Love Like Cyanide
Future Plans
"Yes, he is," I said. My eyes narrowed at him. "Why?"
Mark shrugged. "I'm just saying. I mean...I thought you hated him. What happened?"
"I actually met him."
"Seems reasonable. So how's life?" Mark was one of those people that happened to be very good at keeping the conversations light and casual. It was almost impossible that you would feel awkward with him. It was a really admirable charm he had.
I sighed deeply out of exhaustion. "Eh...it's alright. Kathryn is still a pain in the ass and a total liar. Derrik is really great. Plus he's an amazing cook and an artist. He's teaching me how to get a handle on my art style and transform it. Practice makes prefect apparently."
"That's cool." He smiled and nodded at me and I knew that he was just waiting until I asked him what was on his mind.
"So what's up with you?" I asked.
"Well, I've decided to skip the whole college thing next year. Not like I'd get accepted anywhere anyway. Instead I'm going to try making my own album." Mark talked as if it was nothing much I could hear excitement burning under his voice. He's been playing the guitar since he was twelve and ever since then he has had his thoughts focused on making his own CD and becoming famous. I learned to play the piano, but only because I wanted to be in his band (of course, that was a long time ago when I was obsessed with Mark).
"Good for you," I told him.
"Yeah. Maybe if I'm lucky I'll make enough money so I can buy my own place. You could come live with me, instead of staying here." He gestured with his head towards the house. There were many windows in the house but I couldn't see Derrik when I peered through them. He must have went back upstairs.
"I told you already, Mark. I like it here. I was wrong. It's not a hell hole like Kathryn brought it out to be. I actually like it way better than my own home."
Mark took his hand and held the light shaggy brown hair that he never cut out of his face so I could see him raise his eyebrows at me. But I paid little attention to the expression and more attention to his eyes. God, he had the most beautiful midnight blue eyes I've ever seen.
"You're being absurd," he told me.
"Am I?"
"Yes. So tell me the truth." He leaned into me as if he was prepared for me to tell him a secret.
"That is the truth, Mark." I rolled my eyes. "I know I've complained about things before, but it's different now."
"Are we different?" he asked, suddenly, almost in panic.
I hesitated. Have we become different? It didn't feel like our relationship changed. I hoped it hadn't. I answered, "No."
"Good." His smile was wide as he leaned away but put an arm around my shoulders. A often used gesture with him. It was nothing different.
We sat in silence for what seemed like an eternity. If it actually had been that long though, it wouldn't have bothered me. I was comfortable in his semi-embrace. We just sat there, listening to the nature breath all around us. Where I lived with Kathryn it was so noisy. The neighbors had five little kids that were constantly screaming and loud cars always drove past the house. It was horrible.
But it was different here. The only thing loud you'd ever hear would be the neighbor next door (whom was a friendly old man) mowing his lawn. Other than that it was only that wind and trees that you heard. And that was just find with me.
I knew I shouldn't have brought it up, what with this moment being close to perfect, but the question blazed beneath my flesh as the silence dragged on. "Mark...where are we going to be in the future? What I mean is, you and me. Will we still see each other?" It made my heart skip beats and squeeze with sadness when I thought of never seeing him again.
He just shrugged, obviously not liking the suddenly serious atmosphere.
"Don't do that," I told him and pushed his arm off me. He looked away. "Look at me." I put a hand gently on his face and turned it back so he was looking me in the eyes (well, not fully seeing how his hair was always in his eyes). "You know what you're doing with your future. But me...I'm still not sure. For all I know, you could be off to L.A. faster than you can say kleptomaniac. And I'll be here, still not sure what I'm doing with my life."
He sighed. "I want you to come with me. But I don't want to force you. It's all up to you. I can't make any promises that I'll stop by now and then if I'm busy like that...Don't worry though. I'll call you when I can."
His words were not making me feel much better. He talked as if he was already on tour, planning on never seeing me again. I didn't know I was crying until I felt warm hands lift my head up.
"Shh, don't cry." Instead of the soothing tone he was trying to accomplish, it was more strained and nervous. He clearly didn't have any experience with girls' tears and sadness.
"Don't leave me," I sobbed quietly. I must have been completely blind and that stupid to not realize how much I truly cared for him.
"I won't. I promise I won't." He took me in his arms and rocked me back and forth. It felt weird; for both him and me. I guess that should be natural though and not much of a surprise. This hasn't happened between us before. Maybe we were different. Do people change that quickly?
"Cyanide?" came a different voice. I didn't look up. I already knew whose voice it was. "Is everything alright?" He sounded very concerned.
"Everything fine, Mr. Shay. She's just a little upset, that's all," Mark explained to Derrik. That's when he started to let go of me. My fingers clutched weakly to his shirt as he tried to stand up.
"No," I whispered.
"I'll come visit again. Very soon." He gave me a reassuring smile and started walking towards the front yard. I stood up and followed behind him a little ways. I could see that he'd driven here. It wasn't a nice car, but it seemed to run fine. Mark waved to me and he drove out of the driveway and away from the house.
"Are you sure you'd okay?" Derrik asked me.
I sighed deeply. "I'll survive," I assured him. "Just another bruise to add to the collection," I muttered to myself. I walked past him and into the house.
Just another bruise...
Mark shrugged. "I'm just saying. I mean...I thought you hated him. What happened?"
"I actually met him."
"Seems reasonable. So how's life?" Mark was one of those people that happened to be very good at keeping the conversations light and casual. It was almost impossible that you would feel awkward with him. It was a really admirable charm he had.
I sighed deeply out of exhaustion. "Eh...it's alright. Kathryn is still a pain in the ass and a total liar. Derrik is really great. Plus he's an amazing cook and an artist. He's teaching me how to get a handle on my art style and transform it. Practice makes prefect apparently."
"That's cool." He smiled and nodded at me and I knew that he was just waiting until I asked him what was on his mind.
"So what's up with you?" I asked.
"Well, I've decided to skip the whole college thing next year. Not like I'd get accepted anywhere anyway. Instead I'm going to try making my own album." Mark talked as if it was nothing much I could hear excitement burning under his voice. He's been playing the guitar since he was twelve and ever since then he has had his thoughts focused on making his own CD and becoming famous. I learned to play the piano, but only because I wanted to be in his band (of course, that was a long time ago when I was obsessed with Mark).
"Good for you," I told him.
"Yeah. Maybe if I'm lucky I'll make enough money so I can buy my own place. You could come live with me, instead of staying here." He gestured with his head towards the house. There were many windows in the house but I couldn't see Derrik when I peered through them. He must have went back upstairs.
"I told you already, Mark. I like it here. I was wrong. It's not a hell hole like Kathryn brought it out to be. I actually like it way better than my own home."
Mark took his hand and held the light shaggy brown hair that he never cut out of his face so I could see him raise his eyebrows at me. But I paid little attention to the expression and more attention to his eyes. God, he had the most beautiful midnight blue eyes I've ever seen.
"You're being absurd," he told me.
"Am I?"
"Yes. So tell me the truth." He leaned into me as if he was prepared for me to tell him a secret.
"That is the truth, Mark." I rolled my eyes. "I know I've complained about things before, but it's different now."
"Are we different?" he asked, suddenly, almost in panic.
I hesitated. Have we become different? It didn't feel like our relationship changed. I hoped it hadn't. I answered, "No."
"Good." His smile was wide as he leaned away but put an arm around my shoulders. A often used gesture with him. It was nothing different.
We sat in silence for what seemed like an eternity. If it actually had been that long though, it wouldn't have bothered me. I was comfortable in his semi-embrace. We just sat there, listening to the nature breath all around us. Where I lived with Kathryn it was so noisy. The neighbors had five little kids that were constantly screaming and loud cars always drove past the house. It was horrible.
But it was different here. The only thing loud you'd ever hear would be the neighbor next door (whom was a friendly old man) mowing his lawn. Other than that it was only that wind and trees that you heard. And that was just find with me.
I knew I shouldn't have brought it up, what with this moment being close to perfect, but the question blazed beneath my flesh as the silence dragged on. "Mark...where are we going to be in the future? What I mean is, you and me. Will we still see each other?" It made my heart skip beats and squeeze with sadness when I thought of never seeing him again.
He just shrugged, obviously not liking the suddenly serious atmosphere.
"Don't do that," I told him and pushed his arm off me. He looked away. "Look at me." I put a hand gently on his face and turned it back so he was looking me in the eyes (well, not fully seeing how his hair was always in his eyes). "You know what you're doing with your future. But me...I'm still not sure. For all I know, you could be off to L.A. faster than you can say kleptomaniac. And I'll be here, still not sure what I'm doing with my life."
He sighed. "I want you to come with me. But I don't want to force you. It's all up to you. I can't make any promises that I'll stop by now and then if I'm busy like that...Don't worry though. I'll call you when I can."
His words were not making me feel much better. He talked as if he was already on tour, planning on never seeing me again. I didn't know I was crying until I felt warm hands lift my head up.
"Shh, don't cry." Instead of the soothing tone he was trying to accomplish, it was more strained and nervous. He clearly didn't have any experience with girls' tears and sadness.
"Don't leave me," I sobbed quietly. I must have been completely blind and that stupid to not realize how much I truly cared for him.
"I won't. I promise I won't." He took me in his arms and rocked me back and forth. It felt weird; for both him and me. I guess that should be natural though and not much of a surprise. This hasn't happened between us before. Maybe we were different. Do people change that quickly?
"Cyanide?" came a different voice. I didn't look up. I already knew whose voice it was. "Is everything alright?" He sounded very concerned.
"Everything fine, Mr. Shay. She's just a little upset, that's all," Mark explained to Derrik. That's when he started to let go of me. My fingers clutched weakly to his shirt as he tried to stand up.
"No," I whispered.
"I'll come visit again. Very soon." He gave me a reassuring smile and started walking towards the front yard. I stood up and followed behind him a little ways. I could see that he'd driven here. It wasn't a nice car, but it seemed to run fine. Mark waved to me and he drove out of the driveway and away from the house.
"Are you sure you'd okay?" Derrik asked me.
I sighed deeply. "I'll survive," I assured him. "Just another bruise to add to the collection," I muttered to myself. I walked past him and into the house.
Just another bruise...
♠ ♠ ♠
Sorry it took a while for me to update. I was a bit distracted with my own life and almost lost interest in this project. Good thing I didn't though. So here we go. Expect the next chapter to be up tomorrow late evening or Sunday.Comment if you like what you're reading!