In the Best Damn Dress I Own

“Evaleene, there’s something else I think you should know as well.”

As soon as the words left my mouth, I wanted nothing more than to snatch them out of the air and put them back in my heart. Evaleene, no matter how accepting, would have no choice but to kick me out of the pageant after she found out my hidden gender. Then again, the news would be better coming from me rather than some outside source; Frank or Erika.

“Genna, Gen what is it?” Evaleene’s voice sounded so worried. She said something else after that, but it was all just a jumble of words that I couldn’t make out.

My head started to swim with ideas of what to do, what I could do. The stiletto heels began to waver as my balance was shifting. Evaleene’s voice called out once more, but I still couldn’t hear a word that left her blood-red lips. The sound of the stiletto heel breaking broke the cocoon of silence that had enveloped me, releasing the sound of Evaleene screaming and running out of the bathroom.

“No, Evaleene, wait. It’s not what you think,” I barely chocked out. This was it.

I let myself fall on the absence of the heel, gravity pulling me toward the linoleum floor. A sickening cracking sound filled the air as my head came in contact with the floor. My vision went black and the swimming ceased.

*****

Beeping filled the air as my vision cleared a bit. Looking around, the atmosphere was sterile and almost malicious. The smell of latex gloves and disinfectant filled the air; I was in a hospital. My eyes glanced over at my right wrist, and the sight almost made me faint again. A needle was sticking into the skin of my wrist, pumping whatever clear liquid was in the bag into my body.

The world began to grow dark again, but something pulled me back; a voice.

“Gee, Gee I’m here.” His voice was cracked, and sounded as though he’d been crying all night. A calloused hand enclosed the one without the IV, and he stroked my raven hair. It surprised me a bit that he was there, considering how our last visit was a bit of a disaster.

“Mikey, why are you here?” His smiled faltered a bit, but then he regained it. His eyes shone with some sort of sincerity, but something in my heart told me not to trust him.

“Frank called me as soon as Evaleene brought him into the bathroom. He didn’t think you’d want to see him. I tried asking him why, but he said you should tell me why you wouldn’t want to see him.” I eyed Mikey hesitantly. Mikey and Frank were always good friends, and I couldn’t help but fear that Mikey, my own brother, would take Frank’s side in the argument.

“Look, Mikey, Frank was cheating on me.” My brother’s eyes grew wide at the surprising news. His mouth gapped; a fish out of water.

“Gerard, I’m so sorry. I…I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything. He’s a dirty bastard, and I don’t know why I didn’t see it before.”

A long silence filled the air as the news was brought into the open. Carts echoed from the hallways outside my door, and I thought I heard someone crying just on the other side. I shook the feeling off; it was probably someone who had just lost someone very close to them.

The silence was broken as Mikey’s voice filled the gaps of silence.

“I told Evaleene you’d be dropping out of the contest.” My heart dropped to the pit of my stomach. Had I heard him correctly?

“You did what now?”

“I told Evaleene you were no longer fit to compete.” I felt the anger bubbling inside me as he said those words. Everything, everything I had built to get to this point was going to be thrown away by my younger brother’s foolishness? I was not having that.

“You dropped me out of the contest? You dropped me out of the only thing I’ve ever really wanted these past few years; the only thing that’s kept me going? How fucking dare you!” I could feel my face growing red with all the built up rage. All the anger I was feeling toward everybody and everything at that moment was all released at Mikey.

“Gerard, you’re not mad at me, you’re mad at Frank.”

“No, I’m furious with you, and don’t you dare call me Gerard!”

“Gerard-“

“Get the fuck out!”

Mikey’s eyes grew wide at my bluntness, and he nodded. His position turned so that his back faced me, and his feet shuffled toward the door.

Frank’s POV

My back leaned against the wooden door, mumbles coming from inside. Gerard wouldn’t want me in that room with him, not after what I had done. It had all been a mistake, really. Erika had kissed me, and I couldn’t help but kiss back as something pulled me toward her. The feeling was not near as strong as the one I felt for Gerard, but it was still there.

Suddenly, the voices from the other side of the door began to rise. Finally, I heard Gerard yell at Mikey to leave. The shuffling of feet could be heard a couple seconds later, and I dried the tears that had fallen from my eyes.

The wooden frame of the door swung open, a rather shaken Mikey stepping out. His eyebrows were knitted together, and he was biting his bottom lip. I stood up, catching his eye. As soon as he laid eyes on me, his expression changed to one of rage.

“How the fuck dare you still be here after everything you’ve put Gee through!” Mikey seethed, taking long strides toward me and shoving me against the wall behind me. “He gave up everything for you, and how do you repay him? You’re fucking cheating, no good, cunt-faced motherfucker!”

“Mikey, look, I didn’t mean it. She didn’t mean anything to-“

He shoved me against the wall harder, knocking my breath out of me so I couldn’t finish that pathetic excuse. “She must’ve meant something or you wouldn’t have fucking been all over her!”

Suddenly, my own anger became evident. This was the man that had beaten Gerard when he found out that he was gay. This was the man that left Gerard shaking as he slumbered through the nightmares.

“Yeah, well at least I’ve always accepted Gerard for who he is. I’ve never, ever hurt him physically.” The last word came out as rather a taunt and not an insult. Mikey’s grasp on me loosened for a split second, then became tighter.

“Hurting Gerard was a mistake. I’ve never hurt him since. But, I do think that what you did will is far worse than any physical pain I’ve caused him. You gave him the emotional scars.”

“And you don’t think what you did emotionally scarred him? You don’t lay next to him at night as he’s tossing and turning from the nightmares of you beating him.”

“And neither will you after what you did.”

I felt the words sink in to my soul. Mikey, no matter how much I hated him, was right. He saw my defeat, and let go of my shoulders so that I could step away from the wall. With one swift movement his back was facing me and he walked out of my sight.

From inside Gerard’s room, I could hear someone crying.