Set on False Pretense

The first time I saw Chad Taylor was the first day of year 12. Now, I'm not the romantic type, but when my eyes landed on him I heard birds singing and the sun shone a little brighter. He, of course, went straight to being the most popular boy in the school. He was gorgeous, funny, charming, and straight. Everything one looks for in a boy (except the straight part). And I was nowhere near being popular. I was the freaky emo kid whom everyone avoided. Soon, Chad rose to being football captain which just made me even more aware of the differences between us.

The first time I spoke to Chad Taylor was over a year later, in detention. It wasn't what I'd been hoping for, but at least I spoke to him. I was sitting across the room on a desk, my left leg drawn up and my right leg hanging over the side. The whole football team was also in detention as well. The teacher supervising us had given up trying to get us to be quiet and was just sitting there reading a magazine. I was listening to my iPod but was partly listening to the football team's conversation. Chad wasn't leading it, another year 13 boy was, but he often said something and his chocolaty smooth voice flowed through me and filled me with a warm feeling. I glanced up to see what they were doing and I saw the flipchart they were working on. "Okay, so Jake, if you move left around their forward and Ben you cover him, we should get the ball up through here..." he said and pointed a pathway on the board. I snorted and rolled my eyes and went back to looking through my iPod. "You got something to say?" a loud voice said and I looked up again to meet angry stares coming from all of the footballers except Chad, who looked like he was trying not to smile. I turned back to the one who had spoken to me and looked down again at my iPod.
"Your right defence is open," I said loud enough for them to hear.
"You little f-" he started to say. I wasn't sure whether he had been about to say fuck or faggot, but I didn't care either way. I heard the scrape of a desk and looked up to see Chad holding the guy back. He looked angry enough to start a fight even though a teacher – who should be intervening right now – was at the front of the room.
"Max, just calm down," Chad said while still holding the guy back. "Just go check over the positions." I looked at Max and he glared at me but then turned away and stalked back over to the board and proceeded to fix it. I smirked slightly and looked back down.

"You shouldn’t antagonise him," a smooth voice said and I looked up to see Chad leaning on the desk in front of me, his ankles crossed. I let my left leg drop down and faced him properly. "He wouldn’t have any problem with beating the crap out of you, even though Mr Parry is sitting right there," he said nodding towards the oblivious teacher.
"I don’t really care," I shrugged and Chad smiled slightly and nodded.
"Yeah, I got that vibe," he said and I couldn’t help but laugh slightly. "Why are you in here anyway?" he asked and I looked up into his chocolate eyes.
"Fighting," I said and he grinned and my heart skipped a beat.
"What was it about?" he asked. I looked into his eyes for a second and then looked away. I didn't want Chad to know I was gay. Not that I was ashamed, because I wasn't. But people, especially popular, straight people, get uncomfortable if you bring it up during a conversation.
"Why are you all in here?" I asked instead and he nodded before answering.
"We all skipped morning lessons yesterday to practise," he rolled his eyes and I got the idea it wasn't his bright idea. I glanced at Max to see he was glaring at me and I smirked slightly. There was a short silence but it wasn't uncomfortable. "Um," he said hesitantly. "What's your name?" I looked up at him and smiled.
"Will," I said and he smiled.
"Chad," he said and I smiled, pretending I didn't already know his name. "What you listening to?" I looked at him and wondered if he was just feigning interest. I decided I didn't care. He was talking to me and I was going to make the most of it.
"The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus," I said as I turned the volume down so I could hear him better.
"Oh, cool, what song?" he asked and stood next to me and looked down at my iPod in my hand. "False Pretence..." he asked and looked into my eyes for a short while. He then smiled slightly and looked away. "I like that song." I felt my heart racing in my chest due to his closeness and I knew a blush was building on my cheeks.
"Damn Regret is my favourite," I smiled and he smiled and nodded.
"Yeah, I like that one as well," he smiled. I was about to offer him a headphone so he could listen but someone shouted his name from across the room. "I guess I'll see you around," he smiled and I nodded.
"Sure," I smiled back and then he went and joined his team again.

I didn't want to take my eyes away from him but I knew I had to. I forced myself to look at my iPod and I turned it up loud and put Damn Regret on. I smiled slightly as I listened to it. I watched the clock and as soon as it hit 5.30 I stood up and left. I'm sure Mr Parry had said something to me, but I couldn’t hear so I didn't stop. I went straight out to my car and jumped in. I put a CD of Paramore in the player and turned it up loud before heading home.

I went up and lay on my bed and thought that I'd wished I had someone that I could brag to that Chad finally talked to me. I wished I had a best friend who knew everything about me and that I could gush about Chad to. But I didn't. I didn't have anyone and I had learnt to live with that.

About an hour later I heard the front door open and close and I knew my dad was home and my happy mood was about to go out the window. I sighed, closed my eyes, and thought about Chad. I heard my dad mumbling downstairs. I heard the fridge open and close. I heard the distinct hiss of a can opening. Then there was silence for a while.

I was afraid to go downstairs but I knew I had to. I needed to get something to eat. I tried to go down as silently as I could but somehow he knew I was around. "Will, get your ass in here," he shouted and I could tell he was already drunk. I walked into the living room and saw 3 empty bottles around him already.
"Yeah?" I asked and he stood up and stalked unsteadily towards me. I tried not to back away but I couldn’t help but take a small step. He sneered at me but I saw he was too unsteady on his feet and I knew he wouldn’t be doing anything to me.
"What are you doing here, you waste of space," he slurred and leaned towards me. I could smell the alcohol in his breath and I leant away from him in disgust. I didn't reply and he grabbed a fist of my shirt and for a second I wondered if I had underestimated his alcohol level. But then he swayed slightly and stumbled backwards and let go of me. He fell into a chair and then passed out. I stared at him expressionless and then walked into the kitchen and got myself a sandwich and went back up to my room.

I lay on my bed and looked at a picture of me and my mum from when I was a little kid. She had died 3 years ago from cancer. My dad hadn’t immediately gone to alcohol. Initially he had tried to be there for me. I had always been closer to my mum than dad. She had been the person I had talked to about everything. If she were alive now, I would be talking to her about Chad. I had told her 1 month before she died that I was gay. She had just smiled and nodded. She had already guessed. For 3 months dad and I got on reasonably well and we bonded slightly. Then I made a mistake. I told my dad I was gay. He freaked out, asking what he had ever done to me, drank excessively and then beat me.

That's how my life has been for the last 3 years.