Ashes and Wine

[&Scene&]

[&Ella&]

Slam

Sigh

Groggily, I untangled my legs from the twisted cotton sheets and removed Nick’s arm from around me. You’d think they’d have the decency to close the door quietly… assholes.

Most likely burning the rubber on the tires, Sam and Leila tore from the driveway and sped off into the early morning fog.

Rubbing my sore eyes, I stumbled to the dresser to find some sweatpants to prevent anymore goose bumps from making an appearance. As I reached for my drawer, I noticed Nick’s had clothes sticking out of it so it wasn’t able to close properly; my pet peeve.

Groaning in annoyance, I yanked open his drawer to fold his assorted pants and undershirts. As I was pulling out one of his shirts, my hand grazed a small slick box that was partially hidden under a pair of jeans. Curious, I moved the pants and lifted the box into the few rays of sunlight escaping into the room. What the- “Nick! What the fuck are these?!”

The only movement made was his chest expanding and receding casually. I marched over and slapped him on the arm. The box corners were slightly collapsing under the pressure of my fingers. Jumping, he opened his eyes. “What,” he croaked while blinking his eyes heavily, eyebrows stitched together.

“Care to explain why the fuck these were in your drawer?” The confusion faded to shock as I threw the box of condoms at his face. Picking the box off my pillow, he continued to have a genuinely appalled look plastered on his face. “I don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know? These kinds of things don’t just magically appear do they? I want the truth Nicholas! Tell me why the hell there was a box of fucking condoms in your drawer! Did you think you were going to ‘get lucky’ this trip, Nick? Huh? Did you think that just because I hang out with your sister that I’d be more than willing to have sex like her too?” My arms were flailing around and my breathing was staggered. Nick just sat there taking it all in as if he didn’t even do anything wrong.

“You know what? Screw it. Don’t even tell me. It’s not even worth knowing what was going through that penis sized brain of yours.”

Slam

[&Nick&]

Well, that was a great way to start the morning. At least now I know what Sam was doing in our room last night. I picked up the box and opened it out of curiosity. Dumping it upside down, a pair of girl’s underwear and a torn piece of paper fell out. Disgusting.

Hahaha, I bet Ella got a kick out of these, didn’t she? You’re welcome. Glad I could help improve your little relationship with her. Enjoy it while it lasts.

What is wrong with him? How does he know exactly how to piss me off and terrify me at the same time? Putting the note and thong back into the box I walked out of the room and into the living room where I heard the television on. Upon entering the room I saw the top of Ella’s head sticking out from under a blanket. Only her eyes were uncovered as she stared at the screen. No emotion was present on her face.

She was watching something on MTV. After a quick glance at it I realized it was Jersey Shore. I walked around the back of the couch and sat on the floor by her feet, leaning against the arm of the chair. The box sat in my lap, my arms across my chest, as I patiently waited for a commercial. But before that could happen she pushed my head with her foot whilst keeping her eyes focused on the screen. I didn’t react, knowing she would get up and leave if I did.

At last it flashed to commercial and I turned back to look at her. She was looking back at me with such disappointment in her eyes it hurt. I pursed my lips and laid the box on the blanket. “Open it.”

Rolling her eyes she looked back at the screen and ignored me. “Ella, just open it. I swear it’s not what you think.” She sighed and removed her arm from under the blanket, grabbing the box in one swift motion and bringing it under the blanket. After opening it, she held a straight face as she pulled out the thong. “This isn’t mine,” she said as she threw it on the floor next to her. She snuck her hand back under the blanket and pulled it back out to hold the note in front of her face. “Who wrote this? Eddie?”

Eddie is one of my best guy friends. He’s a bit goofy, but a good kid at heart. And now that I think about it, he would do something like this as a joke. Oh, how I wish it was.

I shook my head and bit the inside of my cheek. “Take one more guess. Who else would have full access to garments of that nature,” I questioned while tilting my head to the floor where the lacy thong was laying.

Her face slowly turned disgusted as she realized who had planted the bomb. She sat up and pulled the blanket back for me to join her. “I’m sorry. I should have known it wasn’t you.” She looked down, ashamed. I settled back into the couch and pulled her close. I kissed her just above the ear before whispering in a teasing tone, “You should have. But I forgive you.”

Her legs wound over mine; her head finding its way to my shoulder. Then she turned her attention back to the T.V., which had begun airing the show again. As the show dragged on, I could tell Ella was becoming increasingly anxious. She kept squirming and running her hand that wasn’t trapped between us through her tangled hair. Finally getting fed up, she sat up and threw her hair up into a pony tail. Silence didn’t last but a few minutes after that when Ella broke it. “Hey, Nick?” She shifted a little uncomfortably before deciding to remove herself from me completely. “Hey what?,” I asked taking the time to really look at her. She sat cross legged facing me with most of the blanket around her. A few strands of hair loose from her ponytail gently hung around her heart shaped face and her dad’s old army t-shirt hung off one shoulder. Her make-up from the day before was slightly smudged and worn around her eyes.

Simply put, she was beautiful.

After a nervous bite of the lip, she began, “I know this might sound completely awkward and slightly ridiculous, but I’m just going to ask you anyway because I’ve been thinking about it for the past couple of days . . . and I hate beating around the bush when I had plenty of time to ask you on the way up here and-”

“Ella,” I interrupted. “Just ask the question.”

She sat there playing with her hands, adverting her eyes from mine. I’ve never seen anything make her this nervous before now. I felt my eyebrows pull together, worried. What could be this difficult for her to say?

I sat there patiently waiting for her to continue. Finally, she looked up into my eyes and grabbed my hands. “What does this mean to you?” I definitely was not about to say it meant so much more to me than it ever will to her.

Playing dumb, I asked, “What do you mean?”

She sighed and stared at our hands. She began rubbing the tops of my knuckles with her thumbs slowly, but then stopped when she started talking. “I mean, what are we, exactly. The way we act, it’s not best-friend type behavior. It’s like, we both have feelings for the other, but we’ve never talked about us before. We’ve just kind of adapted to this touchy-feely-cuddly thing without truly knowing each other’s feelings. Do you know what I’m getting at?”

I nodded slowly trying to think about where this was coming from. Trying to think about why she suddenly has an interest in our feelings for one another. Trying to comprehend what she’s getting at with all this talk about us. And trying to scour my past to recall when we first started acting this way. Laughing awkwardly, she read my mind. “Can you even remember how long we’ve acted like this? I can’t…” Soon after she realized I wasn’t going to respond, she stood up.

“Listen, how about we talk about this later, yeah? I’ll make us breakfast. Eggs and toast ok?” I simply nodded, knowing I wouldn’t have the voice to reply.

[&Ella&]

Dammit. I knew I’d freak him if I was too direct. Maybe Sophie was right all along; I should have just told him from the beginning.

I pulled out the eggs and butter and placed them on the counter before pulling out the fry pan and spatula. Then I put four eggs and a splash of milk in a bowl and scrambled them with a fork until it was a pale yellow liquid. Turning the burner on low, I added some butter in the pan and place it over the heat. It was after then when I heard Nick walk in the room. He stayed silent and standing as he watched me pour the eggs in the pan and add some salt and pepper to the mix. I turned to get the bread out of the cupboard, but he had beaten me to it. I watched him place four pieces into the toaster before I turned around to tend to the eggs. Afterwards, I snuck a glance at Mr. Quiet who was leaning against the counter watching me again. I felt warmth flood my face, so I turned and grabbed the lid to the butter from beside the stove. Stirring the eggs around once more, I grabbed two plates from another cupboard and scooped an even amount to each before placing the plates and butter next to Nick. He proceeded to butter the toast while I put everything away. He had placed the plates on the table with some forks by the time I had finished. I ambled over and sat at the head of the table since he took the seat next to that.

We ate in silence. I would look at him now and then, but the only thing he seemed remotely interested in was his food that was disappearing slowly. And I didn’t want to pressure him, so I didn’t start conversation either. After finishing in silence I stood up, plate in hand, and placed it on the counter. “I’m going to get in the hot tub,” I said walking towards the bedroom. “You can join me if you’re up for it.”

The left corner of his mouth twitched up a little and he nodded, but continued to stare at his food. It’s painful how much effort he puts into hiding his emotions from me; like I would not be able to handle it. I know I need to give him time, but this is going to kill me inside. This being the fact that he is and has been hiding his feelings from me, his best friend, the one who knows everything about him. Well, almost everything. I opened the back door, clad in a swim suit and towel in hand and began to pull the cover on the tub back. Upon hearing footsteps shuffling through the grass I glanced up. It stopped.

No one was there.

All I could see was the shed and the hundreds of trees surrounding me.

Oh, awesome. Now I’m hearing things. Shaking my head, I managed to get the cover off without breaking any bones and slid in the steaming water carefully. The warmth enveloped my body and calmed me immensely. I relaxed into the jets and my eyes fluttered shut. My heart ached and head throbbed. I wanted him here next to me, like he always is. Like he’s supposed to be. Like he’s supposed to be. I stood up and made a quick 360, making sure the coast was clear. I wrapped my towel around myself and ran into the house – not caring if I was dripping on the carpet. “Nick?” He wasn’t in the kitchen. I checked the living room. The TV was left on, but he wasn’t there either. “Nick?” I was growing rather frantic. My stomach was churning. As I scurried down the hall I heard someone in the bathroom. Sighing inwardly, I waited until he came out. He was in his swim wear and had a towel in his hand. Upon noticing me, his face held concern. “What’s wrong?” I shook my head and leaned into his chest, wrapping my arms and towel around him. Breathing him in I answered, “I guess I’m just more scared then I led myself to believe.”

Sighing, he held me closer, the water droplets transferring from my body to his. “Common,” he said, leading me to our room. “Get dried off and dressed. Let me know when you’re done, ok?”

I nodded and shut the door behind me. After changing and such, I opened the door to find standing there, coloring books and a 64 pack of crayons in hand, Nick. I laughed and opened the door wider letting him in. After we made the bed and Nick put a shirt on, we sat propped up against the headboard. I was coloring in a Power Rangers book, and Nick in a My Little Pony one. I snickered at his sad attempt to out-color me. “Where did you find these anyway,” I asked trading my midnight blue crayon in for laser lemon.

“Places,” he stated nonchalantly. Rolling my eyes I looked over at his concentrated face. The sun highlighted his jaw line and the rose in his cheeks. His eyes flickered to mine as his sixth sense kicked in.

I looked away, placing the coloring book on the floor and lying down on my right side to face him. He followed suit and lay on his left side after placing the book and crayons on the floor as well. I smiled at him genuinely. I couldn’t help it. He always knew just what to do to make me feel so relaxed and comfortable. Sometime it didn’t even matter what we did as long as I was with him. That’s why… “I love you.”

He smiled a little at the statement and looked me in the eyes. “I know you do,” he said as he watched his hand sweep a strand of my hair behind my ear. My grin had faltered and my eyes dropped. He doesn’t believe me. He never will. He’s too insecure, and that’s what makes everything that much more difficult.

[&Nick&][i/]

It wasn’t until around dinner time that Leila and Sam came back from their sex adventure – I mean day trip. Ella and I decided to stay in our room until dinner was ready since Leila volunteered to cook for everyone. Thankfully, we haven’t run into Sam. But what I’m more thankful for is that he hasn’t tried to pull one of his sickening moves on Ella.

I have grown seriously conflicted in bringing up the option of going to a hotel by the ocean and leaving Leila if necessary. The only reason I have not brought it up is because Ella will want to save the damsel in distress from the fire breathing, heartless, killing dragon. This would cause the soundless escape I expected to make a bit more noise than I intended. But I couldn’t help but imagine what our time would be like if we did leave without Leila. We’d lay by the water’s edge as the sun dipped itself in to cool down. I’d be lost in her beauty as she drifted to sleep, exhausted from the day’s activities. It was my own personal paradise.

Her voice drew me from my thoughts and into the world. “Can you brush my hair, Nick? I’m going to teach you how to braid.” She grinned at me - hair brush in hand and hair ties on her arm. Rolling my eyes at her ways of torturing me with girly activities, I sat on the edge of the bed. She handed me the brush and sat on the floor between my legs. I gently began pulling the bristles through her soft brunette tresses. I continued to think about the ocean view and room service. I’m sure my father wouldn’t mind the cost of a presidential suite now that I’m thinking about it…

Slam.

I swear that door is going to break from its hinges one of these days. After a car pulled out of the driveway a soft knock echoed throughout the room. “Who is it,” Ella called out.

“It’s me. Open up.”

Ella stood up and turned the knob to see Leila. She walked past her and sat on the bed next to me. The door was closed and Ella stood across from Leila and me, arms crossed. “So what’s up,” Ella questioned, looking from me to a slightly frantic Leila. “I, um, was just wondering if you guys have noticed anything weird about Sam lately.” Ella and I froze where we were, trying to avoid eye contact between the two of us.

Ella decided to answer before Leila thought something was really wrong. “Kind of. Why do you ask?”

“He’s just been really distant from me lately, and I don’t know what I did. I mean, we spent the day in the mountains to see the waterfall – you know, the one we went to see last year – and he was pretty much silent the whole way up there. I had hoped it would be all romantic and stuff, but he wouldn’t even look at me when we arrived. He just leaned against the railing and stared into the water, like there was no one home. And to be honest, it pissed me off more than anything. I mean come on, look at me. I even made an extra effort to look good enough for him today and he just blew me off like I wasn’t even there. I mean sure, we did it in the car when we parked at the cliff, but it just wasn’t the same. He was just going through the motions. How rude is that?” She huffed and laid her head on my lap, then added the sentence I actually wanted to hear. “If he’s going to act this way the whole time, I don’t want him here anymore.”

We began eating without Sam. It was ready and we were hungry. I definitely wasn’t going to mind eating without his daunting presence either. The spaghetti was good, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it was the only thing Leila knew how to make. Slowly everyone finished and began cleaning up their plates and glasses. Sam finally decided to grace the cabin with his presence shortly after Ella and I parted with Leila to go to bed. Ella was curled into my side as we listened to the fight begin.

It didn’t last long, but it didn’t sound pretty either. Once it finally died down, I heard the screeching of what most likely was the bed being pulled across the floor.

Good. I didn’t want the process of making up to occur anytime soon. I looked down at Ella who had fallen asleep faster than I was ever able to. After kissing her forehead, I too drifted into the escape of dreamland.

[&scene&]