The Words I Thought I Would Never Say

"I can't take this." I mumbled to Kacie who was sitting beside me on the bus couch while the little monsters we lovingly called our children ran up and down the bunk aisle.

There was a crash and then a high pitched scream followed by a small cackle. "Ethan! Leave me alone!" Riley exclaimed to her younger brother who had taken to annoying her lately.

"No! I love you Wiley!" He replied as he continued to chase her up and down the hall until she dove into Zacky's bunk and closed the door. His dark hair that was way too shaggy stopped flopping around as he stood in the middle of the hall and tried to figure out which bunk Riley was in. He looked down at me and I locked eyes with his brown ones that mirrored Brian's exactly. I pointed to the bunk on the left and he let out a squeal before diving into it.

Two other boyish yells were let out as Jake and Dylan looked out startled. The twins had inherited Kacie's blonde hair but Johnny's facial structure and eye color.

Ethan looked at me in a fake angry look to which I laughed and shrugged. "Mommy! You're supposed to help me!" Ethan told me exasperatedly.

"Sorry baby. Try another bunk."

He hopped out and slid aside the curtain to his parents bunk. "Ethan! I'm coloring!" Seralyn said as she let out a sigh. Ethan just shrugged and climbed into the bunk with her. She was the oldest of Johnny and Kacie's spawn and was also the most proper. She clearly got that from Kacie and it made us all laugh. Riley was the oldest but Seralyn was only a few years behind.

Jake and Dylan suddenly started tackling eachother and they soon toppled out of Matt's bunk and onto the floor in a wrestling match.

Clearly fed up, Kacie stood and whistled as she placed her hand on her petite frame. All five heads poked out and looked at the mother figure. "Time to go find your fathers and uncles. Let's go! They need to be part of this fun too." She said as they all cheered and climbed out of the prospective bunks.

Five kids and ten adults meant that the bus was a bit crowded at times, but we actually had two. One to sleep in and another to chill in. It was pretty nice and made tour more endurable. It was summer time and so rather then stay home with the kids while the boys went off to play shows we had opted to join them. Val and Matt had rekindled an old flame from their childhood and both were now happily together and on the verge of marriage. Zack and Gena were also back together after a few years of taking some time off from eachother. It was cute watching them get to know eachother once again. Jimmy had met this girl Leana and he couldn’t be happier. The other three girls were supposed to come in a day or so to meet up with us so the bus would be packed once again.

"Soundcheck should be over and there's some time between that and the show. They get to join in the fun." Kacie grumbled making me laugh.

Ethan ran to me as fast as his little two year old legs would carry him and held his arms up so I could pick him up. I hoisted him into the air and got him situated on my hip. "I love you mama." He told me as he rested his head in the crook of my neck.

"I love you too baby. Are you ready to see daddy play tonight?" Riley walked up and grabbed onto my free hand that was dangling down.

"Yes! Daddy is mazing." He said as best he could.

"That he is."

"Do we have to wear those ear things still?" Seralyn asked Kacie as she held the hands of her boys. She lucked out and had all three kids right after eachother. Considering the twins came at the same time they were still slightly older then Ethan and were trying to be more independent.

Ethan definitely took after Brian with his personality though. He was crazy and hilarious but was also definitely loving and soft spoken at times. He loved to be held and probably some of my favorite moments were when Brian and I would be cuddling on the couch and both he and Riley would join us.

"Yep. Sorry guys but that noise isn't good for you. We wear them too you know." Kacie replied to her daughter who was sporting a lovely scowl at the thought of having to wear ear plugs. You could clearly still hear the music though so I don't know why she was complaining. It seemed like she and Riley both took turns complaining about things on tour.

We left the bus and headed for the backstage area of the venue. It was an amphitheater and it was humid as hell out right now.

Screams came from our right side as fans who were gathering at the fence finally caught sight of us.

Kacie and I politely waved the best we could while still keeping our kids beside us.

"You're amazing Jade! Care to share Syn with me one night?" One girl screamed making me laugh.

"Sorry hun. No can do. He's a one girl man." I laughed back politely.

"Damn." She said before we entered the building.

"It never gets old does it?" Kacie laughed.

"Never."

We neared the dressing room and I set Ethan down so he could run the best he could after Riley and Seralyn who were already tossing the door open. The three boys filed in and Kacie and I laughed as we heard the guys respond to the kids happily.

Upon entering I burst out laughing. Poor Johnny was being tackled by both of his boys helplessly.

Zacky and Jimmy were laughing at his misfortune and commented on how his kids were the spawn of satan at times. Kacie folded her arms and quickly cleared her voice making Zack apologize and Jimmy to just laugh harder.

Riley had taken refuge on her Uncle Matt's lap while Ethan was clinging to Brian as he held him tightly. His small arms were wrapped around Brian's neck as he rested his head on his shoulder.

"What's up buddy?" He asked softly as Ethan mumbled something into his chest.

"I wub you daddy."

Brian placed a kiss on Ethan's head before ruffling the small boys dark hair. "I love you too little man. Have you been nice to your sister today?"

"Yes." He mumbled making Brian look over at me.

I nodded to confirm that Ethan had indeed been nice to Riley and vice versa.

Brian reached out his arm and patted the empty spot on the couch beside him. I took to occupying it and Brian wrapped his arm around my shoulders.

"I love you my wife." He whispered into my ear as he kissed my temple.

"And I love you my husband." I replied back as I turned my head to capture his lips in a kiss.

"Ewwwwww." The young boys all said.

"Hey now." Brian said with a laugh as we broke apart. "Be nice. Some day you'll all want kisses like this too."

"I miss my kisses." Matt pouted referring to the fact that Val wasn't here yet.

"Aww Uncle Matt." Riley said as she leaned up and pecked his cheek with a big, over exaggerated kiss.

"Hey I want one too!" Jimmy said with a pout. Seralyn decided to take care of Jimmy and then Zacky so he wasn't left out.

The twins had managed to get Johnny on the floor to wrestle with them and it wasn't long before Seralyn and Riley joined in. Ethan was watching out of the corner of his eye and when he heard Johnny laughing he released Brian and went to help attack his uncle.

"Damn." Brian muttered out of earshot of the kids. "Glad that's not me." He laughed lightly as I snuggled into his chest.

"Me and you both dude." Matt said as he too nodded and then shook his head at the scene unfolding in front of us.

"How was soundcheck?" I asked quietly but still over the commotion Johnny and the kids were causing.

"Good. Just another day really."

Goosebumps traveled my spine as Brian's head came down and rested in the crook of my neck. His teeth caught my earlobe gently. "I'm feeling horny."

"Aw that's a shame. You have to go on stage soon." I teased him knowing he would only get frustrated and it would add to the fun tonight.

"We could technically have a quickie." He pressed, trying to get me to cave.

"Hmmm." I said in mock thought. "No I don't think that's a good idea."

"Damn it all." He grumbled as I pecked his cheek happily.

***

"I love you." My husband sighed as he held my naked sweaty body close to his own.

"I love you too." I mumbled into his chest.

"Damn that was intense." Brian sighed as he continued to run his hands through my hair and down my back.

With a small laugh I looked up into his eyes. "Brian you say that every time we have sex."

He let out a deep chuckle which made me laugh even more since my body started to vibrate against his chest. "I guess I do. It's true though!"

The laughter died down and silence soon filled the hotel room. "I still can't believe you convinced the guys to take the kids so we could have a night to ourselves." I said to him softly.

"Zacky doesn’t mind. You know he never does."

I nodded in reply and turned over to look at the clock. It read that it was only eight at night. "Wow." I said. "It's only eight."

Brian rolled over slightly, pulling me with him so he could look at the time too. "Damn."

"I hope you both are decent because I'm coming in!" Jimmy's voice hollered through the door extremely loudly before there was the sound of a key card being swiped.

Brian looked at me with wide eyes and then we both quickly grabbed onto the covers of the bed tightly.

The door was thrown open and it bounced off of the wall but Jimmy's lanky arm reached out to stop it from hitting anyone. He wasn't alone.

"Woah!" Zacky and Matt both exclaimed as they covered the eyes of as many of the kids as they could.

"Jimmy! Get the kids the fuck out of here!" Brian said outraged as he sat up in bed and let the covers fall down to his waist.

"Dad! No cussing!" Riley said shocked as she fought against Matt's hand that was covering her eyes.

"Jimmy!" Kacie screeched as she came barging into the room and started pushing people out. "I told you to leave them alone!" She scolded as she fought to push his frame out of the room but he wasn't budging.

"It's movie time though. They are part of the group which means they get to come watch the movie with us whether they want to or not." Jimmy explained as he held an arm out and stiff armed Kacie so she couldn’t push him, not that he was moving anyway.

"Just what movie are we watching?" Brian asked looking rather annoyed.

"Memo Daddy! Memo!" Ethan said as he held onto Zacky's hand which was covering his eyes still.

"Finding Nemo?" Brian asked to which Ethan replied with a nod.

I giggled and gave everyone a grin. This wasn't the first time we had been somewhat interrupted. But a movie would be fun. "Alright guys. Give us a few minutes."

Jimmy grinned at me and then nodded. He lowered his arm making Kacie fall into him. He straightened her on her feet and then he turned and started to push everyone out of the room himself.

He was the last one out but before he closed the door he made it a point to embarrass us further. "And no round two!" He yelled before slamming the door behind him.

"Fuck my life." Brian groaned as he flopped down on the bed and threw the covers over his head.

I scooted down so I was under the covers with him. I looked at him with a small grin as I leaned in and kissed him. "I'd rather you fuck your wife personally."

"Me too damn it." He mumbled as he kissed back. "If I didn’t think Jimmy would barge in here again I totally would be game for that. But give him five minutes and he'll be back."

We both knew this to be true sadly.

Brian tossed the covers back off of us and we both stood from the bed reluctantly. I snagged a pair of his pajama pants from his bag and then proceeded to steal one of his shirts too. Brian himself just tossed on a pair of pj pants and then we both left the room.

Noise was clearly coming from Matt, Zacky, and Jimmy's room and so we figured that's where everyone was. Brian knocked and the door instantly swung open to reveal a relieved looking Kacie.

"Thank goodness you're here. Save me please!" She grabbed onto my hand and pulled me inside with Brian trailing behind us.

She stopped in the doorway to the living room and motioned for me to have a look. I let out a loud laugh at the sight before me. Matt, Zack, Jimmy, and Johnny were all rolling around on the floor with the kids. The little ones were howling with laughter as they were being tickled by their uncles and dad in Johnny's case.

"What's wrong with this?" I asked as Ethan and Riley caught sight of Brian and instantly came and brought him to join the fun.

"I want to watch the movie!" Kacie said with a pout making me laugh even more.

She huffed and we both took a seat on the couch.

Brian let out a playful roar and Ethan came running toward me as he tried to escape his father's clutches. Climbing up on the couch he leaped into my lap and hid his face against my chest. "Momma!" He yelled as he laughed. Brian was crawling up to us and had a dangerous glint in his eyes.

"Don't even think about it." I warned to deaf ears. He leaped up and started to tickle both Ethan and I.

Riley came to my rescue shortly and soon all four of us were on the ground rolling around together.

When Brian's hands ceased their attacking, I was flat on my back with Brian beside me. His arm was wrapped around me and was tucked under the back of my neck. Riley was sitting on Brian's chest and soon decided to lie down so she was flat against him. Ethan was lying on top of me and had his arms wrapped around my neck and Brian's arm.

With a sigh I rested there very content with my life. I had an amazing husband and two amazing kids. I had the best friends in the world and I knew life would never be boring ever again. Thinking back to when I first met Brian I remembered how scared I was. Scared and annoyed as odd as that was.

"I love you." Brian said as he turned his head to kiss my temple.

"I love you too."

"I don't think I've ever felt so complete in my life." He informed me softly.

"Me neither."

After a moment Brian rolled over slightly so Riley was now half on both of us but he now had complete eye contact with me. "You know, I never thought I'd say I love you to someone and mean it. Never. It used to scare me and I always joked that those would be the words I'd never say." He paused and then continued. "I'm glad I got over that though."

"Me too Brian." I smiled.

"Aww family moment!" Jimmy cooed making us groan again.

"Are you ever going to stop interrupting us?" Brian groaned at his friends who were all looking at us by now.

"Nope. It's my job!"

"Clearly." Brian huffed making us all laugh.

Brian helped us all sit up and we got situated on the couch and floor as Kacie finally started the movie.

So this is the way things should be. This is the way things are. This is the way things will always be. This is my life and it's only just beginning.