You’re pretty ballsy to threaten a cop.” Mills’ voice dropped.

“And you’re ballsy if you think you can keep following me without consequences.” My voice remained low and smooth.

“What? Are you afraid I’ll find something?” The smug look was back and I knew Mills wasn’t going to get off my ass so easily.

I just smirked and stood up. Jimmy had once told me that not having the last word sometimes sent a stronger message than having the last word. Without looking back, I walked out of the bar and back to my car.

If Mills hung around much longer, it would no doubt set things off between Zacky and I. Things were already rocky between us and if he found out I’d been keeping this little issue from him he’d no doubt explode. On the other hand, if I tried to tell him it would only reaffirm his belief that I couldn’t take care of myself and needed him to clean up after me. This shit with Mills was my problem to fix, not his.

On my way back, I took out my phone and dialed Cherie’s number.

“Hacker” Cherie answered the phone, all business.

“I need a favor.” I said, skipping the preliminary greetings.

“You’re not in jail are you?” She asked and I could practically hear the sigh in her voice.

“No. But speaking of jail- I’ve got a certain Officer Mills following me.”

There was a moment of silence before Cherie began speaking again.

“I told you this would happen. They’re like fucking termites and they’re not going to stop until they tear you and then Zacky down. Why are you coming to me with this? Tell Zacky and he’ll take care of it.”

“I don’t fucking need Zacky to take care of it.” I growled, upset that she would assume I couldn't handle the problem myself. “I need you to find out all you can on Mills for me. I want to know why the hell he’s so caught up in this.”

“So go to Johnny. He’s your connections man. He’ll tell you everything down to what Mills called his grandmother.”

“I can’t go to Johnny or any of the guys. That’s why I’m coming to you.”

“Charming.” Cherie replied sarcastically.

“Well I thought I’d clear it with the lawyer before I put a bullet through his head.”

“Put a bullet- Jesus Christ Toni you can’t just go around shooting fucking cops.” Cherie’s voice went from sarcastic to fully aware.

“Why the fuck not?” He’s following me.

“Which is exactly why people will know where to turn if he goes missing. When I said Zacky would take care of it I might he’d make it so that it couldn’t be traced back to you guys. You can’t just shoot the fucking asshole, Toni.”

“Well do you have a better plan?” I asked, already regretting asking her for help.

“Yes. Go to Zacky.”

“I’m going to need something better than that.”

Cherie groaned and paused for a long moment before speaking again.

“Just wait for my okay, alright? I’m on the road right now but when I get back to my place I’ll see what I can find out about Mills and what he’s doing here. Someone set you and Johnny up that day in Santa Barbara so chances are he’s not exactly playing clean here. And if that’s the case, well he won’t be all that missed if you do decide to put a bullet through his head.”

“Thanks but Cherie, you should know that patience is not my virtue.”

Before Cherie could respond I heard the sound of gun shots through the phone. Milliseconds later I heard Cherie let out a bloodcurdling scream and drop the phone.

“Cherie!” I screamed her name in shock.

There were a few more screams and the sound of a car crashing.

I called Cherie’s name a few more times before hanging up my phone and calling Brian as quickly as I could.

“Brian” I shouted before he could say anything. “It’s Cherie. I was just on the phone with her and something happened. You have to get to her now.”

Without responding, Brian hung up and I assumed he was doing exactly what I told him to do.

Without thinking about all the negative possibilities, I slammed my foot on the gas and began racing the rest of the way home. I was too far to make it in time to do anything but that didn’t stop me from driving significantly above the speed limit in a rush to get back. No doubt, Mills already figured out something was up and I couldn’t lead him straight to Cherie wherever she was. I pushed my Audi to go even faster and sped back to Zacky’s place. Mills would have no chance in hell of figuring out what was going on inside.

I’d been over an hour away from Zacky’s place but I reached there in record time. I ran face first into Jimmy on my way to find Zacky or Brian or anyone that could tell me if Cherie was alright.

“Cherie,” was all I said before Jimmy cut me off.

“Come on. “ He took my hand and pulled me into the lounge beside him.

Sitting on one of the sofas was a shaking and angry looking Cherie. I let out a massive sigh of relief before walking over to her.

“What happened?” I asked, watching as Cherie wrung her hands.

It was Brian that spoke and I looked up and realized most of the guys were in the room.

“Someone shot at her while she was driving.” Brian’s voice was gruff and angry. “She got down in time but her car crashed and caused enough of a commotion that whoever it was got away.”

“We think it has something to do with Santa Barbara.” Johnny was the next to speak. “Whoever set me up was working with those cops and they’re pissed off that you messed with those plans.”

“I. didn’t. do. anything.” Cherie’s words were slow and clipped.

“You got involved and now they’re pissed off.” Johnny spoke again, still staring down at his hands.

Before anyone could make another comment, Matt burst into the room and caught everyone’s attention.

“Her apartment was ransacked, they were looking for something.”

“Do you keep any files on your clientele in your place? Files on Zacky?” Jimmy asked.

Cherie’s head snapped up and she went wide eyed.

“They were in my apartment?” I couldn’t tell if Cherie was on the verge of a teary breakdown or a world class fit of anger.

As always, Zacky spoke up and took control of the situation before things could escalate further than already had.

“Enough. Brian, take Cherie to a guest room and get her set up. Matt, go back to her place and get an estimate of the damage. Write her a check. Johnny, I want to know who thinks they can fuck with me and get away with it. You were on the job in Santa Barbara, trace it back to whoever the fuck was in charge of that. Jimmy, start pulling up records for those Santa Barbara cops. Johnny’s right, one of those fuckers was clearly working with whoever was behind this. And you,” Zacky turned and spoke to me for the first time in days. “Whoever thinks Cherie fucked up their plans has it out for you too, Toni. Don’t leave this fucking house without one of us there with you.”

“You’re fucking joking –”

“It isn’t fucking optional Toni.” Zacky cut off my argument and shot me a stony glare.

“Fuck you.” I said turning away from Zacky and looking at Jimmy. “Don’t bother going through all the Santa Barbara cops records. There’s one parked down the street that has been following me. I think he’ll tell you whatever you need to know.”

There was a moment of silence while everyone took in what I said.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” Johnny murmured, running his hand down his face.

“Why the fuck are you all still standing there? Do I need to fucking repeat myself?” Zacky’s words dripped with rage and everyone immediately began moving to do what they’d been told except for Jimmy who left to go find Mills.

Before I could walk out of the room, Zacky snagged my wrist and pulled me back.

“When the fuck were you going to tell me you were being followed by a cop?”

“I was going to deal with it myself.” I shoving his hand off of my wrist and crossing my arms.

I could see Zacky’s jaw tighten and his fist tighten.

“And how exactly were you going to do that?”

I shrugged one shoulder as if it were no big deal but the truth was, Cherie had been right and I wasn’t entirely sure how I was going to deal with Mills other than putting a bullet through his skull. I realized then that I didn’t quite understand all that it took to do Zacky’s job. My killer instincts had made me a great assassin but it was all I knew how to do. See the problem – kill the problem. All the time I spent putting faith in myself had stopped me from putting faith in other people.

I dropped my arms to the side and walked up to Zacky.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I just thought it would make things worse.”

“Making things worse is not fucking telling me these things. Making things worse is believing that you’re fucking invincible and can do it all.”

“I had to believe I was invincible because you were so caught up in believing that I’m some fragile porcelain doll.”

“And I’m supposed to apologize for wanting to keep you safe?”

I just stared at Zacky for a moment – it was clear this fight was turning into the same one we always had.

I turned to leave but Zacky grabbed my wrist again, this time turning me around and pulling me to him.

“I’m sorry. I’m tired of fighting.” Zacky spoke as he ran his hands up my waist.

“Me too.” I replied softly, letting his lips run across my jaw.

Before I realized what was happening, Zacky had backed me up against a wall and was kissing me with enough force to almost make me forget what it was we’d been talking about. Once he removed his lips from mine and placed them back on my neck, I remembered what it was I wanted to say.

“So, we’re in agreement. No sticking a babysitter on me.” I tried to keep my voice steady as his fingers danced up my shirt.

“Nice try,” I felt Zacky smirk against my neck, “but it’s not negotiable. You’ll just have to forgive my controlling ways.” Zacky’s lips moved from my neck down to my shoulder, leaving bite marks along the way. “Don’t leave this house without protection.”

“I’m my own protection.” I argued, slapping his shoulder in an attempt to push him away.

“This really isn’t up for discussion. Let’s talk about other things. Better yet, let’s not talk at all.” Before I could respond, a palm wrapped around one breast and easily distracted me.

“This is no way to win an argument.” I practically moaned.

“I already won.” Was Zacky’s only response before lifting me off the ground and dropping me onto the couch.

I knew there was a world of problems we should be dealing with but in that moment, I couldn’t remember what I had been so paranoid about to begin with.