Only When We Close Our Eyes

“Do you want me to go in with you?” Mrs. Smith asked October. October shook her head.

“Mom!” October stressed again. “I’m fine. Alex should be coming any minute now anyways.”

Mrs. Smith looked taken aback.

“A-Alex? That one boy?”

October noted the hurt look that flashed across her mother's face. She gave her a reassuring smile.

"He'll be in the waiting room. He wants to come for moral support. You have a lot more work to do with Annie," October reminded her mother about her catering business.

"Okay honey," Mrs. Smith said running her hand over her daughter's head lovingly. "Make sure the doctor calls me after you get your diagnoses or whatever."

October smiled and nodded. It took about two weeks to convince her mother that she had these dreams that were really distracting her. October even went to the length of not sleeping to prove her point that she wanted help. Now the bright eyed cheerful girl had sunken cheeks and eyes along with a paler face. October was the perfect vision of worry for a mother.

Of course Alex was the one that recommended her to take Lunesta but wanted her to see a doctor first. He had even made the appointment for her.

October waited outside, her arms crossed across her chest. It was getting cold. Winter was approaching and October reminded herself to buy a new winter coat.

After waiting for ten minutes, she picked her phone out of her pocket and called the boy.

"Hello?"

"Where are you?" October whined.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm at the doctor's, remember?"

"Oh! Shhhhhh- just playin'. I'm here, I'm here. Let me park," Alex chuckled. October let out a sigh and hung up spotting his Jeep.

"You honestly didn't think I would forget, would you?" Alex asked jogging up to her. October gave him a skeptical look and Alex rolled his eyes, shoving her in the direction of the doors.

The two entered the office and Alex gestured for her to sit down. October obeyed and let her friend go to the receptionist window. October gazed around the waiting room spotting a mother holding a small toddler and another girl around her age with her father, presumably.

Alex came back after signing October in and sat down next to her rubbing his hands and blowing into them.

"It's cold," His voice was muffled into his hands. His sight finally caught the patient October's age and nodded to her. She shyly looked away. Alex chuckled and then was silenced by October's glare.

"Sheesh. Relax. Soooo. What do you think will happen to him?"

"I don't know. But I'm going to sleep tonight and letting him know that I'm doing this. And now I personally think I'm just crazy. I'm talking to a figure of my imagination. We should have just booked me a psychiatrist."

"Shut up," Alex nudged her. "I think it's cool. He's real! That's great. And from what you tell me. He has a stable career and a cool personality,"

"Performing is hardly a stable career. We don't even know what kind of performing. .. it . . . is," October trailed off.

"What?" Alex asked her.

"He's . . . write a song. It's his job," October whispered. She looked up at Alex. His eyebrows were furrowed.

"So he's a lyricist? How old is he?" Alex pondered.

"Out of school. But he can't be that old," October stated.

"He could be in a band," Alex suggested. His eyes shone. "A band! You've got a rockstar wrapped around your finger?! 'Atta girl, Tober!"

"October?" A female voice called. It was a nurse standing by the door that led to all the examining rooms.

"Give me more clues," Alex whispered hastily to her as they both slowly stood up.

"Uhm. . ." October stammered.

"Hurry," he snapped as they were moving towards the nurse.

"I- I can't remember!" October cried.

"Is he coming in with us?" The nurse eyed Alex. He looked at October and shook his head.

"Brendon," October whispered as she was being led down the corridor. "Brendon!" October yelled backwards, catching Alex's eyes for a split second before the door closed.

"The doctor will be with you shortly," The nurse said. October nodded. She waited for about ten minutes before the door opened to reveal her aging pediatrician.

"Hello October," Dr. Palmar said kindly. "So tell me what's the problem. I hear you're having sleep issues?"

Within a span of two hours, October was back home sitting on her bed across from her new friend.

"So that's it?" Alex asked watching October stare at the package of Lunesta in her hands.

"That's it," October said sliding down so that her head was adjusted back on her pillow. She suddenly tossed the pack of pills at Alex, who caught it with apprehension.

"But first," and with that she turned over and closed her eyes.

"So. How've you been?" He asked. He was the first to break the silence. October sniffed.

"Fine. I- that's why I'm here," October explained.

"I'm not going to like this. Am I?" He stated, rather than asked.

"I- uhm. I- that doesn't matter-"

"Of course not. You're the only one that matters here," He interrupted. "It's always about you. The reason I'm here. You're the one that brings me to you,"

"Please don't," October whispered. She was getting scared. What would he do? What could he do?

"What have you been doing? I haven't seen you in almost a month," He said nearing her. She didn't move away.

"Have you been just not sleeping or something?" He asked running his knuckles softly against her jawline.

October shifted her gaze. He tensed up.

"You," he whispered and then raised his voice. "You haven't been sleeping?! To avoid me? Why? Why would you. . . " he trailed off incredulously.

"I went to the doctor's today. Alex took me," she said quietly.

"Who's Alex?" the boy automatically asked.

"Y-you remem-member my blind date?"

"Uh-huh. The shitty one,"

"Yeah. He got plastered and I had to send him home in a taxi and take the bus home. The concert? At the bar-"

"Yeah, yeah. I remember. You went. How was the concert?"

"Real shitty. I couldn't hear or see anything because there were too many fights at the bar," she skipped out the fact that Alex was in them. But only because he was trying to protect her.

"I'm sorry,"

"It's not your fault. Anyways. He apologized at school and we're friends now,"

"Friends?"

"Just friends," the girl clarified. He nodded slowly.

"He took you to the doctors . . . " he trailed off picking up the story.

"Oh yeah. And I got prescribed for . . . uhmlunestcha," she mumbled. He heard her anyways.

"Lunesta? But isn't that. . . that's a sleeping pill! You're going to. . ." The plan started to dawn on him and he slowly understood. "You want to stop dreaming," he stated.

"I'm sorry," She said looking up at his hurt expression.

"If you were really sorry you wouldn't be doing this,"

"You don't understand-"

"Oh I understand. I understand how selfish you're being. What about me? What am I going to do? I've been creating riffs with my friends. Becoming distant with family. All for you! I oversleep. I-I can't think straight. I-I- I've been irritated-"

"It's killing me," the petite girl finally bursted. "I can't live like this. I can't live knowing when I wake up, I stop dreaming. My real nightmares start when I wake up because I know you're not there!" She dry sobbed, breathing heavily clutching the boy's chest.

He just held her hands against his body and stared down at her. She shook her head frantically and looked up at him.

"I die a little every day," She stressed each word. The boy, clenching his jaw, finally pulled her into him and let her weep into his shoulder. He kissed her head with a solemn frown.

"Please," She whimpered. "Please,"

"Sshh," he cooed.

"Please," She begged with a dry sob. "Forgive me,"

"I- I . . ." He was at loss for words. He lifted her chin and softly kissed her tear-stained cheek.

He moved his face dangerous over hers and kissed the other cheek.

"I want you to have this," He said moving back and unstrapping a leather braided bracelet from his hand.

"Hippie," She sniffed. He smiledeven though his heart was breaking. He pushed it in her palm and closed her fingers around it, holding her fist closed.

"I," he started, staring into her eyes. He wouldn't remember any of these features when he woke up. It killed him. With a foolish and yet dangerous stare that unnerved the small girl in front of him he claimed,

"I will find you," he vowed and pressed his lips against hers, keeping his hand on hers, which in enclosed the bracelet.

Ryan Ross opened his eyes, slowly breathing in for air with his nose. He didn't gasp. He didn't moan or groan. He simply breathed in as if smelling the fresh air.

But something different happened. He woke up forming a smile on his face and a plan in mind.

And a bracelet missing from his wrist.