Rum and Coke

Ellie and Brian walked in a tense silence for the three minutes that it took to get to Danni’s grave. Ellie played with her fingers the entire walk over there and sighed a lot. She spotted the grave as soon as it came into sight. Biting her lip, she looked up at her father’s expressionless face.

“Here, I think you should read this before you see her,” Ellie said, taking the note that she always carried on her person out of her hoodie pouch. “It’s a little hard to read now from the wear, but I know you’ll manage,” she said as she handed the folded paper to him.

He stopped and numbly took the crumbled paper out of her hands. His expression remained stony as he read it.

Ellie bit her lip when he finally looked at her. Confusion and a few tears were etched into his eyes.

“How did she-”

“She had basically the same thing as me. Her heart was really weak, and a panic attack just sent her over the edge,” Ellie said quietly as she wrung her fingers. “I-I’m afraid I’m a little to blame. You see, we had a-”

“No,” Brian spoke up. It sounded as if he was trying desperately to not let his voice crack. He looked at Ellie. She could see the tears welling in his eyes. “Don’t blame yourself. I don’t care what the circumstance was. Everything happens for a reason. I-I just need to accept that. We need to accept that.”

Ellie nodded before she turned away and approached the headstone. “Hey, Mommy,” she addressed the headstone as she kneeled down before it and wiped the dirt off of the marble. “Look, I found dad and brought him here. Please, don’t be me for bringing him here, ok? He has some things to say to you…alone…so, I’m going to go to Marcia’s grave and fill her in with what’s been going on.” Ellie stood up and looked at her father. “I’m going to leave you two alone for now. There are things that you have to work out. I’m so sorry that I led you on all this time…” Ellie gulped. “It’s just…I didn’t want to believe it myself. A-and I didn’t want you to disappear from my life..b-because she’s gone. I-I lost one parent, I don’t think I can stand to lose another,” she said before running off to find my first vocal instructor’s grave.

~*~
Brian stared down at the marble slab, not believing his eyes. Sure, all the signs pointed in this direction as soon as Ellie’s Uncles’ deaths became known to us, but…I just didn’t want to believe it, he thought. He looked around. no one was in sight. Surely, this has to be a mistake. He turned back around to face the headstone. The words that said everything:

Danielle Nicole Patterson
January 19, 1982- March 14, 2027
Beloved Mother and Friend
May your light shine on through your accomplishments

Brian flicked the wrist that the note was in. “Our daughter is a smart one,” he began, not really knowing what to say. He cleared his throat and looked over the headstone, not really being able to stomach the thought of her being gone forever. “You- you did a good job in raising her. But, uh, you didn’t have to teach her to punch so fucking hard.” A small laugh escaped him as he remembered the past month and a half.

Brian slid down in front of the grave to his knees, his joints creaking the entire time. He choked back a sob as he re-read the note she had left to Ellie. He couldn’t believe it…after all this time…all the pain and suffering he had gone through… to know that she had loved him the whole time- things would have been different

“If only I had gone after You!” He shouted, pounding the ground with his fist. “Then, we would be together right now and we would have that beautiful family of six that I’ve been dreaming so much about!” He said, finally admitting his dreams. Well, they’re shot to Hell now.

“I never expected to see you again like this,” Brian whispered, once he had calmed down. “I thought that this would actually be a two-sided conversation…I thought wrong,” He said into his hands. “God, if only I had known, then I would have broken up with Michelle in a heartbeat. I swear, I would have…” Biting his lip, he looked up at the marble surface, focusing on the little dash between the dates.

How can one little dash represent an entire lifetime? She was so much more than that. She was larger than life itself.

“Danni, I have to admit, I’ve also loved you all along. And, there’s a million things that I wish I could take back. I wish that I stayed home with you that day…I knew that something was wrong with you, but I was the selfish jackass that wouldn’t get off of his high horse. I wish that I didn’t jump to conclusions the next day when I saw you with Zacky…I should have known better than that. If only that never happened, then we would have been so happy. I regret ever cheating on you. You were right, she wasn’t worth it…not at all. I-I think I only married her because she was the closest thing to love I could get from anyone else but you. I think it was because I was safe with her. I think the thing I regret the most is the fact that I kept letting you go. No, I pushed you away…yea, that’s it…I had a great thing, and I pushed it away…and, when you came back, I pushed you away again. I was so stupid- such a fucking idiot back then…I-I guess you could say I still am.

“Danni, there’s not a day that goes by that I’m somehow reminded of you. You always seem to run across my mind somehow, and, well…I’ve never really minded. There were times when I would wake up and look down, only to be disappointed when I saw Michelle in my arms and not you. We’re divorced now, not like you care.” Sighing, He ran a hand through his hair. “Is it bad that you’re still all I think about? That I can still feel your skin on mine? That your taste is still in my mouth? That your scent haunts my dreams?....That- that I still love you? A-after everything that we’ve put each other through, I’m still head over heels in love with your stubborn ass.”

Brian smiled and shook his head, when he looked back at the epigraph, however, his smile dropped. “I-I still can’t get over the fact that we can never be together… again…well, unless if I die and we meet in heaven, but you never one to believe in that kind of thing,” he said, letting out a bemused laugh as he looked around.

He then looked back to the date and choked. “I’ve been having these dreams about you…sometimes they were memories…other times, well, it’s the life that I could have led if I had chosen you over her. We had four beautiful kids: Ellie, of course; a son named Ethan; and twins, Daniel and Meg…we were such a happy family…so… perfect. But then, last night, I dreamt that you had died on your way to one of the kid’s things at school. So, I guess this really wasn’t meant to be…and we were star-crossed lovers, after all…” He gulped at this realization and stood up hastily.

“But, I’m not giving up on life. Not yet. I’ll treat Ellie better than anyone else on this earth- that much, I owe you. I-I’ll see you around, D.” He resolved before heading in the direction that his daughter had took not too long ago.