Excuse The Obscene

When a kestrel bird prepares to snatch up its’ prey, it tightens p, flying stiff and steady with a single minded focus.

I felt that same tension in the car with Brian when he pulled up to a ratty house in a gritty, poverty ridden neighborhood. While Brian loaded and checked his pistol. I scanned the area. If this is where Matt Berry was living than he was proof that employment after leaving the world of organized crime was hard to find. My scan of the area revealed nothing particularly suspicious on the street. The few dodgy men lingering along the streets were too obvious to be men working for Slade. Petty criminals. If Slade was here he was making himself invisible.

Brian pocketed his gun and hopped out of the car. Before he could protest I leaped out of the Hummer and onto the littered street. He shot me one irritated look before walking towards the small house. Brian knocked incessantly on the door for a minute to no avail. We shared one quick look and he backed up, prepared to kick the door down. Before he could, I stepped in front of it.

“Not subtle.” I said, nodding my head towards the many nearby windows of houses and apartment buildings dotted along the street.

I turned around and quickly picked the lock on the door. The moment we stepped into the house, the stench of blood hit.

“Shit.” Brian growled under his breath, pulling out his gun before advancing further into the house.

Springing into action, he went left and I went right. I stepped into the kitchen and the scent of blood evaded my senses. Sprawled on the floor was the body of a youngish woman. A head full of long, silky, blonde hair fanned out on the floor, slowly lapping up the fresh blood spilling from the bullet hole in her head. Her light green eyes were caught in a glazed stare, her facial expression set in terror.

I spun quickly on my heel and retreated, searching for Brian. I only had to walk a few short feet to reach the small living room. Lying on the broken structure of a coffee table was the body of Matt Berry. While I took in the sight, Brian signaled to me that he was going to check out upstairs. Like the woman on the kitchen floor, the blood flowed fresh from Berry’s body. Slade could still be here.

As Brian left the room, I looked down at Matt’s broken body. He’d tried to make it out, and he’d succeeded for awhile, but his past had caught up to him. Blood flowed from his still warm body onto the floor. I couldn’t help but wonder if Slade had tortured him first – had made him watch the life seep out of his lover’s eyes. Or had the innocent woman strolled into the house to find her husband or boyfriend already dead and became a loose end Slade had to tie up.

I backed out of the room, careful not to touch anything. Just as I reached the thin hallway, I heard a soft whimper. My head shot to the side but there was nothing there. I scanned the small area again and noticed a door opened just a crack off to the side. I swung the closet door open and looked down.

Curled up on the floor amongst an array of shoes and coats was a little girl. She had the same luscious raven hair and dark brown eyes of Matt Berry. She looked too young, no older than four or five, to know what was going on but fear shone clear in her eyes.

Not knowing what to do, I went with instinct. Kneeling down in front of the closet, I held out my hand but she only pushed herself further into the closet. Before I could retract my hand, the girl screamed.

“Daddy!” Just as she yelled, Brian came bounding down the stairs.

“Daddy!” She screamed again. “Daddy!”

“We have to get out of here,” Brian spoke over the yells, glancing quickly from the screaming girl to me. “I heard the cop cars from upstairs. The bodies are still warm so someone must have heard the gun shots earlier and called the cops.”

I ignored Brian and crawled closer to the girl.

“Shh,” I whispered, “it’s going to be okay.”

The girl continued to scream, tears streaming down her face.

“Toni let’s go.” Brian growled from behind me, wiping down surfaces we had touched as he spoke.

I could hear the cop cars now but I couldn’t pull myself away.

“Shh, it’s okay sweetie.” I continued to try to calm the girl.

“Toni!” Brian shouted again over the noise.

“We can’t leave her here!” I yelled back, glaring at him over my shoulder.

“What do you suggest? Kidnapping a little girl from a murder crime scene?” Brian spoke quickly, his voice rising over the girl’s screams.

The commotion only further escalated the girl’s hysteria as her screams grew louder. I turned and locked eyes with the little girl but before I could reach for her again, I felt myself being lifted off the floor.

“No.” This time it was my screams blending in with the shouts of the little girl.

I kicked and punched but Brian held on tight around my waist and ran from the house with me still in his arms. I got one last look at the girl’s terrified and tear riddled face before I was outside again.

Moving with exceptional grace and speed, Brian dumped me in the passenger side of the car before racing to the driver’s seat. We were speeding around one corner just as the cops raced around the other. Brian didn’t slow down until we were a safe distance from the Berry’s neighborhood. That’s when he pulled out his phone and started making a number of calls.

Brian’s words blurred into background noise as my mind raced back to the house. Logistically I knew Brian was right. There was no way to take her with me or protect her from the nasty truth. But that didn’t stop me from picturing her panicked face in my mind.
I vaguely registered Brian relaying the details to Zacky. Somewhere in the back of my mind I noted that Zacky would be severely pissed off at me. But I couldn’t worry about that right now. The little girl wouldn’t leave my mind.

As we drove back into Huntington, I finally spoke again.

“Drop me off at Cherie’s.” I muttered beneath my breath without looking at Brian.

I wasn’t interested in heading home just yet. Zacky would only yell at me the moment I walked through the door. Besides, if I stayed busy helping Cherie rearrange her apartment, my mind wouldn’t have time to wonder back to the screaming little girl.

Brian didn’t respond but in twenty minutes he was pulling up in front of Cherie’s apartment building. Without speaking, I hopped out of the car and made my way up to Cherie’s apartment.

After the bell rang once, Cherie answered the door in sweats and a wifebeater. Her normally perfect hair was in a ponytail and drops of sweat ran down her face. I was used to seeing Cherie perfectly put together so seeing her in this state made me do a double take.

“Finally”, she said exasperated, blowing a strand of hair from her face. “You’re only four hours late.”

I shrugged, still taking in her appearance.

“I’ve been lugging things around all day.” She said, stepping back and letting me in. “Where were you? You said you were on your way at 2 but it’s nearly 7 now.” Cherie led me through some of the remaining mess scattered across her hallway as she talked.

“Sorry. Something came up.” I said casually. I knew how Zacky felt about keeping must things under wraps and Cherie knew better than to keep asking.

She paused in front of the entry way to her kitchen and spread her arms out.

“I finished piecing back together my bedroom and most of the living room but I haven’t tackled this yet.” Cherie spoke, looking from the trashed kitchen to me.

“Why would whoever broke into your apartment destroy your kitchen?” I asked, stepping over pots and pans as I made my way to the center of the kitchen.

“I don’t know but if I had known that getting you out of jail would get me so involved in this mess, I would have gotten a better alarm system.” She spoke, hands on her hips.

“You should probably have one installed now. Slade is still out there and pissed off; though if it makes you feel better, he’s got bigger fish to fry than us now. The whole setting the cops on Johnny and inadvertently having me arrested in the process was just a warm-up exercise.”

“It doesn’t.” She said lightly. “Anyway, Zacky already had a new, high-tech alarm system installed when he finally let me come back to my apartment.”

Of course he did - always looking out for his people. If only he’d been able to protect Jason or Matt. Or that screaming little girl who’s parents bled dry while she hid in a coat closet.
I shook my head to rid myself of the image. I had to put that out of my mind.

“So where do we start?” I asked, looking around at the pots on the floor, the shattered glass and the broken cabinets.

Cherie shrugged and I reached down to get started. Putting Cherie’s life back together would be easy and mindless; putting the thoughts of the girl’s life that had just been destroyed would be anything but.

A little over two hours later, Cherie’s kitchen was sparkling and order – we’d even managed to reassemble all the broken cupboards back together. I dropped down onto a stool and glanced at my watch. 9:12. Not ready to head home, I accepted Cherie’s offer to stay and have a late dinner. By 10 I finally accepted that I would have to go home eventually.

I called a cab and spent the ride home preparing myself for Zacky’s wrath. I had turned off my phone while at Cherie’s to avoid talking to him.

I was half undressed in our bedroom when I finally had to face Zacky’s confrontation. I felt, rather than saw him stalk into the room. I felt the anger radiating off of him.

Ignoring his presence, I pulled off my jeans and stood in the middle of the room close to naked before pulling one of Zacky’s old t-shirts, which I liked to sleep in, over my head.

“What were you thinking?” Zacky finally spoke, voice slow and steady.

“I was thinking that Michael Slade was in reach and it wasn’t worth risking wasted time to send someone else.” I replied rationally.

“You knew I wouldn’t have let you go. You knew I wouldn’t want you anywhere near Slade!” Zacky raised his voice but his words stayed steady.

“And you knew I would’ve wanted to know about your ex-wife. And you knew I would want to know your connection to Slade. And you knew I wouldn’t want to be treated like a child and left in the dark. So you should’ve known I wouldn’t pass up a chance to meet this infamous Slade!” My voice rose too but, unlike Zacky’s, my words were not steady. I felt myself slipping into hysteria. I felt the weight of the day- of the past week – crushing me. I felt my infamous control slipping.

“You shouldn’t have gone!” Zacky practically yelled, stalking towards me.

“And I wish I hadn’t!” I yelled back in his face. “Maybe then I wouldn’t have this ringing sound of a screaming, helpless girl in my head.”

There was silence as I dropped onto the bed and ran my fingers through my hair. I needed to get a grip on myself. I need to regain my control. This was weak. This was fear. All for a little girl I didn’t even know.

Zacky must have read my mind as he sat down beside me and pulled me into his arms. I could feel his anger leaving his body as he ran his hands up and down my back.

“It’s okay to be afraid.” He murmured into my hair. “We all get scared for different reasons.”

“Yeah right.” I scoffed; Zacky didn’t know the meaning of fear. “And what scares you?”

“That you might leave and not come back.” Zacky spoke, almost beneath his breath.

Before I could respond, Zacky was kissing me, grinding his mouth over mine, his tongue stroking deep,eating at me, possessing me. As his mouth dominated mine, his hands slid up my sides and gripped my breasts. Releasing my breast, he ran his hand over the T-shirt I wore, down my side and the dip of my waist, over the rise of my hip, and along my thigh. He brought his hand back up again, this time on the inside of my leg, to the crotch of my panties. As his fingers pressed snug against me, he gave a gruff hum of satisfaction.

"Fuck, Toni."

Closing my eyes, I accepted the pleasure of his touch. As far as distractions went this was much better than cleaning an apartment.

Not content with Zacky doing all the work - without warning, I dipped my hand lower and wrapped my fist around him. He tightened, pushing himself more firmly into my hand, clenching his fingers carefully between my legs. His other hand curved over mine, making me squeeze him tighter still, stroke harder and faster. He started to groan, low and raw, and suddenly he pulled my hand away. Rasping with every breath, he put his mouth to my throat and sucked, marking me, then did the same to my shoulder, the tops of my breasts. With blatant hunger and loss of control, he kissed me everywhere, leaving me with the sense of being devoured.

His hand plunged under my shirt, shoving it roughly out of the way. He plumped up my breast, and then his mouth latched onto me and he sucked hard, drawing on me, wringing a high-pitched cry of excitement from me. His teeth nipped, tugged, and I couldn't stay still.

"Zacky, now."

"Not yet." He growled out the words and switched to my other breast, making me wild.

"Now, damn it."

Using both hands, he shoved my shirt up and over my face. While I struggled to get it off, he sucked and kissed a path down my belly.

"Open your legs." He growled beneath his breath. “I’ve got a pretty good idea of how to take your mind off of things.” He murmured into my thigh.

As far I was concerned he was already doing a fabulous job.

And then his mouth was on me, hot and wet, and I through my head back, arching in acute pleasure. His tongue lapped over me, plunged into me, and curled around me. The feeling of his tongue and lips was indescribable, so soft and gentle, but wild and burning, too.

After a few breathless minutes, I pulled Zacky back up. I eagerly opened my legs for him and cried out my pleasure as he began to slide into me one slow, mouthwatering inch at a time. But I was all out of patience and grabbed his hips, driving his cock all the way into me. Our hips bucked and rolled together as he pumped in and out of me. Pretty soon the night faded away into a pleasant haze.

I woke up the next morning and knew what I had to do to put my mind to rest. I went in search of Johnny but, oddly enough, he wasn’t anywhere in the house like most of the guys usually were at all times of the day. After searching the house to no avail, I called him and told him to come over.

Less than fifteen minutes later, Johnny walked into the lounge and plopped down on the couch.

“What’s up?” He asked, holding back a yawn.

“I need you to find someone for me.” I said, sliding my computer towards him. I had seen him do this a million times for Zacky. Johnny could trace almost anyone, one of the reasons why he so valuable as a communications man.

Johnny shot me a confused look but took the computer from me without comment.

“What’s their name?” Johnny asked, tapping away on the computer.

“I don’t know.” I replied.

He looked up and stared wordlessly at me.

“It’s Matt Berry’s daughter.”

Johnny sighed, shutting the computer and placing back on the table.

“Brian told us what happened. You really want to be getting involved in that?” Johnny asked.

“Brian” I growled his name, “made me leave that little girl alone, terrified and screaming.”

“Because it was the only logical option.” Johnny pointed out. “The cops most likely picked her up and I’m sure she’s on her way to some relative by now. That’s how the system works Toni. We need to be focusing on Slade, not chasing information on some little girl.”

Was I the only one who felt the need to find out what happened to Berry’s daughter. I knew the world we lived (and worked) in was ruthless and occasionally totally heartless and I could hang with the toughest of them but I couldn’t let this go.

“Just check and I’ll leave it alone.” I growled, opening up the computer and sliding it back towards him.

Johnny sighed but started tapping away on the computer again.

“Emilee Berry is four years old, born to Matt Berry and Natasha Wilkins. Social services took her into their care yesterday and they’re currently trying to find Natasha Wilkins to claim custody.”

“That makes no sense,” I replied, “her mother was killed and bleeding out on the kitchen floor yesterday.”

Johnny held one finger up and continued to type away in silence.

“The second body found in Matt’s place was Jessica Tyler. Natasha Wilkins lives in Jersey and has been there for the past four years.”

“Who the fuck is Jessica Tyler and what was she doing there?” I asked more to myself than Johnny.

“Girlfriend maybe? One night stand that got really unlucky?”

In the back of my mind I remembered how the little girl had only screamed ‘daddy’ and not ‘mommy’. I let out a breath and stood up. I should feel relieved, the girl would be shipped to her mother and everything would be fine. But I couldn’t shake the nagging feeling that a woman who abandoned her daughter at birth didn’t deserve to get her back. My mother pushed me out and disappeared and I never wanted to meet her. I never got along great with my dad but at least he was the parent that stuck around.

I started to walk away when Johnny spoke again.

“Wait-” Johnny said as he continued to read the police file on Emilee. “Natasha Wilkins got in contact with social services this morning. She’s forfeiting custody. By tomorrow they’ll be placing Emilee in a large foster care home.”

Of course – why would a mother who’d already abandoned her child once have any misgivings about doing it again?

“Thanks.” I took the computer from Johnny before he could close the files he was looking at. I wanted to catch the name of the foster house she was being taken too and I knew Johnny wouldn't like where my mind was going.

“Can you let it rest now?” Johnny asked, eyeing me.

“I’ll see you later.” I said, avoiding his question as I left the room.

Everyone else might be able to let this go but I felt something when I looked in the eyes of that terrified little girl - Emilee.