Never Again

He sat upstairs listening. But nothing could be heard.

This never scared him - silence - because in silence there’s nothing to be scared by, yet he was crying.

At only three Chad knew that hitting was wrong. He knew saying Bitch was wrong. He vaguely knew what sex was, it was where mummy and daddy made babies, but surely all that shouting was wrong. He had heard his mummy say no, stop it. When ever Chad was told to stop it - like when he drew on the wall - he did. So why wasn’t daddy?

That’s because what three years old knows what rape is?

So Chad thought if daddy doesn’t stop it when he’s told, why should Chad himself, it was hypocritical?

First the small thing he would do weren’t very rebellious, but to young Chad raiding the fridge was as bad-ass as, as… as a baddy in one of this cartoon films. As the years went on the things he raided became more rebellious, as in quantity or the fact that by ten Chad had passed out due to drinking lots of beers and other drinks that made his throat burn.

Sadly it was his mummy that got the blame for throwing away daddy’s vodka. Sadly it was mummy that got hit. Sadly it was mummy that got raped. Chad new what rape was. His friends were two years older than him, something very bad-ass when your ten, and explained lots of things that any other child would be sheltered from. Chad knew what drugs where the best, Will - Chad’s bestfriend - had an older brother that did drugs. Chad also knew what gay meant, knew all about sex; his first time was when he was twelve and seven months with his next door neighbours daughter, Claire. He didn’t love her, he just wanted to know what the other boys, those supposed friends, were talking about. Turned out they were all virgins and just made the whole lot up.

Years passed by and the term bad-ass was ditched. Chad was sixteen and legally adult enough to drive. Yet his actions were not of an adult; drink-driving. He loved the freedom his (father’s) car gave him. He told his friends it was because he do what the fuck he wanted to, when the fuck he wanted. Hell, he could fuck when he wanted to. But underneath that harsh teenager that people steered clear of, was a boy that remembered that night when his mummy shouted stop it.

The night was relived many times. AS a young boy, Chad did not know what it meant and it only fuelled his bad-ass behaviour, but the years dragged he understood. He tried to stop his father from going out of control, but he as weak and did not succeed. He often received a black eye, or two, for it. Every time Chad caught a glimpse of it, or them, in a mirror he wanted to cry, cry for his mother. But any other passer-by would of think that it, or they, came from a fight with some other fuck-up over a bimbo girl. This upset Chad nearly as much as the real reason.

Been there before, but not like this
Seen it before, but not like this
Never before have I ever
Seen it this bad
She's just a woman
Never Again